The Pooper Stooper

April 5th, 2011 · 108 comments

Need to borrow a cup of sugar? How about five pounds of dog poop? Well heck, that’s what neighbors are for!

Hey Sillies! I noticed you guys keep forgetting to pick up your dogs' poopies so I took it upon myself to bring by some baggies. I assumed you're all out because why else wouldn't you clean up after your dogs? Oh! I also helped out by dropping all the said poop conveniently in front of your dog, for easier clean up. You're welcome!

related: Do you want a doggy bag for those leftovers, sir?

extra credit: The perfect leash for dog haters/sociopaths

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · dogs · heart · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · shit


108 responses so far ↓

  • #1   lyonessnyc

    The note-writer used the correct form of “you’re.” I could weep with joy.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm   rating: 368  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   tugbote

      That was the icing on the cake!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 12:31 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Virginia P

      that was my first thought!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Jaylemeux

      Me too.

      Apr 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Epicurean

      Sadly, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even notice anymore. Pretty soon, I’ll be talking in text mode.

      ?

      Apr 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Aunt Edna, calling from Lawrence Welk Village

      ROFLMAO! i SO agree. i’ll weep with you. . . as soon as i quit laughing.

      Apr 13, 2011 at 3:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Lisa

    Good for her! I’m assuming it is a “she” by the heart-accented exclamation points. Pretty hard to look passive-aggressive when you decorate with hearts!

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   AuntyBron

      Well, that would be the “passive” part, Lisa.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 12:31 am   rating: 81  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   wright1

      Actually, I think the little hearts just drive the PA a bit deeper…

      Considering what spurred this note, Team Pooper Stooper all the way!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 12:52 am   rating: 70  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   bunny

      I say it is a gay man. He sounds just like “Big Gay Al” from South Park. Love it.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 10:31 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   KST

    I love it.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Chrys

      That was going to be my exact comment.

      Apr 5, 2011 at 10:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Divvitar

    So (fucking??) deliciously PA! You’ve gotta love the exclamation hearts!

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   c.a.

    I think this is 100% appropriate.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm   rating: 104  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Claire

    I love it. Snarkyness that makes the recipient feel like the asshole and the note-poster seem lovable. This is a perfect example of what passive aggressive notes should be!

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:35 pm   rating: 170  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   a-Arialist

      Yep – team Note Writer on this one. Plus, even if this is one of the best examples of passive-aggression seen recently, it still seems like the note writer has a decent sense of humour.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 3:39 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Quite Contrary

      And excellent penmanship and use of grammar!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 11:31 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Kim

    The letter is immaturely written, but I can’t help but agree with the letter writer. I just purchased a house and the neighbor two houses down lets their two yappy dogs run loose and they of course deposit their droppings in everyone elses front lawns.

    Never before have I had the urge to coat my front lawn with antifreeze…. but alas, I’m very close to repeating what this letter writer did.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:39 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Clumber

      Far be it for me to inject unhumor anywhere, it is the owner you want to punish/torture not the dog. I have seen antifreeze deaths and really, it is most horrible. Perhaps if you insist on killing the dog you could pick something more humane like waterboarding, leg-hold or head-hold traps, or just calling your local animal control.

      Now if you meant antifreeaze on your lawn because your dog-neglecting neighbor has the habit of licking your grass (snark!) then I apologize for my assumption and invite you to carry on. I just want to make sure the correct douchewaffle is punished.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 7:46 am   rating: 119  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   HotTaMahli

      I have to agree. I lost two dogs to antifreeze poisoning and it is nothing to joke about whatsoever. Its heart wrenching to see and by far one of the worst ways to lose a pet. Better to take the note writer’s example and punish the owner by leaving the poop on their doorstep with a heart-decorated note. Its not the dog’s fault their master has no sense of responsibility.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 8:08 am   rating: 67  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   michael

      May I third this and suggest you please stay away from the anti-freeze?

      I have a better suggestion. Use the bags to pick up said excrement and smear it under the handles of their car door at night. They’ll get the message.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 2:04 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Bonobo

      @HotTaMahli
      Not to be morbid, but did both of the dogs die in the same incident? Otherwise, it bodes ill for any future dogs at your home.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Madrias

      I’d suggest a passive-aggressive approach with a little different taste of aggressive. Fill a potato cannon with dog crap and aim it for their welcome mat, set it off, watch in joy as their whole front porch is covered in little Fido’s shit.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 3:09 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Kim

      I have two dogs myself, so no, I won’t be coating the lawn with antifreeze. That’s just the frustration talking. (Though the image of my neighbor licking my lawn is amusing.) :)

      My immediate next door neighbor has been calling animal control for the past 10 years. So that obviously hasn’t been working.

      Thumbs up for the smearing of dog poo on the car door handle. :D

      Apr 12, 2011 at 11:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Rebecca C.

      If they are really bothering you, and are truly unsupervised, take the dogs to animal control yourself. Tell them who the owners are, and your wonderful neighbors will have to pay the fee to get their dogs back. Most shelters won’t even tell them who brought in the dogs if you request anonymity.

      Repeat until they get the hint.

      My parents have a neighbor who didn’t bother putting up a fence on the back of their yard because it bordered a lake. Somehow they thought their German Shepherd couldn’t swim.

      He was a really sweet dog, but he kept getting into my parents’ backyard (easy to jump into from another neighbor’s higher yard, not so easy to get out of) after “escaping” (read: swimming a whole 40 feet in shallow water) and fighting with my parents’ Golden Retriever. Dad would drive the dog home and the neighbors would just glare at him. He even offered to build them a fence HIMSELF. After a while he started calling animal control, and nothing happened.

      Finally, he started taking the GSD to the local shelter, and the shelter would call the owners who would then pay the fee ($50 maybe? I don’t really remember, possibly $100) and take him home. I think this happened 5 or 6 times before the family started asking around the neighborhood to see if someone wanted a GSD. I hooked them up with the GSD rescue, and he’s at a home now where his owners actually give a crap about him.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 7:38 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   JetJackson

    Sounds like this person lives next door to Sarah Palin.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   AuntyBron

      I thought her neighbors were the Russians.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 12:32 am   rating: 55  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Ruby

      She neglected the “wolfhound” part.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 12:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   J

    The only thing that would have made this note more awesome would have been if the writer had the guts to leave their name. Oh well, I still completely <3 this note!

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Jane

      I bet the writer didn’t sign it because the recipient already knows who they are. It looks like a neighbor thing and there are only so many neighbors in a neighborhood. I totally <3 the note as well.

      I call those butthearts.

      <3<3<3

      ^Triple buttheart!

      Apr 8, 2011 at 12:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Kay

    This is a thing of beauty right from the “Hey, Sillies!” down to the “You’re welcome!” The tone, the actions, bringing baggies and dumping some poop, all is just the super duper loveliness that P/A can be.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:45 pm   rating: 107  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Fred Furz

    Love the heart/exclamation mark combo, also the diminutive plural – sillies, baggies etc. Red marker pen gives it a real nice homely feel too.

    Nice work. Go Team Poopies!

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:52 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Rawr

    Is there anything not to like about this note unless the front door in question happens to be your own?

    I’m especially fond of the beginning of the second paragraph. As in, “Oh! I almost forgot to add that I left a pile of feces on your doormat.”

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:58 pm   rating: 106  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Ista

    Well, I hope she at least lit it on fire and rang the doorbell first.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 10:59 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Rillion

    That’s one sterling example of when a passive-aggressive note (and accompanying bag of poop, I assume) is entirely fitting.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:00 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Kay

    I’ve already commented and I am still cosy warmed here as though I have my own flaming P/A note and bag of poop right here.

    Jumping back into the convo to suggest to PANotes that we have an annual contest for the best of the year’s submissions. This one is my clear favourite so far.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:07 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Bruno

    As ah dohg who licks to poohp, I aim affended. How passive aggggggggresive (woof!). So, to you Sillies, I heart you, and as for “you’re welcome” chicky missy…..I heartt you 2. :) xoxoxo ruff ruff barrk barrk poop poop (on your lawn lawn

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   www.stuffistolefromtheinternet.com

    Gathering up all of the dog poop for the extra oomph that the message needed. Brilliant.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:17 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   aaa

    That is beautiful

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   SP

    Absolutely love it. This is the perfect mix of PA and absolute justification for PA. I agree with it being best of the year so far.

    I’m so sick of my neighbors’ dogs, I could just scream…oh, wait, I do. They are barkers, but I’m about ready to leave lots of lovely notes on doors (sans bags of poop). Oh, and for the cat terrorizing my lame cat in his own backyard…those people might just have a spray-painted cat soon.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:45 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   My downstairs neighbors

      BARK BARK!
      HEY!
      BARK BARK!
      HEY! SHUSH!
      BARK BARK BARK!
      HEYYYYYY!
      BARK BARK!
      HEY! QUIET!
      BARK BARK BARK!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 9:58 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Tash

      We use a squirter bottle with a mixture of water and vinegar in it to discipline our feline. (Maine Coon mixed breed.) He loves water so that never did the trick, but he LOATHES the taste of vinegar and grooms himself with an expression of extreme distaste! When our neighbour’s psychotic cat took to beating up our (100% indoor) cat through our glass back door, I had to take action. I waited at an open window, reached out and squirted, getting her fair on the flanks. I never needed to repeat the action – I kept a squirter bottle on the windowsill and she’d approach, see the bottle, squint, then run away!

      Might be worth trying for those with neighbourhood problem felines!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 11:26 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   jCo68

      Thanks for the vinegar tip! I have a young maine coon mix, and before this I’ve always used a squirt gun with plain water to train the kittehs not to jump on the kitchen counters, etc… This little guy loves the plain water, so it wasn’t going so well.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 9:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Liz

    This might just be the best PA Note I’ve ever seen, from the heart-adorned punctuation to the giant bag of dog shit on the front porch.

    Apr 5, 2011 at 11:50 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   TickleMyBambo

    Had the note writer put all the poop in a garbage bin and set it on fire, they can have a neighborhood bonfire! What better way to establish a solid neighbor relationship then to roast hot dogs over a shit stinking fire : )

    Apr 6, 2011 at 12:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   schambers

    This note is a work of art and a thing of beauty! It’s perfect!

    Apr 6, 2011 at 12:06 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   careerwaitress

    good girl!

    Apr 6, 2011 at 12:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Alicia

    Notewriter, I adore you.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 12:47 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    Aw, that Cathy is so crazy!

    At least I think that’s her handwriting…anyone got the funny-papers handy?

    Apr 6, 2011 at 12:54 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   FeRD bang

      ACK!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 8:15 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   jadefirefly

    This is utterly epic. By far my favorite PA note in a long, long time.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 1:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Annette

    Nice one!

    But who sent in the note? The note writer or the dog-owner? And was there no comment whatsoever accompaneing the note? Too bad.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 2:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Ali

    I started grinding my teeth and ended up with a smile on my face. She spelled everything correctly AND gave them a wonderful gift. Simply amazing.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 2:51 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Grant

    Pure.

    Someone once let their dog crap on my front path, so I gloved up, scooped and followed them home, whereupon I posted it through their letter box. It’s the only language these curs understand!

    Apr 6, 2011 at 4:48 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Zinnia

    The note writer wins major PA points because:

    1. Red pen – Proper color for conveying her ‘shame on you’ authority.

    2. Proper spelling – Exemplifies the writer clearly has the credentials to use the red pen.

    3. Heart exclamation points – Hands down, best part of the note.

    4. The follow through – The writer puts words into action to further underscore true, hardcore PA.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 5:30 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   DLo

    I’m completely on the Team Poo side, but I have to wonder: Is this dog a chihuahua or a St. Bernard? Just how MUCH poo are we talking about here? And who posted the note here? Team Poo Alpha Lead, or the Sillies?

    Apr 6, 2011 at 5:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Winston Smith

      How much poop is acceptable?

      Apr 6, 2011 at 5:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Nunavut Guy

      5 lbs is the Geneva Convention standard.I would add my own triple coiler just to punctuate the statement.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 6:30 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   The Elf

      I also hope she tagged the right porch! I occassionally had a problem of poop in the yard but since people walked their dogs while I was at work and I don’t exactly hang out at the window waiting for the next deposit, I wasn’t entirely sure who did it. I hope this notewriter is more certain!

      Habenero infused vodka took care of it. Dogs don’t seem to like sniffing that.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 8:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   Meow

      One dog is a German Shepherd and the other is equal in size.

      And thanks all for the comments about my grammar! :]

      Apr 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   Right?

      Omigod you spelled Shepherd right. I love you!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 8:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Winston Smith

    I thought the plural of poop was poops

    Apr 6, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Sandee

      I believe ‘poopies’ is indeed the appropriate form of the word, when accompanied by an adorable note with hearts and an off-hand “Oh!” preceding notification of poopies on the doorstep.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 10:27 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Lindsey

    Team Poops-in-the-yard (Hmmm… I’ll have to work on the name). Few things are as rude as letting your dog poop in someone else’s yard and not cleaning it up. One time is forgivable, but repeatedly? Let’s just say the “Sillies” got off easy, as I would not have been so nice a neighbor. Let’s just say I would have returned their poop, only placed it on the car instead… sans plastic bag.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 7:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   carmenz

    Yes, this is stellar and while the spelling and grammar are perfect, the punctuation could use a little tweaking.

    It wouldn’t hurt to put a comma after “poopies,” and the “Oh!” should really have a comma after it, rather than an exclamation mark, as it is part of the next sentence.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 7:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Sandee

      I must wholeheartedly disagree. The writer’s, “Oh!” was an exclamation of surprise, as she clearly just recalled her mission. Replacing the exclamation point with a comma would have robbed the word of its emphasis and could just as well be expressed with, “(Yawn.)” Fun, but not as perky.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 10:31 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Kay

      I think you missed out on the Grammar Rock cartoons when you were a kid. It is the clear authority, and tons o’ fun too.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DBDYHPRp0Q

      Apr 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.3   Upstater

      Carmenz, Sandee is right. I would refer you to Schoolhouse Rock, specifically the “Interjections” episode.

      [cue the music] Interjections show exitement or emotion. They’re generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point or by a comma if the feelings not as strong.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Clumber

    Wow – fantastic PAN. Just maybe needs a smidge of a dash of “Hi-diddly-ho neighbor!”

    No, no… I refute that. It is perfect as is.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 7:42 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Kelly

    I don’t comment here often, but a note this spectacular deserves it – Team Pooper Stooper all the way!

    Apr 6, 2011 at 8:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   chesire cat

    Team notewriter all the way. I actually love the silly way they wrote this note too with the hearts and language because it totally adds to it.

    Keep your dogs contained and pick up their poop. I have had problems with this in the past and it annoys the hell out of me. I don’t let me kids shit on your lawn so why do you let your dogs shit on mine!?

    My husband did a PA note once about this issue. It was mostly just aggressive. He got a picture of George W flipping the bird and then beneath it wrote “Thanks for obeying the leash laws and not letting your giant dog take monster shits in our yard.” He did this after he went to talk to the lady about it and she saw him but refused to come to the door. So he taped that on her glass door.

    I called Animal Control the next day on her too. Needless to say she did not let the dogs out again. So victory for us!

    Apr 6, 2011 at 9:16 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   BrookeDiz

      Yawn.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 10:45 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   Nunavut Guy

      Yawn…..as usual.

      Apr 10, 2011 at 6:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Darsa

    Awesome. Perfect. Beautiful!

    And the ! after the Oh makes perfect sense to me; in the way it’s used, truthfully, any punctuation could be appropriate there. :)

    Apr 6, 2011 at 10:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   interrobang

      Oh} I almost forgot . . .
      Oh& I almost forgot . . .
      Oh” I almost forgot . . .
      Oh[ I almost forgot . . .

      well, not really any.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 10:27 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   Darsa

      Well fine, if you wanna be silly about it. Everyone should know better than to use an opening punctuation without a closing, and vice versa.

      Silly! =P

      Apr 7, 2011 at 1:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   aaa bang

    This is such a beautifully perfect example of a PA note. The only way this could possibly be improved is if she addressed them as “silly sausages”.

    <3

    Apr 6, 2011 at 10:17 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   The Elf

      That’s what the poopies are called.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   MarMar

    I had a person do that to me after my young son neglected to pick up the dog. I can understand if it is a pattern but if it is for a single time that is an overreaction.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 11:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   aaa bang

      Since it says “keep forgetting”, I think it’s safe to assume it’s a pattern.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 11:42 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Heart Pet Tags

    You just couldn’t stay mad at someone who starts a PAN with “Hey Sillies, exclaimation heart”. Oh, unless they leave a steaming pile of poopies on your porch…in which case I guess you could stay mad. Still, it’s a great note.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 1:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   KBZK

    This note had me at “Hey sillies.”

    Apr 6, 2011 at 1:20 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Christine

    Team Note-writer all the way.

    I am the very responsible owner of two doggies. I have never ONCE let my dogs crap on private or public property and not picked up after them. Not a single time. I recently moved to an apartment and I’m getting very annoyed at all the dog owners nearby who do NOT pick up after their dogs and let them run loose. I see dog crap all over the place, which is why when I walk my dogs and they poop on someone’s lawn (I try to get them to poop on the road, but come on, it’s not like they listen to me..) I usually see someone watching me like a hawk from the window. What REALLY annoys me though is that there’s poop ON MY FRONT LAWN. If I knew who let their dog do that I would also write a nice PA note, but it’s impossible to tell. Seriously, how hard is it to pick up? I pick up between 2-5 piles every single day. And sometimes they reek. Does it bother me? Of course not. It’s just part of being a dog owner. Accept it or don’t get a dog. Yeesh.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 1:29 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Jiu Jitsu Los Angeles

    This brings “Ding-Dong-Ditch” to entirely new level. At least she was kind enough to NOT light it on fire.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Not my poop!

    I had a neighbor totally do this to me once. Only problem: none of the poop he dumped on my patio came from my dogs.

    It happened at an apartment complex that allowed pets — pets which some people didn’t always clean up after.

    My irrational, angry old man of a neighbor was convinced that the landmine problem was all my doing, despite the fact that the, uh, presents he kept finding were obviously far too large to ever be squeezed out of the rear end of a chihuahua puppy or a 7 pound Italian greyhound.

    After leaving rude notes and piles of poop on my patio, one day my neighbor actually came outside and yelled at me. It was one of the weirdest, most ridiculous arguments I’ve ever had.

    I’ll never forget how surreal and goofy it felt to be holding my chihuahua puppy aloft so his poor little rear end could be on display as I gesticulated back and forth between it and the giant mounds of poop on my patio, and shouted over and over, “*That* can’t come out of *this*! *That* can’t come out of *this*! Look at the SIZE of the poop! LOOK AT THE POOP!”

    Apr 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   Persephone

      Please, please tell me that he was shouting back: “Look what you did! Did you see what you did?”

      Apr 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   GhostWriter bang

      I can’t stop LOOKING AT THE POOP!

      Apr 6, 2011 at 4:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.3   The Elf

      Not my Poop, I can’t help but wonder what your chihuahua was thinking throughout all this. “Why am I being held aloft? Why are they looking at my ass? Are these dog perverts?”

      Apr 7, 2011 at 6:31 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.4   MaloMonster

      I laughed so hard at this situation I nearly cried. I read it to my husband while acting it out with my dog. He laughed quite a bit, too! “Look at the poop!” will probably be a common phrase around our house for a while.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Miss Monroe

    I am proposing marriage to the note writer. Perfection!

    Apr 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   GhostWriter bang

    She loses a few points because she didn’t place the poopies in a paper bag and light it on fire.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 5:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Andrea

    This is the work of a true PA master.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   LAX Car Service

    Well, at least they were polite and punctual about it. Not many people can use the right “you’re.”

    Apr 6, 2011 at 6:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Secure Hosting

    This is wrong on so many levels, but so is leaving your dog’s fecal matter on the lawn. After all, don’t they know how harmful it can be to everyone?

    Apr 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Robert

    I’m on team note writer until she says she dumped the dog shit all over someone else’s yard. That takes not curbing your dog, a ticket at worst, to full out vandalism and criminal mischief, something you can get jail time for.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 7:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Sandee

      I thought she was just returning misplaced belongings to their rightful owner. Surely a gesture of neighborly helpfulness… Besides, you’ve let your emotions make you exaggerate: nothing was dumped all over someone else’s yard. It was left conveniently in front of the owner’s door. Silly.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 8:18 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

       
    • #51.2   chesire cat

      What Sandee said. She is actually a good citizen for returning lost property where it rightfully belongs. Your pet and all that comes with it belongs to you. That includes poop. If anyone is getting jail time it would be the neighbor for violating a lease law and trespassing law.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 7:24 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   easily distracted

    This is the most beautifully, perfectly passive aggressive note I’ve ever read outside my own family. If anyone could hear me, I’d begin a slow, steady applause that gradually grew louder and stronger. Just like in the movies.
    What the hell. clap…clap…Clap…Clap…CLAP!CLAP!!CLAP!!CLAP!!!

    Apr 7, 2011 at 4:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   LadyC

    Haha!!! OWNED!#teampooperstooper

    Apr 7, 2011 at 7:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   DS

    screw leaving them on the doorstep…just get a ladder and drop them down their chimney

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   fajas colombianas

    Thats one kind neighbor for yoah.

    Apr 13, 2011 at 10:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Lori @ According to Gus

    Love this…we’ve been SOOO tempted over the years to do something similar.

    Apr 13, 2011 at 10:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   DJ

    As one who lives in an apartment complex, I see this sort of thing too much.

    What would have been better was if the writer of this note had put it all in a paper bag, set it on the neighbor’s doorstep, and lit it on fire! Then, as the neighbors came out and stomped the fire out, they’d see the note.

    Apr 15, 2011 at 9:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   firefly

    This is the most fantastic PAN I have ever read! It’s absolutely perfect in every way.

    Apr 15, 2011 at 9:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   Pongo

    Can’t support the Pooper Stooper here. Clearly he/she/it is a sociopath. No one else would use the term ‘Sillies’ even as snark. In fact, this person may be so supremely, obnoxiously sociopathic that just reading what they write spreads the disorder. Now I’m wondering if maybe I am a sociopath because one simple read and I really, really, really would like to strangle this supercilious jerk.

    Not on team ‘let your dog crap anywhere it wants to,’ either, but this winner has crossed the line from mildly PA to full-blown personality disorder, so they lose my vote.

    Apr 18, 2011 at 12:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   Beth

    This person is my new best friend, whomever she may be!

    Apr 24, 2011 at 5:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Claire

    I had a passive aggressive bitch of a neighbor who would shit like this.

    except our dogs never got out (we didn’t have a fenced-in yard, so the only time they were outside was when they were on a leashed walk) so her mystery poop never came from our dogs, but she would still drop it at our door.

    Fucking hated that woman.

    Apr 28, 2011 at 10:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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