Technological Warfare

April 13th, 2011 · 69 comments

First off, hat tip to the cranky guerilla artist who plastered the bus stops at Rachel’s college campus yesterday with these posters.

(Of course, like the good citizen and PAN-ista that she is, Rachel promptly snapped and sent this pic to us using her BlackBerry.)

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT ALL CITIZENS MUST EVERYWHERE EVERYDAY CONSTANTLY FIDDLE WITH THEIR CELL PHONES. AT NO TIME IS IT PERMISSIBLE TO SIT IDLE AND OBSERVE THE POETRY OF LIFE OR LOOK INTO TEH EYES OF ANOTHER PERSON. THE ARRIVAL OF A SNIPPIT OF TRIVIAL TEXT HOLDS THE PROMISE OF UNIMAGINED PLEASURE. HONOR THY RINGTONE AND JIGGLING HAND-HELD DEVICE ABOVEL ALL OTHER GODS. REMEMBER ALWAYS

But speaking of art on campus…how’s that for a segue? —  I can’t look at this piece from Matt’s dorm in Reno without hearing it as a Daft Punk song. (That’s probably thanks to far too much time spent playing around with iDaft…time which I do not regret one bit.)

Shit's broken/I'm pissed/Might start/A riot

Okay everyone, let’s get this riot started. Go text this post to all your friends!

related: Daft Flush

extra credit:  iDaft: une vidéo funny [dailymotion.com];

Daft Hands [youtube.com]

FILED UNDER: art · cell phone · college life · laundry · most popular notes of 2011


69 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    The Unabomber escaped?! 8-O

    Apr 13, 2011 at 10:57 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   famine

    I love the top one – where can I get a copy? :-)

    Apr 13, 2011 at 11:06 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   anglophile bang

      Step one: Open Microsoft Word or other word processing program

      Step two: Type the words you see here

      Step three: Print.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 9:02 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   eliz

      or:
      1) right click on the picture above,
      2) select save as (or similar phrase), and
      3) give it a name.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   famine

      Point taken – it was waaaay past my bedtime, though and I had just finished writing up a long ass report for the job I just got laid off from – cut me some slack, OK?

      Apr 16, 2011 at 9:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Flip-Flappin'

    I lurv the level of simmering sardonic anger in the words, mixed with the bloody red fury of the text by Cranky Guerilla Artist (or, as I’m sure he’ll be referred to around town, CGA).

    There’s just something beautiful about the whole thing.

    (This post brought to you courtesy of Ambien)

    Apr 13, 2011 at 11:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      I’m glad you posted now, since you won’t remember your comment in the morning.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 12:11 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Flip-Flappin'

      No props for perfect grammar & spelling (apart from the slangy “lurv”) while hopped up on the A-bomb?? Come on, people!

      Apr 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Nahhh bang

    I don’t own a cell phone. Will I be arrested?

    Apr 13, 2011 at 11:49 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TickleMyBambo

      If you keep refusing to own a cellphone, Nahhh, the angry guerrilla artist will win! Do you want that to happen?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 12:43 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   se

      @Nahh, not arrested, but, you might be shunned. It is a religion, after all.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 7:33 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   AuntyBron

      Naw, it’s a misdemeanor – there’s only a fine.

      Oh, and looks of scorn and incredulity from the techno-wonks with cellphones glued to their ears.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   harmonicpies

      Does anyone actually put their cellphones to their ears anymore?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 9:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Canthz_B bang

      Only about 88% of Arizona drivers have cellphones glued to their ears.
      The other 12% are busy texting.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 10:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Sensible Madness bang

    One day I was sitting in the park on a beautiful Spring day enjoying a rousing game of Angry Birds when I was suddenly overtaken with an overpowering desire to look up from my phone and observe the poetry of life in all its splendor. My heart filled with this new and wonderful purpose, I set my phone down and looked up…and found myself looking into the eyes of a hobo who was furiously masturbating under a tree.

    It was at that point that I decided the poetry of life could take a flying leap, and I walked briskly home with my face buried in my phone.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 12:30 am   rating: 83  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      For the last time, I was NOT masturbating!…I was simply applying sunscreen while at the same time enjoying a stanza of the poetry of life…and I’m no hobo, I was just wearing my laundry day clothes. You know, the clothes you wear when everything else you own is in the wash.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 12:54 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   AuntyBron

      He wasn’t a hobo, he was a druid. You KNOW how the love trees.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 10:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   The Elf

      CB, if your pants and drawers are that holey that you need to apply sunscreen THERE, don’t wash them. Throw them out.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Canthz_B bang

      Aw, Elf, you cannot fully appreciate the poetry of life with your pants up you know. LOL

      Apr 14, 2011 at 10:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   TickleMyBambo

    seriously, I do indulge in looking at the poetry of life and the fine arts it provides… through the forms of pornography and beautiful abstract wallpaper background art on my cellphone : )

    Apr 14, 2011 at 12:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Mrs.Beasley bang

    In re: the busted washer, props to the writer for the meticulous coordination of sticky note phrasing by color – kind of the same way you’d sort your laundry loads. I’m betting that this writer has never unloaded a washer full of pink sweat socks.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 1:53 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      When I was little we had an electronic organ with color-coded keys.

      For some reason, I suspect those sticky notes form an ominous-sounding chord which could raise Vincent Price from the dead.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 6:35 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   AuntyBron

      yeah, but it was bullshit. Nobody announces that they’re going to riot. Riots just happen.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 10:39 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   jadefirefly

    I want copies of that first one. That’s amazing.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 4:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    Ah, the good old days when riots were reserved for perceived grave injustices done.

    Listen, each generation only gets a small number of riots it can have. Don’t waste any of your riot credits on frivolous complains like broken washing machines. Just put out of order signs on them.

    Riot when your favorite American Idol or Dancing Star is eliminated…because that’s really important, Earth-shaking, history-making stuff.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 6:15 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      Exactly. University of Maryland, I’m looking at you. Save the rioting for when the basketball team loses, not when it wins, ‘k?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Divvitar

      Or for when your cell phone ends up in the washer by mistake.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   FeRD bang

      I dunno, CB… I mean, I see your point, and I definitely realize it’s a waste of a good riot and all. But I have to admit, I’m getting closer and closer to that point every time I go to do laundry at my shitty local laundromat, and see that the number of out-of-order dryers in the place is still steadily approaching the total number of dryers! (I swear there have been times that I think the ratio’s gotten beyond 50%! It’s just insane.)

      At some point, the out-of-order signs, in their proliferation… that’s just calling further attention to an already-infuriating problem! :-P

      Apr 15, 2011 at 12:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Kara bang

    We all like to think this one doesn’t apply to us, but come on who hasn’t honored their ringtone? Who hasn’t seen their phone flashing in the middle of the night and gotten up and gone to check his email?

    …wait, that’s just me?

    Apr 14, 2011 at 6:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   se

      is that the 11th commandment?
      Honor Thy Ringtone?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 7:43 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Canthz_B bang

      …and keep it current?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 8:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   AuntyBron

      Honor Thy mother and thy father with ringtones of their own and let no other contact hold these exalted ringtones as well.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 10:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   unsatisfied

      ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY RINGTONE!!!

      by the way, my wife’s regular ringtone is “hey, soul sister”. how much do I absolutely hate that fucking song?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   RP

      No, that’s the 13th Commandment. The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not get caught”.

      This is the 12th Commandment: http://ocremix.org/remix/OCR01492/

      Apr 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   TickleMyBambo

      That reminds me.. I need to get the “I’m a Gummy Bear” ringtone off my friends phone since he doesn’t know how to do it himself. He left me a note on my door saying: “I’m pissed. One more time I get stood up for pussy because of that ringtone.. I’m going to start a riot”. Usually I would laugh this off, but the anger behind his words tells me it’s serious destruction fueled business.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   TippingCows

      Maybe he’s being denied “the cootch” because he doesn’t think enough of the young lady to turn off his phone whilst basking in her company? Or perhaps his crass wording that describes being denied sweet lovin’ with a fly girl tells us a bit about his respect level/suaveness with women and THAT is the reason.

      Chef he is not!

      Apr 15, 2011 at 8:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   pony girl

      My ringtone is “I Touch Myself.”
      That way, I am motivated to answer it before she gets to …I touch myself.. to save myself any embarrassment.

      My phone is usually off, though, because I am NOT a cell phone person. I usually only look at it a few times a week.

      Yes, my friends and family hate this.
      No, I don’t care.
      I am not a doctor, fireman, CEO, parent, or rescue worker etc.
      I don’t need to be immediately available to people.

      I LOVE that first note. I may have a t-shirt made.

      May 1, 2011 at 4:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Celeste

    Doesn’t the top one remind you of Orwell’s “1984″ ? Very true to the tone of the book.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 8:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Canthz_B bang

      Works for me.

      Glass of oily-tasting gin anyone?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 8:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Rattus

      And a facecage of rats, please.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 10:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   The Elf

      I’d comment, but I can’t be late for the Two Minutes Hate at Minitru, and I need to change my ringtone before I get there. Double plusungood if my ringtone is “Down With Eastasia”.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Divvitar

      What’s this? “Report to Room 101 if you don’t have a cell phone?”

      Apr 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   wqerqwiojio

    Personally, I wear sunglasses so I don’t have to look in peoples eyes.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 9:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Divvitar

      Making obvious eye contact could possibly be life threatening where I live. It’s safer to text.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Nunavut Guy

      I wear binoculars.No one ever looks at me.

      Apr 14, 2011 at 9:29 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Liz

    Team CGA!

    Apr 14, 2011 at 11:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   QBALL

    It just goes to show.. oops wait hang on.. LOL you are my BFF too.. oops sorry, just got a text.. gotta go

    Apr 14, 2011 at 11:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   RP

    The cranky guerilla artist is just mad because no one would talk to him even if they didn’t have a cell phone.

    It kills me that he’s actually complaining about people looking at their cellphones. Not shouting into them, not using them while checking out or in the middle of a conversation with someone in person, not even that they’re bumping into people or out in front of cars because they aren’t looking up.

    No, his complaint is that people look at their cellphones instead of staring off into space…oh, I’m sorry, “observe the poetry of life”.

    Instead of getting pissed that someone’s checking their messages while waiting for a bus that’s 20 minutes late why doesn’t he take is own advice or at least find something better to complain about.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   The Elf

      Like using said cellphone to text at a party?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Zsa

      Duh- said rant is because he is trying to take his own advice and CAN’T look into anyone’s eyes or observe the “poetry of life” because all the firicking cell phones are in the way.
      Kinda like when someone tells you they always see people in blue raincoats. You’ve never noticed how many blue raincoats there are in the world until someone mentions it. And then it is stuck in your freaking head and you notice EVERY SINGLE ONE.
      … or is that just me?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Rattus

      I’m team Cranky Guerilla because while I know that people’s inability to disconnect from their social network for even the briefest of moments doesn’t affect me personally, it still irritates the hell out of me. Yeah, I have a cell phone, but even when it is on it is in a zipped pouch inside the zipped pocket of my backpack. If it rings and I don’t get to it in time. meh, so what. And I find it rarely necessary to call anyone when I’m out and about.

      If the world at large is too boring and/or unbearable, why don’t these people try a book instead?

      Apr 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Nunavut Guy

      I work with 6 people under the age of 30.Not one of them had read a book in the last 15 years unless they were forced to.

      Four out of the six had , on average, over 100 text messages a day.Pretty scary(in my opinion).

      Apr 14, 2011 at 8:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   The Elf

      A book? Oh, Rattus, no. Even before the days of cellphones, there are some people who’d rather cut off body parts than voluntarily read a book.

      Not me, though! I always have a book handy.

      Apr 15, 2011 at 6:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   Rattus

      What I never leave the house without: keys, a bottle of water, a pack of gum (can’t quite wean myself off that since quitting smoking) and a book. Even if I’m going to the corner store for a carton of milk. I like to be prepared just in case there’s hostage taking at Joe’s and I’m stuck in a back room for hours while the criminal negotiates with the cops.

      What I frequently leave the house without: a cell phone. You know the hostage taker is just going to remove it from my bag anyway, so what’s the point of hauling it with me?

      Apr 15, 2011 at 10:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   guderjan

    I’ve seen the first one posted around my campus as well – if it’s the same place as the submitter, they’ve been popping up for a while.

    Apr 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Muay Thai Los Angeles

    You’ve got to fight for your right to wash your clothes! It’s completely understandable, but are they going to use detergent as their weapon in the riot?

    Apr 14, 2011 at 4:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   s1500

    Add another vote for a nice printable version for that top pic.

    Apr 15, 2011 at 7:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   numbskull72

    Ha ha…wish I knew who printed up those fliers. I’d gladly take about 100 of them and post them around my community college campus.

    Apr 15, 2011 at 12:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Kuroi Kaze

    Here’s the actual source to the image:

    http://burningbooks.org/posters-by-burning-books/6-burning-books-posters/detail/146-all-citizens-must.html#

    Apr 15, 2011 at 12:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   TippingCows

    I must have a copy of that sign, please. Now.

    Apr 15, 2011 at 8:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Ishie

    I think one of the happiest days of my life was when I realized I could watch X-Files episodes on my iPhone rather than experiencing three daily hours of the poetry of life on the LIRR.

    To mix it up, I do also read books on the Kindle app. For-real books are heavy. Plus the last time I tried to lose myself in a paper-book, I got stuck reading 20 pages of Lisbeth’s Ikea purchases with no alternative material. Gads.

    -Team “You will pry my smart phone from my cold dead hands, no doubt after I’m killed in a crosswalk by texting on it.”

    Apr 16, 2011 at 1:39 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Alicia

      This is the thread I pulled up when checking PAN on my Android…Interesting.

      - Team “Don’t bother prying my smart phone from my cold, dead hands. Leave my cell with me in my coffin so I can text in heaven.”

      Apr 17, 2011 at 1:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   joey

    This poetry of life thing sounds interesting. Is there an app for that?

    Apr 17, 2011 at 3:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   GrrSnarlGrowl

    Oh look the cranky old people legion is rallying again.

    Makes me wonder if Anne Landers and Dear Abby count as some form of PAN. We could just hook in a RSS feed and get plenty of easy calls of “Team Miss Manners!”

    Apr 18, 2011 at 3:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   piper

    it was popular last year in santa fe as well.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/velcrotrainer/4812947233/

    Apr 20, 2011 at 10:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Michelle

    I’ve been in a dorm in Reno, and I’ve used those washers…it totally deserved the note.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 2:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   EricaVee

    Why on EARTH would you want to look into the eyes of a complete stranger? At a bus stop? If someone was trying to look in my eyes at a bus stop I would be finding an alternate route pronto.

    I can enjoy the poetry of life while taking a lovely stroll through a garden or something. When I’m on public transportation, it’s head down, technology on.

    May 1, 2011 at 2:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Boodle

    Sad thing is that I try to do this at work, but people prefer not to look anyone directly or even indirectly. I work in a large building and while I only work with a small portion of them, I see the same group of people when I walk to or from the parking areas. Only about 10% of them make any attempt to smile or do some sort of greeting to each other (not including the ones who obviously know each other). It’s not just to me, I’ve watched them ignore each other as well. And when a housekeeper is out cleaning the hallway leading into the building? They might as well have been part of the woodwork.

    But outside of work? Not really all that safe to do.

    May 1, 2011 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   pony girl

      Dang.
      Where do you and EricaVee live? Gotham City?

      May 1, 2011 at 5:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     

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