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S is for Sibling Rivalry

April 4th, 2011 · 53 comments

For a second-grade assignment, Gayle‘s daughter Martha, age 7, was assigned to write an acrostic poem about a family member, using descriptive words beginning with each letter of their title (Mother, Grandpa, etc.) Martha chose to compose this loving ode to her SISTER.

S is for Soccer I for for incredible S if for screaming T is for a turd E is for easily gets mad R is for a rat

related: The rift that keeps on giving

FILED UNDER: kids · most popular notes of 2011 · pure poetry · siblings

53 responses so far ↓

  • #1   katie

    I love how it starts out nice and then the evilness shows through. No wonder she gets easily mad when you call her a turd..

    Apr 4, 2011 at 10:51 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

  • #2   UnclGhost

    I love how it started off benevolently enough, until the second S reminded her of how much her sister likes to scream, and it all went downhill from there.

    Apr 4, 2011 at 10:55 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #3   zenvelo

    That’s what happens when Sister screams while you’re doing homework….

    Apr 4, 2011 at 10:58 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      Can you blame her? She saw a rat drop a turd in her soccer cleats! That’s what she was screaming about, why she got so mad so easily. It’s incredible.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 9:10 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Hand Banana bang

      the elf: GOLDEN!

      Apr 5, 2011 at 3:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   aaa bang

    Martha, your verse leaves
    Much to be desired. Sigh.
    Mad screaming turd rat

    Apr 4, 2011 at 11:00 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #5

    Looks like Martha and I have the same sister.

    Apr 4, 2011 at 11:07 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

  • #6   TickleMyBambo

    Little, adorable, Martha has inspired me! Now I will write an Ode about…

    E- Erectile Dysfunction
    X- Xanthodont colored teeth

    B- Boozing bully bastard
    O- Obnoxiously opinionated about being superior
    Y- Yodels in the shower every fucking morning
    F- Frequents porn sites that features girl that don’t look 18
    R- Rages when pwned by 12 yr olds online
    I- Is the first letter of his name
    E- Extremely unstable
    N- Narcissistic without anything to add for it
    D- Dead beat father

    Apr 4, 2011 at 11:14 pm   rating: 121  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Cynical Cindy

      And you went out with him because ….?

      Apr 4, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   TickleMyBambo

      Because I was a a young, naive idiot.. I fallen in love with a man who put up a fake front that hid his TRUE personality and drunk abusive behavior, and also because I felt a obligation as a mother to try and make it work for the sake of my child having a family. I should of left sooner but I’m glad I gathered the strength and courage to do so, and not only have I learned a valuable life lesson but also have paid the price of making such a foolish decision. It is a mistake that I will NEVER repeat ever again. Not only for my sake, but for my childs sake as well.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 12:30 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Nunavut Guy

      Are you a fat white chick? Just asking.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 6:47 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   raychel

      Yes, because fat people should be abused and not treated with respect. Are you a p.a. jerk? Just asking!

      Apr 5, 2011 at 9:04 am   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   anglophile bang

      Really, Nunavut? I might just go all raging feminazi on your ass.

      But, since I am a fat white chick, I think I’ll just go and eat another donut. Flame wars are a lot of work, and I’m lazy as well as dumb and insecure.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 9:24 am   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Nunavut Guy

      And the trail of gunpowder is lit……………heheheheheehehhe

      Apr 5, 2011 at 12:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   Nunavut Guy

      Dam except for people who can’t spell,no one is fair game anymore.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 12:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   lili

      Oh man. I have so been there. :( They hide it until you have kids, then you have to prioritize the kids once or twice a day, and they lose it.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 1:47 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   TickleMyBambo

      Guys don’t worry about, Nunavut Guy, He’s just being a troll and trying to push peoples buttons. Don’t give him the satisfaction of letting him get under your skin, I know I’m not and honestly what he said doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I am quite flattered that he even cared enough to leave a comment : ) Shows that he finds me important enough to do so! Haters <3 me!

      Apr 5, 2011 at 2:09 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   Rachel

      “Dam except for people who can’t spell,no one is fair game anymore.”

      Guess you’re fair game!

      Apr 5, 2011 at 3:28 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #6.11   TickleMyBambo

      I think I may of found a new muse!! This is for you, Nunavut Guy! Hope you like it : )

      N- No one is fair game, except for Nunavut Guy!
      U- Unoriginal and useless forms of trolling
      N- Not a way to tell girls that you like them
      A- Attention deprived much?
      V- Vasectomies are available, just saying.
      U- Urinating on the toilet rim gets you slapped
      T- Trail of gunpowder is lit just to explode right in your face

      G- Greyhound is hiring, they need more insensitive guys like you behind their desks
      U- Unproductive and uninspiring personal jabs that can’t even make Martha’s sister scream
      Y- You a fat white guy? Just asking!

      Apr 5, 2011 at 4:36 pm   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #6.12   Sirius¤ bang


      Apr 5, 2011 at 6:34 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #6.13   Nunavut Guy

      That worked well………..MOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

      Apr 5, 2011 at 7:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.14   Nunavut Guy

      Thanks for the entertainment………..too easy though.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 7:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.15   TickleMyBambo

      It’s only easy as long as you make it less challenging. Oh well, the game was fun while it lasted.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 8:12 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.16   Nunavut Guy

      Keep the Lamebook whining where it belongs.It does not belong here.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 6:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.17   Sonya

      As much as Nunavut Guy didn’t help, why the hell did you bring in your ex-boyfriend into a discussion about turd-like sisters?

      Apr 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.18   Nola

      TickleMyBambo, you are lame!

      Apr 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #7   The_Great_G

    S is for suck
    U is for you
    C is for rooster
    K is for Kellogg’s cereal.

    Do I have any idea what this means?
    Of corse not!

    Apr 5, 2011 at 12:51 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #8   chesire cat

    I loved it! A+ for honesty and for using such a gritty and unpopular choice on whom to write your poem about.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 6:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Andy

      Of when I like to write my poems about someone of whom I describe on, I like the use of about from 10 extra prepositions.

      For being from,

      Apr 5, 2011 at 8:01 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Jimmy James

      All truly great art is controversial. One day I’m sure this will be placed alongside Allen Ginsberg’s “Howl”.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 8:36 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Hand Banana bang

      Andy, is it 7pm yet? go back to watching jeopardy

      Apr 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   Shammett13

    How appropriate that April is National Poetry Month!

    Apr 5, 2011 at 8:22 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   Miss Monroe

    I totally want to meet Martha.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #11   Matt

    N–is for Night, which is time to sleep, not time to stand outside yelling without your hearing aid on.
    E–is for Ended, as in the hippy days are gone, so when you flash me the peace sign whenever I drive buy, don’t get pissed off when I flash my one-fingered peace sign back.
    I–is for Idiot, which you no doubt are and are proud of it.
    G–is for Go Away, as in please move south like you keep threatening to do.
    H–is for House, which is what that shithole once was.
    B–is for Buy a fucking lawn mower, please.
    O–is for Oregano, what you call those plants growing in your back yard.
    R–is for Roof, which you might want to Replace before it actually caves in.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:08 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Hand Banana bang

      loll! Your “E” had me laughin here. almost got caught at work ;)

      Apr 5, 2011 at 3:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   Quite Contrary

    Frankly, I think some of Martha’s bitterness comes from her own name. Who names a seven year old Martha these days?

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:14 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   someone

      They probably named a newborn Martha.

      Which is even worse.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 11:24 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Martha

      I am Martha with the screaming turd SISTER and I love my name

      Apr 5, 2011 at 11:43 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   lili

      I was thinking how refreshing that name was, while at the same time short and not too obscure. Foo on all the name haters.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 1:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   Jimmy James

      Plus, if you’re Martha, you’ve got lovely songs by The Beatles *and* Tom Waits named after you. All I have is that Beastie Boys track, not that I want to sound ungrateful.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 2:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   The Elf

      Martha as a name rocks. It’s old school, but not harsh on the ear like, say, Aldegund. Plus Martha can easily go by Martie or Mattie should she decide that is better. And then there’s the cool songs.

      It’s a damn sight better than the “trendy” names popping up these days, especially those with creative spellings. Katelynn? Madysyn? Jazmine? I’ll take Martha any day.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 8:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #13   Ashley

    I’m impressed by the handwriting and spelling. That’s great for a 7 year old.

    I love T is for a turd.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 1:46 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #14   Patone Swatches

    Tell us how you really feel, Martha. I’m going to assume this was to a younger sister, and Martha was upset that she was no longer an only child?

    Apr 5, 2011 at 2:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Acrostinator

    Is this
    Child high as a

    Second grader can
    Tell how
    Lame this poem is.
    Yellow pee-pee pants ones.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 3:32 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Rachel

      Ahhhhh, you got me!

      Apr 5, 2011 at 7:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   LAX Car Service

    That is quite the poem. I’m not sure I would have had the courage to write this. She must be extremely angry with her sister. What kind of grade do you think the teacher gave her?

    Apr 5, 2011 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   GhostWriter bang

    Z is for zee outfits you’d squeeze into.
    O is for the way you’d purr, “O RLY?”
    I is for the iodine you painted my body with
    L is for electric stimulation
    A is for all things anal

    I miss you Zoila please teach me to behave again.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #18   Karate Los Angeles

    Was the first one supposed to be “Soccer” instead of “Soccr”? If I were her sister, years from now, I wouldn’t let her live this down.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 6:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   pony girl


      She’s in second grade and made one spelling error.
      That’s a lot better than most people who’ve graduated from college.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 7:25 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #19   micromachine

    I expected more inner rage from a girl called Martha II. Perhaps fist-stamped stationary with tooth-scalloped corners? Blood-inked calligraphy?

    Apr 5, 2011 at 8:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #20   kermit

    Well at least she didn’t put the sentiment on a tombstone, like what happened to this guy:

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   meri

    There you go, Martha, burning your sister’s feelings.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #22   lupanime


    Incredible screaming.

    A turd easily gets mad.

    A rat

    Apr 6, 2011 at 2:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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