An anonymous submitter from Eau Claire, Wisconsin alerts us to an all-too-common scenario: An accusatory note was left on a friend’s windshield after her parking job was deemed inadequate. Alas, the friend was not even at fault! As our submitter dutifully explains, the car parked behind her actually arrived after she had parked, making it appear as if she had carelessly taken up two spots.
To avoid wrongful accusations, it’s sometimes useful to frame one’s critique in the form of a question. Dan of Dorchester, Massachusetts provides us with a prime example. According to Dan, the irate woman who left this note had discovered the offending vehicle parked in her spot at 4 a.m. the night before. Her only faux pas (if any) was that, upon making the discovery, the note-writer elected to honk repeatedly at the car, waking our submitter.
Finally, Sam in San Francisco sent us this delightfully succinct note, suggestive of a world where the middle man is no longer necessary, and all poorly parked vehicles conveniently identify themselves.
related: Less expensive (and more passive-aggressive) than having it towed
69 responses so far ↓
#1
Quite Contrary
Clarification before snark. Was Dan asleep in his car in someone’s (real or perceived) parking spot at 4 in the morning? I think there might be an even better back story.
Mar 15, 2011 at 6:09 pm rating: 14
#2
Lunar
I say Boston note submitter writes on the note, “No, but I’m considering starting now after you woke me up. How long have you been one?”
Mar 15, 2011 at 6:13 pm rating: 4
#3
Deb Who
#2 seems suspect…..UNLESS the person posting the sign keeps a pile of such laser written signage handy for various occasions? Hmmm, GOOD IDEA!
Mar 15, 2011 at 6:19 pm rating: 5
#4
Sarah
I used to live in Dorchester and you do NOT fuck around with parking over there.
Mar 15, 2011 at 6:24 pm rating: 7
#5
Mrs.Beasley
I have learned from this posting that from sea to shining sea, the traditional American smack-down for a poor parking job is officially “asshole.” Not jerk or moron, not idiot, loser, or jackass, just asshole.
Mar 15, 2011 at 6:42 pm rating: 25
#6
brandine
Awww, looks like there’s a lengthy paragraph of PAN in tiny font on #2. I feel deprived.
Mar 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm rating: 13
#7
shwo!
I wish I could reach through my monitor and write “Goo Goo Ga Joob” on note #3.
Mar 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm rating: 10
#8
Rinny
These signs are typed. So I mean. Do these people drive around with I Am An Asshole fliers in case an opportunity presents itself?
Mar 15, 2011 at 7:31 pm rating: 2
#9
dixiechick
These notewriters should just be grateful that no one parked on their privates. Count your blessings, children!
Mar 15, 2011 at 7:33 pm rating: 7
#10
Julie Saalberg
Brilliant. I will remember all of these for future reference.
Mar 15, 2011 at 7:50 pm rating: 0
#11
cherie
To quite contrary-
Duh. NO he wasn’t asleep in his car at 4am, she honked and woke him up… I have windows where I live, don’t you?
Mar 15, 2011 at 7:57 pm rating: 1
#12
pun.dmc
My friend Aw Tree, once got a note that said:
“I hope you fuck better than you park.”
I spent the rest of the car trip in tears, while she spent the rest of the car trip driving and cussing.
Good times. Good times.
Mar 15, 2011 at 7:59 pm rating: 21
#13
Divvitar
How do you park like an Asshole? Was the car stuck on a toilet???
Mar 15, 2011 at 9:55 pm rating: 8
#14
Alex
Personally, i enjoy parking as crooked as possible while still being in the line. It amuses me to imagine people hating my parking, but I guess I’m not parking offensively enough, though I did once park with one side on the curb…
I’m still not brave enough to parallel park; I wouldn’t get a note, I’d get my premiums doubled.
Mar 15, 2011 at 10:22 pm rating: 1
#15
Josh
So a friend of mine alerted me to this site some months ago asking if I still had a note that had been attached to my roommate’s windshield. Here’s the story.
My roommate had left and forgotten something, and returned to the apartment to get it. He parked his car near the entrance to our building ,which was blocking a vacant spot belonging to another tenant. He rushed in to get whatever he left, rushed out and by the time he got there (less than 2 minutes), a note had been placed on the car. It read:
“You shelfish [sic] pig. I gonna have you tow!”
We had that note on our wall for months afterwards.
Mar 15, 2011 at 11:04 pm rating: 8
#16
Mrs.Beasley
I do think it’s noteworthy to compare the appearance of the various asshole notes.
The first is quickly jotted on a raggedy scrap, and from the lack of tape marks may have just been tucked under the windshield wiper.
The second note, printed left justified (along with an apparent introductory paragraph in finer print), is applied asymmetrically and fairly haphazardly with long, wrinkled strips of clear mailing tape.
The final note, is centered on the page, all caps, and though it’s not quite centered on the windshield it is level and fastened with neatly perpendicular strips of tape.
So is the presentation of asshole notes a regional thing?
Mar 15, 2011 at 11:28 pm rating: 3
#17
Anii
Maybe it’s because it’s almost 1am, but I don’t understand the first submitter’s excuse for his/her friend. Or is that a joke?
Mar 15, 2011 at 11:43 pm rating: 6
#18
Baroquejen
Why no, I have not always been a f*cking asshole. I am actually finishing up graduate school in it right now. You are my master’s thesis. Clearly I have chosen wisely.
Mar 16, 2011 at 1:10 am rating: 5
#19
Canthz_B
There are far too many fucking assholes about. We really need to enforce the sodomy laws.
Of course, this can only be accomplished by the tight-assed community.
Mar 16, 2011 at 2:05 am rating: 4
#20
Canthz_B
Are we sure the note in San Francisco is a PA note about parking?
Just saying, it could be a copy of their Craigslist advertisement.
Mar 16, 2011 at 2:09 am rating: 3
#21
Psycho
As a former SF resident, I’ll stand up for the need for calling out crappy parkers there. Apparently, there’s some law that you aren’t a real city resident until some a-hole blocks your driveway. I’ve never seen more of that in any city thant I did in San Francisco.
Mar 16, 2011 at 11:43 am rating: 2
#22
Criminal Defense Lawyer Los Angeles
I don’t know which would be worse: a parking ticket or a note proclaiming how horrible of a park job I did.
Mar 16, 2011 at 12:54 pm rating: 1
#23
Lindsey
I have a question: why are a majority of these notes typed up? I understand having a piece of paper and pen with me most of the time. But I wouldn’t drive to the nearest printer just to type up a note and come back to tape it on someone’s car. And I certainly don;t have a waireless printer in my back seat. Even if I did, my phone charger has already laid claim to the cigarette lighter.
Mar 16, 2011 at 9:51 pm rating: 0
#24
Elmo
How can a car parked behind yours make it appear that you have taken up MORE space? Don’t those line-thingies on the pavement show where one space ends and the next one starts?
Mar 17, 2011 at 8:20 am rating: 1
#25
Miss Monroe
I am going to start driving around with pre-printed “ASSHOLE” and “FUCKER” stickers…
Mar 23, 2011 at 12:10 pm rating: 0
#26
beau
I had a couple of cards that said ” I hope you dont park like you fuck. You would never be able to get it in”
Mar 23, 2011 at 2:52 pm rating: 1
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