The Bad Moms Club (see, it’s funny ’cause it’s NOT true)

April 11th, 2011 · 61 comments

When my younger brother Danny was around 6 or 7, I remember he brought home a project he’d done in school — a little book entitled “My Family,” or something like that. I don’t recall what he said about the rest of us, but on the page about our mother, he had written: “MOM BRINGS DINNER,” complete with a stick-figure drawing of her with McDonald’s bags in both hands. We all laughed about it, but I think my mother was still pretty mortified —  and god only knows what his teacher thought.

Well, Mom, allow me to introduce you to Carmen: you two might be able to commiserate. When her son (who is, coincidentally, also named Daniel) was 6, his first grade teacher had the kids write little journal entries about their weekends every Monday. This was Daniel’s. (The teacher’s feedback is my favorite part.)

17 MARCH MY NEWS: I WENT TO MY FRIEND LUCAS HOUSE. MY MOM GOT DRUNK. [Teacher:] Oh my goodness me! It's important for mom to let her hair down once in a while!

Carmen is quick to add that she was most definitely not “drunk” — in fact, on this particular occasion, she hadn’t had a single alcoholic beverage. But just try explaining that to the school guidance counselor…

related: Just in case you haven’t gotten your fix of working mom guilt…your kid’s preschool teacher is ready to step up!

extra credit: Red Party Cups for Classy Moms

FILED UNDER: drizzunk · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · schools & teachers


61 responses so far ↓

  • #1   joe

    That is too damn funny!

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   CakeasaurusRex

    In the future, I will be both a teacher like this and a parent like this.

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm   rating: 167  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   zenvelo

    Hey, it was St Paddy’s Day weekend! If this was Catholic School, half the class would write that. (The other half would be Italian.)

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm   rating: 131  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   edjamacateme

    What is that triangular thing in the center of the drawing? Refracted glass or Mom’s impaired vision after a weekend of binging?

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:45 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   JetJackson

      I wish Maddox was the teacher on this one…

      “Obviously your mother was drunk while you were in the womb. That’s the only way to explain how shit this drawing is! Seriously, doesn Lucas live in a Tipi? Better get used to living in tents Daniel if you keep producing drawings like this. F.

      Apr 11, 2011 at 11:57 pm   rating: 72  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   beanster

      i suggest it is a perspective drawing of the table mama was sitting at while she consumed her “non-alcoholic” beverage. she doesn’t have legs because she is passed out on top of the table… and when you pass out… you… don’t have legs…?

      Apr 12, 2011 at 10:33 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Kara bang

      I’m not certain, but that triangle thing definitely suggests something more bizarre is going on at Lucas’ house than mom’s innocent binge drinking.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 10:58 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Aina

    Suuuure, Carmen. Suuuuure you didn’t get drunk.

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    Beats the heck out of “I went to my ‘Uncle’ Lucas’ house and my mom got laid.”

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:55 pm   rating: 89  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    Is that George Lucas? Because that house looks like a spaceship of some kind.

    Apr 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   TickleMyBambo

      Looks like the little fort I used to go to with my friends to smoke a hookah. Plus, George Lucas would be rollin’ in a better looking spaceship then that, cause he’s George Motherfucking Lucas!

      Apr 12, 2011 at 3:18 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Canthz_B bang

      True. Industrial Smoke and Mirrors would have done a better job.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 9:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Jimmy James

      Take a closer look at the kid on the right- his butt-face was pointed out below, but I think Lucas’s friend is this guy:
      http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ponda_Baba

      He doesn’t like you.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 10:17 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Divvitar

      ^I see I’m not the only one who thought he was Walrusman! “We’ve got the death sentence on twelve systems!”

      Apr 12, 2011 at 11:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   TickleMyBambo

      HAHA! Nice observation, Jimmy James! The force IS strong with you : )

      Apr 12, 2011 at 11:51 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Jimmy James

      Thanks. I’ll be careful.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 12:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Difficult D

      YOU’LL BE DEAD!

      Apr 12, 2011 at 5:52 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   Canthz_B bang

      Divvitar, I was thinking of Chumbley! :-D

      Apr 12, 2011 at 10:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   Divvitar

      Come on. This little one is not worth the effort!

      Apr 13, 2011 at 11:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   FeRD bang

      This was awesome. Oh, also…

      FeRD doesn’t like you, either. You just watch yourself.

      Apr 15, 2011 at 2:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Lilly

    this is my all-time favorite post on this site

    Apr 11, 2011 at 11:04 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   julio

    FAKE!

    Apr 11, 2011 at 11:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   schambers

    I have two kids, one still in grade school, and I can totally see this happening!

    Apr 12, 2011 at 12:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   lupanime

    I think Daniel was trying to draw something like this

    Apr 12, 2011 at 12:14 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   TickleMyBambo

    Let’s be real here, without being to obvious the teacher is taking the opportunity to voice her inner most desires… The chance to be able to”let her hair down” after a full day of dealing with rambunctious children and grading never end papers. I nice, stiff drink to boot.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 3:02 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   chesire cat

      Definitely! I think the teacher was cool about it. She was trying to make a joke and says its okay. It would have been much worse to not say anything or say something bitchy.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 6:36 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Nunavut Guy

      That is unless she had TWINS MOTHERFUKER.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 6:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Divvitar

      In our school system, this would have prompted a call to CPS.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 11:46 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   TickleMyBambo

    30 March My News

    I went to my friend Lucas’ house. He told me that I can’t play with him no more. He says I draw his face like a butt and other kids are calling him “butt face”. Mom got drunk again and brought me dinner from McDonald’s. I like happy meals.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 3:13 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   chesire cat

    OMG! I love it! SO cute! I can’t wait till my kids start doing this kind of stuff. Too amusing!

    Sounds like me when I was a kid. Except my dad really was drunk most of the time!

    Apr 12, 2011 at 6:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Nunavut Guy

      Can’t wait until they get restaurant jobs and start spitting in the food.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 6:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Kara

    I love it how he titles his masterpiece, “My news”

    Apr 12, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    My News of Mom’s Booze

    Happy Monday everyone,

    Same old same old. Mom got plastered again this weekend.

    I’m not even embarrassed by it anymore.

    My friend Lucas got a new video game, and we stayed up really late playing it because his mom said that my mom wouldn’t be in any condition to drive until after her nap.
    It turns out that having a lush for a mom can work in your favor!

    Lucas and I think his mom used to be in special class, ’cause when my mom passes out his always seems to think she’s napping.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 8:43 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Divvitar

      P.S. Mom had another “uncle” over today. His name is Antonio. She said he just got out of jail. I heard them wrestling in the bedroom before mom got drunk and passed out. Boy, mom sure screams a lot when she’s pinned down! I sure do miss dad…

      Apr 12, 2011 at 11:53 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   yogurt

    my kids went through a phase where drinking an alcoholic beverage equaled getting drunk. fortunately they didn’t write about this in their school journals, “every weekend mom and her friends get drunk.” or, at least, not that I know of.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 8:50 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Nunavut Guy

      Have they discovered capital letters and punctuation yet?

      Apr 12, 2011 at 12:46 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   ashmeadow

    Is that a mushroom in the pink-shirted woman’s hand? Maybe Daniel should have put his mom went on a trip.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 9:01 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Jenny

      I think it’s a martini glass…

      Apr 12, 2011 at 9:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Canthz_B bang

      I think Daniel is the kid’s middle name and it’s an homage to him…a bottle of Jack.

      Reminds me of my Great-Grandmother, a church-going woman who didn’t drink…unless it was Christian Brothers brandy.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 9:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   TickleMyBambo

      Next week on “INTERVENTION”

      After 6 months of endless, and disturbing journal entries, Daniel finally confronts his mother on her drinking addiction.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 12:11 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Brenna

    Ohhhhh, I guess I should be really glad that my son hasn’t done something like this yet. LOL!

    Apr 12, 2011 at 9:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Divvitar

      Our youngest son is in Kindergarten. One Sunday, he got the bright idea to paint his nails with my wife’s polish. He was embarrassed about it at school, so he told the teacher (a sub, no less) that his mom “got drunk” and painted his nails even though he didn’t want her to. Now, I must give props to my 6 y/o that he could come up with a story like this off the top of his head. Unfortunately, the Substitute believed it and had the principal call CPS. My wife doesn’t drink alcohol except maybe once or twice a year. Luckily, we got it all straightened out.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 12:01 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   lili

      And people say they can’t wait for this. My daughter is a great liar, unfortunately. We are working on it but your story is pretty much my biggest fear.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 12:42 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   carmen

    the strange triangular thing is a Lapa. A thatch outdoor structure where us moms can sit and get drunk while we watch our kids play… I only got the ‘news book’ in the middle of the year to peruse, when they send your child’s work home so you can see how they are progressing. So his teacher talked to me every day, straight-faced,since march and didn’t mention a thing..

    Apr 12, 2011 at 10:34 am   rating: 47  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Me again

    Would this mean that mom was a little teepee?

    Apr 12, 2011 at 12:06 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Jimmy James

      Yes, she had to unwind because she was too tents.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 12:54 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      Were those tents made from three sheets.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 11:15 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Nunavut Guy

    The” kid “on the far right kinda looks like a penis.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 12:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   The Elf

      That’s “Lucas” for ya.

      Apr 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Jiu Jitsu Los Angeles

    Well, at least the teacher took it in stride. And, she added a note that I’m sure the mom really appreciated. Note to self: Kids really do say the darndest thing.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 2:22 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Managed Hosting

    This makes you wonder where Daniel got the idea that his mom had been drinking, or knew what being “drunk” was. After all, how do you really defend yourself? The teacher’s response is great!

    Apr 12, 2011 at 5:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   D

    This is my fav P.A.N. I’ve seen! too funny!

    Apr 12, 2011 at 10:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Gladystopia

    I was in my late 30′s before I realized: most kids didn’t have an 8-foot high, 3-deep wall of liquor boxes in their basements, a wall which was filled with magazines, newspapers, and bits of assorted mail.

    It was a few years after THAT when I realized: not only were my parents alcoholics, my dad was also a hoarder (and narcoleptic, but that one wasn’t HIS fault.)

    Thank god that in the 70′s, most ppl’s parents were so FUBARred in other ways that my teachers never even twicked to my compilation of oddities. Bit of a shame, actually; could have explained a lot.

    Apr 12, 2011 at 10:52 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   BunchFamily

    Amazing! We reposted it on our site for our readers at http://www.bunchfamily.ca!
    Thanks!

    Apr 13, 2011 at 9:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Denise

    OMG….that is funny. I’m sure the teacher has seen worse though.

    Apr 13, 2011 at 9:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Kurtis

    “It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.”

    “What’s unpleasant about being drunk?”

    “Ask a glass of water.”

    Apr 13, 2011 at 10:04 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Melanie

    Hilarious!! When my younger brother was in kindergarten for Christmas they made a small book of things they wished for for Christmas and then hung them up on the hallway. My little brother wrote “I wish my mommy and daddy would quit drinking” 22 years later we still crack up about it. My parents were mortified. And no my parents weren’t drinkers, I don’t even remember my parents having alcohol in the house growing up.

    Apr 13, 2011 at 10:17 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Izzy4Realz

    Hahaha. That’s like when my brother was little and in the middle of a store decided to yell “mommy! Don’t beat me!”

    My mom (or dad) never beat any of us. >><< He doesn't remember a thing about that day, but I remember how red my mom's face was!

    Apr 14, 2011 at 10:03 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Katie

    I did that to my mom when she was taking me out of church because I was misbehaving. And it was in the middle of a prayer. Talk about getting an extra spanking for that…

    Incidentally, it’s my grandfather’s favorite story about me. The look on his face when he roars “Momma, don’t beat me no more!” is pretty hysterical.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 11:41 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Ell

    An absolute classic – love it!

    May 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Anne

    When I was in kindergarten, I told the nice policeman who’d come to talk to us about being good citizens that, yes, my mother drank and drove all the time. He hadn’t thought to mention “drinking” here meant alcohol. My Mom always has water in the car, and I figured that meant she was breaking the law. That was an interesting parent teacher conference . . . .

    May 18, 2011 at 8:06 am   rating: 52  small thumbs up

     

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