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No Bowl Movements Allowed

April 25th, 2011 · 34 comments

From Jake in Richmond…another one for the “WTF?” files.

Please Do NOT Attempt To Move The Toilet! Thanks, Management.

related: All MALES using this toilet must sit.

FILED UNDER: now that's management · restaurant · Richmond · toilet · WTF?

34 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Uninspired Required Name

    I don’t even know if I want the back-story on this…

    Apr 25, 2011 at 9:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #2   TickleMyBambo

    Dear Management,
    I have this thing where I get really bad anxiety when I hear the door open cause the smell my poop emits is awful and I don’t want people smelling it when they first walk in. So to fix this problem, I tried to move the toilet on the other side of the room facing away from the door but I didn’t realize that you didn’t like that. Sorry for the mess I made, I just want to shit without having a panic attack.

    Apr 25, 2011 at 10:02 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #3   pony girl

    Wow. If you move the toilet when you use it, you may want to see a doctor about that. Or maybe avoid those breakfast tacos at gas stations.

    Apr 25, 2011 at 10:06 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TickleMyBambo

      But those gas station breakfast tacos are disgustingly fucking delicious! They are like spinach for popeye, they give you enough strength to move 10 toilets!

      Apr 25, 2011 at 10:41 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   The Elf

      And what happened then…? Well…in Who-ville they say,
      That the Grinch’s small butt grew three sizes that day!
      And then the true meaning of breakfast tacos came through,
      And the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches… plus two!

      Apr 26, 2011 at 6:57 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   unsatisfied

      usually, I prefer to move my bowels, not my toilet.


      Apr 26, 2011 at 10:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #4   angelive07

    HA! This is quite perplexing…
    I remember teaching my boys the potty rules..
    You don’t pee at it.
    You don’t pee on it.
    You don’t pee in the general direction of it.
    You pee in it!
    I never thought anyone would have to explain not to try and move it..

    Apr 25, 2011 at 10:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #5   Roundredhead

    If the fact that the toilet is plumbed into the floor doesn’t deter someone from attempting to move it, do they really think this note is going to do it?

    Apr 25, 2011 at 10:37 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   AuntyBron

      You wouldn’t think so, unless they’re talking about a chamber pot.

      Apr 25, 2011 at 11:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   Nahhh bang

    For some reason — and I am not qualified to analyze this, so will just lay it out there — my first thought upon reading this note was: “Just a little more to the right…a little more…a little–RIGHT THERE!”

    Apr 25, 2011 at 10:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TickleMyBambo

      I would love to see what note management would write next if someone tried to stack toilets on top of each other. Or better yet, tried to play a good ol’ game of tetris with them!

      Apr 25, 2011 at 10:45 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   The Elf

      Yeah, those L-shaped peices are difficult.

      Apr 26, 2011 at 6:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   TickleMyBambo

      My sense of perception, as well as my coordination, is messed up from all those shoplifted budlights. The Z shaped bowls seem too hard to squeeze in between the squares… Does it go there? or here? won’t fit!! Aww fuck it, lets just slide some toilets over here and play some chess instead.

      Apr 26, 2011 at 1:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #7   Mrs.Beasley bang

    Holy crap!

    Apr 25, 2011 at 11:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #8   KJS

    Maybe it’s located in a prison ? . . .

    Because clearly people in prison would obey signs posted on walls, being good law abiding citizens and all.

    Apr 26, 2011 at 2:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Or in an asylum. I remember the big Native American guy ripping out the giant bathroom sink in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. That was definitely impressive. Indeed, perhaps there exists along side us a world of bathroom appliance anarchy worse than any of us could ever imagine… where toilets are shoved, banged, and rattled like the shining, sparkling games at a Pinball Wizard Festival…

      Apr 26, 2011 at 4:12 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    Gee, and me left shit out of crappy jokes at the moment!

    Apr 26, 2011 at 3:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    ♫ I wanna sit here,
    Make a crap that moves the stool.
    Proclaim I’m king of the seat,
    Head of the heap,
    Top of the slop,
    King of the scat.
    A-num-ber two…
    If I can’t make it here,
    I’ll make it anywhere,
    It’s up to you,

    Okay, Barkeep, dat’s about it. Cut Frank off for da night. Dat means everyone. Got me?

    Aw, I was hoping to hear that thing he did about Liza again!

    Ya got a special affinity for cement shoes, Fella?

    LAST CALL!!! Heyya Mister S., loved how ya put “head” in there…I was in tha merchant marine ya know…

    Tony, who the fuck is this putz?

    Nobody, Mr. S. you won’t see him again. Let’s take a little wawk, Pal…just wanna have a brief tawk wich youse…

    HELP WANTED–Bartender

    Apr 26, 2011 at 3:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   ligercorn

    feng shuitty

    Apr 26, 2011 at 6:19 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #12   Nunavut Guy

    Don’t sing any Barry White while on the throne.You may,you know,move the toilet.

    Apr 26, 2011 at 6:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #13   bean

    I know what this is all about. My local bar’s second ladies’ was totally crooked and people would try to straighten it out all the time (cuz they were DRUNK!) but that’s just the way it was. It worked perfectly fine until someone did straighten it and they had to replace it.

    Prolly samey same here.

    Apr 26, 2011 at 8:44 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      I would think that someone so drunk as to try to straighten out a toilet would lack the coordination to actually succeed. I guess not!

      Apr 26, 2011 at 12:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #14   Ruth

    Maybe it’s just to confuse people. Perhaps they have problems with people doing all kinds of disgusting things and causing damage, but as we all know, signs don’t stop people being terrible. Maybe the idea is that you look at this sign, become totally confused, and therefore just use the toilet like a normal person?

    Apr 26, 2011 at 9:14 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #15   krunchbang bang

    More than likely the communist at OSHA has something to do with this.

    Apr 26, 2011 at 9:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Hobo

      I think I may have written some policies like that. Now my head hurts. Where is my wine?

      Apr 28, 2011 at 4:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   TKD

    Am I the only one who found it amusing that this note was submitted by Jake?

    Or is everyone still too busy piling on CB to look for humor in life? Let’s all pretend we’re in the left lane and move already!

    Apr 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #17   wonderman

    ROTFLMAO at you!

    Apr 26, 2011 at 1:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Kara bang

    This must be a premium toilet if enough people are attempting to move it that mgmt went to the trouble of posting a sign.

    Apr 26, 2011 at 3:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   Divvitar

    Are you suggesting toilets migrate?

    Apr 26, 2011 at 4:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   The Elf

      African toilets are non-migratory

      Apr 26, 2011 at 5:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Nunavut Guy

      As opposed to European.

      Apr 26, 2011 at 6:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Maj. Mel Function bang

      It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios!

      Apr 28, 2011 at 8:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #20   Jiu Jitsu Los Angeles

    Maybe the underwear gnomes steal them! I wouldn’t be surprised, they practically steal everything else. And, it would make better sense than this note.

    Apr 26, 2011 at 5:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   Maj. Mel Function bang

    This gives a whole new meaning to porta potty!

    Apr 28, 2011 at 8:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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