Entries from April 2011
When my younger brother Danny was around 6 or 7, I remember he brought home a project he’d done in school — a little book entitled “My Family,” or something like that. I don’t recall what he said about the rest of us, but on the page about our mother, he had written: “MOM BRINGS DINNER,” complete with a stick-figure drawing of her with McDonald’s bags in both hands. We all laughed about it, but I think my mother was still pretty mortified — and god only knows what his teacher thought.
Well, Mom, allow me to introduce you to Carmen: you two might be able to commiserate. When her son (who is, coincidentally, also named Daniel) was 6, his first grade teacher had the kids write little journal entries about their weekends every Monday. This was Daniel’s. (The teacher’s feedback is my favorite part.)
Carmen is quick to add that she was most definitely not “drunk” — in fact, on this particular occasion, she hadn’t had a single alcoholic beverage. But just try explaining that to the school guidance counselor…
related: Just in case you haven’t gotten your fix of working mom guilt…your kid’s preschool teacher is ready to step up!
extra credit: Red Party Cups for Classy Moms
Tags: drizzunk · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · schools & teachers
Vanessa in Baton Rouge can vouch that that the state of her friend Charles’s bathroom and boudoir is “perpetually dirty.” Oddly, though, “of all the times I’ve been over to Charles’ apartment with his girlfriend, I’ve never, ever seen his roommate.”
(Which makes me wonder…could this note from Charles’s “roomie” actually have been written by said girlfriend? I’m not sure which scenario would be more passive-aggressive.)
Tags: "helpful" advice · Baton Rouge · cleaning · roommates · sig o · signed with love · smiley
First off: I’m 100% in favor of breastfeeding. A designated pumping room at the office? Awesome! (And in fact, federally mandated.) Pictures of cute babies? Love those, too!
But you know — and let’s just play devil’s advocate here for a moment — I’m guessing some of the non-lactating folks you work with would be a bit more receptive to your message if you saved the guilt-tripping for your kiddos back home. Because, as the sign reads now, says one of your coworkers: “All it does is make me want to use THAT room for every phone call.”
related: Feel free to starve me, but not my baby!!!
Tags: guilt trip · New York · office · Won't somebody think of the children?
Many months ago, one of our submitter’s coworkers decided to fortify the entire office freezer with family-sized bricks of monosodium glutamate.
(Was there an amazing “buy 20, get one free” special at Wal-Mart? Is someone filming a processed-foods version of Super Size Me? Or just stocking up for the End Times?) Whatever the reason, this person made very clear (via post-it note) that these frozen delights were not for general consumption, thanks.
Finally, after months had gone by with no obvious signs of attrition on the Banquet line, another coworker decided to add a defiant note of protest (which in turn spurred a third note, from the office smartass.) Sadly, the real question (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FROZEN — WHY????) remains unanswered.
related: Please remove the rabbit carcasses from this freezer
Tags: Colorado · food · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing
Need to borrow a cup of sugar? How about five pounds of dog poop? Well heck, that’s what neighbors are for!
related: Do you want a doggy bag for those leftovers, sir?
extra credit: The perfect leash for dog haters/sociopaths
Tags: "helpful" advice · dogs · heart · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · shit
For a second-grade assignment, Gayle‘s daughter Martha, age 7, was assigned to write an acrostic poem about a family member, using descriptive words beginning with each letter of their title (Mother, Grandpa, etc.) Martha chose to compose this loving ode to her SISTER.
related: The rift that keeps on giving
Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2011 · pure poetry · siblings
Okay, so I’ve gotta give Scott credit here. I know I’m not the only driver who’s had the frustrating experience of returning to your parked car to find some mysterious new dent or scratch with the perpetrator long gone and no note in sight. Or perhaps you’ve been on the other side of things, and justified not leaving a note because the idiot had parked too damn close or in an non-legal parking spot or whatnot.
And yet, says our puzzled submitter, “I was pulled fully into a parking space, well within the white lines, with space on both sides. Why does he try to ‘kind of’ make it my fault?”
(I’m guessing it’s because he’s “kind of” passive-aggressive.)
Of course, I’d say that’s still preferable to receiving a note from someone who’s “kind of” a total asshole…
related: Your parking job brings one word to mind
Tags: car · don't blame us · most popular notes of 2011 · parking · smiley · Virginia
Patrick in Lexington, Kentucky recently had the pleasure of taking a luxurious Greyhound bus, and was amused to see this note affixed to the bus station ticket counter.
“I assume it was in response to someone trying to get the desk clerk’s attention,” says Patrick, “but the idea of some poor throat-clearing sap getting thrown out because of his head cold really tickled me.”
Adds Patrick: “You have no idea how difficult it was to surreptitiously take this picture — the angry desk clerk nearly caught me twice.”
related: Counter Attack
Tags: "customer service" · Kentucky · Lexington