Sorry, I meant back door. I’m gonna slowly back away now, ma’am…
![Hi Jason (and other intermittent door slammers): DO NOT SLAM THE BACK F*****G DOOR. The back room is a thoroughfare but it is also my office (and [redacted]). Sudden loud noises scare the shit out of me and also give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn't believe. Don't do it again or you will get to see a side of me that is extremely vulgar. I've been putting up with it intermittently for the past 2 years and am over it. If you have a problem with my request come and see me so I can give you a piece of my mind.](http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5056/5545324669_6bbc352646.jpg "Hi Jason (and other intermittent door slammers): DO NOT SLAM THE BACK F*****G DOOR. The back room is a thoroughfare but it is also my office (and [redacted]). Sudden loud noises scare the shit out of me and also give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn't believe. Don't do it again or you will get to see a side of me that is extremely vulgar. I've been putting up with it intermittently for the past 2 years and am over it. If you have a problem with my request come and see me so I can give you a piece of my mind.")
related: Dear lovely ladies
So this is your NON-vulgar side? Shut the front door!
March 21st, 2011 · 50 comments
FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · Australia · door-slamming · message to all intended for one · office · pointlessly self-censored profanity · shit · TMI · warning
50 responses so far ↓
#1
Janellionaire
Man, I know what she means with those intermittent door slammers. The least they can do is commit to it! Assholes.
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:04 am rating: 35
#2
JetJackson
The back door slamming produces the brown note!
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:05 am rating: 25
#3
Mihani
Maybe they’ll shit themselves. That’d be hilarious.
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:06 am rating: 3
#4
Janellionaire
Ok, I’ve heard of some pretty weird things giving people “the shits” (as the wife of a man with a delicate constitution) but sudden loud noises? Really? I bet this is a PA reply to a PA note about whoever is destroying the bathroom “intermittently.”
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:08 am rating: 9
#5
Captain Calypso
Why did the writer censor “fucking” but not “shit?”
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:09 am rating: 7
#6
Con
“Why did they censor ‘fucking’”?! Are you shitting me? That would’ve been rude!
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:19 am rating: 5
#7
Knickerbocker Glory
Obviously, uncensoring ‘fucking’ is what happens when we get to see the “extremely vulgar” side.
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:34 am rating: 18
#8
Quite Contrary
Receiving a piece of his/her mind is better than many of the offered alternatives.
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:37 am rating: 7
#9
zenvelo
And here I thought “The Back Door – WARNING ” was going to be about someone who doesn’t like missionary style sex…
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:47 am rating: 10
#10
mycaricature
Nothing pisses me off more than the neighbours upstairs not properly closing their door, leaving it slamming outside my office/bedroom.
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:07 am rating: 1
#11
Ace of Space
The tune “Back Door Santa” just started running through my head. Thanks for that.
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:11 am rating: 1
#12
madrugada
I’m glad he/she isn’t shitting themselves over this.
Granted it’s annoying when people routinely slam doors. And it can startle you. But put a sign on the door, Mr Shitfit…no need for the ominous emails.
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:14 am rating: 4
#13
Kay
What is blacked out? “office (and _____).” ?
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:18 am rating: 3
#14
Canthz_B
Please, do not give me a piece of your mind. You haven’t much to spare, a door may slam, and I don’t need your shit-for-brains all over me due to your sudden-noise-induced incontinence.
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:41 am rating: 15
#15
Kay
What I love about this note is the 2-year reference. This is so very, very often the reason P/A people appear to be complete freaking idiots about small deals.
They spend a whack of time hoping someone will read their minds and stop doing whatever is annoying them — instead of calmly asking people to do the simple alternative, such as close door quietly. OR they ‘hint’ in ways that no human with normal communication skills can connect to the offending behaviour.
The whack of time builds up to feeling near eternity and then they blow their stacks. I bet you some over-priced office supplies that the note writer has never clearly mentioned the door slamming to Jason or the intermittent door slammers before this note.
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:52 am rating: 27
#16
Canthz_B
If I’d only known sooner that door slamming could cause my annoying neighbors to crap their pants I’d have been slamming doors for years!
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:54 am rating: 16
#17
FeRD
Isn’t “scare the shit out of me” and “give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn’t believe” sort of redundant?
Mar 21, 2011 at 9:59 am rating: 19
#18
Nickyd
Honestly, he should just put some dampening material in the frame of the door, and it’s a Win-Win.
He doesn’t come off as a jerk, and the door’s quieter.
Mar 21, 2011 at 10:07 am rating: 2
#19
claw71
I think sombody might want to consider a combination of more dietary fiber, a walk and a cup or two of Activia each day. I suppose it’s possible to have the shit scared out of you, but subsequent bowel movements seem to indicate another issue. Personally great frights tend to leave me a little bound up as my asshole puckers and whatever crap was sitting on deck gets pushed back into the middle of my colon. I tend to get off schedule for a day or two (three weeks thanks to Blair Witch Porject) but I can see somebody going the other way with it.
What I can’t see is a case of fear-induced IBS. Look, if you have the shit scared out of you, that’s it: You’ve dropped a mother load in your pants and it should take a good while before you have anything else to offer. So go on and blame that two-pounder on the door slammers, but they’re off the hook for your subsequent trips to spray the back of the toilet.
As for Activia, this reminds me of just how disappointing Jamie Lee Curtis has become. It’s bad enough that one of the hottest women in Hollywood decided to let herself go and “age naturally” but to take it a step further and become the defacto spokeswoman for healthy pooping is just rubbing it in our faces.
Mar 21, 2011 at 10:19 am rating: 20
#20
McManus
I found that a better form of vulgarity is descriptive, not the words themselves. It’s quite possible to be vulgar without using any swears at all!
Mar 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm rating: 0
#21
Managed Hosting
What makes you wonder is why he put up with it for over two years before making mention of it. Wouldn’t a polite request a year ago make a better statement then an e-mail full of profanity?
Mar 21, 2011 at 12:27 pm rating: 2
#22
Jiu Jitsu Los Angeles
I’m sure that if this were written in all CAPS, it would have been a lot more effective. Although, one wonders how vulgar he would get with 2 years of built up anger?
Mar 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm rating: 1
#23
SarahG
Oh no! All fear the potential vulgarity in your imminent future!
Excuse me while I go slam some doors.
Mar 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm rating: 3
#24
Daniel
Translation – “When I’m in my office snorting coke and watching Scarface for the hundredth time, the door slamming makes me paranoid and I think the FBI is raiding the place … “
Mar 21, 2011 at 4:23 pm rating: 7
#25
Adriana
Yeah, we wouldn’t want her to be vulgar.
If she let this issue go for two years, then she deserves to have the shit scared out of her on a daily basis. Either speak up or don’t, but if you’re going to keep quiet, then stick with it so that you don’t unleash your pent-up, passive-aggressive craziness on everyone.
Mar 21, 2011 at 4:25 pm rating: 2
#26
What do I know
Why slam the door when you can crawl through the window, play hissing noises, or wear your wooden clogs.
I am tempted to really see the vulgar side of note writer.
Mar 21, 2011 at 5:42 pm rating: 3
#27
Non-Mommy
I know you shouldn’t poke a stick at the crazy, but I’d totally have to slam the door again. Just for him.
Also, let’s test out that sudden noise digestive issue. Popping balloons, sudden announcements over the PA, etc.
Mar 21, 2011 at 8:09 pm rating: 7
#28
RadialSkid
What kind of nerve does someone have to have to write a note like this, and then say that he or she’s “over it” at the end?
Newsflash: If you were “over it,” you wouldn’t be complaining.
Mar 22, 2011 at 3:32 am rating: 3
#29
Sam
To be fair to the author, they are obviously Australian – ‘giving me the shits’ is an Australian phrase meaning something is annoying you – as such, all the fucking fuck fuck references would not be considered vulgar at all.
Still, you’d think they might have mentioned the whole door slamming issue a couple of years ago.
Mar 22, 2011 at 7:37 am rating: 4
#30
wright1
So many mixed messages in one email! The two years of teeth-grinding and pants-cleaning before finding the couRAGE to go all PA is classic, of course.
Then there’s having put up with it “intermittently”… what’s intermittent? The door slamming? Putting up with it?
And being “over it”… over what? Her audio-induced incontinence? Her nonexistent tolerance? Her attempts to broadcast her displeasure via telepathy?
So many mixed signals and unanswered questions! Her co-workers and all other users of that back door can look forward to a truly PA-enhanced workplace now!
Mar 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm rating: 2
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