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When Stage Moms Attack!

April 20th, 2011 · 93 comments

“This is part of an exchange that took place between parents of kids involved in a summer theater program,” our submitter explains. “My 10-year-old daughter was also part of the summer production, and I shared the e-mails with her as a shining example of what the term ‘passive-aggressive’ means.”

(Just click on the images to enlarge, or mouse over to read the transcriptions.)

I apologize if I am ruining the performance because my daughter, [redacted], will not be able to make the Saturday FROG performance time. All of the children have rehearsed together for six weeks, and it is going to throw the whole performance because she is going to be in her aunt's wedding instead (which, by the way, we found out about after signing up for camp). Apparantly [sic],

From day one of camp I have heard nothing but bad reports regarding your daughters behavior. She is disrespectful to the staff and other camp participants. I don't believe the expectations of the camp are unreasonable as it is a group effort and children need to lean [sic] accountability and commitment regardless of age. I understand that a wedding is also important and I am not sure how I would handle the situation. I am certainly not defending any behaviors of the camp staff or how they might have handled your particular situation. The bigger impact on "the whole performance" has been her behavior and not the fact that she cannot attend on Saturday. I am disappointed that you would use the entire email list to air your laundry. This is something that should have been handled directly with [redacted] and your behavior is disrespectful to the kids, parents, and staff.

Thank you for your response. I apologize that your misinterpreted my message and that it apparently offended you, but my email was a sincere apology to the parents. I know there are some children [redacted] has made friends with, and m email was a very brief explanation of why she would not be in camp/the performance so they could convey this to their children if questions arose. I felt it necessary that if parents wanted to prepare their children for the change they would encounter in camp/the performance they could do so. I know some children do not do well with change, and informing them that is coming is a huge benefit.   Had I wanted to "air my laundry" in the email I would have written in detail what I think of how the situation was handled, my opinion on the people involved, etc... I in no way disrespected anyone in my explanation -- it as merely that.  On another note, it is not good form to criticize a child's behavior as having an "impact on the whole performance" she will no longer be in. My daughter is a good child, and I find it sad that you feel otherwise. I find it alarming that I was never notified of such disrespectfulness. If there had been a problem with her behavior it should have been brought up with her father or I.   In any case, I hope you enjoy the performance and your child does wonderfully.

related: No money, no trophy

FILED UNDER: farewell letter · Moms & Dads · non-apology apology · that's disrespectful · TL;DR

93 responses so far ↓

  • #1   shwo! bang

    The passive aggressiveness must go on!

    Apr 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TickleMyBambo

      Both these moms need to be on: “The Real Drama Wives of FROG County” .

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:52 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #2   RogueC

    The is Textbook passive-aggression and AL is right to call SM out on it although accusations about SM’s daughter in public do not help her case.

    That SM replies with further passive-aggression speaks to the fact that she must be well-practiced at it.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

  • #3   Karate Los Angeles

    It almost sounds like the middle e-mail was written by someone’s teenage daughter. I’ll give the initial writer of the e-mail some credit in that she turned her passive-aggressive frustration into humor and the nice sentence at the end as the ultimate revenge. How are kids supposed to learn from their parents with examples of behavior like this?

    Apr 20, 2011 at 6:17 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #4   aaa bang

    “I was never notified” = “I ignored the notes sent home with my daughter because I cannot except that my crotchfruit is anything less than perfect and exceptional.”

    Apr 20, 2011 at 6:23 pm   rating: 142  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   KnitWit

      Acceptional, you mean.

      Apr 20, 2011 at 8:43 pm   rating: 104  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   The voice of... James Mason bang

      Oh my god, crotchfruit… You just made my day (and scared my roommates by proxy with my hysterical snorting laughter)!!!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   The Elf

      I haven’t got fruit in my crotch. Lice, yes, and proud of ‘em!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   TickleMyBambo

      By far beats baby Tater Tots coming out of an Onion Ring.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   Anonymous

    You left the organization (theatre) name in there…you could take that out…

    Apr 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   ella

    You should really black out the name of the organization in the second email, shouldn’t you?

    Apr 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Anonymous

      It’s in both the second and third email. They’re a great theatre, let’s not link them to this drama!

      Apr 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Jimmy James

      I imagine any great theater would have enough drama already.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:49 am   rating: 52  small thumbs up

  • #7   mahna mahna

    yeah, you should definitely black out the theatre’s name. this is already passing around youth theatre people on facebook like crazy

    Apr 20, 2011 at 6:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #8   J

    I honestly didn’t find the the emails to be passive-aggressive at all, and her reasons for sending it seem reasonable.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Alex

      Seriously? The original email writer is blatantly manipulative, disingenuous and passive aggressive. Worse, her second email is filled with “therapy talk” that she’s clearly practiced to make sure she never has to take responsibility for herself–using language to paint herself as “superior” and a victim, even when she’s behaved badly. Try reading it again.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 9:46 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   clever name

      Eh, some people read everything thinking the note writer is an asshole. I have read many notes from people that are truly nice. But add a sarcastic voice to it and, there you go. Passive aggressive. Whatever…

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:46 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   mycaricature

      I’m with you, J.

      Apr 29, 2011 at 12:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   Nack

    As a parent, it’s wonderful to deal with group things. PTAs, Teachers, Boy/Girl Scouts …all that fun… This is pretty common in any of those group activities, on all counts. And this is pretty gentle, really!

    Mom’s first note is reacting to the cut as those groups teach you to, which I like to call “Nice and Slam”. Teachers do this all the time. They’re literally trained to say, “Your child is a doing well in my class, However, …[insert bad thing they did].” It is kind of easy to miss it if it’s framed in the right way and you’re not quite paying enough attention. So Mom’s just following their template in response to her disappointment in the issue. And she probably -was- trying to “inform” and “explain” for the other kids. That’s the sad part. Not that any of the kids should know anything about any of that. “Vicki is proud to be participating in her Aunt Suzan’s wedding, so while’s she’s sad she can’t help, she wishes you all good luck out there guys!” Would’ve been just as acceptable, without the drama.

    It’s also disappointing that ONE missed performance due to another commitment would count a kid out from every other one. Especially for something with weight like a wedding/funeral, etc. Things that can often come up unplanned, but are very important to a family. The kid obviously doesn’t decide what they get to do in those situations, I hope the parent gets their kid to understand the wedding was way more important than the performance anyhow.

    As to responder to Disappointed Mom, what the hell ever. You didn’t have the balls to tell her from “Day One” her kid was a snot, you’re using the internet to say so now, after? Yeah, I’m sure your opinion has value.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 8:20 pm   rating: 108  small thumbs up

  • #10   Laura

    The first email oozes with passive aggression, but it’s actually possible that the woman didn’t meant to be so PA and sincerely meant everything she said. It’s hard to tell how your words can be interpreted over the internet.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #11   Mrs.Beasley bang

    I’m totally fine with the original message, written by a clearly furious mother who feels her child was wronged and is doing her best to control her anger while she presents her side of the story to her peers who will be affected.

    But I also think that AL’s response to Mad Mom was inappropriate and nasty. Turning it into a personal attack on a kid for unspecified “bad reports” is very uncool. Extra points to Mad Mom for her restraint in defending herself in the third note.

    But I do have to wonder about the timing of when Mad Mom notified the camp staff that her kid would have to miss one performance. She says the kid signed up for camp prior to being chosen for the wedding, but she also says the kids have been rehearsing together for 6 weeks.

    So unless the aunt’s wedding is literally a spur-of-the-moment affair, it does seem like there should have been adequate time between when the wedding invitation was extended, and throughout a month and a half of rehearsing, to make arrangements with the camp for an understudy for one performance.

    If Mad Mom waited until the last minute to tell the camp staff, I could better understand their rather severe stand of banning the kid from all performances.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 10:00 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   The Elf

      The thing is, the peers really don’t need to know. Unless there is a child the kid is really close to, the entire class doesn’t need to know why one kid is dropping out. This whole thing could have been handled between the kid’s family and the camp management.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:18 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Mrs.Beasley bang

      The mother’s “peers” I referred to are the other mothers, not the kids. The kids will only hear about this email if their mothers share the email with them.

      As for handling this matter “between the kid’s family and camp management,” it seems apparent that this was tried and was not successful. As in, your kid is hereby barred from all performances because she can’t be present at one.

      This mother believes her kid was wronged by hard-nosed camp management and she’s letting the other mothers know that, maybe because forewarned is forearmed in the event any of them are entertaining any exceptions being made for their own kids by these camp directors. I think this kind of personal experience sharing is fairly commonplace in Mom World.

      The PA spin emphasizes the extent of her indignity. She feels the camp was unreasonable but they hold all the cards. So she hit back the only way she could, by giving what amounts to a bad review of the camp to other participants.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 3:01 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   The Elf

      Whether “peers” are the kids or the adults, none of them need to know. A private message to a couple of people that the daughter (or mother) were close to would be fine, but a mass email? Uncalled for. Settle it privately.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 10:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Aunt Edna, calling from Lawrence Welk Village

      Kudos to you Mrs.Beasley. Very nice analysis. And quite even handed.

      As for “settling it privately”, Elf, that’s how rumors get started in these kinds of groups.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 12:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Thank you, Aunt Edna, for your kind remarks. You are clearly a woman of class and good taste.

      How about we meet for Bridge at the Village next week? First round of champagne is on me!

      Apr 22, 2011 at 3:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   Jimmy

      I’m not trying to be mean, but it is obvious that none of you have ever worked in theatre. Replacing one child for one night means rehearsing two actors in the same role (or reblocking an entire show), which is almost never done. Across the board, any theatre that has a limited run show is going to demand that an actor be at every performance, especially if (as they usually are for childrens’ shows) there are a small number of performances. I’m not saying either mother handled this well, but it is not an extraordinary decision that the theatre made to not allow the child to go forward with the show.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Guilty as charged, Jimmy – I have no theatre experience past high school musicals.

      Your explanation of how these ensembles operate does leave me wondering what Plan B is should one of the actors be literally unable to attend a performance. Unforeseen things do, after all, happen.

      Especially with kids, who are notorious for being sidelined with viral and other childhood maladies, it seems short-sighted not to have rehearsed an understudy for each of the principal roles.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   The Elf

      Oh, yeah, rumors. That’s the end of the world right there.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 9:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.9   Jimmy

      Honestly (as someone who’s directed these things more times than he’d like to count), if a kid gets sick- you’re screwed. Usually a director or someone who is not in the show goes on, script in hand.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 10:59 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #11.10   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Oh gad! A director or substitute with script in hand? No costume? That seems so… spontaneous? I give you credit for nerves of steel for your experience.

      [Trying now to visualize a last minute substitute, standing alone in the spotlight, score in sweating hand, belting out, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya' tomorrow..."]

      Hmmm. This is going to take a whole lot of willing suspension of disbelief!

      Apr 22, 2011 at 11:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   Jen

    “brought up to her father or I”


    Apr 20, 2011 at 10:03 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   eliz

      Makes me want to gouge my I’s out… ;)

      That ranks very high on the list of GOD AWFUL grammar mistakes, just below its / it’s and various other apostrophe offenses.

      Apr 20, 2011 at 11:10 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Jimmy James

      Perhaps she’s a Rastafarian? Sort of an ‘I and I been in Babylon too long’ kind of thing.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:52 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Rattus

      I don’t know if you, like I, have the shameful secret of being a reality television watcher, but “Joe Blow and I” appears to be now the de rigueur phraseology amongst the ignorant set. I think that they’ve been inundated with “no, no, no, it’s Joe Blow and I” where they have erroneously been using “Joe Blow and me” for so long that they think that “Joe Blow and I” must be used always. Idiots.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:07 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   Aunt Edna, calling from Lawrence Welk Village

      This is an obscure point of grammar for most people. IMO you’re all being “grammar snobs”. Lighten up a little. At least the post was not RAMPENT with really stupid grammar/spelling mistakes.

      TickleMyBambo could REALLY use your help!

      Apr 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #13   Nikki

    I found nothing wrong with the first email, and the second woman (who probably submitted it here) is in the wrong for calling the first woman’s little girl a brat, especially in a group email. What a bitch.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 10:54 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      That would entirely depend on the behavior in question and if the behavior problems were brought to the parent’s attention before the email chain. I bet she’s severely understating the “disrespect”.

      But slamming the Stage Mom for using the whole email list to air dirty laundry while using the whole email list to air dirty laundry? Classic!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 6:36 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Rattus

      I don’t know. Bearing in mind mom’s appalling manners, I’d be willing to wager that the spawn is a bit of an entitled horror-show herself.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:10 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   GrotesqueArabesque

      “I have heard nothing but bad reports about your daughter’s behavior” is mommy-speak for “My child doesn’t like yours.” If, in fact, there was anyone but AL’s daughter issuing said reports, AL would have said something to the effect of “Several parents…” But there wasn’t, so she can’t, so she’s trying to insinuate it by being vague. Bad form, AL.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 2:16 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #14   Harmy G

    I personally don’t think any of the notes pass muster.

    Apr 20, 2011 at 11:04 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #15   Nunavut Guy

    Wonder if they fight over soccer in the summer?

    Apr 21, 2011 at 12:03 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #16   Bcteagirl

    Really? You seriously can’t read the seething sarcasm in the first note. ‘Apparently..’ I don’t think any of the kids will be thrown off because princess is not there to supervise. Frankly it sounds like they will be relieved. And it is fairly obvious that mom #1 is trying to drum up sympathy in a note thinly disguised as an apology. I

    She tried to disguise the note better, but grew tired of the project….

    Apr 21, 2011 at 12:06 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #17   Janellionaire

    Ah, the old “I’m sorry you misunderstood me, but I’m not really apologizing” bait and switch. Even if I thought this lady was in the right, I would still be Team Anyone But Her because of her over-the-top PA-ness and her horrible, horrible grammar. I’m not Team Other Heinous Bitch either though. I think I will be Team Funnel Cakes today, in honor of the fair that is happening in my town. Hooray for funnel cakes! Sometimes aggressive, but never passive!

    Apr 21, 2011 at 12:37 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   clumber

      Finally a Team I can completely get behind… and then devour.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 2:15 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   The Elf

      Damn it, now I want a funnel cake. With powdered sugar.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   *snerk*

      I’m going to disagree and go with Team Elephant Ears. Or perhaps Team Corn Dogs would be more appropriate.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   TKD

      I prefer Team Fried Cheese-on-a-Stick.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 9:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   Allie

      Team deep fried mars bars

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.6   The Elf

      That’s it. I’m leaving work and going to the fair.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:41 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.7   Rattus

      I’m joining Team Corndogs. Why can’t they make a decent home corndog? Why must I wait for the damn Ex every year? I wants a corndog NOW dammit!!

      Oh, yeah, now I see what’s meant about carny food being aggressive.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.8   TickleMyBambo

      Team Nobody!!!

      I find both letters to be reeking of passive aggression and downright pretentiousness. If Letter #1 daughter missing the production and it’s such a big deal that she won’t be able to be in any of the others.. Instead of sending a mass email to all the other parents “apologizing” for something that probably wouldn’t of halted the play anyways, Latter #1 should of went to the people who are in charge of the production, as well as the camp staff, directly and had a meeting with them to address her outrage. Would of saved her having to drag everyone down with her sappy PA bullshit because she could have tried harder to ensure that her daughter stays in camp for future projects by fighting for her child’s right to be in the project but instead she chose to be a whiny twat. You can’t have your slice of wedding cake and eat it too.

      Letter #2 (and possibly her child) obviously has a an ax to grind with Letter #1 and her daughter because Letter #2 thought she was so clever as to try to throw out these “bad reports” about Letter #1′s daughter being a brat as a passive aggressive ploy to not only make Letter #1 look like a complete careless bitch who “airs laundry”, but to also get her personal jabs in there without herself looking like a bitch. Unless she had proof to back up these reports; like if Letter #1′s daughter is showing bad behavior then Letter #2 and the camp staff should have pulled Letter #1 aside for a small meeting about her daughters behavior. But since there is no proof of this, Letter #2 shouldn’t have gone so low as to insult Letter #1′s daughter as a way to get at Letter #1.

      Both these moms need to get over themselves and keep their feud between the two of them. Either way, one child missing a day isn’t going to harm anything.. Kids in theater camp are trained to improvise if a member of a few members are unable to make a production.

      Team Snowcone!!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:46 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.9   eliz

      Back to the food discussion, dammit.

      Team “Anything fried on a stick!”

      While waiting in line for chicken on a stick, I overheard someone say, “Every food’s better when it’s on a stick.” I agree. I guess even those weird fried insects on sticks served in Thailand might be good.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 12:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.10   clo

      fried butter anyone?
      never tried it, but sounded like a good place to get a review ;)

      Apr 25, 2011 at 4:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #18   Ramantastic

    The first email alone isn’t all that bad in my opinion. I’d be pretty upset if my kid was banned from all performances because they have to miss one for a justifiable reason; I mean, what if she just had a little bit part? I would be even more pissed if this is one of those companies that you have to pay to have your kid participate in (the name had been blacked out before I read it). However, I’d be sending my snarky email to someone in the company, not all the parents.

    Mom #2 is just plain rude. It’s just really tacky to start calling a kid a nuisance in a group email. If there was any truth to that at least email the other parents separately, or – and this is a crazy thought – leave that to the STAFF who are probably the only ones qualified to make observations about said kids behavior through the day.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 2:38 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Rhoddy

      But to many people, sending a group email of that sort is really tacky in the first place and it’s eminently plausible that Mum 2 just declared open season on the bucket of wank that Mum 1 came out with. It just sounds like a thinly-veiled insinuation that all of the other children will be RUINED without Pwecious Snowflake’s enlightening presence, a situation itself born of Mum 1′s desire to have her cake and eat it too.

      Apr 25, 2011 at 7:20 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #19   GeekRyuu

    Honestly, I think they’re both coming off as prize jerks.

    SM is implying that her little precious is apparently so wonderful and integral that to not have her there will throw the entire production into chaos because we’ve apparently never heard of the concept of understudies.

    On the other hand, AL seriously didn’t need to publically rant about how this child is the Spawn of Satan and will cause the death of American Theatre as We Know It.

    Not really the best way to get people on your side there, hon.

    Personally, I’m just hoping to god that neither of thier children takes after them.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 4:08 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #20   mugabo

    Who is this aunt that announces marriage a few weeks in advance? Please send me her number; she seems easy and I don’t care if she is on her seventh wedding (I only need her for the weekend).

    Psst, letter-writer, your sister is a total slutbag whore.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 4:54 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Synnove

      Was this supposed to be a joke? I don’t get it. It just seems like misogyny.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:31 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   se

      I like Miss Ogyny. she’s got a great butt.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   chesire cat

      Sounds like my SIL! LOL! She married an illegal immigrant after knowing him 3 weeks. She lied and claimed to marry him after 8 weeks instead because I guess she thought it sounded better. Yeah they both sound like you are an idiot and are jumping into a marriage. He turned out to be a scumbag, big shock, but she sucks too so I guess that works out okay. None of us were impressed with her quick marriage or the fact that she lied about being married for several weeks.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 1:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   GrotesqueArabesque

      Or… it could be that aunt and/or her husband are in the military and one or both of them got orders to ship out and they wanted to get married before that happened.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 2:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.5   chesire cat

      Nope that was NOT the reason.

      Apr 25, 2011 at 10:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   Jimbo

    Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!

    Apr 21, 2011 at 4:57 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

  • #22   Jenn

    Sounds to me like the wedding wasn’t a HUGE deal, but once she told the counselors that her daughter was going to miss, they were all “I don’t think so.” After that, she got offended and had to draw blood.

    Who knows? Maybe her daughter is being a brat because she doesn’t even want to be in the theatre.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 5:28 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   The Elf

      I’ll go with a variation of that. I don’t think the wedding was a big deal until the daughter’s behavior was a big deal. Now, suddenly, she has to go to this wedding and oh isn’t it a shame she won’t be able to do this play. Then she spins it all into their fault.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 6:42 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Who passed out the Haterade?

      I’m Team The Elf on this one.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 4:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   Pairodimes

    “SM is implying that her little precious is apparently so wonderful and integral that to not have her there will throw the entire production into chaos because we’ve apparently never heard of the concept of understudies.”

    I think you’re reading the first one wrong. I don’t think she’s implying that her little precious is so wonderful and integral that to not have her there will throw the entire production into chaos. In fact, I think she’s mad because the production company has suggested that very same thing and she disagrees, so she’s being a bit sarcastic there with the overly dramatic apologizing.
    I think first note mom, while being quite PA, is mad because these are kids at camp and not professional actors, yet if her daughter misses one performance, she’s been told it will result in so much chaos that the director would prefer to just remove the kid from all performances instead. That does sound ridiculous and it would make me pretty mad as well.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 6:41 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #24   Jenny

    I find it hilarious (and sad) that when people get on their high horses, they try to use proper grammar…..and fail horribly. Trying to look smart brings out the dumb. Both writers seem snooty.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 7:01 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   shwo! bang

      Well, I find it hilarious (and sad) that when people get on their high horses, the horses just giggle a lot and wander around looking for snacks.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:17 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   Janellionaire

      Great. Now I have to clean chewed Cheeto bits off the monitor I just sprayed them all over.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #25   MD bang

    There are many times in our lives when we get smacked in the face with something that seems so unreasonable, so unfair, so WTAF, that–if we can manage a response–it is forced icy politeness. And that usually come off as PA, and even worse, keeps the horror rolling.

    Mom, after who knows how much sobbing, is trying to say what her daughter certainly said, ie. ‘This isn’t fair.’

    A good parent, mentor, etc. will teach kids compassion, sharing, cooperation, fairness, honesty, responsibility, and all that ‘try to be a good person’ stuff.

    But, of course, nearly simultaneously, they learn the world doesn’t work like that. Life isn’t fair.

    I’m so Team Daughter here. No kid WANTS to be at a wedding. Hell, most of the adults don’t either. But, she surely wasn’t given a choice, and she’s stuck by family responsibility.

    And when she’s hurting for missing one show, they take them all away, to punish her for being irresponsible.

    FFS, she probably is looking for a brick wall to smash her head into, because the adults are being so stupid and mean. THEY aren’t following the rules they expect her to.

    Oh, and bitch-mom who decides to slam out the diva card? You so know that is a bitter lie, and a low disgusting one. Regardless, you don’t call out kids like that. Period. Not even if you were auditioning for Head Bitch on Dynasty.

    So what did Dear Daughter get out of this? Doing the right thing will get you punished. And humiliated. More, because of the number that declares your age, you’re not even allowed to say ‘This is wrong.’

    TL;DR It’s the adults that deserve public shaming. Get on that, internet. If you really focus, you can have bitch-mom and the theatre company issuing public grovelling–I mean insincere apologies–by lunch.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 7:42 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   oi

      Yay! first mom made appearance! Come on second mom it’s your turn now.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #26   Alex

    I’m so confused by the people commenting who don’t realize how PA the first email is.

    There was NO REASON for that email to be sent. She’s whining and manipulating and airing her grievances against the theater company via a sarcastic bitch fest to the ENTIRE email list. And then her “apology” is complete BS, trying to paint herself as super polite and super above criticism, when if you look a little closer, she’s just being condescending and fake.

    Honestly, these kind of people make life shitty for a LOT of folks, and it’s actually worrisome that her tactics aren’t clear to EVERYONE here. : /

    Apr 21, 2011 at 9:54 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Allie

      Yep, they believe politicians too

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   Bcteagirl

      Thank you! It is really a ‘I am sorry the theatre company is being an *sshole and ruining the play for *everyone* by removing my precious daughter.

      I know I recieved an info pack in the first place with regulations, but frankly I didn’t read them. Can’t you see that my precious daughter is *the exception to the rule* (here and everywhere else). This isn’t faiiiiiiir.

      Ps- This is an apology letter, not emo whining.”

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:02 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   Bcteagirl

      Ps- I am betting this particular mother has pulled this particular brand of cr*p so many times that someone just snapped.

      I can’t really blame them. Needing exceptions for her exceptional child 20 (30?) times in a row and b*tching publicly until she gets it would make anyone snap eventually.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:07 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #26.4   Mark bang

      Yay, apparently the spam filter even catches the mangled way I typed the dreaded “s” word. (this message makes no sense right now, but once the one before is de-moderated, it will).

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.5   chesire cat

      Hey I feel like if someone feels wronged they can air their grieveances to everyone involved to make the company look bad. The parents might need to know this so next year if they planned on signing their kid up again but would have to miss a performance this would be good info that it won’t be allowed.

      If the company does not want to be badmouthed, don’t act bad.

      I don’t think the first mom is 100% in the right, but I find 2nd mom way more mean and awful. Plus maybe 1st mom really was just letting the parents know why her daughter will be missing so if the kids do ask, they can tell them why. Better to know the real reason than worry that something bad happened to her or something.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 1:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #26.6   Who passed out the Haterade?

      I’m so confused by the people commenting who don’t realize how PA the first email is. There was NO REASON for that email to be sent.

      ^ This.

      My money’s on it being related to mahna^2′s comment early in the thread: “this is already passing around youth theatre people on facebook like crazy”. It got back to Mom #1, and she got her friends to come defend her.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 4:41 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #26.7   Fredella

      Hey I feel like if someone feels wronged they can air their grieveances to everyone involved to make the company look bad. The parents might need to know this so next year if they planned on signing their kid up again but would have to miss a performance this would be good info that it won’t be allowed.

      If someone feels wronged and wants to air their grievances against the theatre company they should be honest about it, not pretend they just want to apologize for their daughter missing the performances but “apologize” in a way that makes it clear that they’re actually completely blameless because it’s all the mean theatre company’s fault.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 5:31 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #27   chesire cat

    Wanted to add that I do agree however that if the rules stated that you MUST attend all performances from the get go, then I have no sympathy for them. I would feel sorry for the daughter if she would rather do the play but her mom is making her do the wedding and that her aunt can’t handle planning things ahead. No sympathy for the mom though. If the rule about not missing performances was not made known though from the get go, then I side with the mom.

    I do hate people who don’t show up for performances. No doubt. I was a dancer and had issues with people missing performances and practices when I never missed. I wish they would have been held accountable. They never were and it pissed me off since I ALWAYS showed.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #28   oi

    Pretty good compittion must say. I award both moms PAbitchqueen award. The first mom gets more points in being PA part but second mom makes up for it in being a bitch department. So yeah tie.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 1:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #29   GhostWriter bang

    Mother SM is an amateur. The way you do it is to keep your damn mouth shut about the wedding until the very day of the wedding, when your daughter blows off her FROG show. You send out your note filled with fake comcern for future performances afterwards.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 3:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #30   Marianne

    Besides that mom’s atrocious spelling, I don’t think she was in the wrong. She simply just wanted to apologize to other parents if taking her daughter out effects the whole play.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 3:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   easily distracted

    Unless the wedding’s in town it seems unlikely they’re doing without their Frog for just one performance. The wedding party usually attends a rehearsal dinner the night before, then the wedding. If they’re out of town I doubt the parents are going to jump out of bed at the crack of dawn to get home in time for the curtains to go up. That’s two or three performances. And how many total shows are they giving? A group of 10-year-olds probably isn’t giving six shows a week for a month.
    AL shouldn’t have sent the email to everyone, either so I’m on Team Nobody.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #32   DensityDuck

    @#30 GhostWriter: Bingo. Like the man said, it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Ang

    Pretty obvious that the original writer, the self-entitled PA mom got her friends to come on here and swamp this. I am completely with the second mom. I doubt the camp would kick her out unless she was another self entitled kid following her mom’s examples. Kudos to mom 2.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 6:17 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Bcteagirl

      I can’t thumbs up this enough.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #33.2   JT

      Riiiiiiiiight. I guess you’re friends with 2nd mom then????

      All 3 emails are bad. But I feel like 1st mom is just the typical entitled attitude people have now. 2nd mom calls out the behavior of a CHILD and then chastizes 1st mom for airing dirty laundry in public while airing dirty laundry in public. Hmmmmm.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:14 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #34   Tatterdemalion

    I have an unusual perspective on this one: I have a mild autism spectrum disorder, and when I was a kid, I was *exactly* the kind of kid who would get kicked out of some social activity by parents who didn’t like my poor social skills (and they usually made some excuse very much along the lines of “well, if she can’t (x) she can’t come along on the trip!” since it wasn’t considered appropriate to say “your daughter is as socially pleasant as a talking dictionary”) and my mother would write *exactly* this kind of snotty note about it. Usually, granted, in defense; we got some pretty ridiculous notes home and my mother got accused of all kinds of ridiculous things.

    My mother’s righteous crusade against people who bullied me and sought to exclude me did not do anything for my social skills. Then again, neither did the people who bullied me and sought to exclude me. Mainly, my social skills improved somewhat when I reached adulthood and acquiring a sex drive, and I don’t think anything could have done it before that.

    For all that my mother’s actions probably made her a giant pain in the tuchis for everyone else, her fierce defenses did mean that I grew up with far greater self-esteem than many people I know who had similar childhood social difficulties. Even when the reality of my social standing came crashing down on me, I didn’t contemplate suicide and I didn’t give up until things got better.

    My mom is still out there being a giant pain in the tuchis to anyone who gets in her way whatsoever, and it’s often overboard from my point of view. But it protected eight-year-old me from the alternatives, so I can’t help but be sympathetic.

    “I apologize that you misinterpreted my message” is effing classic, though. :D

    Apr 21, 2011 at 8:48 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #35   Nik

    as someone who helps out with the younger childrens’ production of the theater company I preform at, I am actually on 2nd emailers side. Usually in the production for the teen age group, leads are doubled if a person is casted as a main character, no other exceptions. Thats probably where mother 1 is getting the idea that her child shouldn’t be kicked out. This mother probably already had the delusion that her daughter should be a lead (even if she hasn’t been casted as such) so this allowance should be made for her child and no one else’s in the kids preformance. These kids grow up to be the bitchy people who no one likes in the teen productions, so i kinda think mom 2 was justified.
    team funnel cakes!!

    Apr 21, 2011 at 9:03 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #36   Dorothy

    If mom was smart she’d have just called the day of the performance and said, “JaneySue just barfed all over creation. Do you still think she should come to the performance? No? OK, well she’ll be well for the next one, probably just that left-over sushi.” Problem solved.

    Apr 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up


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