That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

March 7th, 2011 · 129 comments

So, like, “our friend got really drunk and stayed in our room, but when she got up to pee, she opened up the door to our suitemate’s room instead of the bathroom and peed on the rug,” writes our submitter in California. “It was apparently his favorite rug and since he’s spoiled, he asked her to get him a new one.”

Um, okay. “Spoiled,” or not, I’m gonna have to side with the dude here. Offering to clean/replace the rug seems like the very least Drunky McDrunkface could do, no?

Hey Christina, Thanks for pissing on our carpet while we were trying to sleep. You owe me a new one, and maybe you shouldn't drink so much. Your friends in 21C.

related: You’re not wrong, Walter.

FILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · California · drizzunk · frenemies · piss · roommates · thanks (but not really)


129 responses so far ↓

  • #1   lagne

    Why did this situation automatically make me think of Ke$ha?

    Mar 7, 2011 at 6:53 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Nahhh bang

    Some people should wear a diaper when they party.

    Team Suitemate.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 6:59 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The_Great_G

      And an airline sickness bag as well

      Mar 8, 2011 at 4:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Jess

    Wow, this submitted sucks. It’s hardly spoiled to ask someone to replace a rug they friggen PISSED ON.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 6:59 pm   rating: 154  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Nunavut Guy

      You could still probably sell it to some freak on E-Bay.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 7:37 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   lagne

      This is one of those times where I kinda wish the submitter would out him/herself in the comments (I vote “her”) so everyone can pile on and verbally beat the shit out of her.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 8:44 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   park rose

      I find it strange that the submitter thought the peed-upon-rug dude was spoilt. I’m running with a typo on the submitter’s part, even though that makes the note a little boring. How about:
      It was apparently his favorite rug and since he’s spoiled she spoiled it he asked her to get him a new one.
      You know, when Dr. Freud takes over your fingers, and before you know it, you’ve typed something you didn’t quite (consciously) intend to?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 1:14 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Carlton

      Based on the outrageousness of the submission and the “OMGAnonymous” screen name I’m going to have to say this person is trolling pretty hard. Nevertheless, the note and situation are hilarious.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 1:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   The Elf

      Put me down as the actually pretty reasonable camp. She got so profoundly drunk that she thought she was in the bathroom when she peed on the carpet. Wow. She owes him a carpet cleaning and an apology. If she can’t afford to replace the carpet, she should at least clean it.

      Frankly, he shouldn’t have to ask for it. A decent person would offer as soon as it was brought to her attention. I’m going to go out a limb and assume she doesn’t remember doing it. Since the facts are (apparantly) not in dispute, she should pony up.

      I wouldn’t resort to a note as my first response if it happened to me (I would calmly speak to her, call her attention to the problem, and hope she offered but be prepared to suggest if she didn’t), but if Christina didn’t pony up the note would have been a lot nastier.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:14 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Allie

      I actually misread it the first time and thought it said “since it’s spoiled”. I’m glad to see that this is filed under “actually totally reasonable”.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Criminal Defense Lawyer Los Angeles

    Another reason that drinking is hazardous: even the house rugs aren’t safe. In college, my roommate had a similar experience when one of our friends stayed over and had too much to drink. I know it’s college, but after something embarrassing like this, you’d think they learn better.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Ark

      One of my brother’s roommates once pissed IN THE OVEN because he was so drunk. They had to clean that shit out and ended up throwing out the broiler pan because no one could stand the thought of cooking food in something that had contained urine.

      Come to think of it, my brother also lost a rug to that same roommate for the same reason.

      Team 21C forever

      Mar 7, 2011 at 11:02 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Quite Contrary

      I’m on Team 21C. I’m hoping it will help with the guilt I still feel for throwing up on my brother’s college roommate’s pillow in college (after drinking too much) and not replacing it.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 12:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Jimmy James

      The architect for our freshman dorm must have been wise enough to put bedrooms and bathrooms on opposite sides of the hall, so I never had to write one of these. Instead we had a good laugh when my roommate woke up one afternoon to find out he had used the fire escape instead, and lef this pants out there to boot.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Donna Martin Graduates!

      ^ then what did the pants do after all they did all that booting?

      Mar 17, 2011 at 2:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   scala78

    this is actually a completely reasonable request. it’s stupid how the submitter thinks that the guy’s being spoiled by asking for his ruined property replaced. how would the submitter feel if it was his property destroyed in such a disgusting way?

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:05 pm   rating: 87  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      I’m surprised the submitter isn’t bothered by his girlfriend’s inclination to run into the nearest guy’s room and drop trou when drunk.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 3:26 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Splint Chesthair

      Assuming the girl “Dopped trou”. In college a freshman passed out on my couch during a party and pissed her pants, but not like a little, a huge amount, her jeans were completely soaked and so was the couch.

      She had to leave school. There were a about three dozen people at this party and it was a small school.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:38 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Momo

      I have to think that the “spoiled” comment was a joke. I have to.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:12 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   KDW

    Happy to report I have never been so drunk that I have confused a carpet with a toilet. And yeah, she totally owes him a new rug!

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:05 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Magenta.J.V.

    I’ve hear of guys mistaking a closet for a bathroom. okay. But a chick? What did she do, sit on the rug or hover over it? I’m confused by this.

    MJV

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:09 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Odious

      Exactly. More problems than inebriation are apparent.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 9:10 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Ashley

      What you said. I don’t think I’ve peed anywhere but a toilet when drunk. I’ve swayed on the toilet while peeing drunk, but the pee all went to the right place!

      I’m thinking involuntary pee — either she sat and peed, or it just happened. Either way, Team 21C.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 1:54 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Momo

      Yeah, I agree. I had a friend who, like one of the above stories, peed himself while on the couch, and woke to say his “jeans made him sweat.” He also peed on a pile of his roomate’s clothes (bathroom was the next door over), then blamed the dog/his girlfriend. Now, him I understand, but a girl? How does that happen? I can only think that maybe she thought it was the bathroom, then in a panic, with no more time, just gave up and peed on the carpet. There’s no other reasonable explanation, unless she passed out there.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Rillion

    Wow. I can understand puking on someone’s rug due to drunkenness, but peeing on it? Did she lose bladder control, or did she somehow imagine that she was on a toilet rather than a rug and just let fly?

    Never mind, I don’t think I want to know. Sufficed to say a good steam cleaning should be fine, but asking for a new rug isn’t too far into the realm of obnoxiousness. If she buys it for them, though, she should get to keep the one she pissed on.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Nunavut Guy

      Blame it on those dam fuzzy toilet seat covers.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 7:44 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Kay

      LOL re: “If she buys it for them, though, she should get to keep the one she pissed on.”

      Like those store signs that say, “You break it / You buy it”, should I get a sign before my next party?

      “You piss on it / You buy it!”

      Mar 7, 2011 at 9:26 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   clumber

      Rillion: No. No. And No. A good steam cleaning is not good enough. He brought a rug with him to college and some drunken sotbitch peed on it – it is no longer a favorite carpet, now it is the PeeCarpet.

      The fact that Pissy McTwat had to be told to buy a new carpet for them is absolutely unbelievable. She needs a good Olde Tyme style shaming until carpet is replaced, apologies heaped, and humiliation overfloweth. I am sorely tempted to fall into Geezer land hollaring “WHAT IS WITH KIDS TODAY! Why back in MY day…”

      Seriously, Pissy – Find out how much a replacement costs, give 21C 110% of that cost and over-the-top apologies. Don’t make eye contact with anyone from that room for a year. You suck and need to acknowledge that. Team 21C, and this marks the 1st time I will opine that this note isn’t PA, it is just RIGHT.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 10:47 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      Clumber,
      I am in NO WAY saying she doesn’t owe him a new rug. I am also not saying that getting so drunk you piss in the wrong room (not even miss the toilet, miss the whole ROOM) is OK. I am team 21C all the way. BUT Pissy McTwat might have gotten the note not because she thought that peeing on their carpet was no big deal but because she was still passed out and 21c and company had better shit to do than sit around and wait for her to wake up. Pissy McTwat might have woken up with full intentions of apologizing and offering to have the rug professionally cleaned at her expense (and obviously there are some people who think that just a cleaning would make things right) but the note beat her to the punch.

      I am also HOPING AGAINST HOPE that the “He’s spoiled” aspect comes from the submitter being firmly in the “a professional cleaning is good enough” camp rather than thinking no restitution needs to be made.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Clumber

      Ghost – I had not considered that Pissy hadn’t come to yet or sobered up enough to be aware of the events…. Part of me suspected/worried that the submitter is the “friend” hoping for allies in the “Can you believe he wants a new rug! So spoiled!” team. Nonetheless, this is not included information and you are right – it is possible this note is the first contact. My experiences in college (dorms) was that verbal came well before written requests, but perhaps these days or in this case, written comes first. :) Point taken.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   The Elf

      Blame it on text messaging. These kids these days, they rely on written communication far too much.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   unholyghost2003 bang

      No worries Clumber. Actually my thinking puts me even further into camp 21C. The guys in 21C are nice enough not to wake Pissy and company’s still drunk/badly hungover asses up by yelling at them and instead left a note to be found and understood once Pissy and friends were able to make their eyes focus.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   Russian

      Clumber: why shouldn’t she get to keep the carpet she pissed on as a souvenir? Can’t see why she’d want to, but… well, does the owner want it back?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   ctc

      Ermm… a good steam cleaning will just set the smell. Many a pet owner have found this out the hard way…

      Mar 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   N

    Pretty reasonable note. I loved getting drunk in college, but so drunk that I’d pee on a rug? That’s scary drunk, not funny drunk. (Well, ok, it’s mainly funny drunk).

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:24 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Priss

    Sorry Pickled McDrunkerson. Buy the dude a new rug. That’s just plain nasty.

    Still solidifies my thoughts over the past week: Females are WAY nastier than males. You don’t clean that out. It’ll smell like pee forever. Especially dehydrated, nasty drunk pee.

    She used drunk as an excuse to be nasty.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:27 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Rillion

      Everything after your first three sentences is really dumb…you should’ve quit while you were ahead.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Hmmmm

      And on that passive aggressive note. Happy International Women’s Day! Perhaps I should pee on something in celebration. Why should only men have the world as his toilet. I vote for equal opportunity public pissing.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 9:58 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Okay – who stole Kerry’s password?

    Syntactic analysis says this is not our usual entry.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   A Fox

    Y’know, I’d be angry that she up and wandered into my room while I was sleeping, too. Thankfully in our suite each bedroom locked. That probably saved my rug.

    Also, yeah… buy them a new rug. And look a little ashamed when you give it to them with a nice, big apology.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:41 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   chesire cat

      You know I would also be angry with my suitemate that INVITED her over to get piss drunk and then left her unattended to come into my room and piss on my carpet. That is why I never had roomates. I need to control who comes into my abode and I am picky about who I let in.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 6:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Russian

      and when a fox is better toilet-trained than you…

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   mycaricature

    She can’t clean the rug she urinated on?

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Ark

      Have you ever tried to get urine scent out of a rug? It’s cheaper (and easier) to just buy a new one.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 11:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   chesire cat

      Maybe I don’t notice it but I had to potty train two little boys on carpet recently and we had a lot of pee accidents. I would clean as we go and then afterwards I had Stanly Steemer come and do the carpet. I think it got it out just saying…

      Mar 8, 2011 at 6:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   The Elf

      Agreed – it just takes persistence and a good steam clean. We had a cat with a medical problem that resulted in her peeing on the carpet 5-6 a month for the six months that it took to fix the problem. We got really, really good at cleaning up urine. With cat pee, you’d know it if you missed any! Whew, that stuff reeks!

      Step 1: pat up what you can while it’s still liquid, using something that wicks like paper towels.

      Step 2: Douse that spot with Nature’s Miracle or another enzyme based cleaner. Let dry.

      Step 3: Steam clean. You can rent a steamer if you don’t have on, and I found using the handheld attachment to be more effective.

      Step 4: Douse with Nature’s Miracle again.

      Step 5: Steam clean again.

      Step 6: use the black light thingy to see if there is any left, address that. Alternatively, get the cat with a compulsive need to bury everyone’s waste and see if he tries to “bury” the spot.

      After the medical problem was resolved, we hired a cleaning company to do the whole house.

      If she can afford it, she should offer to replace. But she’s a college student, and that *may* mean that she can’t afford a full replacement. In that case, she needs to clean it or hire someone to clean it. There’s just no way around it.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   *snerk*

      The Romans actually used urine as a cleaning agent (for a bleaching effect, IIRC). I’m positive they didn’t walk around in pee-stink togas. It comes out.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Really?

      It does not come out. It goes to the magical land of olfactory sense overload, where it can linger for eternity.
      Ever been to someone’s house with a slightly neglected kitty litter box? The person living there can’t smell it anymore, but you can. Same situation here.
      Suck it up and buy the dude a rug.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Ark

      @cheshire and TheElf
      It’s a RUG not a carpet. There’s a difference between the two. It would be unreasonable for her to be expected to replace an entire room’s carpet. It’s not unreasonable to go down to Walmart or Bed Bath and Beyond and drop $25 bucks on a new area rug.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 2:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   Kate from Iowa

      It wasn’t just pee, snerk, it was er…”cured” pee, that is to say ammonia. Ammonia stink and full-on just plain urine stink, while related stinks, dissipate differently.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   The Elf

      Really – Yes, it came out. Our guests never complained, my parents never complained (and believe me, they wouldn’t hold back). Our real estate agent didn’t make a comment about an odor. The people who bought the house from us did not say anything about cat pee odor, and they could have asked for replacement carpet in the contract. In this market, we would have happily done so in order to sell the house. No one could smell it because it wasn’t there.

      It just takes persistance, an enzyme based cleaner, and a lot of steam cleaning. The urine detector thing just makes it very clear that you’ve gotten it.

      Ark – good point on rug vs. carpet. Still, I vote that a thorough cleaning should be acceptable. But if it isn’t, then yeah replacement is the only answer. The onus is on Pissy to please 21C, the wronged party.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Ay, there’s the rub! Was the victimized textile a rug? Or was it a carpet? The note says “carpet,” the submitter says “rug.” Just whom are we to believe, the friend of the Peepetrator, or the proprietor of the Peed-upon?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:49 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Neal Patrick

    I am looking on the bright side here…at least she didn’t drop a deuce. See Davenport, Najeh.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:49 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Rattus

    Nothing wrong with the dude with the peed upon rug. Something seriously wrong with the person who submitted this thinking it was passive aggressive and/or amusing, and her drunken friend.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:50 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Odious

      Because he “thanks” her it’s sarcastic, which is borderline P/A.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 9:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Nunavut Guy

    There’s a really good lesbian joke in here somewhere.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   clumber

      Nope. I checked. And I am on Official Lesbian Joke inspection this week.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 10:51 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Russian

      clumber, can I have that job next week? Please….

      Mar 8, 2011 at 4:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   none

    My sister’s roommate peed in her (my sister’s) dresser while drunk.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 7:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   coolidge

      cool story bro

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Pun DMC

    the Big Lebowski overheard muttering “she does owe him a new rug… now where the hell is my rug?!”

    Mar 7, 2011 at 8:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Divvitar

      Danny says: “What rug?”

      Dude says: “Shut the fuck up, Danny!”

      Mar 7, 2011 at 8:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   The Enclosed Instruction Book bang

      “Now, uh, come on, man, it says 21C on the note–”
      “MARK IT ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!”

      Mar 7, 2011 at 10:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Ho-Ju

      The carpet-pisser probably owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that’s cool… that’s, that’s cool, I’m, I’m saying, she needs money, man. And of course they’re going to say that they didn’t see the note, because… she wants more, man! She’s got to feed the monkey, I mean uh… hasn’t that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 5:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   sleeps

      Divvitar, you’re entering a world of pain, my friend. It’s Donny, not Danny.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 9:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Jimmy James

      At least I’m housebroken.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Nuki

      the note should have read:
      “This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man – ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead.”

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   Divvitar

      @Sleeps: My bad! I knew that!

      Mar 8, 2011 at 2:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   ewww

    I know a kid who pisses himself every time he gets drunk. He gets drunk a lot. Also..we’re getting too close to 30 to still be acting like this. Our friend owes many people new rugs, blankets and other such things one passes out drunk on.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 8:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Nunavut Guy

      If you’re not 30 yet it’s still okay to pee on everything.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 8:35 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   chesire cat

      That guy would no longer be invited to my house either unless he was not allowed to drink or kicked out after 2 drinks.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 6:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Nunavut Guy

      At least she didn’t spit on it.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 6:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      I am with chesire cat. I would not invite that guy over any more. I understand being young and still trying to figure out how your body reacts to different types of alcohol in different quantities, learning the difference between how fast you CAN drink and how fast you SHOULD drink. By your mid to late 20′s you should have all of that pretty much figured out. There might be the rare surprise variable that puts a wrench in things and you learn a new lesson the hard way long after you thought you knew how to drink reasonably. This guy doesn’t seem to have learned the basic lessons which suggests much larger issues than just pissing himself when he is drunk.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   chesire cat

      Yes unholyghost. Exactly. I mean someone has to be freaking awesome for me to ignore the pissing thing. Sure if happens once. Okay I will clean it up and pretend it never happened. After the second or more times I would be like WTF!? Either you are not invited over anymore, not allowed to drink more than 2 drinks or you are going to have to wear an adult diaper. Said person would also be made fun of profusely by all of us barring some real medical reason why he is doing this. I only love my kids enough to clean up their pee…I don’t have a pet besides a fish because I don’t want to clean up pee, I am not cleaning up just a friend’s pee on the reg for dang sure!

      Mar 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   tsel

    I think “if you pee on it, you replace it” is a pretty good rule.

    Also, if you are so drunk you cannot find the toilet, you have a drinking problem.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 8:20 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Divvitar

    When I was in college, back in 1989, my friend that lived across the hall had a roommate that got totally shitfaced most weekends. One Friday night, we had the door open to the hall, and my friend’s door was open as well. We watched in disbelief as his roommate got up from his bunk (yes, our dorm had bunkbeds), proceeded to open up the closet door, and pissed all over my friend’s stuff on the floor of the closet. He looked around like he was looking where to flush the toilet, but gave up. He shut the door and proceeded to pass out halfway back to his bed. We all busted up laughing at that point, except for the friend– who was pissed off!

    Mar 7, 2011 at 8:37 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Confucius say, “It is better to be piss off than piss on.”

      Mar 8, 2011 at 3:13 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   bec

    Submitter thinks the guy is “spoiled” because he grew up in a house with an inside toilet. Submitter & her friends grew up in the woods where you just pee on the floor when you need to go.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 9:19 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Kay

    This is not quite a Seinfeld episode.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 9:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   oi

    The title instantly reminded me of the funniest scene.
    Your name is Morris Moss, is it not?

    Mar 7, 2011 at 9:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   unsatisfied

    in my younger years, I used to get drunk.

    shitfaced pirate-with-peg-leg drunk.

    but, I never — EVER — pissed on someone’s rug before.

    unless the artificial turf at the old stadium downtown counts……

    Mar 7, 2011 at 9:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Splint Chesthair

      I dismiss your claims of drinking prowess. If you’ve never pissed somewhere without knowing it, you’ve never been really drunk.

      /pissed in my roomates hamper
      //doesn’t see the big deal, clothes were already dirty.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:42 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      Splint, am I right in thinking you are male? (Your name is VERY masculine ;) ) I think this is a male vs. female thing. I tied them on pretty good in my younger years and never pissed anywhere that wasn’t an approved pissing area (i.e. outside where the world is your toilet, or the bathroom) I can see how a guy might do that, in a drunken confusion mistake a hamper lid for a toilet lid, but even in drunken sleep walking as soon as I realized that there wasn’t a toilet to sit on I didn’t pee inside. (I have also never pissed my pants while passed out. Bladder of STEEL right here.) I have also only ever missed puking in designated areas (outside, the toilet, a trashcan or other designated receptacle) four times in my life, two of those were food poisoning/flu related.

      Who wants to invite me to their next party? ;)

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:20 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Splint Chesthair

      you think you’re better than me? ha!

      Maybe it is a woman thing, but I’ve seen two women pass out and piss there pants, one on my couch during a party.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   Canthz_B bang

      I wizzed in the closet once…also went all the way downstairs (three flights) and let loose on the front porch…both times I felt great relief afterward, but still cannot fathom how I lost my way in the first place!
      Oh yeah, I was drunk as a skunk…that might explain it!

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      Splint, I do not think I am better than you. Your name is Splint Chesthair for God’s sake! Passing out and pissing is a whole different animal from mistaking a not toilet object for a toilet. I just think conscious (even if blacked out) women are less likely to make that mistake than men because we expect to make contact with the toilet when we pee. Most women I know (myself included) even when blind drunk realize there is something amiss in the pee process when their butt fails to come in contact with a cold plastic ring. Guys on the other hand don’t have that deep rooted sense memory, if they are in a small room and/or there is an object with a flip lid that is all it takes to trigger the “its ok to pee here” type response.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:22 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   Splint Chesthair

      i was just kidding, I know what you’re saying, unfortuantely, having spent 99.9% of my life as a man, I can only speculate on your theory. Seems reasonable. I doubt I’d ever take a number 2 somewhere other than a toilet by accident. Purposely, well, that’s another story.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:37 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   The Elf

      I’m intensely bothered by the fact that there’s a 0.1% time when you weren’t…..

      Mar 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.8   unholyghost2003 bang

      I am guessing zygote stage …

      Mar 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.9   Clumber

      Or just another one of Splint’s “experimental confusion” stints in college.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.10   Splint Chesthair

      yep, we’re all female early on in the womb.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   jadefirefly

    What’s got me confused is how a girl pees on ANYTHING that’s on the floor, while drunk, thinking that it’s a toilet. (It’s totally another thing to just piss yourself while you’re standing / lying around drunk.)

    I have no balance after just one or two drinks. I’m trying to imagine how someone is SO plastered, they have no problem squatting down over NOTHING, and just lettin’ it all go.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 10:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Splint Chesthair

      You’ve really never seen a person pass out on the floor and piss themself?

      Now that I think about it, I guess it’s not that common, but I can count 4 times I’ve seen that (2 girls, 2 boys).

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      I guess I am assuming that Pissy McPeepants went in the room, peed, and left. I never really considered that she might be passed out ON the rug in question in a puddle of her own urine. That thought makes me want to take a shower.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   A friend in need

    I had a friend that did the exact same thing while we were in college. She would pee on rugs, in closets, etc… Another friend of ours studied psychology and apparently there are some pretty disturbing things/issues that are associated with this type of behavior. Sorry to say that the gal in question likely has some very sad things in her past that induce this type of behavior.

    That aside, I still think she owes the dude a new rug.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 10:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   clumber

      Now i am curious…. I have a degree in Psych (PSYCHE!) and worked in the field awhile until i realized that I hate people. I am not familiar with any syndrome or condition that can lead to this… Do you remember the name of it? Dammit… I was just going to check PAN before hitting the sack and now I have to stay up on Google putting terrifying search terms in…

      Mar 7, 2011 at 10:54 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   clumber

      Ok, let me offer a bit of FREE ADVICE to all my fellow PAN fans. DO not, I repeat DO NOT try and look up that possible syndrome. Just do not. The results are too disturbing, even if you don’t click on the link… ~~shudder~~

      Mar 7, 2011 at 11:10 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   Ark

      Yes, secondary nocturnal enuresis (i.e. beginning to wet the bed again after having been trained/as an adult) can point to past abuse, current abuse, or psychological trauma. However, getting so drunk that you piss somewhere that is not a toilet is not secondary nocturnal enuresis. It’s just being a drunken dumbass.

      Mar 7, 2011 at 11:15 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Canthz_B bang

      I think the clinical terminology for that condition is “Pissy Drunk”, but drunken dumbass works well for me.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:46 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Mrs.Beasley bang

    Don’t drink and drain?

    Mar 7, 2011 at 11:07 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Alicia

    At first I thought, “what kind of douche would call the guy spoiled for expecting a new rug?”. Before I realized, “oh yes, the same douche who pissed on the rug in the first place . “

    Mar 7, 2011 at 11:23 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   armack

      absolutely. “our friend” was a dead giveaway.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:10 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   bowloftoast bang

    Two days later, Christina tore the bottom corner off this note to wipe up after she shit in the fridge.

    Mar 7, 2011 at 11:54 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Sean

    Really? Only one Big Lebowski reference?

    Mar 8, 2011 at 12:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Annette

    This note isn’t even slightly passive-agressive.
    The owner of the carpet shouldn’t even have had to ask for a new rug.

    Any decent person would have offered straight away to at least get it professionally cleaned or if this is not acceptable for him, get a new one.

    Grow up, submitter!

    Mar 8, 2011 at 3:53 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   The_Great_G

    At a house I live at, we have a dresser that is affectionately known as the piss dresser. The story is that one guy got so drunk he was going to pee on it and the only guy who could stop him (i.e. still sober enough to stand up) didn’t because he was too busy playing Guitar Hero

    Mar 8, 2011 at 4:46 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Splint Chesthair

    Back in college, we had a rug in the beer pong room that constantly absorbed gallons of beer during nightly gameplay. In the summer months the entire apartment would smell like baking bread. The beer and other organic material combined in the plush rug to become home to some sort of living organism. Natural yeasts feeding on the beer sugar maybe? I don’t know but we always joked that one day the rug was going to get up and leave.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 7:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Canthz_B bang

      Spilling that much beer is alcohol abuse! :-)

      Mar 8, 2011 at 8:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Splint Chesthair

      Not if it’s Natty Ice.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Canthz_B bang

    LOL, drunken sleepwalking pissing is a beautiful thing, no matter where one puts the splatter!

    Mar 8, 2011 at 8:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Canthz_B bang

    Could have been worse…she could have been texting her significant other while she was peeing on the carpet.

    Now that’s a party worth attending! :-P

    Mar 8, 2011 at 9:05 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   GhostWriter bang

    I’m on Team Christina, only because they put her hand in a bowl of warm water after she passed out.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 9:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   wonderman

    I hardcore cleaning is fine, a new rug isn’t necessary. Let it be known that I’m not in camp Pissy McTwat, but god, lets not be such babies about it.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 9:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   oi

    Yeah What just happened? This note is not at all note worthy. The note writer is undeniably right and he is not even wishing cancer or anything on the pisser. Yeah sure it’s written and all but this site is about FUNNY notes not just any notes. Ah that’s a hard sentence to speak.
    ok If I look really hard then funny (intriguing really, funny eh! I wouldn’t say.) part is that pisser was a female and she pissed on the carpet. I mean definitely she was aware she has to go. She got up and then I don’t exactly understand what exactly went through her mind.
    oh one question: Did suit mates know about this while it was happening? I mean how else they would know that it was her? oh god! I think that’s punishment enough for her acts. It still does not absolve her of buying new rug though.
    Ah Eureka! The submitters are the real villeins here. I mean they must have realized how Christina is going to be handled in the comments! Wow! Some friends!
    Ladies and gentleman that was the stream of consciousness of oi!!

    Mar 8, 2011 at 10:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   RP

      I think the people who run this site are the ones who get to decide what it’s about.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   oi

      Yeah that’s true. ok, Kerry you just saved $ 100,000. I was totally going to sue over this breach of funny.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Noone

    Didn’t this happen in the big labowski? Maybe 21c owed someone money and Cristina was just a mis-informed hired drunk

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   *snerk*

    Is it as obvious to everyone else as it is to me that submitter = pissing friend here?

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   RP

    The carpet owner shouldn’t have to ask for a new one and they shouldn’t have to settle for a peed upon carpet that’s still going to smell like pee after it gets cleaned.

    For all we know the cost of getting it cleaned well enough to be barely acceptable exceeds the cost of getting it replaced. Unless she peed ALL OVER the room she only needs to replace the damaged section, right? Better that than smelling piss every time it gets hot and/or humid in there.

    Literally getting piss-drunk is bad enough but thinking that it’s acceptable behavior once you’re sober and that others should just accept the destruction/defiling of their property is inexcusable. Christina didn’t just do something disgusting, she’s a disgusting person.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Splint Chesthair

      What, you’re one of those tight-asses that doesn’t subscribe to the catch-all excuse of “I was drunk!”

      Mar 8, 2011 at 12:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Nuki

    Once when I was in college I got drunk and had sex with my friend’s roommate’s boyfriend… she didn’t make me buy her a new one though. Maybe because the old one was defective anyway.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 6:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Nunavut Guy

      Did you pee on him after?

      Mar 9, 2011 at 12:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   The Elf

      That costs extra.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 12:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   red velvet

    Submitter IS the girl who peed on the rug, and she’s trying to get sympathy points from the internet. Good to see that’s not going to happen.

    Mar 9, 2011 at 2:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   lili

    Another parent of toddlers here… pee does come out, eventually.

    So if the man owning the carpet was this girl’s dad, and she were two years old, or perhaps even three or four, cleaning it would be the reasonable thing to do.

    However, he is the roommate of her friend.

    Replace the rug and get thee to AA, babe.

    Mar 10, 2011 at 2:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Twez

    I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?

    Mar 10, 2011 at 8:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Manda

    Did that chick not see The Big Lebowski? Have people forgotten how far a person will go to get their pissed-on rug replaced?!

    I’m with Rug Guy. (Couldn’t call him Rug Dude, because that’s nearing Dude blasphemy)

    Mar 11, 2011 at 1:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Fyodor Karamazov

    In my country womans pee in bucket.

    Mar 16, 2011 at 5:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Anna

    I’ve decided to believe that she was just marking her territory.

    Mar 18, 2011 at 5:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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