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On the next episodes of Hoarders…

April 6th, 2011 · 44 comments

Many months ago, one of our submitter’s coworkers decided to fortify the entire office freezer with family-sized bricks of monosodium glutamate.

(Was there an amazing “buy 20, get one free” special at Wal-Mart? Is someone filming a processed-foods version of Super Size Me? Or just stocking up for the End Times?) Whatever the reason, this person made very clear (via post-it note) that these frozen delights were not for general consumption, thanks.

Finally, after months had gone by with no obvious signs of attrition on the Banquet line, another coworker decided to add a defiant note of protest (which in turn spurred a third note, from the office smartass.) Sadly, the real question (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FROZEN — WHY????) remains unanswered.

1. Please do NOT take these dinners. Thanks. 2. Why not! You don't seem to use them. 3. Don't worry the last time I stole them they SUCKED!

related: Please remove the rabbit carcasses from this freezer

FILED UNDER: Colorado · food · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing

44 responses so far ↓

  • #1   farcical aquatic ceremony

    The work of carrying this ‘food’ in and stacking it in the freezer was clearly the VERY LAST thing the person’s coronary arteries could take.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 8:09 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Kara

      I wonder when exactly this person carried this ‘food’ to the freezer and stacked it in there. Didn’t someone else notice?

      Apr 7, 2011 at 11:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #2   interrobang

    “Why not” is clearly an interjection here, but still it is really an interrogative.

    A justification for my existence‽

    Apr 6, 2011 at 8:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #3   Karen

    Our office has a policy that everything in the fridge and freezer gets tossed every Friday evening. Helps to prevent hoarders thankfully.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 8:19 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Nope

      We have that rule too, except nothing gets thrown out, except when it begins to rot.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 11:46 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #4   Nahhh bang

    There needs to be some office rule, similar to the Law of Salvage, allowing others to claim anything abandoned in the freezer after a certain period of time.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 8:34 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Kio

      one of my prior jobs had the ongoing rule as “If you leave it in the fridge at the end of your shift without a clear label, have more than 3 labeled things in the fridge or have left coffee creamer/sugar, it is fair game.”
      It was a small fridge at a 24-hour manned post, so this worked fairly well.

      Apr 6, 2011 at 10:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   AuntyBron

    The questions from the Health Nazis aside, I would want to know if these were purchased for an office function ?(Although, with the sheer variety, I’m guessing not) If not the purchaser needs to store them in his/her own damned freezer.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 8:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Kim

      what kind of godforsaken office function would serve that crap? At a bare minimum you should at least get pizza which is a step up from “Creamy Sauce with Broccoli and Chicken over rice”

      Apr 7, 2011 at 5:42 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #6   unsatisfied

    in my office, there wouldn’t be a need for P/A notes. that is mainly because these would have been stolen and eaten already. very likely by me.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 9:30 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #7   shwo! bang

    Um, the third one down contains “Creamy Sauce with Broccoli & Chicken over Rice.” Apparently Creamy Sauce is the main ingredient. I think i just threw up a little in my mouth. Or maybe that was Creamy Sauce.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 10:00 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Ginger

      I think my favourite is ‘Lasagne with Meat Sauce’. Not meat, meat sauce. Yum.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 6:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   The Elf

      “Homestyle Gravy & Sliced White Meat Turkey” raises the same question. Is this a box full of gravy?

      Apr 7, 2011 at 7:21 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   bored@work

      Pub Favorites – Classic Fried Chicken. I know whenever I go to a Pub, I am going for fried chicken. Has anyone ever even heard of a pub serving fried chicken? I could see maybe some English Fare like Fish and Chips or Irish fare such as Corned Beef and Cabbage. We as Americans don’t generally use the word pub, so I’m stumped by Fried Chicken, much less what would make it Classic. I want a note of apology from the Hungry-Man corporation.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 8:35 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Jess

      um, ginger. You can actually order ‘meat sauce’ at 20 dollar plate restaurants. It’s marinara with meat mixed in, rather than having it in chunks. But way to pick the one, single, normal thing about the whole package.

      Sometimes y’all try too hard. Just saying.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 5:27 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   liz

      um, Jess, at the 20 dollar plate restaurants, they call that “meat sauce” bolognese.

      For the extra bucks, you get a foreign word in your menu.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 10:58 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #8   Rumpio

    An awful lot of passive/aggressive judging in the comments and in the damning of the guy’s choice of food in the piece itself.

    Irony, it be here.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 10:26 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   park rose

      You’re quick, Rump. I like that.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 7:39 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   anglophile

      An awful lot of passive/aggressive judging of the comments in your comment, Rumpio.

      Circles within circles, dude.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 5:00 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #9   Blue

    I cant really snark on this one. They shouldn’t take up so much of the office freezer but those things are really cheap. It makes me feel bad that people have to eat those because they can’t afford more nutritious food.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 10:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      Cooking for yourself and brown-bagging the leftovers can be a lot cheaper.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 6:49 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #10   zenvelo

    those are family size dinners, not some frozen lunch. Maybe the person is now so large they can’t lift their arms anymore to get them out.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 11:07 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #11   Rawr

    I’m very fond of the handwriting on the last note.

    That is all.

    Apr 6, 2011 at 11:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   Adriana

    The original note looks like it was written by a woman. She’s an impressive broad if she can down an entire Family Size Banquet (gag) TV dinner in one sitting.

    Apr 7, 2011 at 1:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Nunavut Guy

      Careful dude.Don’t piss off the fat chicks.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 4:49 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   The Elf

      You can’t have a purge without a good binge.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 6:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Nunavut Guy

      I’ll puke to that.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 8:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   The Elf

    It’s for the office pot luck. See, the last one Sandra arranged (the Mongolia BBQ with Ribs and Special Hats) ended in an office-wide burst of “big jobs”. The ladies filled on entire trash can and clogged all the old pipes. Mens invaded the ladies’ room, which is very private to ladies where they do their private business, because they bathroom emergencies and were unable to get the key from Casey in Human Resources in time. This made the bathroom filthy, since women are known to be scientifically cleaner than men, and it was upsetting to the ladies.

    The next potluck was to be “A Banquet of Banquet” . Sandra will provide bibs, handcuffs, sporks, and family-sized Banquet brand meals. But when she asked for signups (you know, for cookies, fruit cups, shrimp, rice, things with no sugar in them because some ppl are diabetic) no one signed up! And no one paid $5 to participate either! It’s like they like to keep their jobs small or something!

    So there they sit, box after box of Banquet Family Sized boxes “creamy sauce”, waiting for the potluck that will never come. Sandra keeps hoping and keeps posting out random missives, but all in vain. What you can’t see in the picture is the freezer-burned leftover cake from the last potluck. Lonely, it waits.



    Apr 7, 2011 at 6:47 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   TKD

      Fortunately Sandra could count on Elaine to care for the unused potluck fare. Clearly no one would dare violate the sanctity of properly labelled food in an office under the iron fist of Elaine. Though Michelle, now a Marketing Specialist in this office, did not find the cake to be fucking delicious. Lonely, it still waits. Bad Cake You.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 8:54 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Quite Contrary

      Ah, Sandra and Casey in Human Resources. The gift that keeps on giving!

      Apr 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   The Elf

      …and that’s not a good thing!

      Apr 8, 2011 at 7:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   Nope

    At least the 3rd note is honest. 99.9% of all frozen “dinners” are horrible and I’d reason that the container they come in would probably taste better.

    Apr 7, 2011 at 11:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Managed Hosting

      Have you ever had one of them? There’s a reason they are a dollar…

      Apr 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Mixed Martial Arts Los Angeles

    I there is usually a good price on Banquet dinners, but sometimes there is a line in a little too much, especially for mediocre food. And if it’s at work, why wouldn’t you just bring a couple at a time? I thought this was a grocery isle!

    Apr 7, 2011 at 2:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Janellionaire

      Ugh, grocery isles are so annoying. Who wants to take a boat every time they need to go shopping? I prefer stores on the mainland, thanks.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 4:14 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   anglophile

      Yeah, you row all the way home and you find out your ice cream is melted and they didn’t put the eggs in your bag.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   Managed Hosting

      *aisle. Didn’t type the a hard enough.

      Apr 7, 2011 at 6:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   unsatisfied

      I prefer gilligan’s isle. I mean, mary ann AND ginger?

      Apr 8, 2011 at 11:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #16   Liz

    Maybe it’s art.

    Apr 7, 2011 at 6:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #17   LAX Car Service

    Maybe they’re pregnant or hibernating? Either way, that’s a lot of the same exact food choice, especially for an office.

    Apr 7, 2011 at 6:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #18   Quite Contrary

    I’m wondering if a heart at the bottom of the exclamation point would have made any of it better.



    Apr 7, 2011 at 6:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   pony girl

    Maybe the co-worker promised their significant other that they would not throw them away or give them away.
    So, they just took them to work and left them there.
    Which, I admit, is stupid and makes no sense.

    So, that must be it.

    Apr 7, 2011 at 7:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #20   RP

    Five bucks says that the person who put the food there doesn’t even work there anymore.

    Apr 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Elf

      Technically, would that be family-sizing instead of down-sizing?

      Apr 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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