Moira and some friends recently rented a flat in Rome for a few days — lucky her, right? The only hitch to the plan was the fact their apartment was located on the very top floor, and while Rome might be the “The Eternal City,” spending eternity in a European-style elevator car wasn’t exactly the experience they were seeking.
Meanwhile, if you thought you weren’t afraid of elevators, a visit to the Hampton Inn in Burbank, California might change your mind. This placard inside the elevator (as documented by Kristen from Ohio), has got to be the least-reassuring attempt at preventing alarm I’ve ever seen. The fact that it manages to accomplish the exact opposite of its implied purpose makes me think the person behind it must be some kind of sadistic savant…and that he’s DEFINITELY watching you on the CCTV.
Not the anxious type? Well, how do you feel about dog shit and zombies? So far Kareen in Winnipeg has escaped this particular elevator unharmed, but that doesn’t mean she’s not watching where she steps.
related: Elevator nose grease
extra credit: “The Subway’s Elevator Operators, a Reassuring Amenity of Another Era” [nytimes.com]
extra extra credit: Time lapse video of a man stuck in an elevator for 41 hours [newyorker.com]
75 responses so far ↓
#1
Quite Contrary
Imagine if someone deposited fecal matter in the elevator in Rome. They would be stuck in it FOREVER!
Apr 28, 2011 at 7:00 pm rating: 22
#2
aioefjweoif
Being from NYC< I can attest, although it's usually urine in the elevators.
Apr 28, 2011 at 7:11 pm rating: 0
#3
FeRD
Hmm… Is that a bullet hole in the wall, in that first photo!?!?
I guess that’s one way to escape eternity in a Roman elevator!
Apr 28, 2011 at 7:43 pm rating: 12
#4
BurstingAtTheSeams
Gotta give the zombie note writer major props – definitely is spelled correctly! Cheers!
Apr 28, 2011 at 10:11 pm rating: 9
#5
Kara
Wait…so “don’t become alarmed” but then in your unalarmed state “use the button marked alarm”?
How ’bout we all save ourselves the trouble, work off yesterday’s Big Mac, and take the f’ing stairs.
Apr 28, 2011 at 11:15 pm rating: 4
#6
Nahhh
I love the little “no poop” illustration. I may have to print up a bunch of those (I will create my own to avoid copyright infringement) on sticky paper and post them in random places.
Apr 28, 2011 at 11:24 pm rating: 8
#7
pony girl
I’m confused.
What do mutant elevator-monkey-zombies have to do with poo left in the elevator?
Do the poo piles morph into mutant elevator-monkey-zombies?
Because if so, I think a road trip is in order.
Apr 28, 2011 at 11:29 pm rating: 10
#8
butt
I’ve seen the second notice before. Never really thought it was PA, though it did amuse me.
Apr 28, 2011 at 11:48 pm rating: 1
#9
Canthz_B
That sounds like loads of fun. Find yourself stuck in a nice quiet elevator, then set off an alarm you cannot turn off for the duration of your stay.
Oh, they’ll eventually get you out, but you’ll need to buy a couple of Miracle Ears.
Apr 29, 2011 at 12:15 am rating: 2
#10
Canthz_B
Little known fact:
The threat of mutant elevator-monkey-zombies from Winnipeg has the Department of Homeland Security quite worried.
They’re placing rigged elevators at all border crossings to trap them. They are then tagged and shipped off to Afghanistan to fight the Taliban…turns out, Taliban fighters are really scared of mutant elevator-monkey-zombies…and kites.
Apr 29, 2011 at 12:24 am rating: 9
#11
Sarah
Oh yuck. This one’s too close to home for me. Saturday mornings are particularly hazardous in the lift in my building – usually it’s wee (which I would like to assume is dog wee) – no one cleans it up, but someone comes and puts newspaper down so then we have a lift full of wee-soaked newspaper. If it’s not wee, it’s vomit, and on one occasion poo.
I have resisted writing a passive-aggressive note so far. But I wouldn’t blame the Monday morning cleaner if he wrote one.
Apr 29, 2011 at 1:25 am rating: 1
#12
TickleMyBambo
Yeah, I’ll save myself the trouble and just use the stairs instead. I also brought my shotgun with me in the event that the mutant elevator monkey zombies decide to ambush me when I least expect it.
Apr 29, 2011 at 2:06 am rating: 12
#13
MD
Clearly, we have finally found it:
Dante’s Elevator
Apr 29, 2011 at 3:17 am rating: 10
#14
The Elf
Why are the two elevator signs from Rome in English? Unless the elevator is in the Embassy of some English-Speaking country, I would really expect Roman PANs to be written in Italian. Maybe have an English translation for tourists, but definitely in Italian first.
Apr 29, 2011 at 6:50 am rating: 1
#15
Meta
I am claustrophobic and very nervous about elevators. I will use one if it looks spanking new and is in a busy area where a stuck elevator would be noticed immediately. But I will avoid it at all costs. I won’t even use an elevator to travel one floor. In other words, why did I read this post? I mean, it was clearly marked and yet I clicked anyway…..
Apr 29, 2011 at 7:26 am rating: 2
#16
MARY
ON PEICE OF CRAP ELEVATOR PHONE:
HELP! I’M STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH A PILE OF SHIT AND MUTANT MONKEY ZOMBIES AND THE AIR IS RUNNING OUT AND ITS DROPPING UNCONTROLLABLY.
Apr 29, 2011 at 9:19 am rating: 5
#17
BB
That first one is not typical of a European elevator! We have normal ones with doors that open themselves. Just in case anyone wants to visit and now is terrified of the archaic elevators…
Apr 29, 2011 at 9:25 am rating: 0
#18
Canthz_B
Depositing fecal matter in elevators is foul and repugnant.
Only thing worse is those sickos who make withdrawals.
Apr 29, 2011 at 9:42 am rating: 4
#19
Sam
I live in Winnipeg – would love to see me some Zombie Monkeys. The National Microbiology Laboratory is in the city, after all…
Apr 29, 2011 at 10:57 am rating: 2
#20
eBaiting
If you get stuck in an elevator FOREVER it’s your own fault for not bringing your portal gun.
Apr 29, 2011 at 11:02 am rating: 3
#21
Car Title Loans
Forever-ever? Ever-ever? That sign from the elevator in Burbank should be in every elevator across the world. Talk about an international state of panic!
Apr 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm rating: 3
#22
Canthz_B
Mutant Elevator Monkey Zombies must be the result of millions of boys not properly disposing of their Sea-Monkeys.
You’ve gotta flush them…so the alligators in the sewer system eat them before they mature and mutate.
Apr 30, 2011 at 1:01 am rating: 1
#23
Dave
My old apartment (in North Hollywood, adjacent to Burbank) had an elevator with almost the same sign as #2. In our building however the first line read “Should the elevator doors fail to open, remain inside” then continuing with the rest.
Since the elevator had no (visible) hatch or other door, it was unclear to me what the alternative to remaining inside would have been.
Apr 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm rating: 5
#24
No Smoking.... REALLY?
LOVE the big-ass “No Smoking” sign under the note in the 2nd pic. After that totally non-reassuring message, any smokers worth their salt would DEFINITELY need a smoke to calm those jangled nerves!
Besides, smoking to calm one’s fears might just help save other elevator users from running across those foul, repugnant piles of fecal matter mentioned in note #3, heh-heh-heh….
[Spell check courtesy of Bill The Gates.... as opposed to Bill The Cat, ACK! Many thanks to Bloom County for the “Bill” pop-culture reference and, of course, Thank You Terry
]
May 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm rating: 0
Comments are Closed