Entries from April 2011

Sure, blame it on the kids

April 24th, 2011 · 175 Comments

“My neighbor taped this note to my door,” says Valerie in Portland. “I don’t know who scratched her car, but I do know she could benefit from spell check.” (Harumph.)

Attn. Val...Please do not park next to our car as we keep Finding Key marks now dents in my doors, as you don't watch your Kids! I will make a claim if this persists if you even have insurence [sic]...Please respect, thank you!

related: Unattended children will be shot.

Tags: car · kids · neighbors · parking · Portland

Mean Mr. Mustard

April 22nd, 2011 · 97 Comments

Abbey Road Studios is a must-see on almost any Beatles aficionado’s tour of London. Once there, a curious sort of tourist delirium seems to take hold. People feel absolutely compelled to recreate the iconic album cover, in the same way that visitors to Pisa just have to get a shot of of themselves holding up the leaning tower.

The only hitch? That famous zebra crossing actually goes across a fully functioning road — one with cars and buses holding people who, one would assume, have better things to do than watch you fiddle with your zoom lens.

Rachel in London was therefore more a little amused to see this note from a fellow local amongst the assorted “I <3 Paul” and “I am the Walrus”-type scrawls that cover the walls near the crossing. ”I love the drawing, as it’s so true,” Rachel says. “It’s just a crossing people!!! It’s not like the Beatles are coming back to see you do this!”

Hey! You need to sort out the way you walk across Abbey Road you ridiculous people. (Yeah! have some respect!)

Interestingly, while the Beatles themselves aren’t likely to be watching, thanks to the existence of the (strangely hypnotic) 24-hour Abbey Road webcam, you can actually watch this idiocy as it happens — over and over and over again.

related: Meanwhile, on Portabello Road

extra credit: Photoclichés.com

Tags: etiquette · London · most popular notes of 2011 · that's disrespectful · tourists

All together now: please don’ climb da tree!

April 21st, 2011 · 88 Comments

Our submitter’s friend in Columbia, Missouri found this on the ground beneath a tree yesterday, “and she couldn’t just leave it there. It really was the perfect tree for climbing.”

(And the accompanying note really does have the perfect rhythm for a call-a-response revival stomp, no? I’d love to see what the Gregory Brothers could do with this…)

Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even if you climbed on it last year Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though it is a great tree for climbing Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though it is ok with your parents Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though you are good at climbing Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though no one may be watching Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Thank You for Not Climbing on the Tree!

UPDATE: The Sneaky Mister has made my year!

related: Grow some thicker bark, why donttcha?

Tags: Columbia · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · gloriously redundant · Missouri · most popular notes of 2011

When Stage Moms Attack!

April 20th, 2011 · 93 Comments

“This is part of an exchange that took place between parents of kids involved in a summer theater program,” our submitter explains. “My 10-year-old daughter was also part of the summer production, and I shared the e-mails with her as a shining example of what the term ‘passive-aggressive’ means.”

(Just click on the images to enlarge, or mouse over to read the transcriptions.)

I apologize if I am ruining the performance because my daughter, [redacted], will not be able to make the Saturday FROG performance time. All of the children have rehearsed together for six weeks, and it is going to throw the whole performance because she is going to be in her aunt's wedding instead (which, by the way, we found out about after signing up for camp). Apparantly [sic],

From day one of camp I have heard nothing but bad reports regarding your daughters behavior. She is disrespectful to the staff and other camp participants. I don't believe the expectations of the camp are unreasonable as it is a group effort and children need to lean [sic] accountability and commitment regardless of age. I understand that a wedding is also important and I am not sure how I would handle the situation. I am certainly not defending any behaviors of the camp staff or how they might have handled your particular situation. The bigger impact on "the whole performance" has been her behavior and not the fact that she cannot attend on Saturday. I am disappointed that you would use the entire email list to air your laundry. This is something that should have been handled directly with [redacted] and your behavior is disrespectful to the kids, parents, and staff.

Thank you for your response. I apologize that your misinterpreted my message and that it apparently offended you, but my email was a sincere apology to the parents. I know there are some children [redacted] has made friends with, and m email was a very brief explanation of why she would not be in camp/the performance so they could convey this to their children if questions arose. I felt it necessary that if parents wanted to prepare their children for the change they would encounter in camp/the performance they could do so. I know some children do not do well with change, and informing them that is coming is a huge benefit.   Had I wanted to "air my laundry" in the email I would have written in detail what I think of how the situation was handled, my opinion on the people involved, etc... I in no way disrespected anyone in my explanation -- it as merely that.  On another note, it is not good form to criticize a child's behavior as having an "impact on the whole performance" she will no longer be in. My daughter is a good child, and I find it sad that you feel otherwise. I find it alarming that I was never notified of such disrespectfulness. If there had been a problem with her behavior it should have been brought up with her father or I.   In any case, I hope you enjoy the performance and your child does wonderfully.

related: No money, no trophy

Tags: farewell letter · Moms & Dads · non-apology apology · that's disrespectful · TL;DR

Thank you for your “constructive criticism”

April 19th, 2011 · 38 Comments

When it comes to comment cards and suggestion boxes, it’s not necessarily hard to get the last word. But as Maggie noticed while leaving a dining hall at the University of Denver, it takes a skilled passive-aggressive to turn a totally neutral, boilerplate response into an obvious “up yours” without so much as an exclamation point.

COMMENT: "Stop serving shitty cheap food, I got sick of it a year ago!" RESPONSE: "Thank you for your constructive criticism and your suggestions on how to improve our operation! -Nelson Dining Team."

related: The Great Egg Salad Ban of ’08 at the Conde Nast cafeteria

extra credit: College Cafeterias Get Bad Grades from the Health Dept. [nytimes.com]

Tags: "helpful" advice · college life · Denver · food · thanks (but not really)

The Accidental Communist

April 18th, 2011 · 78 Comments

“The crayon note showed up about two months before the response,” says Monica at Goucher College, “but both have been a source of great entertainment.”

Goucher College is a COMMUNITY. In communities we share. We do not steal other people's things like corporate America. Share share, that's fair. Go watch an episode on Barney, learn some manners, AND STOP STEALING!

related: Comrades, take notice!

extra credit: A lesson from Barney! **********

Tags: a little patronizing · Baltimore · college life · food · questionable logic · rebuttals · sharing is caring · stealing

Your not narmal, Sneeky

April 17th, 2011 · 115 Comments

Tina in Jacksonville, Florida was in the process of moving out of her current apartment — apparently not a moment too soon — when she spotted this note on the door of her downstairs’ neighbor.

I’m not sure which is more disturbing: the content of this note (as best as I can follow it) or the truly sic spelling and punctuation. Altogether, it just kinda freaks me out.

Your not Narmal, Sneeky

So thanks, Tina, for giving me another reason to avoid what is probably my least-favorite state. (Not that I don’t cherish my time with you in Clearwater, Grandma Cookie!!!)

related: If it’s on Jersey Shore, it’s not coming through the door

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · crazypants · Jacksonville · most popular notes of 2011 · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police · WTF? · your/you're

Brake Check Reality Check

April 14th, 2011 · 175 Comments

Two words: Team Fletcher!

[Status update:] I bet if I breakchecked [sic] this old man behind me... His Kia would be fucked. Get off my ass grandpa... [Comment:] Maybe if you keep texting & driving the person in front of you will brake check YOU!

related: Facebook is for frenemies

Tags: cell phone · driving · Facebook · oh snap · Tampa · text message

Technological Warfare

April 13th, 2011 · 69 Comments

First off, hat tip to the cranky guerilla artist who plastered the bus stops at Rachel’s college campus yesterday with these posters.

(Of course, like the good citizen and PAN-ista that she is, Rachel promptly snapped and sent this pic to us using her BlackBerry.)

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT ALL CITIZENS MUST EVERYWHERE EVERYDAY CONSTANTLY FIDDLE WITH THEIR CELL PHONES. AT NO TIME IS IT PERMISSIBLE TO SIT IDLE AND OBSERVE THE POETRY OF LIFE OR LOOK INTO TEH EYES OF ANOTHER PERSON. THE ARRIVAL OF A SNIPPIT OF TRIVIAL TEXT HOLDS THE PROMISE OF UNIMAGINED PLEASURE. HONOR THY RINGTONE AND JIGGLING HAND-HELD DEVICE ABOVEL ALL OTHER GODS. REMEMBER ALWAYS

But speaking of art on campus…how’s that for a segue? —  I can’t look at this piece from Matt’s dorm in Reno without hearing it as a Daft Punk song. (That’s probably thanks to far too much time spent playing around with iDaft…time which I do not regret one bit.)

Shit's broken/I'm pissed/Might start/A riot

Okay everyone, let’s get this riot started. Go text this post to all your friends!

related: Daft Flush

extra credit:  iDaft: une vidéo funny [dailymotion.com];

Daft Hands [youtube.com]

Tags: art · cell phone · college life · laundry · most popular notes of 2011

Oh Grandpa, you tell the funniest bedtime stories!

April 12th, 2011 · 65 Comments

Hannah spotted this gem above the sink of dirty dishes in her San Francisco office.

Someday when you're wondering why you're alone and society has all but crumbled around you, you'll think back to the dishes you left in the sink and you'll say

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!!

Tags: dishes · guilt trip · kids today · most popular notes of 2011 · San Francisco · TL;DR