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Roommate wanted: NO OLDS!

March 27th, 2011 · 49 comments

To the genius in Illinois who posted this want ad: if your experience interviewing random would-be roommates hasn’t convinced you already, our archives provides ample proof than “bitchy” is far from synonymous with “old.”

Roommate Needed ASAP No Old people please I don't need a bitchy old roommate. lv. message 450 per mo.

related: Snowed in? Come meet your neighbors! (Unless you’re like, old.)

FILED UNDER: Illinois · old folks · roommates

49 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Chrys

    I’m bitchy but young. When can I move in?

    Mar 27, 2011 at 11:55 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

  • #2   ssggsg

    haha! a bitch is one thing, but old? damn!

    ah well. such an ageist society.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 12:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Lauren--NY

      Truth. But that cuts both ways.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 11:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   Chantell

    I’m sure they’re lining up to room with this person…

    Mar 28, 2011 at 12:15 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #4   wright1

    Free translation: “Wanted: young, hip, attractive (but not moreso than I) roomie willing to do all housekeeping, cooking, looking after my neglected unhousebroken pets and otherwise putting up with my PA bullshit for an indefinite period.”

    Wow, only one tear-away tag left? Must be a real housing shortage in the area. Here’s hoping Mr. / Ms. Young-and-Hip had fun with all those roomie interviews!

    Mar 28, 2011 at 12:17 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Janellionaire

      yeah they probly tore off all the other ones before posting to make it look like a hot deal.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 1:06 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Mel K

      Addition to the free translation- if you are old, you may not have any friends that are dumb enough to believe my super-smooth pick-up lines.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 6:16 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   TickleMyBambo

      You see, she’s pissed cause her last roommate was a 78 yr old feisty bitchy bombshell that wouldn’t stop sleeping with her one night stands when she would bring them home and no sooner does she turn her back she finds, to her dismay, these hunks at the mercy of this alluring cougar rwarrrr ; ). Hence the whole ” I don’t need a bitchy old roommate” which actually translates to “I don’t need a bitchy old man stealer!” hahaha

      Mar 30, 2011 at 1:08 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #5   Selphie

    this made LOL so hard. it’s just awkward. i’m also loving how ghetto the ad is. they even drew out little information tabs for people to rip off. :D

    Mar 28, 2011 at 12:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   wright1

      Is that what makes it ghetto? I thought it was the torn edges and randomly capitalized letters…

      Mar 28, 2011 at 1:26 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Canthz_B bang

      Are those what made it ghetto? I was thinking that’s what made it trailer trash. Doubly so, since who needs a room mate to afford living in a trailer?

      Mar 28, 2011 at 1:37 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   anglophile

      Maybe they’re just too poor to own scissors, and they’re hoping their new roommate will bring a pair with them when they move in.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 7:00 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #6   Kay

    Oh how I wish I were young again so I could apply to be her roommate! How is it possible such a gracious person needs a new one ASAP?

    Mar 28, 2011 at 12:44 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    I’m hoping Timothy Leary found that roomie he was seeking.
    I’m over 30, but please trust me on this.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 1:42 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Jimmy James

      If Timothy Leary posted this, that would explain why they’re tearing off the scraps of paper for a roommate no one would want- probably just put it on their toungues to see what would happen.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 11:23 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #8   sparkle motion

    Bitching, but not a bitch.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 5:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   Mel K

    Roommate needed ASAP?

    What if the previous roommate died from old age and left a lot of dirty dishes in the sink?

    Mar 28, 2011 at 6:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   se

    being a bitchy old person, right after I took the picture, I would’ve taken the posting off the wall and tossed it into the nearest trash can.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 8:40 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #11   Pterosaur

    I bet this chick’s definition of “old” is anyone over 23.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 9:30 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #12   aaa bang

    Most of us don’t need someone who can’t be bothered to make a proper sign and or use punctuation.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 9:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Canthz_B bang

      You mean like “and/or”? Just kidding, because I haven’t a clue whether I’m right or not. I suck at the proper use of punctuation marks…screw you comma! :-P

      Mar 28, 2011 at 9:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   aaa bang

      Woah, what the fuck is with the “and or” there? It was supposed to be just “and”. I’m going to blame it on the media blamers.

      At least I’m not advertising my suitability as a roommate.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 3:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   DLo

    Yay! I’m not old. That’s as compared to my granddad, who’s 91. I’m not bitchy either. OK, psychotic sometimes if I miss my meds, but I go right from quiet and unassuming to methodically homicidal, no bitchy in between. My parole officer says he likes that about me. When can I move in?

    Mar 28, 2011 at 10:58 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #14   Stuff Queer People Need To Know

    I’m honestly surprised so many people took her phone number. Who wants to live with her?

    Mar 28, 2011 at 11:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      I wouldn’t rule out taking the number to crank call.

      Mar 29, 2011 at 8:09 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #15   Jimmy James

    The real reason they don’t want an old roommate? Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but if I went out to the bar or a party with my 87-year-old grandfather, I don’t think I could keep up.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 11:25 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #16   Quite Contrary

    I don’t need a roommate! Neener, neener!

    Mar 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   thrall

    What the heck’s a roomate?

    Mar 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   lownote

      It’s a kangaroos best friend obviously.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 3:01 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Odious

      Somebody who’s no longer hungry.

      Mar 31, 2011 at 2:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Miss Monroe

    She sounds like a bitch, but she has only one phone number tab left!

    Mar 28, 2011 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   Drupal Hosting

    Well, that’s one way to narrow down your roommate possibilities. Although, from the note, who would like to room with her?

    Mar 28, 2011 at 2:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Divvitar

    I’m more interested in the note below. Some band needs a kick-ass front man and I’m available! :P

    Mar 28, 2011 at 3:18 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #21   Seed Bank

    What’s her age preferences, I wonder? It’s interesting the amount of people that actually took the number. Now, whether they’re actually interested or just want to find out what her problem is, is a different story.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 4:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #22   Gladystopia

    No Olds??

    What about Buicks–are they okay???

    Mar 28, 2011 at 7:17 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #23   AuntyBron

    Question – How many old people think of themselves as “old”? I’m almost 50 and I don’t FEEL any older than when I was 25. Except for the arthritis, wrinkles…

    Mar 28, 2011 at 8:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   pit pat

      Do wrinkles have feelings? I always thought they were like worms.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 11:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #24   George P

    I think “bitchy” in this context means “will complain when I leave shit all over the apartment, make a mess in the kitchen, and invite over friends who get drunk, make noise all night, and puke on the carpet”. What a bitch!

    Mar 28, 2011 at 8:38 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #25   Seanette

    I liked this comment on Facebook, from Dave Ward: “I’m left with a suspicion that “bitchy old” translated into truth-ese as “responsible mature.” I bet this person is a screw-up who wants somebody who will just put up with it. Just my gut feeling.”

    I think he’s right. This girl doesn’t want a roommate who will expect chores, bills, etc., to be SHARED, she just wants someone to carry the load while she parties and hooks up.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 10:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #26   Dallas_Gal

    The Fair Housing Act prohibits discrimination based on age. This protection extends to the selection of roommates. Someone could get this bitch (if she could be identified) in a whole lotta trouble with the local, state and federal gov’t.

    How do you like them apples?!

    Mar 28, 2011 at 10:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   The Elf

      Yes, discrimination should be left to more subtle means.

      Mar 29, 2011 at 8:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #27   laura

    Why does everyone assume that the author is female? I kinda thought the handwriting looked more guy-script than chick-script.

    Mar 28, 2011 at 10:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Aimily

      I dunno. The fact that the writer dotted the “i” with a circle makes me think female.

      Mar 29, 2011 at 4:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   TickleMyBambo

    But…. Bitchy old people put the cast of The Real World to shame with their old melodramatic bitchy shenanigans!!

    Mar 30, 2011 at 12:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   divaandwriter bang

    You know, I would dearly love to share your cramped, roach-infested dump of an apartment, but you are just too friggin’ YOUNG to be my roommate.

    Bitchy Old Woman

    Mar 30, 2011 at 10:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #30   Karen

    Instead of the word OlD, I wonder if the poster meant O/D–obsessive disorder?

    Mar 31, 2011 at 7:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   I_agree_maybe

      See, when I first read this I thought it was O/D, but couldn’t figure out what that might be. Maybe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is correct, but without the compulsive. It’s not hard to imagine that this person could get that wrong. But now I reaaallly want to know the entire story!

      Apr 1, 2011 at 12:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #31   Canthz_B bang

    Unsurprisingly, the film Logan’s Run didn’t do very well within the 30 and over demographic…

    Apr 1, 2011 at 8:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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