Dear parents: this is what you WON’T be hearing from your newly minted college grads

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Dear parents: this is what you WON’T be hearing from your newly minted college grads

May 22nd, 2011 · 39 comments

(After all, once they’ve moved back home into their old bedrooms, they can just raid your liquor cabinet and sneak bills from your wallet, just like old times!)

Meanwhile, this note/social critique was spotted by James in downtown Iowa City, “amid dozens of bars and thousands of over-privileged young suburbanites.”

If, however, your entrepreneurial kiddos do decide to strike out their own, you might want to keep tabs on the Sudafed in the medicine cabinet. (Especially if “on their own” means “the room above the garage.”)

FILED UNDER: art · beer · college life · drugs · graffiti · Iowa · Moms & Dads · money

39 responses so far ↓

#1 Phizzle

Looks like Banksy is getting lazy…

May 22, 2011 at 9:37 pm rating: 23

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- #1.1 Kathleen
  
  That’s his genius. By being lazy about it, he’s inherently making a statement on the laziness of today’s youth.
  
  Or maybe he just had the runs. Either way.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 8:33 am rating: 5
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#2 sal

as a social statement, I give it a meh. As a social statement that correctly uses “your”, I give it a Go Team Grafittist.

May 22, 2011 at 9:39 pm rating: 11

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- #2.1 SamIamurai
  
  (Sal, you didn’t capitalize the ‘A’ in the word ‘as’ in the first sentence you used. Technically you couldn’t have harped on his grammar. Technically.)
  
  May 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm rating: 2
- #2.2 Jamie
  
  Even though she didn’t capitalise the ‘a’…I must say I love the sentiment. The first thing I thought about her graffiti was the fact that she’d correctly used the semi-colon; many people get that wrong (We are very sad…)
  
  May 23, 2011 at 2:41 am rating: 6
- #2.3 Canthz_B
  
  Ah, the semi-colon…I use a colostomy bag.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 4:12 am rating: 6
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#3 Tracy

Dear God, let my son be the one to copy this bit of vandalism. … but substituting “mom” for “dad”.

May 22, 2011 at 9:50 pm rating: 7

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- #3.1 TickleMyBambo
  
  Dear Son,
  
  Please stop using the money I sent you to buy cans of spray paint that you’ll just use for vandalism while under the influence of mentioned booze.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 10:25 pm rating: 8
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#4 Divvitar

In photo #1, is honesty really the best policy? Seriously, who turns down extra money? Oh, I get it, he’s in AA, and doesn’t want to be “enabled.”

As for #2…someone call the Cops. They may not have a meth lab, but they’re hiding something!

May 22, 2011 at 10:04 pm rating: 5

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- #4.1 AuntyBron
  
  No worries, Div. I suspect the cops already have this one staked-out. (or do I mean stake-outed?)
  
  May 22, 2011 at 11:16 pm rating: 1
- #4.2 Canthz_B
  
  He’s a Double-A student! Dad sends the money because he’s so proud…misunderstood the email “Dad, I’m working the AA program here on campus.”, I suppose.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 2:06 am rating: 1
- #4.3 The Elf
  
  I’m going to go with drunken rage. He’s buying booze with his own damn money, but because he’s a newly-minted college grad he’s still working his old student job at minimum wage, so that beer money doesn’t go far. But his unemployed drinking buddies don’t seem to have that problem because they are funded by the Bank of Mom and Dad, interest free. He tried to push it out of his mind, but one dollar bud night, he vandalizes a wall with the uncomfortable truth. Days later he sees his work and reflects on the benefits of being an English major.
  
  In vino veritas.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 6:59 am rating: 9
- #4.4 Iowa!
  
  I actually go to the University of Iowa. I thought it was interesting that this graffiti showed up outside of the liquor store the very weekend that the sororities had their parent’s weekend. I think that was intentional. Oh, and it’s signed by a stencil of a tick- clever!
  
  May 25, 2011 at 4:14 pm rating: 1
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#5 pony girl

If you don’t want cops and druggies to stop by your home at all hours of the day and night looking for drugs, you may want to keep your yard looking nice and stop driving around in a pimped-out dodge blasting that bass that knocks out neighbors windows.
Just sayin’

May 23, 2011 at 1:07 am rating: 16

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- #5.1 TickleMyBambo
  
  And don’t spray paint “I don’t have a meth lab” on your shitty looking garage door.. That just makes people even more suspicious about your so called non “meth lab”.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 10:28 pm rating: 8
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#6 Canthz_B

That garage should raise no more suspicion than the “I’m not driving under the influence (never ever) leave me alone” signs duct-taped to this guy’s car.

May 23, 2011 at 2:21 am rating: 7

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- #6.1 TickleMyBambo
  
  Or a ” I don’t have drugs in the trunk of my car (Never Ever) Leave me alone”.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 10:31 pm rating: 2
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#7 Canthz_B

“There’s no meth lab in this garage, you nosy neighbors.
If you were such know-it-alls, you’d know a chop-shop when you saw one!”

May 23, 2011 at 2:26 am rating: 8

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#8 Chesire Cat

I love the first note. I don’t get why so many people go to college and then just party away and not take it seriously. It pisses me off. I went and I showed up to every class and actually studied. I was not about to waste my parent’s money. And I was not privileged enough to have my own apartment or dorm room and fancy car and all the stuff many of the party hardy college students get.

I partied some, on the weekends after the work was done so I still had time to recover by class Monday morning. That is the responsible thing to do. These asses waste their parent’s and even the taxpayers money if they go on financial aid. If you are not going to take it seriously, don’t go!

My kids are going to be told if they so much as mess up one semester that is it, no more money ever from us. Take it seriously or you are on your own. I got saddled with some prima donna Sorority girl one time for a final exam project and she made me get a bad grad.

May 23, 2011 at 6:51 am rating: 4

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- #8.1 The Elf
  
  You don’t get it? Oh, I get it. Because they can. Because they can’t think of anything better to do with their post-high school years. Because the lure of partying is much greater than the lure of studying. I get why some college students party away with no mind to their education. What I don’t get is why their parents let them do it on their dime. That is what has me befuddled!
  
  May 23, 2011 at 7:04 am rating: 8
- #8.2 CaptainC
  
  Well, a lot of students are capable of both studying and partying.
  Think of it this way; a lot of these kids probably felt controlled and repressed by their parents (whether they actually were or not) and now, given their first taste of freedom, really want take advantage of it.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 7:26 am rating: 3
- #8.3 The Elf
  
  I’m going to take a stab in the dark that the kids that can balance partying and studying are not the source of Chesire Cat’s or the note writer’s angst.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 9:43 am rating: 5
- #8.4 Flip-flappin'
  
  Chesire, you got a bad grad? Maybe you should have studied your spelling and grammar better, instead of partying–responsibly, on the weekends, slowly in the driveway, or not!
  
  May 23, 2011 at 10:09 am rating: 2
- #8.5 CaptainC
  
  Bad grad you?
  
  May 23, 2011 at 11:32 am rating: 9
- #8.6 Sean Jungian
  
  @Chesire
  
  Thanks for giving us our mandatory “Sanctimonious Twit-rage” laugh for today.
  
  Nobody cares how downtrodden and victimized you think you were by the Party Hardy contingent in college. Nobody cares about your grades except maybe your parents. Nobody cares that you didn’t have your own apartment or car.
  
  College is the one place where you reap what you sow. If these “asses” were not getting passing grades, they’d be on academic probation and then dismissed. End of story.
  
  How were you so intimately familiar with their partying ways when you were holed up studying in your drafty garret room, burning the last candle-end you found in the dumpster? How were you so aware of exactly what grades each of these rotten entitled prima donnas were earning?
  
  You sound like a whiny prima donna with entitlement issues yourself. Wah.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 11:48 am rating: 14
- #8.7 Zsa
  
  I was one of those students you hated. Partied every spare second I had (my dorm was pleasantly situated 3 blocks from frat row), usually came to the 8am Monday chem lab still drunk and STILL made 3.8 GPA. Don’t hate cause you couldn’t keep up.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm rating: 9
- #8.8 Chesire Cat
  
  Keep up my ass. I had a 4.0 most of the time. Graduated Cum Laude. Even with the sorority girl messing up my final grade I still pulled a B in that class. I knew they were partying because it was obvious. Came in to class hungover and late with their homework not done wearing a frat or sorority shirt. Not rocket science to figure out.
  
  Duh, the students that could balance it were not the ones I am talking about. I balanced it. Not ranting against myself. It was the ones who screwed up semester after semester barely getting by with low Cs or Ds. I went to a state school so they did not kick anyone out for bad grades. They were more than happy to continue to take whatever tuition money their parents were happy to pay.
  
  The only people giving me the hard time were the ones who probably barely got through college or failed out.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm rating: 7
- #8.9 Sean Jungian
  
  Sanctimonious Twit-rage laugh Part II!
  
  I don’t know what podunk school you went to but just about every 4-year state university has an academic standard of maintaining 2.0 cumulative GPA to stay in school. 2.0 is a C grade. A C grade is AVERAGE. Are you saying someone with a 2.0 shouldn’t graduate?
  
  So, you’re mad that they passed while having more fun, and possibly (though not necessarily) more money, and more privileges than you. Boo-hoo, you poor thing.
  
  Here, I will demonstrate how little anyone cares about your self-reported success in college: I graduated from a Big 10 university with high honors (top 5% of my graduating class of 8,000) – do you give a shit? That’s what I thought. But you go ahead and keep believing I failed out, it’ll keep your persecution complex alive!
  
  May 23, 2011 at 7:20 pm rating: 5
- #8.10 Chesire Cat
  
  2.0 big freaking whoop. I could have not studied a freaking day and got a 2.0.
  
  Mostly, I just hate college. I was told growing up that college is where people take education seriously and that things change blah blah blah. I was very let down. More of the same.
  
  You are right though, grades don’t matter because my husband and I had excellent grades and graduated top of our classes. Yet we could not get a job out of college and most interviewers sneered and got pissy with us about our grades. So more like we were punished for studying.
  
  Oh well, its over with now.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 8:56 pm rating: 2
- #8.11 The Elf
  
  My state school would kick you out if you failed to maintain a 2.0 and some majors were limited enrollment and would throw you out of the major if you failed to maintain a higher gpa (varied by the major in question). Exceptions were given only for prized athletes, who somehow managed to maintain the minimum despite never attending class. Funny, that.
  
  I went to the local state school, so I went with a lot of my high school graduating class, most of whom I hated. It was with a certain glee that I watched their numbers dwindle throughout the first year. Very few returned for the second.
  
  May 24, 2011 at 6:04 am rating: 3
- #8.12 Sean Jungian
  
  @Elf
  
  That’s what I’m saying. Even state universities require you to maintain an overall 2.0 to remain at school. I don’t see what Cheshire’s problem is with that, other than she wants continued recognition and praise for being such a good student long after grades and academic performance have ceased to matter.
  
  Interviewers didn’t care about her better-than-C grades! CAN YOU IMAGINE?? The world is not as she expected it to be! Water is wet!
  
  Having unrealistic expectations about the world and then being bitter about it – a sure sign of immaturity and entitlement.
  
  May 24, 2011 at 8:46 am rating: 1
- #8.13 Chesire Cat
  
  I didn’t care if they were impressed with my grades or not. What I did expect was that they would not hold it against me in a snarky jealous way as one interviewer did. My resume had the cum laude on there and she was like “Oh how did you manage such good grades” in a smarmy tone. I responded politely that ” I set high standards for myself and so did my parents and I worked hard to achieve them. ” She was like “HUMPH well isn’t that nice,” in a very condescending tone. I don’t know what she expected, me to lie or apologize or something?
  
  The point is that college is supposed to be about learning and becoming mature adults. So I do have a right to be pissed at the jokers who don’t take it seriously and half ass it especially if it might effect my grade on a group project.
  
  May 24, 2011 at 6:06 pm rating: 4
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#9 Leah

Haha I go to the University of Iowa, where the first sign is located, and it excites me to see that graffiti make it up on this site. It’s true, though, this is a party school and there are a lot of insanely irresponsible people who piss away their parent’s hard working money just so they can dress up like a member of The Jersey Shore and celebrate “thirsty Thursday”. Ucky.

May 23, 2011 at 10:15 am rating: 7

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#10 Kimberly

I feel like if my house is constantly being mistaken for a meth lab some remodeling, rennovation and/or general cleaning is in order.

May 23, 2011 at 11:02 am rating: 11

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- #10.1 The Elf
  
  He vandalized his own house. I’m thinking that remodeling is not high on his to-do list.
  
  May 23, 2011 at 1:59 pm rating: 3
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#11 Sensible Madness

What an amazing coincidence, I have that exact same sign on MY meth lab too!

May 23, 2011 at 4:05 pm rating: 19

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#12 Angela

I’m FROM Iowa City, and I assure you, the school’s only affluent “suburbanites” come from the Chicago suburbs. Everyone else is from rural or small-town Iowa.

May 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm rating: 1

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- #12.1 hawkeye
  
  yeah and the suburbs aren’t that affluent. We still need to get jobs, get help form our parents, AND take out major loans to pay for all of that tuition…
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 11:56 pm rating: 0
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#13 hawkeye

Just an FYI – I go to Iowa, I know who did the first pic, and it was a girl. All of that “he” business made me LOL

Jun 30, 2011 at 11:55 pm rating: 0

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