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A Mother’s Day Report Card

May 5th, 2011 · 37 comments

Jill from Baltimore is in her early 30s now, so she has enough distance from her childhood self to laugh at the passive-aggressiveness of this Mother’s Day card she made when she 11 or 12. “I love that I used Mother’s Day as an opportunity to not only tell my mom how great she is, but also to not-so-subtly point out her shortcomings.”

Report Card For: Mom Helping me with Math homework - Average Playing Tennis - Excellent Cleaning Laundry - Excellent Being a Mom - Excellent!!! Cooking Dinner - N/A Shopping for my clothes - Great Taking me Places - Great

(If you were wondering about the “NA,” Dad did the cooking.)

related: Happy F’ing Mother’s Day!

FILED UNDER: Baltimore · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes

37 responses so far ↓

  • #1   beanster

    “instilling sense of entitlement in offspring: great!!!”

    May 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TickleMyBambo

      Report Card for Daughter

      Doing Math Homework: Poor
      Helping with Chores: Poor
      Cooking: N/A

      May 7, 2011 at 5:10 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #2   Ana

    well if someone else cooks dinner, I don’t see how that is pointing out a short coming. maybe the mother works more hours or later than the father.

    May 5, 2011 at 11:42 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   FeRD bang

      I find it interesting that you zeroed right in on that, Ana… when I’m guessing most of us took the “shortcomings” comment as referring to the low helping-with-Math-homework grade, or the fact that mom is “only” Great at clothes-shopping and taxi service.

      But there are plenty in the “new feminism” (hah!) movement who would consider not cooking for the family a shortcoming. Apparently it’s only okay for a woman to maintain a career and a life outside the home, if she can do it without dropping her TV-ready 1950′s housewife facade.

      May 6, 2011 at 3:20 am   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   The Elf

      The “NA” stuck out for me too.

      Personally, I don’t care who does the cooking so long as the kid gets fed healthy food. In The Elf house, Mr. Elf cooks about half the time. It’s all about who gets home from work first and whose day sucked worse.

      Clearly, Jill did care! Since this at least 15 years ago, maybe the old attitudes were still present in Baltimore and she thought that a Mom should cook and since her Mom doesn’t, she is failing in that all-important category.

      Or maybe she just wanted to rub it in a little so Mom would step up on that “shopping for my clothes” and “taking me places” categories to compensate.

      Oh, Jill, don’t you know that guilt trips go down the generations, not up?

      May 6, 2011 at 7:50 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   *snerk*

      If Jill didn’t care that dad did the cooking, she wouldn’t have included it a an area to be graded on her report card.

      It’s worth noting, however, that mom still got four “excellent” checkmarks in the overall “being a mom” category, so it can’t have brought down her average too much.

      May 6, 2011 at 10:12 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Nunavut Guy

      June Cleaver………woman of the century.

      May 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   TickleMyBambo

      The four “excellent” check marks were not only a means of sucking up after subtly dissing moms cooking skills, but also a last minute “Oh shit, mom might get really upset at me.. lets check mark “being a mom” four times and not only will mom be happy but I will see an increase in clothes shopping.”

      May 7, 2011 at 5:17 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   Rrose Selavy

      I have to agree that adding “Cooking: N/A” only increases the passive-aggressive quotient of the card. After all, a non-cook suffers a position even beneath the dignity of an average cook.

      May 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   gwan

      I found it more depressing that a blog in 2011 would have to explain the mystery of why Mum wasn’t doing the cooking than the fact that a kid may have been passive-aggressive about it years ago. (And I do agree, including it for grading even if it’s N/A is a bit PA)

      May 10, 2011 at 12:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    Looks like someone got a C in math that year.

    May 5, 2011 at 11:48 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TickleMyBambo

      You would think that being “GREAT” at clothes shopping, playing tennis, Doing laundry, and taking a spoiled 12 yr old to places would make this Mom much more than “AVERAGE” on the helping with math homework part, or at least with math in general. Since all the listed activities on this report card does involve lots of math.

      And for the cooking dinner part, well if moms cooking is just “N/A” hopefully Jill took it upon herself to learn some basic cooking skills to make up for moms shortcomings and at least giving dad a break from the kitchen.

      May 7, 2011 at 4:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Canthz_B bang

      LOL, guess Mom sucked at Home Ec tutoring as well.

      May 10, 2011 at 9:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   Annette

    Asides from the C in Math homework, it’s kind of cute. With the quadruple excellent in “Being a mum”.

    Unless being a mum has a negativ ring to it in this family.

    May 6, 2011 at 3:01 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      More of a British ring, to me! ;-)

      May 6, 2011 at 3:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Canthz_B bang

      She called the woman a real Mother and got away with it?

      May 6, 2011 at 8:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #5   Kara bang

    “Report Card For:____”

    …the format of this leads me to believe Jill was filling out report cards for other people too. I think I’m going to print this out, white out the check marks, and start using this for my friends, family, neighbors and the employees at Starbucks.

    May 6, 2011 at 6:15 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   ligercorn

      Starbucks employees only get an Average grade in helping me with my math homework. The teacher didn’t really like Tall < Grande and Venti exponents were right out of the question.

      May 6, 2011 at 8:57 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Kara bang

      Sounds like after “Average” we should probably add a column for “Poor.”

      May 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   The Elf

    I love PANs like this that come from the submitter, but from a long time ago. It’s a good thing when people can laugh at themselves. It also makes me glad that Mom has thrown away all those things from my childhood……

    Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.
    – Elsa Maxwell

    May 6, 2011 at 7:53 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #7   Jill

    I too am a Jill in her early 30s from Baltimore. I wish I’d scored my mom like that!

    May 6, 2011 at 8:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   unsatisfied

      that’s what she said.

      (ok, going to go hide under a rock now…happy mother’s day!)

      May 6, 2011 at 9:15 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #8   Jimmy James

    Math homework aside, those are some pretty high marks. Hopefully Dad didn’t get too cross with her for wrecking the curve.

    May 6, 2011 at 9:47 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #9   krunchbang bang

    All this mom scoring makes me want to have cookies and milf….

    May 6, 2011 at 10:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   MissFrank

      Thanks to your username, we know exactly what that will sound like.

      May 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   krunchbang bang

      Indeed. And a big shout-out to your username, for letting me know you are a crossdresser.

      May 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   TickleMyBambo

      Being a hot MILF: GREAT!
      Baking cookies: N/A

      May 7, 2011 at 4:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #10   Alexis

    I think she was just trying to show off that she knew what NA meant.

    May 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      You’re probably right! I know when I was an annoying pre-teen and learned the word “antidisestablishmentarianism” I worked it into everything, even when it made no sense.

      May 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   *snerk*

      I remember learning that word. Still have no idea what it means.

      May 6, 2011 at 1:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   Auto Title Loans

    That is amazing. I already sent my mom her Mother’s Day card, but her birthday is coming up so I will definitely have to keep this in mind. Although, my mom is pretty good with math…

    May 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   lagne

      Keep WHAT in mind, exactly? Gifting her with a crayoned report card letting her know that she gets less-than-stellar marks in shopping for your clothes and taking you places?

      Oh, WAIT! You – I – this – this is an AD, isn’t it?! (chortle, knee slap.) Hot damn! You almost had me! That is AMAZING.

      May 6, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Rrose Selavy

      That is amazing. I have already sent my mother her Mother’s Day Card, but next year, I have a mind to tell her about the low rates available through Auto Title Loans.

      May 9, 2011 at 2:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #12   BigLittleWolf

    I’m glad one of your readers suggested I pop by. I pondered this Report Card issue this morning. My kids are older. I suspect Driving Lessons would be on the list, and “Insufficient Allowance” would probably be an area for improvement.

    As for math? Fuhgedduboutit!

    May 6, 2011 at 4:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   Nunavut Guy

    I make it a point to visit every mothers’ day.I gotta tell you though,the digging gets harder as you get older.

    May 7, 2011 at 7:09 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #14   aaa bang

    Well, at least “average” was the lowest score.

    May 7, 2011 at 9:11 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #15   TickleMyBambo

    Just thought I give a shout out to all my fellow mothers.. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! You sexy, persevering, MILFs you!

    May 8, 2011 at 10:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up


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