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Headed to New Orleans for Mardi Gras?

March 8th, 2011 · 66 comments

Well, ladies, you might want to bring your own TP. (Or carpet, as the case may be.) Erin from Baton Rouge says the bathroom/plumbing situation in New Orleans during Mardi Gras is the worst. At least at this bar they give you fair warning, eh?


related: Toilet Paper Poetry Slam

FILED UNDER: bar · bathroom · New Orleans · toilet · toilet paper

66 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Russian

    I hope they’re providing air dryers for down below at least?

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:28 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ace of Space

      You don’t think Australia is dry enough?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:31 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   FeRD bang

      Not according to the upgraded door labeling, which seems to be offering a bit of helpful guidance for users of the facility.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #2   wonderman

    Makes sense, I wouldn’t want to be plumbing gras poo.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   lagne

      But but but..

      Okay, it does make sense, plumbing-wise.. but.. some “goes” can’t just “drip dry,” know what I mean? What are poopy-goers expected to do in this situation? I’ve never heard of this.

      Hopefully they’re just telling you “We don’t provide any,” and not “Don’t use any, because it’ll overload our plumbing”?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:35 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Russian

      Hold on until Wednesday?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:36 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   unsatisfied

      more like “ass wednesday”…

      Mar 9, 2011 at 10:40 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   The Elf

      Will you Lent me some paper, please?

      Mar 9, 2011 at 11:40 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #3   Jessica

    Shake it, baby, shake it.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   richyAntwi

      like a Polaroid picture.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 5:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #4   Russian

    There’s probably so much ‘throw up’ over Mardi Gras, they don’t want to make the pipes handle toilet paper as well.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   DLo

    Two words: NAS TY. And my husband wonders why I have zero interest in returning to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. What, are you supposed to wipe your bum with beads?

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:47 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   GhostWriter bang

      I can do that for you. Giggetty!

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:50 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   CakeasaurusRex

      Amazing visual! Thanks … -____-

      Mar 8, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   zenvelo

      beads out the bum, sounds like a letter to Penthouse Forum…

      Mar 8, 2011 at 10:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   The Elf

      I never expected this to happen to me. I was in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and……

      Mar 9, 2011 at 8:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   Bert

    I’m not sure “drip-dry” is the most efficient or hygienic cleansing method.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Splint Chesthair

      especially if that drip just won’t dry

      Mar 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   chesire cat

      No matter how much you shake it at least one or two drops are making into your undies. Ewwwww…once is maybe okay, but having to do that more than once per pair of panties, barf!

      Mar 8, 2011 at 5:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   unholyghost2003 bang

    There is a local bar that has chalk boards on the stall doors (this particular bathroom is unisex) so people can write which ones have TP and which ones don’t. The staff swings through occasionally and restocks the empty stalls. In the meantime the ladies only use the ones with TP the gents use the ones w/o. It is a beautiful system.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 11:54 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   FeRD bang

      Yaknow, leaving aside the seemingly inevitable abuse of the system by people leaving all manner of non-TP-availability messages — most of which, presumably, would be rude and/or filthy and/or offensive and/or cartoons — that does sound refreshingly practical and helpful!

      Mar 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      There was actually very little of that. Almost all non-TP related drawings/writings were kept small and at the edges of the boards. People really respected the TP system.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 12:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Canthz_B bang

      Sounds very practical…and like a lawsuit just waiting to happen.

      Is there a restroom attendant to make sure nothing untoward happens?

      Mar 8, 2011 at 11:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      untoward? like what? people banging in the stalls? Meh. I can’t think of anything else untoward that this situation might make easier than it would be at any other bar. I am seriously very curious what nefarious deeds you think might happen, especially because I really like this bar … what danger might I be in that has not occurred to me to watch for?

      Mar 9, 2011 at 7:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Canthz_B bang

      Not putting your bar down. Just that alcohol and unisex bathroom may not be the best mix sometimes. Multiple stalls makes it sound like men and women are in there at the same time. It’s not like there’s one toilet and the door is locked while the toilet is in use…like on an airplane for example.
      I’m glad no one has been raped or molested, but the possibility is what I was talking about.

      Not stirring a turd, not on this issue. I have no dog in this fight.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 8:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      Oh no! I wasn’t offended! I was just worried that I might be putting myself in danger (and at first I thought you were saying that the chalk boards were involved in the increased danger some how … VERY confused). As far as the molestation/rape thing goes … actually it IS sort of like airplane toilets … I am having trouble describing the set up … but it isn’t like you go in a door and the stalls are housed in a room … it is more like the porta-potty line at a festival but instead of porta-potties you have actual plumbed toilets in wood frame stalls, not plastic boxes. Each stall opens up off a sort of hallway that is open and visible to the rest of the bar. I guess it would also help to know it is an outdoor bar (actually, a beer garden) so it really is just like they built permanent porta-potties.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 8:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Canthz_B bang

      Ah, I see. Fears allayed. Carry on carrying on! :-)

      Mar 9, 2011 at 9:12 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #8   Splint Chesthair

    For major long-term drinking parties, ala Mardi Gras, I’ve found great use for the Stadium Pal.
    You can use the collection bag if you’re worried about where the pee lands, or just attach a length of hose to the T-Tap at the end of the bag and you can pee right where you’re standing! Bonus!

    P.S. I don’t do this anymore. But for you college kids, it’s a time-saver.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 12:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   FeRD bang

      I believe the correct response to that is, “…Ew™.”

      Mar 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Splint Chesthair

      Don’t knock-it until you’ve tried it. Being able to pee wherever and whenever you want is quite refreshing, especially if you’re recycling 20-30 beers a day.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   Lisa


    Mar 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Nahhh bang

    I hear that, with the proper password, the bartender will underhand you a Kleenex Pocket-Pack for around $6.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #11   Managed Hosting

    If I were a female in New Orleans around this time, I would definitely have managed to bring a large purse for such an occasion, and sneak my own TP. I don’t blame the city or bars, either; they already have a big enough mess to clean up!

    Mar 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   The Elf

      Large purse = target for pickpocketers. Best to just stuff your bra and pull it out when needed. But that’s only going to work if you aren’t expecting beads.

      I’ve popped a squat in a lot of less than ideal places, but drip drying just sucks no matter how you cut it.

      If I ever go to Mardi Gras, I’m investing in one of those funnel things that allows a woman to pee standing up. I still won’t be dry but at least it’ll be contained…..

      Mar 9, 2011 at 8:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Assilem

      Check out the pstyle. It’s great, and takes care of drips.

      I’ve seen restaurants that ask you to put the tp in the garbage, wouldn’t that help?

      Mar 9, 2011 at 9:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   Divvitar

    Um…Do they at least provide leaves for #2?

    Mar 8, 2011 at 2:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #13   LarryinBG

    An old saw from my Army days: One only needs one piece of toilet paper. Use finger to poke a hole in the sheet of TP, insert finger through hole, wipe, use tissue to clean finger!

    Mar 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   chesire cat

    Oh New Orleans and Mardi Gras….

    Reminds me of my mom and the stories she told me about going with my dad down there. She would have to squat in alleys because they could not find a bathroom or she went into this strip joint to pee. It was coed and some nasty guy hiked his leg on the wall and was going to make my mom walk under it to get to the bathroom…she reached up like she was going to grab it and yank hard and he dropped that leg pretty darn quick! My mom is fairly prissy Southern Belle so you know her in these situations is funny.

    My dad on the other hand is a crazy party man. He got so drunk he ran and joined a kick line in one of the parades and abadoned my mom and she said guys were busting beer bottles over each other’s heads behind her and she was terrified.

    Needless to say I turned out fairly boring because of all my mom’s horror stories about stuff like Mardi Gras!

    I would personally be pissed (literally and figuretively) if I was actually paying for drinks or food or whatever in that bar and there still was no paper for me. They can at least keep some paper behind the counter and give it to customers to use if they need it.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 4:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Splint Chesthair

      lol, it doesn’t work like that during Mardi Gras. The room required to inventory the amount of paper that would be necessary to accommodate thousands of drunk amateurs would be a fire hazard.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   chesire cat

      That is not right though. If you are a paying customer then you have a right to toilet paper in the bathroom. I don’t have a problem only letting paying customers use the bathroom but to screw everyone is just plain wrong.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 11:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Kristy

    It’s not that hard to deal with. Whenever we go to Mardi Gras, I always end up carrying a pocket full of restaurant napkins at all times. Who knows what you’ll end up needing them for other than TP.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 6:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   The Elf

      Now you know reason and practicality has no place on the internet!

      Mar 9, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #16   Patrick

    PROTIP: The French Quarter is a National Historic District. Updating the plumbing to modern standards would require a LOT of construction, and thus forbidden alterations to historic buildings. Sorry guys, if you want perfect plumbing go to Family Gras in Metairie or just go ahead and go to Disneyland already.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 6:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   chesire cat

      I will. I can get drunk at Epcot and have toilet paper.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Nunavut Guy

      I didn’t think the French went to the bathroom.

      Mar 8, 2011 at 7:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      Hell, I can get drunk at home and save the airfare. I have always wanted to see New Orleans, I have NEVER wanted to go to Mardi Gras. I didn’t want to go when I thought there was toilet paper, I REALLY don’t want to go now. More power to the people who go and love it but that just seems too party for me.

      Patrick, if it is a question of the protection of the plumbing wouldn’t it be better to provide “Septic safe” TP in limited quantities rather than this plan which is only going to cause an increase in the quantity of non-TP paper being flushed?

      Mar 9, 2011 at 6:37 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   chesire cat

      heck yes! Why not septic safe TP? Also paying customers do have a right to use the bathroom and have toilet paper.

      I also have no real desire to go to NO during Mardi Gras unless I can book a hotel room on the main street with a balcony I can safely and cleanly party from all the while having my own bathroom and personal space.

      I have been to NO when I was a child on vacation with my parents. That was pretty wild even then and it was not Mardi Gras. My parents would take me out late at night up and down bourbon street. It was cool and all but not exactly a kid oriented vacation. I enjoyed all the balloon animals I got from the street performers. It is a BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL city but not worth the grossness.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 12:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   Sam

      Hey this kind of thing is COMMONPLACE in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Everyone tells you that you should bring your own toilet paper because bathrooms are a commodity during the festivities. There are limited bathrooms and way too many drunk idiots. Port-o-lets are for pay, charging $1 or so per use. If you can’t handle that, don’t come to Mardi Gras. The post is correct: atleast this bar had the courtesy to warn people about the conditions.

      The first time I came for Mardi Gras I was told to bring my own TP. I simply decided to hold it until after we got back. And if I really couldn’t, hello port-o-let. Honestly by that point I was too drunk to care.

      PS Guys will be arrested for pissing in public. And Patrick’s right, you can’t fix the plumbing system. It’s a (pardon the pun) piece of shit. It would be a pain to do anything with, which is why it’s left alone.

      PSS Why ya hatin’? New Orleans is awesome. There’s more to it than Mardi Gras and nasty ass Bourbon St. You’d know that if you stopped turning your snooty nose up at it and actually came to visit.

      Mar 15, 2011 at 8:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.6   chesire cat

      I have been to New Orleans. I accept your apology. I was a child and we went there on vacation. I trotted my little butt up and down Bourbon street every night. It was a beautiful city and fun but again, not my style. I like cleanliness. I like toilet paper. I like abundant restrooms. So like I said, I can go other places to get drunk and have fun while also being clean.

      Mar 15, 2011 at 9:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Oh, they have paper products.

    You just have to pay for them with French Quarters!

    Mar 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #18   Canthz_B bang


    Doesn’t sound so good without the ROLL, huh?

    Mar 8, 2011 at 8:45 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    New York———the Big Apple.
    Cincinnati——–the Queen City
    New Orleans—–the Big Easy Messy

    Mar 8, 2011 at 9:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #20   pony girl

    I’m confused.

    Are they saying that there won’t be any paper products available or that paper products aren’t allowed?

    Just want to know what else to smuggle in my purse along with my flask.

    Hell, this may be a great business opportunity for someone… *hey, psstt, I got some TP here, for you, only 5 dollars*

    Mar 9, 2011 at 12:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   pony girl

    Has anyone ever done the math?

    Because it seems as if a very high proportion of the PANotes are bathroom-related.

    So many passive-aggressive yucky people, it makes me want to go take a shower.

    Mar 9, 2011 at 12:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   Slerte

    In Jordan they have this problem licked… um… not licked… I mean cracked… um sorted, solved.

    There is a hose coming from the cistern with a little shower head on the end that you use to wash yourself.

    You then use TP to dry, but because it’s clean the used TP just goes in a bin not the toilet bowl.

    I don’t know why we don’t all do this – it makes so much more sense than flushing tons of paper.

    Mar 9, 2011 at 3:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Splint Chesthair

      I have one of those fancy bidet toilet seats. It hoses you off and blows you dry all the while keeping your bum toasty warm. No paper required at all. Expensive, yes, ($700 for the top models) but when it comes to butt care, I feel like royalty.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   The Elf

      I see you have your priorities in line. A warm butt is a happy butt.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 8:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #23   GhostWriter bang

    My wife Shanikqua would just grab a couple of menus and head on into the can.

    Mar 9, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Canthz_B bang

      My wife Sally Anne would do the same! :-P

      Mar 9, 2011 at 9:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   se

      what a coincidence. my girlfriend is named Shanikqua-Anne and everybody calls her Sally.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #24   KJS

    I think it’s safe to say none of you people have lived in China. This is my life on the daily. Add to the mix a squatter and you’re living in fine style. Apparently not all us expats can cut it, though. The sign at a local “British” pub reminds the patrons to: “Please refrein [sic] from flushing tissues, feminine products, or credit card receipts down the toilet.”

    Mar 9, 2011 at 11:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Other Julie

      AMERICA. Turlets = patriotism.

      Mar 9, 2011 at 4:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   Canthz_B bang

      You mean “America the Beautiful”?

      Yes, that song is an American Standard…and it’s appropriately crappy!! ;-)

      Mar 16, 2011 at 2:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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