Tina in Jacksonville, Florida was in the process of moving out of her current apartment — apparently not a moment too soon — when she spotted this note on the door of her downstairs’ neighbor.
I’m not sure which is more disturbing: the content of this note (as best as I can follow it) or the truly sic spelling and punctuation. Altogether, it just kinda freaks me out.
So thanks, Tina, for giving me another reason to avoid what is probably my least-favorite state. (Not that I don’t cherish my time with you in Clearwater, Grandma Cookie!!!)
related: If it’s on Jersey Shore, it’s not coming through the door
115 responses so far ↓
#1
Hirayuki
Can anyone work out what’s written on the other side?
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:08 pm rating: 8
#2
Hannah
I would give my left ovary for the background story.
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:17 pm rating: 68
#3
Kristen Bellatti
That’s a little creepy. It’s another reminder of how poor the school system.
As for the back of the note: I tried to read it, and it looks like it was a first draft of the side of the note we can see.
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:20 pm rating: 1
#4
chrys
My favorites are be side’s and womew.
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:22 pm rating: 9
#5
Jordie
Am I the only one who noticed he literally NAILED it into the door?
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:23 pm rating: 99
#6
Frecklekelly
I think the opposite side says, “I’ll be here about 10pm tonight. I’m going to try another woman roommate.”
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:26 pm rating: 0
#7
Angie
Well, I’ve never been a huge fan of incess, either – but I DO have sex emotions. (However, I’m sneeky AND a scorn womon so I would totally not make it as her roomie.)
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:26 pm rating: 9
#8
mghmmghhmghh
I was like haha yeah that’s another funny and crazy note haha
until I got to INCESS!!!!
and then I was all like
D:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:26 pm rating: 31
#9
Nick
The back looks like “I’ll be here about ?:00 pm tonight I’m going to try another women roomate” Thats about all I can make of it. Love the full size nail holding up the paper btw.
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:28 pm rating: 2
#10
jadefirefly
The contradiction of wanting nothing to do with ‘incess’ and ‘blood’s thicker than water’ is cracking me up.
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:29 pm rating: 59
#11
Rhamza
wow…
There isn’t really any other word to describe this…
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:37 pm rating: 0
#12
kathtea
Syntax indicates English isn’t his first language… content indicates a big cauldron of crazy soup, served to everyone in the house.
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:47 pm rating: 35
#13
Mrs.Beasley
This note is seriously scary to me.
Therefore I will only comment on how amazed I am that “innovation” is spelled correctly. Seriously.
Apr 17, 2011 at 10:53 pm rating: 50
#14
seamonkee
i’m from Jax. Considering the public school system here, that’s some purdy darn gud ritin.
Apr 17, 2011 at 11:17 pm rating: 15
#15
Hitachiin
The best part of this note is the proper use of “than”.
Oh, and the fact that it has been nailed up.
Apr 17, 2011 at 11:36 pm rating: 10
#16
Divvitar
I didn’t realize that being a roommate required “sex emotions.” If he’s that desperate, I’m sure there are prostitutes available. I doubt he’s going to find anything but scorn from a new womew roomie.
Apr 18, 2011 at 12:02 am rating: 11
#17
El Jefe
To the host/narrator of this blog post: all fans of Florida will appreciate this Matt Taibbi jewel.
http://www.buffalobeast.com/79/vicious.htm
-key part at the end: “Florida, that’s where I’d look.”
Apr 18, 2011 at 12:43 am rating: 2
#18
ashmeadow
I feel like this was written by a person with a couple different personalities just waiting to come out at inappropriate times.
I’d say his erratic penmanship agrees with me.
Apr 18, 2011 at 1:29 am rating: 12
#19
Sarah
A few people assumed the note writer was a woman, I don’t get that at all from my reading of the note.
It’s really creepy. I think the note writer is a male relative of the recipient. “You have no sex emotions” sounds to me like she wouldn’t have sex with him, hence “Be side’s I want nothing to do with incess” (“if you won’t sleep with me, I never actually wanted to sleep with you anyway”)
And as for “try” another (woman) roommate. Yuck.
Apr 18, 2011 at 4:09 am rating: 25
#20
Pylgrim
I just want to commend the bravery of the submitter. God knows I wouldn’t have risked being caught taking a picture of the note by the perpetrator of this crime against reason.
Also, I’m morbidly fascinated with that ornate capital D in “Day one”. It’s like seeing a tiny duckling emerge from a vatful of offal.
Apr 18, 2011 at 5:49 am rating: 16
#21
se
Why are too many commenters assuming it’s a guy and it’s his fault? I do think it’s a guy, but there is also the scenario where the roommate (she) (his cousin) climbs into his bed in the middle of the night (sneeky), he wakes up and pushes her out of bed (scorn womon), (nothing to due with incess).
and he knew she was a whore when he let her move in (no sex emotion’s)
He also changed the note to read find another roommate.
Apr 18, 2011 at 7:58 am rating: 10
#22
se
and to move away from the serious side, some snark.
when I was growing up, the saying was:
“incest is best when you put your cousin to the test”.
for the record, I never had cousins that I knew of.
Apr 18, 2011 at 8:16 am rating: 0
#23
madrugada
I had to try and decipher this one because it’s so bizarre. Sarah, I think you are on the right track that it is a male – I shall refer to him as “Writer” and the female recipient of the note as “Addressee”.
Here’s one interpretation:
Writer will be there at 7, to try to catch up with one of Addressee’s other roommates (maybe to pick up his stuff from inside the apartment and avoid seeing Addressee, that abnarmal sneek?) Is Writer giving Addressee a heads-up so that she will not be there at 7pm, because he doesn’t want to see her?
In the PS – Writer states that Addressee is not normal. She has no sex drive or interest in sex (at least not in having sex with Writer, hee hee), but Writer has known that all along.
Addressee is just a scorned woman (presumably because of Writer’s rejection of her?) and now she is being sneaky, perhaps pursuing Writer’s brother – or sister? Or trying to mess Writer up with someone else that we, the readers, don’t know about)?
Writer, stout fellow that he is, wants nothing to do with incest. Is Addressee now hitting on the writer’s brother – or sister? Or her own brother or sister? Who’s having incest with whom, here? Or does the writer not understand what incest means? Maybe he thinks that the same woman – looking at YOU here, Addressee – sleeping with 2 brothers is incestuous? Sorry, Writer, it’s more than a little tacky, if not just plain disgusting, but it’s not incest, unless she’s also related to the brothers, or they’re having a threesome.
But then Writer snaps that “blood’s thicker than water.” Is he letting Addressee know that his (Writer’s) brother won’t be banging Addressee any time soon, because Writer’s Brother is loyal to him, not Addressee, or so Writer assumes.
Innovation messagner – I have no flipping idea what the Writer is talking about here. That’s okay. I don’t think he does either. Immolation? Imitation? Incestification?
Apr 18, 2011 at 8:21 am rating: 12
#24
Splint Chesthair
Blood is thicker than water, but not semen.
Apr 18, 2011 at 9:17 am rating: 6
#25
Kara
All I know is that if I lived in that building I would NOT be present at 7pm.
Apr 18, 2011 at 9:19 am rating: 19
#26
Nope
Wow, this has to be one of the greatest epic fail notes of all time. WTF is going on here? And what does “Innovation Messagner” have to do with the rest of the note?
Apr 18, 2011 at 9:27 am rating: 2
#27
Canthz_B
She’s going to try yet another roommate?
District Attorneys really should be able to write better than this.
Apr 18, 2011 at 10:28 am rating: 4
#28
Eric
I love that this person somehow got “than” right amidst a note that resembled a 2nd grade english assignment.
Apr 18, 2011 at 10:44 am rating: 2
#29
The Elf
Is anyone truly narmal?
Apr 18, 2011 at 10:57 am rating: 7
#30
se
Isn’t that an “a” after the “g” in messagaer?
could the signature have meant “Innovation Massager” whatever the hell that may be..
Apr 18, 2011 at 11:10 am rating: 1
#31
KJS
Best. Postscript. Ever. Only in crazy land is the P.S. longer than the actual purpose of the note. This might be my favorite note of all time.
Apr 18, 2011 at 12:14 pm rating: 12
#32
Brianna
This sounds like one of those guys who posts for ‘female roommate needed! Only $150/month!’ in an attempt to get a girl into their house and then convince them that sex is their duty.
I came away with ‘I am putting up my ad again and trying for another girl. You won’t have sex with me, (which is strange as I tried holding you down, and cornering you, and watching TV naked while leering at you in a suggestive, lust-fueled manner and nothing worked!) therefore, you are obviously deficient, abnormal, and have no sex drive. I knew my roomate-for-sex scheme wouldn’t work, but you took advantage of my low low rent anyway and therefore are a sneaky bitch!
I’m also pissed you seem to like my employed, bathed brother more than I am, but he’ll dump you because we’re kin and that’s totally logical!
You told me to ‘go fuck myself’, but that sounds sort of incestuous, and I’m not down with that.
I’ll be here at 7. Please have dinner ready!
Apr 18, 2011 at 1:32 pm rating: 32
#33
Auto Title Loans
There are hardly words to describe how hard it is to try and read this note. One can hope it’s from someone not native of the English language, but I have a sneaky suspicion that’s not the case. After all, what is Incess?
Apr 18, 2011 at 1:43 pm rating: 0
#34
Elemarth
What is going on in this note? I can barely even come up with guesses. On top of all the weirdness, who would ever misspell “normal” as “narmal”?!
Apr 18, 2011 at 2:30 pm rating: 1
#35
KST
I did the whole Photoshop, flip image thing (just like on TV!) and it looks like it’s a first draft of the note we’re seeing. It doesn’t say “10:00pm,” I can only see “00″ which is probably the end of “7:00″. It does say “woman room mate.” That kind of makes the side that was posted even creepier.
And yes, I have too much time on my hands. I am recovering from surgery and am so bloody bored I’ve resorted to doing crap like this.
Apr 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm rating: 1
#36
Susannie
the “not normal” Incest part might imply children… A truly disturbing letter
Apr 18, 2011 at 2:44 pm rating: 1
#37
Blork
And yet, somehow, the author used “than” correctly.
Apr 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm rating: 2
#38
Managed Hosting
A good question, though, is why this was on the outside and not inside where it would be more private?
Apr 18, 2011 at 5:48 pm rating: 2
#39
kacky
It looks like a southern accent, written phonetically. That leads me to believe it’s someone who had to leave school early because of un-addressed problems with dyslexia. I feel kind of sorry for them.
Apr 18, 2011 at 7:00 pm rating: 7
#40
Jiu Jitsu Los Angeles
This could be the best passive aggressive note of all time. The spelling, the context and placement just screams of it. But if this is supposed to be a roommate, then why the attack on the sex life?
Apr 18, 2011 at 7:05 pm rating: 1
#41
oi
Huh?!
Apr 19, 2011 at 12:06 am rating: 2
#42
Ali
Not surprised at all that this is from Jacksonville. Half, if not more, of the population writes/acts like this.
Apr 19, 2011 at 12:54 am rating: 1
#43
ScornWoman
“innovative message” forever defined as: yellow lined paper held to a door by a nail
Apr 19, 2011 at 1:15 am rating: 3
#44
Mick-Micki
My take on this is…
Basically, this is his ex-girlfriend. She called it off with him. He wants to pick up the things that he left at the apartment (toothbrush, underpants, t-shirts, bong). But the roommates are ignoring his knocks at the door. He is not getting in that door. No way Jose!
He new that she was devoid of sex emotions. But he pressed the relationship. He could teach her to love. But he soon learned that she wanted sex…No intimacy. No kisses and hugs. No post-coital spooning. She has no sex emotions and definitely not loyal. She goes out with other guys. She flirts with his friends.
From this, he surmised that she may be a little bit of a sociopath, but he new this going in. But he was intent on teaching her to love.
The nail in the door *looking around* was the day he introduced her to his hot brother. His brother began receiving interesting phone calls from the girlfriend. Eventually, the girl tried to scam with his brother.
His brother told him about the girl’s scamming. Blood’s thicker than water. Our dear writer, the genius, thought, “How dare his girlfriend (who is not related to him) attempt to have an inccessuous relationship with his brother? He could put up with the lack of intimacy, but he could not put up with incess.’
He is a moral, upstanding young man. He wants no part of incess, but give the state of today’s youth, he probably partakes in some degree of excess.
Apr 19, 2011 at 6:43 am rating: 13
#45
AngelDuzt
Be back around 7 pm, going to try another English teacher. The previous one obviously didn’t succeed at teaching me grammar and spelling.
I’m hoping his next college room mate isn’t as illiterate.
Apr 20, 2011 at 8:45 pm rating: 3
#46
Kiki
Shoot. I live in Jacksonville.
I’m now debating moving.
Apr 21, 2011 at 6:04 pm rating: 2
#47
Tatterdemalion
My guess on the background story: This is totally one of those guys who posts “female roommate” ads. In his head, people agree to a relationship with him by moving in.
The roommate in question completely lacked “sex emotions” towards him.
The “incess” remark is one of two things:
a) She’s dating someone else, possibly her cousin. It’s not that odd for people to date their cousins – the extent of taboo on that varies from place to place. (Frankly it could just as easily be that she’s dating someone who this guy has decided is her cousin. He seems to have a little trouble with his hold on reality.)
b) He’s related to her (not a brother or he wouldn’t think of her as “roommate”, again maybe a cousin or something) and has decided in his deep frustration that incest is sour grapes.
Apr 21, 2011 at 8:58 pm rating: 3
#48
humberthumbert
TEAM INCESS
Apr 22, 2011 at 7:22 pm rating: 2
#49
Lily
I would LOVE to see a graphologist’s analysis of this handwriting. Not that it would tell us anything that we don’t know, but it would still be interesting nonetheless!
Apr 28, 2011 at 12:01 am rating: 2
#50
katscratch
My vote goes for all-out, poo-flinging crazy.
This is a splendid example of why Fark has a ‘Florida’ tag -the state seems to draw (or breed) people who aren’t within a loooong stone’s throw of normal, doesn’t it?
(Good luck to the F State residents who *aren’t* in that category. I imagine you’ll be supplying PAN submissions about your neighbors for a long time to come….)
May 3, 2011 at 11:14 pm rating: 4
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