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What you’re missing by not befriending your Mom on Facebook

March 24th, 2011 · 68 comments

DeeAnne recently received this postcard from her mother, who’s vacationing in Hawaii. “After regaling me with the usual tales of beautiful scenery and exotic fauna,” says DeeAnne, “she reminded me that if only I would succumb to her 10,000th ‘hint’ to accept her friend request on Facebook — note the double underline — I too would be able to glimpse paradise.”

And yet, “as you can see, she’s forgiving enough that she’s still willing to show them to me upon her return.” (Phew.)

There are plenty of photos on Facebook but YOU are not my friend! I can show you when I get home. Love, Mom

related: This is what happens when parents use Facebook

extra credit: Saturday Night Live, “Mom’s on Facebook”

FILED UNDER: Facebook · Hawaii · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love

68 responses so far ↓

  • #1   iruleuruniverse

    Cannot blame DeeAnne in the least. My mother calls me at work AT LEAST 3 times a week to ask me in detail what my FB status updates are all about. I am THISCLOSE to de-friending her!

    Mar 24, 2011 at 7:09 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TAG

      Reminded me of this AskMe question where the poster was asking how to deal with their mom. Her mom would call her and coincidentally bring up for conversation things the daughter just recently posted on her Twitter account and other social networking sites.

      Maybe just give your mom a call a couple times a week?

      Mar 24, 2011 at 7:50 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Dalanara

      Luckily for me, my parents are not yet on facebook. (Hell, they still have dial-up!) However, my sisters and I tattle on each other when we talk to the folks about what the other said on FB.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 10:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   jadefirefly

      My mother reminds me not to swear EVERY SINGLE TIME I do. I’m about to remind her that I have two jobs and school where I don’t swear – I won’t be fucking censored in my own status updates.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 1:07 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   jadefirefly's mom

      jadefirefly, sweetie, you don’t need to swear.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 3:40 pm   rating: 100  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   pit pat

      My mil, who is not on Facebook, will periodically ask me, “so, what’s going on on Facebook?” I never know quite what to say. “Um, people talking about stuff?” It’s not like it’s a bar or something.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 8:19 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   iruleuruniverse

      @ TAG: I call my mother plenty; I call her daily on my drive home because it’s an hour commute. She just questions EVERYTHING on there — lyrics, a grunt, a funny comment… everything has to be analyzed!

      Mar 25, 2011 at 8:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #2   AnonyReader

    There’s nothing to be gained by continuing to ignore a parent’s FB request. Just add them and then set up a list to restrict them from almost everything except one photo album with just family-friendly pictures.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 7:30 am   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Tiaras

      Oh yes, yes there is. For once, it is much easier not to accept their friend request than think of the best way to unfriend them without they really noticing. Because once they have learnt how to use Facebook chat, they will log on just to check if you’re online and make you call them. Twice a day. Every day. This is getting ridiculous…

      Mar 24, 2011 at 8:51 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Kd Head

      Tiaras, put your mom in a friend list. Then, on the chat, click the little green oval at the top of the list she’s in, it will turn grey. Then, you can be on facebook chat and keep ignoring your mom.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 12:26 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   trex

      That’s what I do. I also made it so that they cannot post to my wall. Life has become so very sweet again.

      I also recommend qualifying an inner circle of people, these are the only few that can post on your wall and see everything else about you. This will also make it so Zynga never posts on your wall again.

      Mar 25, 2011 at 4:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Gladystopia

      I hereby ask for celestial forgiveness–my interior bitchfest when my mom calls twice a day “just to see what’s new” (hint: I’m unemployed, so: NOTHING).

      Mom, being 82 years old, is technology-avoidant and utterly blank on the whole “Facebook” thing. The one time she was getting her cable fixed, the installer pulled up my Facebook page and we got into a huge hooraw encompassing “Why would you put up your picture and tell everyone you live with a man and upload pictures and EVERYTHING?” I had to convince her that a) I hadn’t; b) her siblings, nieces, and nephews were unable to see anything I HAD posted; and c) the man I was allegedly flaunting had no picture of himself online either–his avatar was our cat.

      I still don’t think she believes me.

      Mar 25, 2011 at 4:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   TAG

    The Wedge-tailed Shearwater were fucking delicious!

    Mar 24, 2011 at 7:45 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   tinkerbell2

      2009 called. It wants its joke back.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 7:52 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   TAG

      2009 called?? Did you warn them about Haiti and Japan???

      Mar 24, 2011 at 8:24 am   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Jimmy James

      The guy who writes XKCD called. He would also like his joke back.

      Also, why do we share a phone line?

      Mar 24, 2011 at 9:34 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   DS

      The jerk store called…

      Mar 24, 2011 at 9:47 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   clumber

      …and they want to know why THE HELL YOU NEVER CALL YOUR MOTHER YOU LAZY BASTARD! After all she did for you, 158 hours in labor, she was!

      Mar 24, 2011 at 2:51 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   Canthz_B bang

      TAG made an attempt at a joke!
      Not very original, but you’ve gotta crawl before you can walk.
      “…eventually one will be funny.”
      On that day I’ll send a Facebook friend request to my mom. :-P

      Mar 25, 2011 at 5:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #4   LJK

    You can share pics to anyone even if not on FB so there’s no excuse!

    Mar 24, 2011 at 7:53 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #5   Don't do it

    I de-friended my Father.
    I was sick and tired of being scrutinized over every post I made

    Mar 24, 2011 at 7:53 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   trex

      good move.

      Mar 25, 2011 at 4:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   #2 is SO RIGHT

    The second replier got it right!
    Why is this so complicated? Why are you doing things on the internet (saved for eternity; hellloooo) that you don’t want to have to explain to your parents?
    Learn how the privacy features work & limit their access – Dummies

    Mar 24, 2011 at 8:05 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #7   KKink

    Mine likes to call and discuss my status updates too. Which is better than when she gets angry at my friend’s sassy comments and goes ballistic with her cap lock on.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 8:11 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #8   Zarah

    I don’t know why parents want to be FB friends with their older-than-young-teen children anyway. You have to listen to them bitchsnivel in real life; why friend them so you have to deal with their dumbassery 24/7? When they post any interesting pictures they can just send you that “make it public to anyone” link.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 8:16 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Madame Suggia

      Totally off topic, but I think “bitchsnivel” is my new favorite word. Descriptive, even-some would say-onomatopoeic, and to the point. Love it.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 9:14 am   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   dissipatedfog

      I agree, bitchsnivel is a great word and I plan to use it often. It adds to the reasons why this is my favorite website.

      Mar 25, 2011 at 1:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   The Elf

      Bitchsnivel, douche canoe, you all are really expanding my vocabulary!

      Mar 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   *snerk*

    Wow. Reading these comments just reinforces what I already knew. I have fabulous parents. Yes, my mom and I are FB friends. No, she doesn’t call about any of my posts. Or over-react to other friends’ comments. Or passively aggravate me.

    Or maybe it’s just that I’m a mature, sensible person and don’t post anything that I wouldn’t want a lose acquaintance or potential boss to know about.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 9:22 am   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Quite Contrary

      Re paragraph #1: you’re lucky. Not everyone can say that. Tell your parents that soon…don’t wait.

      Re paragraph #2: absofuckinglutely!

      Mar 24, 2011 at 9:26 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   *snerk*

      Yes, I know I’m lucky, and I do tell them, frequently, how much I appreciate them. They have always been great. When your friends, even in high school, like your parents, you know you’ve got it made.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 10:50 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   jadefirefly

      Mine don’t grouse. And they haven’t seemed to notice that I turned off the FB chat feature at all.

      As I said above, it just annoys the piss out of me that mom thinks it’s okay to scold me for swearing.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 1:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   angela

      My mom actually thought I wrote this comment, as it rings true for our relationship as well.

      I suppose my view on life, is that if you are embarrassed, or feel that certain aspects of your life you can’t “wear on your sleeve” per se, then perhaps you should reassess those behaviors. Or at least reassess sharing them with the internet…

      p.s. since I know you’ll read this: ILU Mom

      Mar 25, 2011 at 9:48 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   *snerk*

      I related some of the comments about over-reactive parents to my mom on the phone last night, and her comment was, “Don’t they [the mothers] have anything else to do?”

      LOL. I love my mom.

      Mar 25, 2011 at 9:57 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   ButMadNNW

      @ *snerk* – I love your mom, too. :-D And my mom, who is my FB friend, but doesn’t log in much, doesn’t know how to use chat (which I’m never on, anyway), and doesn’t give me a hard time about anything I post.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 12:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #10   Alexis

    My mom is my FB friend AND my husband’s! Would either of us *ever* accept an invite from his mother? Hell no!
    Block. What Facebook page?

    Facebook is obsessive/controlling parent candy.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 10:16 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #11   anglophile

    Facebook is crazy-making. I recently almost went off the deep end when my SO decided to deactivate his account because he doesn’t really use it. I spent about 7 minutes in panic and rage thinking he had unrelationshipped me and defriended me before I gained a little perspective.

    Why on earth we come to think we need Facebook to validate our personal relationships is odd indeed.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 10:41 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   jadefirefly

      My boyfriend’s ex-wife is someone I’d known when I was in high school; before they separated, I’d had them both friended.

      After, and after I began seeing him, I de-friended her. We never spoke, I honestly didn’t remember her, and I figured I didn’t need to keep someone else’s ex on my friends list.

      She did not take it well. Oh god.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 1:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #12   Nahhh bang

    My daughter (29) and I are FB friends, and have never had a problem with one another. MY mother, on the other hand… My mother hasn’t logged in since she posted detailed directions to her new home, and an invitation to same, on my wall, and several hundred strangers commented that they’d LOVE to visit…

    Mar 24, 2011 at 11:02 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   *snerk*


      Mar 24, 2011 at 12:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   The Elf

    Yet another reason not to get a facebook account…..

    Mar 24, 2011 at 11:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #14   bored@work

    Dear Mom,

    I googled shearwater wedgetail and got pictures that way. They look like doves. I would think you could find better birds to try and entice me into giving up my privacy/independence. You are, after all, in Hawaii.

    Your DAUGHTER – not your facebook friend.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 12:43 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #15   Zorin

    I don’t even use Facebook. I love avoiding all the drama by simply not participating in that cesspool. :)

    “Hey what’s your Facebook?”

    “I don’t have one.”

    *incredibly freaked out look*


    Mar 24, 2011 at 1:22 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Juan

      I second that. I tell people I’m on

      Mar 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   clumber

      I tell them I am on the newer hipper melded blended version – FaceSpaceTwits.

      I swear, I have had like a dozen or twice that people from high school and earlier contact me and badger me about getting a Facebook page and “joining the 21st Century”. Which makes me wonder why I would spend the new century in contact with people I didn’t see fit to maintain contact with in the last century… If we weren’t friends past graduation before your social network’s inventor had pubes, what makes you think I am so interested in you now?

      Mar 24, 2011 at 2:57 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   oi

      oh god. Are you that old? Not that there is anything wrong with that.

      I was also on not on FB bandwegon but I succumbed one day. Frankly, it turned out actually better. I don’t dig phoning/texting people. Not at all big in random -how-are-you/off-person communication anyway. FB has saved me from lots of berating (which I had accepted as a form of greeting because every single of calls used to start with you forget me!) for not staying in touch.

      Mar 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   clumber

      ah crap, now i have to look up whats-his-face’s DOB…. one moment… 1984. Well I was RIGHT dammit! I graduated from HS in 86, and he didn’t have pubes for at least a decade after that, so my random timeframe guess was good.

      I came terrifyingly close to starting a FB page to help find the perfect home for our singleton puppy about 2 years ago. The very day I had decided to go ahead build him a FB page after work, his perfect home contacted me and he now rules a house with 4 young kids, all of them certain to exhaust each other before bedtime. I hear from his family weekly! He lives an awesome life and THANK THE FSM I still do not have any social networking accts. rAmen.

      I was,though, an early geocities adopter and spent a couple years very active on mirc, so i haven’t always been an annoyed nose-thumber for such things… I just see no goals achieved or problems solved by being easy to find.

      Mar 25, 2011 at 12:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.5   The Elf

      I get some ribbing for not having a Facebook account too. They say I’m missing out on impromtu social occassions. I have a landline, a phone on my desk at work, and a cell phone – call me if you want to get together. It’s not like it’s difficult!

      Mar 25, 2011 at 2:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.6   clumber

      “They say I’m missing out on impromptu social occasions.” — yes, these folks tell me that too. And I reply “You say that like it is a bad thing.”

      Does the cult of FB have some sort of Convert the Heathens instructional pamphlet?

      Mar 27, 2011 at 2:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.7   ButMadNNW

      Y’know, I don’t give people a hard time for not being on social networking; if they don’t think it’ll work for them, fine. Different people, different tastes.

      It’d be nice if people NOT on social networking didn’t give the rest of us a hard time, either.

      Just sayin’.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 12:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #16   easily distracted

    Are we sure Mom’s trying to nag her way into getting friended? I read it as Mom rubbing it in that daughter’s left out.
    “I’m having an awesome party, and you’re not invited, ’cause YOU’RE not my friend!”

    Mar 24, 2011 at 3:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #17   ElbieSee

    If y’all will excuse me, I’m going to go hug my Mom for not being on Facebook. (For Gates’ sake, she can barely manage her email. Bless her heart.)

    Mar 24, 2011 at 6:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #18   Divvitar

    Wasn’t this a South Park episode?

    Mar 24, 2011 at 7:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   clumber

      And an SNL skit with Jane Lynch, too.

      Mar 25, 2011 at 12:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Well here’s a different perspective: My D-I-L and son had me friended, then one day she decided their accounts would be “classmates only” and unfriended me. (I was told this had nothing to do with me but some cousins of hers were upset about something yadda yadda.) Later she decided that I could be her friend, after all. I said “No, thanks.”

    (And it’s all about her, not my son, because he’s too busy for the dang thing, anyway)

    Mar 24, 2011 at 8:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #20   Ndawg

    I honestly love that PA uses the word “befriending,” rather than the ever awkward and fuckwaddish “friending” in the headline. Love.

    Mar 24, 2011 at 11:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   El Jefe

      Sorry to tell you, Ndawg, but “friend” has been a verb for about 800 years (though not exactly with the same meaning. Drift happens, homes).

      Apr 3, 2011 at 10:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    Good Lord! I haven’t updated my Facebook status in months!
    This could be a good thing. Maybe all of the pseudo-friends I’ve accepted as friends will eventually think I’ve died and stop sending me messages about causes they care about or games they’d like me to waste time playing.

    Mar 25, 2011 at 5:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   ButMadNNW

      Learn to use the “block app” link. And don’t friend people you’re not actually friends with. Simple.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 12:11 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      Thanks for the unnecessary advice regarding an obvious joke.

      You go to the head of the class. ;-)

      Mar 30, 2011 at 12:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Multihack indir

    I’ve met very few vets who think war is good. I’ve met many who accept that it is worth it.

    Mar 25, 2011 at 5:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Canthz_B bang

      Combat pay?

      Mar 25, 2011 at 6:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   Party in my pants

    Great… she is in Hawaii. Now we can all go rob her house before she gets back. Maybe daughter should warn mom of the dangers of FB.

    Mar 25, 2011 at 6:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   ButMadNNW

      FB is only “dangerous” if you A) don’t know how to use the privacy filters and/or B) have a lot of complete strangers on your list.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 12:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   Canthz_B bang

      Or C) have way too much time on your hands and get yourself addicted to Facebook and all its wondrous features. :lol:

      Mar 30, 2011 at 12:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   Lauren--NY

    You could always friend her and put her on a limited profile, DeeAnne.

    Or not, because notes like this are entertaining. ;-)

    Mar 25, 2011 at 8:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #25   Miss Monroe

    Bitchsnivel. I love it.

    Mar 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #26   Driver indir

    Or C) have way too much time on your hands and get yourself addicted to Facebook and all its wondrous features. :lol:

    Apr 6, 2011 at 12:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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