Be afraid, roomies. Be very afraid.
related: I don’t complain.
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · dishes · martyr complex · odor · roommates · signed with love · smiley
I think it’s the “LOVE YOU GUYS :)” that makes me want to punch this person square between the eyes…
Either be a straight forward and rude or be nice and just f***ing do the dishes.
Mar 22, 2011 at 7:26 am rating: 27
The handwriting is definitely punch-worthy.
Mar 22, 2011 at 9:27 am rating: 15
Is there a polite way to say “Pull your weight around here, I’m tired of cleaning up after you” or (depending upon the real situation) a “I’m a neat freak and I will hound you until you conform to my unrealistically high standards”?
I can’t decide which the most PA part, the “maybe” like she’s just throwing that suggestion up there for fun or the “love you guys”.
Mar 22, 2011 at 10:35 am rating: 15
Uh oh, this reminds me too much of the text I sent my husband an hour ago, “I love you fix the mirror today”
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:02 am rating: 24
Yeah, that handwriting is definitely punch-worthy. And that “I love you guys” is worth a kick while she’s writhing on the floor.
Mar 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm rating: 2
Why can’t she get her mother to do the dishes? Oh, that’s right, “your mother DOESN’T WORK HERE”.
Mar 23, 2011 at 12:13 am rating: 2
Just do what we used to do, taking the stinking mouldy dishes & dump them on the offending housemate’s bed. If they eat they can take turns cleaning it up
Mar 23, 2011 at 9:53 am rating: 8
Mar 25, 2011 at 8:55 pm rating: 0
Whoever ordered the number two should do the dishes this time.
Mar 22, 2011 at 7:39 am rating: 28
That number two was fucking…
OK, I can’t lie, it tasted like shit.
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:19 am rating: 21
Sure sounds like there’s a lot of dirty dishes in there…probably a shitload of them.
Mar 22, 2011 at 7:46 am rating: 10
well if she has done the dishes for the past 4 – 5 days…AND it still smells like shit…Either she doesn’t wash the dishes right, or the smell is from somewhere else.
Mar 22, 2011 at 7:55 am rating: 11
If she’s done the dishes the last 4 or 5 times and it smells of shit, I doubt they’re being washed each and every day.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:16 am rating: 30
Can’t wait to see Canthz_B spam the comments with witticisms; eventually one will be funny.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:14 am rating: 51
Here’s a funny one: Fuck you, Asshole! You’re “It”
Not as funny as your comment about the note, but what can I say?
Hell, I’m hardly ever around here anymore. Stop living in the past.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:18 am rating: 27
*sits down to wait for TAG’s funny contribution*
Good thing I knit, I’ll have something to keep me occupied while I wait.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:44 am rating: 35
Alright, Douche-TAG, I look forward to Canthz’s witticisms. If you ruin that for me, I’ll be really, really mad.
Oh, and I’ll shoot you in the fucking face.
Mar 22, 2011 at 9:56 am rating: 12
CB, you really have to start calling these girls back after the sex.
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:52 am rating: 29
knitting is probably not the only thing you do to keep yourself occupied
Mar 22, 2011 at 12:09 pm rating: 0
I hear she *gasp* reads a lot too.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm rating: 4
“I hear she *gasp* reads a lot too.”
Nope. “Pick Your Path” and “Goosebump” books don’t count.
Mar 23, 2011 at 6:46 am rating: 0
They count more than uninformed opinion and unprovoked animosity.
Mar 23, 2011 at 9:22 am rating: 7
You should be quite familiar with uninformed opinions. You and your little friend squat here all day boring us with every tiny idea that randomly pop in your heads.
And being provoked? I’ve seen you nitwits swarm on visitors here like locusts, insulting them. And then you say “ha ha I’m just joking”. Well, I got plenty of jokes for you.
Mar 23, 2011 at 11:17 am rating: 14
Nunavit Guy nailed this one below. “Chick fights are the freakin’ best!!”
Continue. Just pretend we aren’t here.
Mar 23, 2011 at 12:21 pm rating: 0
Rancid, you’ll note that my comments to you have been devoid of any sniping up to this point. Why the chip on your shoulder?
Squat here all day? Guess you have trouble reading timestamps, but they are on every comment.
But then, you’d have to squat here all day being bored to feel put upon by those who do squat here all day and comment, right?
You’d also have to be a bit slow to spend all day squatting at a website that bores you given the vastness of the internet.
I said unprovoked animosity, BTW. Tell me, what did I do to TAG before the comment? What did Glo do to you? On both counts the answer is a great, big “NOTHING”. There’s a difference.
Glo happens to be a very well-read woman. Though I cannot say she’s read the literary works of art you mentioned, I can say you are uninformed as to her reading habits.
So unprovoked and uninformed are merely statements of fact.
Most here don’t just make disparaging comments about others just because we’ve taken a personal disliking to them…because we don’t know them personally, we usually try to at least start with disagreeing with their comments. Not start by taking exception to the very fact that they commented. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone they should stop posting because I don’t happen to like their jokes…because others may like them just fine, and it’s not my taste in jokes that counts here, nor does anyone particularly care about your personal tastes in humor. Might just as well keep that to yourself for all it’s worth.
Funny thing is, neither you nor TAG made any comment about the note, just personal attacks on others here.
Just a few tiny ideas that popped randomly into my head.
Mar 23, 2011 at 9:07 pm rating: 7
I’m not surprised that you have the attention span of a goldfish, because animosity is not limited to a single string of posts. You and your friend hold court here, arbitrarily deciding what is acceptable or not, and then gang up on those you target.
Don’t pull this wide-eyed innocent act. You and your friend are not nice people. I, hopefully without exception, am nice to folks who are sincere in their comments (even if I disagree with them). But once someone shows their true colors, and acts like an asshole (especially when they gang up with other morons), then the evil part of me comes out.
Mar 24, 2011 at 6:37 am rating: 3
Then you really cannot say that you’re nice to folks who are sincere in their comments, as I happen to be sincere in mine and Glo happens to be as well, yet you belittle ours as tiny ideas that pop into our heads at random. You’re just nice to those with whom you agree.
In my perfect world I would “hold court here”, but as I have to work and am away without access to the site for over ten hours each business day this has become an impossibility for me…and an odd obsession for you.
Interestingly enough, you’ve arbitrarily decided what you think is acceptable here, while simultaneously chastising others for doing the same. You berate us for “ganging up” on others while at the same time ganging up with TAG.
How does that make you any better than those you disapprove of?
Personally, I’ve never claimed that I’m a nice person, I’m into passive aggressiveness, that’s why I’m drawn to this site…you’ll find a lot of people like that here, though some are more passive while others are more aggressive. That’s just the nature of the beast.
You’re just as judgemental as you claim we are, in that you’ve decided we are assholes and morons, so get off your high horse before someone calls you a moronic asshole.
Where did you get “canz” out of “can this be?”
I tried to figure it out on my own, but my goldfish-like attention span ran out on me…oh wait, that was supposed to offend me, right? That wasn’t very nice, even though my comment’s sincerity is pure.
Mar 24, 2011 at 8:55 am rating: 4
Goddammit, CB! Why didn’t you let me know I was involved in a flame war? We need to work out some sort of bat signal or something.
My dear Rancid, I’m not sure what I did to deserve the scorn you have heaped upon my head, but let me explain my comment to you, as you seem to have difficulty with reading comprehension. I was not “ganging up” on TAG in defense of Canthz B. CB is more than capable of fighting his own battles, of which I have first-hand experience. I just found TAG’s hypocrisy amusing. You see, he was complaining about unfunny posts while contributing nothing but an unfunny post. That it was an attack on CB was incidental.
I hope that helps you understand my post. I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I’ve been keeping busy with my mundane little life, you know, working, knitting, reading, messing around on the internet and watching tv. I suppose you’ve been curing cancer or saving puppies from burning buildings or something? I am so humbled.
Mar 24, 2011 at 9:52 am rating: 6
Glo, I sent you a message telepathically. Maybe it’s time to put new tin foil on this damned cap!
Mar 24, 2011 at 9:59 am rating: 2
I want to draw in teeth, complete with splintering cracks.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:44 am rating: 3
So your affinity for the English extends to their dental care as well*?
*Yes, I know this isn’t a fair stereotype, but I’ve never been one to let accuracy get in the way of a joke.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:59 am rating: 8
Would you mind giving them heads too, while you are at it?
And I agree with you, there’s something very “gummy” about that middle one, and it bugs the heck out of me.
Mar 22, 2011 at 7:19 pm rating: 0
If you’re patient the rats, maggots and roaches will do a pretty good job getting the dishes clean. Throw out all of your cleaning supplies and make a bed of potato peels under the sink to encourage rapid colonization.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:58 am rating: 14
In my house, if you leave the room and wait 5 minutes, the dishes will have a “catcident”. They might be clean or they might be broken – it’s about a 50/50.
Mar 22, 2011 at 10:26 am rating: 30
Stuff Queer People Need To Know
Looks like a note that should be left to my friend’s roommates.
Mar 22, 2011 at 10:03 am rating: 0
Who had the pu pu platter?
Mar 22, 2011 at 10:36 am rating: 14
These kinds of notes are the worst. The roommates know the dishes are dirty. And they know note-writer has done them the last 4-5 times. But they also know that dirty dishes drive her crazy more than the fact that no one else is doing them, so ultimately, she’ll still do them. Never be the cleanest person in your house. You’re always going to be pissed off about something.
Mar 22, 2011 at 10:48 am rating: 39
This is why I never shared a house with my BFF, even though we planned it from the time we were 12. I am a messy messy person, and she is a neat freak. We also both have quick tempers. It would have been like cats in a freaking bag.
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:05 am rating: 9
Calling Felix and Oscar! This is a job for The Odd Couple!
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:19 am rating: 2
Janellionaire–ditto. I’m not a slob, but I am a bit of a pack rat so things get cluttered until I decide to cull my collection.
But then I married someone with OCD and bipolar disorder. Yeah, that was interesting.
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:30 am rating: 6
Chick fights are the freakin’ best!!
Mar 22, 2011 at 12:42 pm rating: 1
“Never be the cleanest person in your house. You’re always going to be pissed off about something.”
Explains why my cat is always so twitchy.
That’s going in my quotable file, fully attributed. Thanks, berge!
Mar 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm rating: 8
Clearly note writer does not know the rules of “Dish Washer Survivor”. You have to outwit, outplay and outlast all other roommates to avoid washing dishes.
Now that everyone knows she’s the dishwashing bitch I predict a massive pileup.
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:59 am rating: 18
Team note writer! I lived with those roommates! Mind you, I just stopped washing dishes.
Mar 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm rating: 7
This is probably the most actually passive-aggressive note I’ve seen here in a long, long time.
Mar 22, 2011 at 12:19 pm rating: 14
It smells like shit because someone keeps slamming the f***ing door!
Mar 22, 2011 at 12:30 pm rating: 33
Um…if I didn’t know any better I’d swear that note was from one of my roommates!
Mar 22, 2011 at 2:53 pm rating: 0
Then I guess you’d better get on those dishes…
Mar 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm rating: 16
I had similar roommates and it got to the point where I just kept my personal (and clean) dishes in my room for my use only. The others could deal with the shit in the sink, I didn’t use it and stopped caring. And there were few pans for everyone else to use after I stopped sharing.
Mar 22, 2011 at 3:04 pm rating: 21
Those smiley faces without the circle for a head are infuriating! Also what kind of ghetto ass scumbag lives without a dishwasher?
Mar 22, 2011 at 4:14 pm rating: 1
A lot of older places don’t have dishwashers. It’s really not that much of a fucking deal to wash shit by hand. I lived in an 80 year old apartment that didn’t have one my senior year of college. Are you telling renters to go out and purchase a dishwasher for their old-ass apartments?
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:21 pm rating: 16
We have a dishwasher, but we rarely use it. You see, it takes about 10 to 15 minutes to wash the dishes by hand, is much quieter, uses less potable water and no electricity.
After a dinner party we’ll use the machine, but for normal daily dishes, hand-washing is the better choice…unless you’re just lazy or afraid of getting dishpan hands.
I can have the dishes washed, dried and put away before the machine would have finished the wash cycle.
Always cracks me up when I hear someone complain that they can’t get their kids to empty the dishwasher. Maybe they should just have the little shits wash the dishes by hand and learn to do a little good, clean work.
Mar 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm rating: 8
Add to this that in some areas, if you’re apartment-hunting when times are tight for you, the places you can afford might well be too small for a dishwasher.
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:23 pm rating: 2
What kind of lazy asshole lives with a dishwasher? It takes negligibly more time to do them by hand and a lot less energy and water.
Mar 23, 2011 at 6:36 am rating: 8
Actually, dishwashers use about half the energy and 1/6th the water. It’s science.
So the question is, what kind of environmentally-insensitive jackass washes dishes by hand?
Mar 23, 2011 at 7:37 am rating: 13
This environmentally-insensitive jackass and her husband use the grey water from dishwashing to water the garden, and don’t use the detergent (environmentally harmful) required for a dishwasher, but use soap instead. They also don’t need the electricity required to run a dishwasher to clean a few dishes, nor do they need to dump large portions of processed metal and plastic in a landfill every few years when the stupid thing finally gives up the ghost.
Mar 23, 2011 at 8:46 am rating: 7
Dishwashers use half the energy of hand-washing? How much electricity does a dish towel use versus the heating element in a dishwasher?
I don’t know, but I don’t think I need to study it to figure it out.
As far as the amount of water used, it depends upon just how one goes about washing dishes by hand. Those who first fill the sink, then keep a constant stream of water running will use much more than those who start washing with a slow stream and wash and rinse at the same time as the sink fills.
It’s all about technique, and that was not studied in the cited information.
Mar 23, 2011 at 9:12 am rating: 4
LOL, and wow! It’s been a while since someone has called me a ghetto ass scumbag!
Mar 23, 2011 at 11:33 am rating: 3
I didn’t have a dishwasher in the duplex I rented when I first got married. It just didn’t come with one. The place was otherwise okay for the hella cheap rent so we took it anyway. It was a point of contention for us newlyweds. Mostly we were both working full time plus overtime jobs and all I asked him to do was the dishes. I did EVERYTHING else. Half the time he did not even do the dishes. So I would cuss him out and do them and then hate him for several hours afterwards. It got better once I quit my job. Then I didn’t mind doing them since I was not that busy anymore.
I INSISTED we get a dishwasher with our house though when we were house hunting.
Mar 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm rating: 0
I’ve never lived in a place with a dishwasher, and I’ve lived in some nice apartments. Even if I did have one, I wouldn’t use it, and here’s why:
Sometimes it’s nice to have a moment where you can’t do anything but a simple task while you look out the window over the back yard, or at the hummingbirds coming to the feeder at the window or even, dare I say it, daydream a little.
Mar 23, 2011 at 5:13 pm rating: 3
Like I said, technique matters. If you have a large family with lots of little kids eating three meals a day at home, use a dishwasher. If you’re a working couple who only eats dinner at home, wash by hand.
Above all, just use some common sense…although I know that can be uncommon these days.
Mar 24, 2011 at 12:22 am rating: 2
Is that last paragraph an attempt at “I” language, only horribly gone wrong?
As for me – I’m feeling that somebody is going to be very surprised at the reaction her ‘light’ and ‘humorous’ note is going to invoke in her roommates. PAN God, your title is perfect.
P.S. but i kind of like that she didn’t use any capital letters in most of the message. that was a nice touch. except that it seems like she’s shouting when she says ‘LOVE YOU GUYS’
P.S.S. ‘LOVE YOU GUYS’ seems naked without a ! just saying.
what’s with this chick, leaving teeth and head off the smileys, and leaving ! off the end of her shouted exclamations?
Mar 22, 2011 at 7:23 pm rating: 2
Too bad this is handwritten so I can’t yell “LEARN TO HOW USE THE FUCKING SHIFT KEY”. So, um, “CAPS ARE USED FOR THINGS OTHER THAN YELLING, DICKBAG”.
Mar 22, 2011 at 8:14 pm rating: 1
It’s not the dishes that smell, it’s the dump someone took in the soap bottle. Whoever cleans the toilet didn’t do so this time…
Mar 22, 2011 at 11:37 pm rating: 1
I just don’t get why there’s an overturned Volkswagen Beetle in the middle of the note.
Mar 23, 2011 at 12:42 am rating: 2
That’s a warning. If she has to do the dishes a 6th time, she’s going to get angry. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry. She will flip over your ugly car. Hey, but it’s all good. She loves you guys. That makes it all better.
Mar 23, 2011 at 6:31 am rating: 5
“It’s not easy being green.”
–Kermit the Hulk
Mar 24, 2011 at 12:31 am rating: 3
Boo fucking hoo Bitch! I live with two boys and I’ve done the dishes the past 300 times and not complained! Seriously get some real shit to worry about!
Mar 23, 2011 at 2:25 am rating: 1
Missy, you is a happy little doormat.
Mar 24, 2011 at 2:35 am rating: 12
[obligatory You Bad Park reference retooled for dishes]
Mar 23, 2011 at 3:09 am rating: 4
[obligatory comment and thumb for fitting the meme to the note]
Mar 23, 2011 at 6:32 am rating: 3
Meh, punchworthy writing or no, the filthy little roommates should just wash the fucking dishes already. Revolting little beasts!
Mar 23, 2011 at 6:24 am rating: 11
It’s the smiley face that gets me! That first one. Oh god, lol.
Mar 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm rating: 1
Did my boyfriend’s sister write this? She literally let her dishes mold because her roommate didn’t get the hint that she wanted her to do the dishes.
Apr 3, 2011 at 1:07 am rating: 0
— The Elf
2011: The Top Notes of the Year
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Carnivores: keep being awesome!
actually totally reasonable
a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
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Moms & Dads
more aggressive than passive
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now that's management
sex sex sex
signed with love
spelling and grammar police
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unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?