Are you ready for your Rapture party?

May 20th, 2011 · 45 comments

Stephanie in Kansas City, Missouri found this warning posted on the fridge after lunch today:

Whoever eat [sic] my pizza today....remember Rapture is coming tomorrow!!!!

Around the same time, this note showed up on an office coffee-maker in Washington, D.C.:

This machine is out of service. Ordinarily, we would have called for technical support. However, given the impending end of the world, we felt that was unnecessary. If the world is still here on Monday, technical support will be called then.

Meanwhile, Ashley in Greenville, North Carolina forwards this example of a veiled threat, atheist-style:

Every time you leave the soap in the sink Richard Dawkins prays to Jesus...

related: Remember, God is watching you!

FILED UNDER: bathroom · coffee · D.C. · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · Kansas City · North Carolina · pizza · roommates · soap · stealing · washing your hands


45 responses so far ↓

  • #1   BigJoe

    Uh, I don’t get the point. What is that supposed to mean?

    May 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   FeRD bang

      How I read it:

      I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY I’M CRAZY

      May 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Durp

    That’s awesome.

    May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   lagne

    Better be careful with that one. Some Christians I know would take that as a suggestion.

    May 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   lagne

      *the soap one. sigh.

      May 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Celeste

      Yeah, my response to that one would be, “Promise?”

      May 20, 2011 at 3:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   katscratch

      I have to admit I’d be tempted to add that to the original note. :)

      An ice cream and sandwich shop nearby posted “Come buy something before 6 o’clock, just in case!” on their sign. Hey, if you can’t have a little fun with the crazies in the world….

      May 21, 2011 at 9:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   lucason

    It’s funny how the author of this note completely misses the point of the atheist mind. You may impress a religious person by saying “jesus cries every time you….”, but an atheist does not beleive anything just because it is written down.

    May 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   ryanmalloy

      “an atheist does not beleive anything just because it is written down”

      not even if all the dictionaries say that the correct spelling is “believe”

      May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm   rating: 83  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   lucason

      Damn dude. You just made an excellent point. I can’t believe how insightful that was…

      May 21, 2011 at 2:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   katscratch

      Anyway, who says we’re ‘impressed’ by that?

      I can’t say I’m that impressed with *any* meme, even if it’s trying (and usually failing) to be funny using Jesus’ name.

      /just saying

      May 21, 2011 at 9:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Canthz_B bang

      I’d really hope that no one believes anything just because it’s written down.

      That thinking people of faith believe they have enough proof to justify their faith. Otherwise, the analogy “Church is to parishioner as shepherd is to flock” is really a very apt one, making parishioners “Sheeple”.

      May 22, 2011 at 1:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Tatterdemalion

      It’s pretty apparent to me that this sign is sardonically intended. Much as the Jesus versions are sardonically intended by 99% of the people who ever say them for any reason.

      I had a sign up in our old apartment saying “Leaving sponges in the mouldy sludge behind the sink makes Baby Jesus cry” and no one in my household is remotely Christian – I put it up to make people laugh while remembering not to eff up my sponges, and it succeeded in its purpose admirably. Let’s not reinforce the ‘humorless atheist’ stereotype, mmkay?

      May 26, 2011 at 2:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Canthz_B bang

      What “humorless atheist stereotype”?

      Atheists have the freedom to laugh at religion without a care as to blasphemy.

      I think you might have that backwards, because atheists hardly ever start wars over religious beliefs…unlike some other people…unless you think the Taliban have a great sense of humor.

      “Hey, look how many infidels we killed with that marketplace bomb, Habib! Fucking hilarious!!” ;-)

      Jun 1, 2011 at 12:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   orange dog

    Is that for any sink? Is it brand specific? Is soft-soap OK?

    If I leave a bar of Irish Spring in my sink, will Dawkins pray the Rosary? Is it specific to Dawkins or will the next available atheist do?

    May 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   kacky

      I think it’s some poor OCD soul who can’t stand to see suds left in the sink after the dishwater is drained out. Should be getting help for their condition instead of trying to manipulate co-workers into coddling their phobias. I’ve worked with someone like that and it isn’t possible to make them comfortable. They’ll just find something else to try to get you to change. GO ON MEDS!

      May 20, 2011 at 3:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   jadefirefly

    The last note was a lot funnier when I mis-read it as “every time you leave the poop in the sink”.

    May 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   clumber

      Oh good. I was afraid i needed to put in new contacts when I read it that way.

      May 23, 2011 at 8:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   makfan bang

    Well, if the rapture is coming tomorrow, why shouldn’t I eat your pizza?

    May 20, 2011 at 3:10 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Vegangeekgirl

      Exactly! I mean I’m a atheist so it’s not like it will change anything except that I get free pizza. Sounds like a win to me!

      May 20, 2011 at 4:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Nunavut Guy

      I don’t believe in atheists.

      May 21, 2011 at 6:11 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Canthz_B bang

      I don’t believe in the Rapture…and it didn’t happen this time either…gotta go pay my power company bill on their website now, because I put it off just in case! :lol:

      May 22, 2011 at 1:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Shirley Ayejest

      Nanavut Guy -

      We are all atheists. I just don’t believe in one more god than you.

      May 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Twez

    In case of rapture, I’m taking your pizza.

    May 20, 2011 at 3:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Jessi

    Post-rapture pizza looting party FTW!

    May 20, 2011 at 4:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Car Title Loans

    Nothing like a little joke about Jesus and the end of the world to really make a Friday shine!

    Ava

    May 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Sirius¤ bang

    I have big plans for May 21st – I have purchased a big helium tank, and will be releasing hordes of bouyant, inappropriately-dressed blow-up dolls into the sky.
    A few hundred dolls should do the trick (and won’t even make a dent in my blow-up doll supply).

    May 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   MrCreepy

      You just gave me a great way to occupy my Saturday evening! I’ll just have to sell everything I own to manage it.. -_-

      May 21, 2011 at 5:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Nunavut Guy

    Who the fuck is Richard Dawkins?

    Team too lazy to google.

    May 20, 2011 at 10:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   park rose

      Richard Dawkins is an old-fashioned, fire and brimstone, type preacher. Adheres to the creation of the world being within the last 6000 years or so, and if he’d been around during the Scopes trials, would have stood for the prosecution.

      May 20, 2011 at 11:48 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   pony girl

      @park rose,

      Ooooohhh, I’m tellllling!

      May 21, 2011 at 12:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Mike

      As opposed to Richard Dawson, who just like to kiss all the girls.

      May 21, 2011 at 2:14 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Nunavut Guy

      He supports prostitution?

      May 21, 2011 at 5:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Divvitar

    I’m still wondering what all those crazy fucks are going to do on Sunday when the world’s still here.

    May 20, 2011 at 10:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Nunavut Guy

      Well if the NFL is still on strike…….

      May 20, 2011 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      I’m guessing they’ll be doing their Saturday laundry and mowing their lawns…thinking they’d rather be dead.

      May 22, 2011 at 1:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Nunavut Guy

    Rapture came a day early for me.It happened while I was eating your pizza.

    May 20, 2011 at 10:56 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   pony girl

    Everywhere I go, and all over the news, all this talk about Rapture.

    Thanks a lot people; I can’t get that stupid Blondie song out of my head.

    May 20, 2011 at 11:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   park rose

      Love that song!

      May 20, 2011 at 11:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   park rose

    It’s 18.43 in the Line Islands in Kiribati, May 21st. I know news can be slow, but I think everything is still standing. I’ll be talking out the other side of my face (but that will be okay, because I will have been a true Christian and turned the other cheek) if something dire happens in the next few hours. As it has been said all over the Internet, you’ve plenty of time to prepare that side of the world, especially Hawai’i.

    May 20, 2011 at 11:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Anniee451

    I dunno about that first one. The man from Mars *stopped* eating bars and eating cars and now he only eats guitars.

    Whether that’s still rapture or not you’ll have to ask Debbie Harry. We could get off on a technicality.

    May 21, 2011 at 1:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Imagine, there will be a great many zealots who are actually disappointed that the world didn’t come to an end 5/21/2011.
    How dare billions of people not die?!

    Not themselves of course, because they are without sin and being rapturous while others perish is certainly not a sin.

    May 22, 2011 at 1:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   bookworm

    Yesterday, at 6pm on the dot, my microwave went off. The rapture was two bean and cheese burritos. What did everyone else get? I can’t wait until rapture comes around again next year!

    May 22, 2011 at 11:14 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Ashleigh

    … am I the only one that’s still alive???

    Jun 3, 2011 at 3:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Katy

    The coffee machine sign would have been funnier had it said:

    This machine was raptured early. Get your coffee tomorrow!

    Jun 4, 2011 at 4:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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