All together now: please don’ climb da tree!

April 21st, 2011 · 88 comments

Our submitter’s friend in Columbia, Missouri found this on the ground beneath a tree yesterday, “and she couldn’t just leave it there. It really was the perfect tree for climbing.”

(And the accompanying note really does have the perfect rhythm for a call-a-response revival stomp, no? I’d love to see what the Gregory Brothers could do with this…)

Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even if you climbed on it last year Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though it is a great tree for climbing Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though it is ok with your parents Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though you are good at climbing Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though no one may be watching Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Thank You for Not Climbing on the Tree!

UPDATE: The Sneaky Mister has made my year!

related: Grow some thicker bark, why donttcha?

FILED UNDER: Columbia · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · gloriously redundant · Missouri · most popular notes of 2011


88 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Blah

    First :)

    Apr 21, 2011 at 9:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   ruth

      put a bird on it

      Apr 21, 2011 at 9:52 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   TickleMyBambo

      Even if you’re a bird
      - Please Do Not Do Bird like things on the Tree

      Team Birds!! For fighting against this oppression!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Blah

    Double post FTW!

    Apr 21, 2011 at 9:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Nunavut Guy

      Wow,this comment had almost as much thought put into it as your first one…………..dumb ass.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:35 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   quapaw

    Put a Snake on it

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   shwo! bang

    Notes get torn away and lost so easily. If you want this to be more permanent, carve it into the tree.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:14 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Jordie

      Please Do Not Carve in the Tree

      Even if you carved in it last year
      – Please Do Not Carve in the Tree

      Even though it is a great tree for carving
      – Please Do Not Carve in the Tree

      Even though your girlfriend may be watching
      – Please Do Not Carve in the Tree

      Even though you are allowed to carve things at home
      – Please Do Not Carve in the Tree

      Even though you’re a grumpy old fusspants with acute paranoia
      – Please Do Not Carve in the Tree

      Thank You for Not Carving in the Tree!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:49 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   TickleMyBambo

      Even if you’re a Hippie
      - Please Do Not Hug the Tree!

      Even if you’re looking for a spot to piss
      - Please Do Not Piss on the Tree

      Even if you’re a hunter setting up a Tree Post
      - Please Do Not Hunt on the Tree

      Even if you’re two lovebirds
      -Please Do Not K-I-S-S- On the Tree

      Thank You for not doing any of the listed things on the tree!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   QBALL

    umm isn’t that what GOD made trees for? Seriously is the tree made of some OMG this is the last tree on earth or is it simply some crotchety old geezer pissed because kids are peeking in on the mid-afternoon sex romp in the attic

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Chad

      @QBALL: the term you’re looking for is “afternoon delight”.

      And remember: God made trees, but we made God.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:58 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   The Elf

      Well, if it’s the crotchety old geezer’s property, then he’s got a point. His tree, his rules. Expressed in a silly note, but still a point.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:59 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Dalamara

      Nowadays though in our sue-happy society, I can just imagine a kid climbing this person’s tree, falling out, getting hurt, and the child’s parents suing the owner.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:00 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Jordie

    It really makes you wonder what the circumstances surrounding it are, doesn’t it? …Maybe the tree wrote it.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:20 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   careerwaitress

    “blah” should go climb a tree.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:23 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   purslane

    This note wasn’t that bad. It’s sad, but these days, if you don’t leave a note like this and Little Precious gets a boo boo falling out of the tree, guess who the parents are going to sue? They certainly aren’t going to take responsibility for watching their own kids, so it must be the tree owner’s fault for having such a dangerous, tempting item in their yard.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:43 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   thrall

      The legal term is “attractive nuisance.” Isn’t that a wee bit perverse?

      Apr 21, 2011 at 5:21 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Katherine

    Polly Wolly Doodle.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   AuntyBron

      All the day.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   *snerk*

      Fare thee well.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Qchan

      Fare-thee well.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 10:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   quat

      Fare-thee well my Tina Fey!

      Apr 22, 2011 at 1:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Julie Xu

    Even if you are climbing on the tree
    – Please Do Not Climb On The Tree

    Even if you are about to die from not climbing trees
    – Please Do Not Climb On The Tree

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:57 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      Even if the tree asks you to
      - Please Do Not Climb On The Tree

      Even if vicious dogs are chasing you
      - Please Do Not Climb On The Tree

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:00 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   AuntyBron

      Talking Trees? Where do you think you are – Fangorn?

      Apr 21, 2011 at 11:35 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Pit Pat

      Even if you are an Entwife
      -Please do not – oh wait! An Entwife? Come on up!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:27 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   TickleMyBambo

      Even if it’s Grandmother Willow
      - Please Do Not Climb on the Tree

      Even if it’s for spiritual Guidance
      - Please Do Not Climb on the Tree

      Even if you’re Pocahontas
      - Please Do Not Climb on the Tree

      Apr 21, 2011 at 12:57 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Nunavut Guy

      Entwives give me wood.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   TickleMyBambo

      Screaming baby ents give you wood, Nunavut Guy…

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   Nunavut Guy

      That was uncalled for…….all twigs aside.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   TickleMyBambo

      I’m sorry, just trying to get to the root of your wood is all.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   Nunavut Guy

      I have no apologies.I’ve rotted to the core.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 9:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   e

    I want to see a picture of the tree!

    Apr 21, 2011 at 11:05 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   clumber

      Exactly! We demand a photo of the tree before we can determine the passive or aggressiveness of this note properly!

      Gonna’ go out and climb a tree now, toodles.

      Apr 23, 2011 at 2:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Bcteagirl

    Reminds me of when they put up a ‘no organized play’ sign in the *local park*. Apparently some of the yuppie mothers were concerned that people were throwing balls around their precious children. That particular sign did not last long either.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 11:10 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Nunavut Guy

      Our horse shoe frisbee league got the same treatment.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:21 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Kaely

      We have ‘no sports or sports related activities’ signs in our park. But ours are the work of the uptight parks department and not complaining parents.

      May 2, 2011 at 11:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   me

    Why was this posted so high in the tree? Now I can’t get down.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 11:48 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Quite Contrary

    What if all the other kids are climbing the tree?

    Apr 21, 2011 at 11:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   pony girl

      That’s alright.
      As long as they aren’t climbing on the tree.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   noah

    dayenu!

    Apr 21, 2011 at 12:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   heisa

      passover comment FTW!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 2:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   lily

      WIN.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 9:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Muay Thai Los Angeles

    Even if there is a bear, please don’t climb the tree. Even though a tree was cut down so I could write this note, please don’t climb the tree.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 12:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TickleMyBambo

      Even IF the tree is cut down
      -Please Do Not stomp around on the Fallen Tree

      Apr 21, 2011 at 1:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   dixiechick

      Even if this is your Giving Tree
      -Please do not climb the tree.

      The Giving Tree always creeped me out, anyway. Let’s not let that asshole kid treat the Giving Tree like that anymore!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 2:46 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Kickboxing Los Angeles

      Even if you like it in a box with a fox, please do not climb the tree.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 4:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   TickleMyBambo

      Even if you’re either a kick boxer or a Muay Thai fighter
      -Please do not use tree as personal punching/kicking bag as a means of endurance triaining.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 6:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   TickleMyBambo

      Haha I was so caught up in my joke that training became a typo.. I guess that’s karma in the form of Chuck Norris coming back to roundhouse kick me.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 6:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Car Title Loans

    I think someone should climb the tree in protest. What better way to stick it to a catchy letter by an anonymous writer than sitting around waiting for them to return and get angry?

    Apr 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Nunavut Guy

      You are 100% on the nose correct.Please wear something bright and sit well away from the large branches;I need a clean line of sight.

      Missouri tree owner (and proud NRA member)

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   djinn

    I’m from Columbia, I feel the need to find that tree and climb it, and then maybe find some friends and we can all climb it together… and then maybe they’ll tell some friends…

    Apr 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Nunavut Guy

      Ironically,I live above the tree line.I suppose we could post it on a telephone pole though.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   MUgrad

      I went to Mizzou and I bet it was the giant evergreen in Peace Park. Students, kids, homeless people, etc are always just hanging out in that tree. They just had the Earth Day Festival in the park which causes the tree to look like a clown car full of children.
      I swear you can’t walk past the tree on a weekend without having a drunk kid yell out at you from the top.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   pony girl

    I just don’t like how they wrote on the tree. Do people say that? Don’t they just say, “Don’t climb the tree.” ??

    (side note) How does one punctuate the above sentence correctly? That’s always given me trouble, the whole sentence in quotes is a statement, but it is part of a question thing.

    Anyways, I’m team find the tree, climb it, take a photo and leave it on tree for note-writer to find, and have all my friends do the same.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   *snerk*

      I believe your punctuation is correct, except for that extra question mark.

      Even if you used one last year
      -Please do not use an extra question mark

      Even though you are good at questioning
      -Please do not use an extra question mark

      Even though this is only the internet
      -Please do not use an extra question mark

      Apr 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   pony girl

      Yes, I know.
      Extra punctuation marks is a bad habit of mine.
      Or a quirk.
      Or my trademark.

      Regardless, thumb- up to you!

      Apr 21, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   TickleMyBambo

      Well, Pony, the posters problem is the fact that people are literally climbing ON his or hers tree. Not IN it, not AROUND it, and especially not THROUGH it but ON it. Maybe you don’t say “on the tree” but to some people it makes perfect sense. For example: “Don’t jump on the couch”. Do you say “Don’t jump the couch”? No cause it doesn’t sound right.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   mystic_eye_cda

      You jump ON the couch; but you don’t climb ON the ladder. Saying “climb on the ladder” would seem to imply that you are climbing it in an unconventional way.

      I can’t define the reason, but saying “climb on the tree” is wrong

      Apr 21, 2011 at 2:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   TickleMyBambo

      “Sally is climbing on the monkey bars”

      “Climb on the bandwagon”

      “Bob, climb on up the ladder and see what’s wrong with the roof”

      “Climbing on the rock wall”

      “The dog climbed on the bed again”

      The point is using climb, climbed or climbing and adding “on” to it is not that big of a grammar offense like Pony and yourself are trying to make it out to be.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 5:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   My_First_Language_be_English

      “Climb the tree” implies purposeful, straight up, climbing–such as you would do to fetch that one tempting apple.

      “Climb on the tree” implies random, monkeying-around “playing” on the tree–the thing NO kids do anymore.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:21 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Nunavut Guy

      Hmmmmm….nice definitions.Really visual.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 7:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   TickleMyBambo

      So dog climbs on the bed to take a nap, does that imply that the dog is going to play on it? Not exactly.

      The reference of “Climb on the Bandwagon” means to join a cause or party.. Not necessarily child’s play, though it does depend on the group and its cause.

      Does one climb on a ladder to do tricks? If you count the very few daredevils that do, then sure. However, I’d say most people who climb on a ladder are trying to do something of serious maintenance.

      You can either climb on the tree to reach out for that apple or you could climb on the tree to mess around. The possibilities of tree climbing are endless as well as the reasons for doing so. And you would be surprised that there are kids, as well as adults, that still climb trees for the heck of it.

      You should not be so black and white with your implications, Be English.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.9   Nunavut Guy

      I have nice teeth.I could never pass as English.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.10   pony girl

      Oh my goodness.
      I was not implying that it was bad grammar.
      I just thought it sounded weird.
      Chill, people.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 1:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.11   clumber

      I think that “climb the tree” is more common and more correct and further advance that it is such BECAUSE trees are as proper for climbing as ladders are, thus the “on” is implied and unnecessary.

      >8^P ffffft!

      Then again, us ‘mericans also say “to THE hospital”, whereas several other English speaking nations think that the “the” is unnecessary and they “go to hospital.”

      Don’t really have a point, just the flu. Hope your virus blocks are working!

      Apr 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   pony girl

    I hardly think this note is necessary. Hardly anyone goes outside anymore. Most kids are too busy playing Wii or texting or looking for boobies on the internet to even bother with a silly old tree.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Nunavut Guy

      Maybe putting Wii boobies on trees is the answer.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 6:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   GhostWriter bang

    The way you solve this little problem is by removing any tree branches below ten feet.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 3:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Mrs.Beasley bang

    I’m going out on a limb here. I think the note was written by the Tree’s owner/caretaker. I think the owner/caretaker has good reason not to want anyone to climb the Tree. Maybe the branches break easily and a climber can get hurt. Maybe the Tree is sick and can’t stand the strain of climbing. Maybe climbing the Tree leads to a bird’s-eye view into somebody’s bathroom window. Whatever the reason, if I saw a note like that I might take a picture of it, but I wouldn’t have removed it from the Tree. It’s too cool. And it says “please” six times.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 3:20 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Nunavut Guy

      This note is far too reasonable.The writer must be eliminated for the sake of preserving anarchy.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Jordie

      Don’t deny it; that whole long paragraph was conjured solely for the purpose of that first line, you wacky punster.

      Apr 21, 2011 at 8:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Goldie

    One day, as usual, Ratatosk the magical squirrel scurried up Yggdrasil, the giant World Tree, to deliver an urgent message to Viddenir, the eagle at the top of the tree, from Nidhogg, the root-gnawing dragon.

    Halfway up, Ratatosk saw this note, felt ashamed, scurried down the tree, and went home. With no more messages being delivered, chaos ensued, end eventually, the world ended.

    Hope you can live with yourself after this, notewriter.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 7:23 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Just a thought

    Maybe this tree is on private property & when the kids climbing the tree fall, the homeowner is concerned that they will get hurt and their parents will sue the homeowner?

    Apr 21, 2011 at 8:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Snaz

    I can’t be certain, but I’d be willing to bet money (or really good pizza), that this particular tree is in Peace Park. The Earth Day celebration just happened in Columbia on Monday and there’s one tree that always has a couple dozen kids, drunks, hippies, etc in its branches that day. This year it was orange-fenced off with a note of some kind on the fencing, but I didn’t go over to inspect the note. The orange fencing seemed clear enough to me.

    Apr 21, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Worker 11811

    Do not climb it with a mouse.
    Do not climb it in a house.
    Do not climb it here or there.
    Do not climb it anywhere.
    No, you must not climb this tree!
    Do not climb it, Sam I am!

    Apr 21, 2011 at 10:07 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   mcgrimus

      Glad I’m not the only one who thought of Dr. Seuss.

      May 3, 2011 at 11:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   sonny bishop

    Thank you, Chuck Norris. But next time kick harder, it’s still spewing.

    Apr 22, 2011 at 9:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   You Know

    All we are sayinggg… is give tree climbing a chance

    Apr 22, 2011 at 10:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Dorothy

    Gee, my dad always loved it when the neighbor kids would climb the trees in his yard. Gave him great practice with his pellet gun…

    Apr 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   treedweller

    why does everyone assume this is directed at kids? I climb trees with great frequency, and I am 43.

    Apr 22, 2011 at 9:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   treedweller

      but I hasten to add, I have not climbed /this/ tree. I always choose public trees, or get permission.

      Apr 22, 2011 at 9:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Nunavut Guy

      Wow.A tree climbing lawyer.

      Apr 24, 2011 at 2:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   Canthz_B bang

      Or a reincarnation of Michael Jackson.
      “Don’t you like climbing trees?”

      Am I the only one who shouted their response at their TV screen, “NO MOTHERFUCKER!! GET YOUR GROWN ASS OUTTA THAT DAMNED TREE!!!…BARBARA, GET HIS USED-TO-BE-BLACK, PETER PAN WANNABE ASS DOWN FROM THERE!!!!!”

      Oh, it was just me now? :???:

      Apr 24, 2011 at 7:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   havingfitz

    “And the tree was…actually pretty pissed off.”

    Apr 22, 2011 at 10:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Canthz_B bang

    They recently did a story on National Public Radio about a number of the early works of Theodor Geisel being released for publication by a collector, but I’ll bet he didn’t have this one!

    Apr 23, 2011 at 3:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   *ing

    The Sneaky Mister wrote a song about climbing on this tree! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxyVJFYjkQ8

    May 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   sara

    I’m curious as to why the title is “dont climb da tree”… The note was written in standard english. I didnt realize we were supposed to be making fun of XXXX ppl? silly me -___-

    May 16, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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