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Why climb when you can RIDE?

May 17th, 2011 · 47 comments

As it happens, our entire technical staff (a.k.a Eric) recently completed a Ph.D in computer science and took a job at the newly formed Max Planck Institute for Intelligent Systems in picturesque Tübingen, Germany. (That’s right kids, if you work hard, and get your doctorate in computer science, you too may one day be qualified enough to host a found-content blog!)

Upon arriving at MPI’s Tübingen campus, Eric immediately felt at home. Specifically, he spotted some encouraging signage right next to the second floor elevator in one of MPI’s buildings.

Why don't we take the Healthy Stairs

Besides being a powerful testament to Southern Germany’s deep love of hiking, this health conscious posting also highlights the institute’s international reach. As you can see, the note itself is actually a photograph of a sign that was originally posted at (by?) Korea University*.

Of course walking down a single flight of stairs is hardly an inconvenience, particularly since the stairs in question are literally across from the elevator and lead directly to the building’s main entrance. The folks on the third floor, however, have a different perspective on the situation. Posted next to the third floor elevator is this rather charming reply.

WHY CLIMB STAIRS WHEN YOU CAN RIDE...with the finest in home elevators

Finally, from across the Atlantic, students at the University of Virginia have brought to light an additional concern surrounding the classic elevator vs. stairs debate. The following note, spotted by Trisha, was placed by the stairs of her UVA apartment building…along with an entire box of fat-free vanilla pudding.

Please Do Not Heave Up and Down the Stairs Like a Herd of Diseased Buffalo. Utilize the Elevator if you Have a Fat Ass.

Needless to say, the pudding was gone by the end of the day.

* Perhaps you, dear reader, can keep this transcontinental chain alive. Please consider printing out your own copy of the above photo and posting it at your place of business and/or learning.

related: You’re not even wearing designer shoes, so there’s no reason why you should be taking the elevator one floor.

FILED UNDER: Charlottesville · college life · elevator · Germany · hey fatty · rebuttals

47 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jack

    Weird. The sign analogizes overweight stair-climbers to a herd of diseased bison. But the illustration shows what looks like a cheerful narwhal. I’m having trouble reconciling this zoological inconsistency.

    May 17, 2011 at 6:01 am   rating: 75  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Rene

      Words cannot describe the wtf-ness of the narwhal drawing, BUT I LOVE IT!

      May 17, 2011 at 11:07 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Donna Martin Graduates!

      “There goes a narwhal.


      May 17, 2011 at 6:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   park rose

      We were at a party
      His ear lobe fell in the deep
      Someone reached in and grabbed it
      It was a . . .

      May 18, 2011 at 5:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   pony girl

      Rock Lobster!!
      **writhes around on the floor**
      **realizes it’s not 1984**
      **gets up**

      May 18, 2011 at 4:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #2   Nunavut Guy

    MMMMMMM…….pudding stuffed bison.

    May 17, 2011 at 6:26 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   unsatisfied

      bison-stuffed pudding?

      May 17, 2011 at 10:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   Yeah

    Better yet, take a picture of this website and then print the picture of the picture of the sign of the picture of the sign, and post THAT near the elevator.

    May 17, 2011 at 8:54 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   ryanmalloy

      And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.

      May 17, 2011 at 12:35 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Divvitar

      Don’t labor the point, Stan…sorry, Loretta!

      May 17, 2011 at 1:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #4   *snerk*

    I want to know about the narwhal. In whose worldview do horned sea mammals have any connection to stairs, elevators, heaving, buffalo, or pudding?

    May 17, 2011 at 8:58 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      Oh please. How can narwhals not have a place in any situation? All the males have a huge rod! Think of how many PANs would have been made better by the inclusion of narwhals.

      May 17, 2011 at 10:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   FeRD bang

      Narwhals[*] make everything better!

      * — Note: slightly NSFUptightW. Also, much of the rest of the site is wholly unsuitable for human consumption. :-)

      May 17, 2011 at 11:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #5   park rose

    Shame sign 3 was in Virginia and not New York State, because then this could apply:

    Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

    I am also wondering what heave up from a diseased herd of buffalo looks like. I’m sure it ain’t purdy.

    May 17, 2011 at 9:15 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      I don’t know what it looks like, rose, but I suspect it would make the stairs a slippery trek.

      May 17, 2011 at 9:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    Poor Bill Cosby…can’t seem to leave an anonymous note. Always leaves clues.

    May 17, 2011 at 9:36 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   FeRD bang

      I wouldn’t have thought ol’ Bill would put much stock in fat-free pudding. Or is that why he’s giving it away?

      May 17, 2011 at 11:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #7   The Elf

    So how are the fat asses going to get any skinnier if taking the stairs is out?

    May 17, 2011 at 10:44 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Zsa

      Certainly not by eating a few dozen boxes of fat free pudding.

      BTW… why do they always give you calorie/nutritional content for the unprepared pudding? I’ve had some chocolate desperation days in my life but NEVER so desperate to eat dry pudding mix straight from the box.

      May 17, 2011 at 10:51 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   unsatisfied

      back when I was really young and thin as a rail, I swam on the neighborhood swim team.

      as part of our regimen on swim meet night, we would stand in our speedos and consume entire boxes of raw jello gelatin. the thought was that the extra sugar would help give us that extra burst of speed while trying to do something that remotely resembled free style.

      there’s nothing quite like seeing young boys in ball huggers with red, green and blue lips.

      May 17, 2011 at 10:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Rene

      by eating the fat-free pudding! :D

      May 17, 2011 at 11:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   pony girl

      Everyone knows you’re not supposed to ride bikes and use stairs; you’re supposed to drive your big-ass SUV to the gym and use the stationary bikes and stairmasters there.

      May 18, 2011 at 3:00 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #8   Txmatey

    I can understand heaving up the stairs, but down? I’ve never seen anyone heave down the stairs.

    It looks like someone else added the Narwhal picture; maybe as a statement of “up yours”?

    May 17, 2011 at 10:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   AuntyBron

      The horn on the narwhal does seem a bit…over-compensating, so to speak.

      May 17, 2011 at 1:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   The Elf

      Worse, the males engage in “tusking” wherein they rub those rods together. Little suspicious, don’t you think?

      May 17, 2011 at 3:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   FeRD bang

    Perhaps you, dear reader, can keep this transcontinental chain alive. Please consider printing out your own copy of the above photo and posting it at your place of business and/or learning.

    Perhaps not. flickr says, “The owner has disabled downloading of their photos”.

    IOW, “Computer says no!

    May 17, 2011 at 11:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   eerac bang

      Gasp, you’re right!

      The oversight has now been corrected.

      May 17, 2011 at 3:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   FeRD bang

      Yay! I got my copy! :-)

      I love how increasingly (obviously) meta it’s become with each successive generation. I feel like I need to make sure I print it with some sort of obvious border, or visible markings. (Like the page numbering and the title — “photo”, obviously to help out anyone who wasn’t sure what they were looking at — seen in the current image.)

      That way, it’ll be clear to anyone who sees it, that what I’ve posted is a printout of a photo of a printout of a photo of a sign. 8-)

      May 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Jeanette

    I can’t imagine diseased buffalo being able to move around much. You know, being sick and all. And maybe the buffalo is tired of having a fat ass, that’s why he’s taking the stairs.

    May 17, 2011 at 11:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   pony girl

      Poor buffalo. Bad enough that they’re diseased (not to mention they were almost hunted to extinction), but must they be judged by the beauty standards of other species, as well?

      As a fellow four-legged, I protest!
      Haven’t they suffered enough? I hold up my hoof in condemnation of this species-ist thinking!

      ps-buffalo don’t even like vanilla pudding. they prefer banana.

      May 18, 2011 at 3:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #11   Mushroom

    The Google Ad below this article is for Colorado Stairlifts. :-D

    May 17, 2011 at 11:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   Adriana

    Having lived in an apartment right next to stairs, I can tell you weight has nothing to do with it. Some people are just clompers.

    Also, if you’re really fat, you’re probably not climbing the stairs very fast or leaping two at a time, so you’re really not going to be making that much noise.


    P.S. Oh yeah, if I’m fat, I’m going to fix that by eating a lot of sugar and corn starch because it’s fat free. Yay!

    May 17, 2011 at 11:55 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      Totally. My tiny kitty is a clomper. How an 8 lb cat can sound like an elephant is a bit beyond me. Cat like grace my fat ass.

      May 19, 2011 at 10:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   FeRD bang

      *nod* I had a family living in the apartment above, 3 changes-of-hands ago (which in this place means, like, last year) that included a “clomper”. I’m fairly sure it was one of the teenage daughters! Not a petite girl, but not a hippopotamus either.

      As I said, apartment, so they didn’t even have any stairs! Just walking across the linoleum floors, she was so loud that people on the other end of my phone conversations could hear her.

      May 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   pony girl

      I thought that there were people in my attic (or werewolves, I’d just watched a horror flick,) but it was only squirrels.

      I am still suspicious, because, I mean, it was LOUD!
      and I’ve heard cats and squirrels run across the roof before, and this was just HUGE clomping/crashing sounds.
      and then I watched that movie, ‘Paranormal Activity’ and found my attic open just a bit, just like in the movie, and there were those very loud clomping sounds, and I was freaked out.

      So, yes, one can walk heavy without being heavy.

      stupid squirrels.

      May 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   Meg

    I would totally print out that sign and post it, but my office locks the stairwell, which sucks because I work on the second floor. Nothing like taking the elevator every day to the second floor :(

    In fact, I had to get up from in the middle of writing this and open up the stairwell door for somebody locked in there.

    May 17, 2011 at 12:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   Divvitar

    Trust me, your average Thunder Thighs is not going to try rumbling up (or down) more that one flight of stairs. That’s what elevators are for. If there’s a “Herd of Buffalo” or Narwhals, etc., I guarantee you it’s a gaggle of kids; and by kids, I mean those under 25, whether their asses are fat or not.

    May 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   Auto Title Loans

    Management really must have a problem if they use profanity in their note. I suppose you can get away with that in college, but can you imagine that in a large city and professional world? Talk about an uproar!

    May 17, 2011 at 2:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   FeRD bang

      Yes, shocking! And we know it was posted by the management, because it’s signed “Mgmt.” and nobody could ever possibly fake that — not that any right-minded individual would even dream of trying!

      Thank you for pointing this out!
      — The Passive-Aggressive Notes webmaster. Also, Jesus.

      May 18, 2011 at 1:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #16   Jennifer

    UVa sucks. Snotty wahoos…

    May 17, 2011 at 9:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   pony girl

    Congrats to Eric, by the way!

    May 18, 2011 at 3:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #18   Custard Cream

    I don’t get the “Because I don’t make sports for free” comment. Is this the thing known as German humour?

    May 18, 2011 at 4:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   ryanmalloy

      Most likely that is supposed to say “I don’t exercise if it is for free” (as opposed to spending a fortune at the gym for half an hour on a StairMaster machine).

      May 18, 2011 at 1:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   pony girl

      Free online translation.
      It’s free for a reason.

      May 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Shruti

    Yay! My husband and I are about to move to Germany so he can work at a Max Planck Institute after finishing his PhD! IS THIS MY FUTURE? Super thrilling.

    May 19, 2011 at 8:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Hyereee

    Thats sooo funny! I study in Tübingen and will also study at Korea University from feb 2012 on XD

    May 21, 2011 at 8:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   kathrin

    haha! i live in tübingen and we love passive-aggressiveness here! eric, how about a german version of pan? i have a bunch of material from the house secretary and the appartment managment.

    May 24, 2011 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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