Your guardian angel just wants you to get ‘bikini ready’

May 26th, 2011 · 56 comments

In this episode of targeted advertising gone awry, Jill in Nashville went the grocery store and bought a bag of chocolate chips (“to make cookies for work”) and one pint of Ben & Jerry’s (“just one, mind you!”)

If Jill sounds a little defensive, that’s probably because  — thanks to some disarmingly deadpan algorithms — she received this perky little coupon along with her receipt.

Slim-Fast! Kick start your diet!

Meanwhile, a submitter in Ohio was about to reach for the Cherry Garcia — but stopped short when she spotted this “sign from above.”

I think we both know you don't need this, brochacho.

related: Are you calling me fat?

FILED UNDER: bad sales pitch · food · hey fatty · ice cream · Nashville · Ohio


56 responses so far ↓

  • #1   annihispanni

    Just one? I don’t think one is gonna do it, Jill.

    May 26, 2011 at 11:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   FeRD bang

      Yeahhhhh… oddly enough, buying lots and lots of diet shake mix usually isn’t the path to Skinny Jeans Island.

      May 27, 2011 at 12:19 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Jill

      You’re totally right :) The funniest thing to me is that I’m not exactly the Slim Fast target demographic- I’m perfectly fine with my weight at 5′7″ and 120 lbs. The Coupon Algorithm Powers That Be struck out.

      May 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   stephanie (bad mom)

    Most days these occurrences might make me chuckle. Other days I would feel homicidal and everyone would be lucky if I only crumpled the papers and threw them at the nearest smiling skinny person.

    May 26, 2011 at 11:06 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   wright1

    Since the second PA is addressed to “bro”chacho, and the submitter is a she, I would think she’s in the clear!

    May 26, 2011 at 11:06 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   katie_2256

    The second sign would make me to eat twice as much Ben & Jerry’s to make some kind of a point methinks.

    May 26, 2011 at 11:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Lissla

    I’m more amused by “brochacho”. What CAN’T people attach “bro” to?

    The best I’ve heard is “broings on around town”.

    May 26, 2011 at 11:18 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   FeRD bang

      Neil Patrick Harris, in a misguided attempt to mitigate the actual severe gaying effect that his actually being severely gay has on his image (and thus, potentially, on the Bro Messiah character he plays on “How I Met Your Mother”), has apparently been involved in compiling a treatise on all things “bro”:
      The Bro Code

      Included is a definitive guide to the “bronacular”. A “Bro Bible”, if you will.
      (“Broible”, maybe? …Perhaps I should leave it to the brofessionals.)

      May 27, 2011 at 12:01 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   TickleMyBambo

      You see, when a guy reaches the title of ” Brochacho” They are extremely excited to finally be included in the Brotastic Brocircle of Macho Bromance. The downside to being accepted into this group is that you have to give up the Ben & Jerrys. Sadly not many earn title of “Brochacho” for that very reason

      May 27, 2011 at 12:02 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   TickleMyBambo

      Neil Patrick Harris’ character makes an incredible Bro despite his RL gayness. Everytime he says Legen…wait for it…..Dary! I can’t help put wait in broticipation for the dary part. Or when he explained how Jesus made the 3 day rule I couldn’t help but think how truly brotellecutal he is. He is a brodicated bro to his bestest bros! Women can’t help but fall head over heels for his brotitude. Or when I see him with his shirt off and gives that sultry smile I die happily with a Broner .

      I <3 Neil Patrick Harris!

      May 27, 2011 at 12:41 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Balabusta in Blue Jeans

      I think NPH’s realworld gayness adds immeasurably to the awesomeness of Barney. It’s a gay guy playing a sort of off-the-cliff epitome of straight guy.

      Also, he’s an astonishingly funny actor.

      May 28, 2011 at 12:47 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Just Sayin'

      @FeRD!~ It’s not actually NPH’s “misguided attempt”. He probably wasn’t even personally involved with it’s creation at all~the author credit goes to his character, Barney Stinson, which means it was probably written by the show’s writers.

      May 29, 2011 at 10:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Huh??

      @Balabusta BJ~ “off-the-cliff”?? Do you mean “off-the-cuff”?

      May 29, 2011 at 10:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   Jimmy James

      I’ve been anticipating some nice, delicious Ben and Jerry’s ice cream all day, and when I get home and scoop out a bowl, it’s going to be legen- (Wait for it!) -dairy!

      May 30, 2011 at 1:23 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   sero

    The first thing I noticed in the second picture was that apparently Ben & Jerry’s has a delicious sounding Limited Edition Raspberry Peach Cobbler.

    So basically that note writer can go fuck themselves because that shit won’t be around for long and it sounds too good to pass up!

    May 26, 2011 at 11:21 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Kari

      OMG. Me too. I completely missed the brochacho note because I was so distracted by the lure of Raspberry Peach Cobbler ice cream. They should have put the note near the Klondike bars instead.

      May 27, 2011 at 4:30 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   TickleMyBambo

    Oh the common “We think you eat like a fat ass but we won’t say it to your face cause you we’re possibly being hypocritical” passive aggressive mentality some people use as a means of destroying someone elses self esteem so these jerks can feel better about their not so good eating habits. You don’t know how many times I was told that I eat “unhealthy” by certain individuals that I know who claim to be on a “diet” only for me to catch them eating at McDonalds later on. They know now not to complain about their “diet” not working when I ask them how that Big Mac tasted. I bet you that they were thinking it tasted “fucking delicious”.

    May 26, 2011 at 11:22 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   JetJackson

    Jill must have purchased this during work hours… after 10pm a Ben and Jerrys purchase will get you a coupon for a pack of Rizlas and some Clear Eyes.

    May 26, 2011 at 11:24 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Dianne

    I’m always getting coupons for dog food. I haven’t had a dog/bought dog food since 1982….

    May 26, 2011 at 11:42 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   pony girl

      Those bastards!

      Bless you’re heart, I’m sure you’re not a dog, sweetie.

      ;)

      May 27, 2011 at 12:20 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Canthz_B bang

      You don’t need to have a dog to use rawhide chew toys. I wish their computers would stop judging us!

      May 27, 2011 at 7:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   pony girl

      My inability to edit is driving me bonkers.

      May 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger) bang

    Reminds me of all of those Male Enhancement emails I get. What algorithm did I trip at hotmail.com?

    May 26, 2011 at 11:59 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   FeRD bang

      …The one that checks if you have an account? :-P

      May 27, 2011 at 12:16 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Danny

    I’d be inclined to think that the algorithm works the same way as, say, Amazon’s “people who bought this also liked…” algorithm. I’m sure it’s shocking that people buying Slim Fast might also have sketchy other-than-slim-fast dietary habits.

    May 27, 2011 at 6:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    We need to blow this system all to hell.

    I say we all load up on products from the bread section, the candy aisle, the liquor section and the diabetic foods section and see what Dr. Cash Register spits out.

    May 27, 2011 at 7:13 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   TickleMyBambo

      It will spit out “error: Customer Coded”

      May 27, 2011 at 4:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Kimberly

    I bought a case of Michelob Ultra Light Raspberry Pomegranate beer (and only that) and it gave me a coupon for tampons.

    May 27, 2011 at 9:33 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Zsa

      Hubby puts girl beer like that on his “things I will not purchase come hell or high water” list. Right under Mike’s Hard anything, tampons and anything by SlimFast.

      May 27, 2011 at 11:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Kimberly

      Yes, it is admittedly girly, which is why I thought it was hilarious when the tampon coupon came out.

      May 27, 2011 at 11:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Humid Hockey

      I had to actually Google that beer because the concept sounded so absurd.

      Oh mighty Michelob! Dost thou lie so low?

      May 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   TickleMyBambo

      I once bought 3 cases of Budlight limes for a friends party and I not only got coupons for both Budweiser and PBR but I also got a complimentary AA newsletter with my paper bags. I dunno which is worse. Being told I don’t drink manly beer or that someone thinks that I’m an alcoholic with crappy taste in beer.

      May 27, 2011 at 4:35 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Ella

      I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels (and that’s it) and it gave me a coupon for infant formula.

      May 28, 2011 at 8:11 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Divvitar

      ^There’s a Jeff Foxworthy joke in there, I’m sure of it.

      May 29, 2011 at 10:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Wendy

    In Walgreeen’s I bought Midol, tampons and a Reese’s. My coupon? Free AARP membership.

    May 27, 2011 at 10:05 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   quatfaux

      Midol+tampons=AARP membership? FAIL.

      May 27, 2011 at 11:25 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Lis

      I believe the Reese’s is what tipped the balance in favor of AARP.

      May 27, 2011 at 8:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   lee

    The secret to note#1 is that Ben & Jerry’s and Slimfast are owned by the same company.

    May 27, 2011 at 11:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Auto Title Loans

      Isn’t that a little ironic? Lose weight, but also eat your heart out in fattening ice-cream. I suppose they’re appealing to all markets….

      May 27, 2011 at 2:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Lis

      No doubt!

      May 27, 2011 at 8:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Sirius¤ bang

      Actually those Slim-Fast shakes are pretty good if you throw a couple scoops of Burnt Almond Fudge ice cream in the blender.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Kim

    I bought little chocolate donuts and got a coupon for tampax. Don’t boys like little chocolate donuts??

    May 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Lis

      Not the same time every month . . . LOL!

      May 27, 2011 at 8:22 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   pony girl

    Is anyone else curious as to why someone has a freezer-full of ice cream?

    May 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Effy

      it’s in a shop!

      May 27, 2011 at 7:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   pony girl

      Oh.
      Well, them I’m confused.
      Some douche thinks anyone who buys any ice cream is fat?
      That’s just stupid.
      Although, I guess their use of brochado already proves that.

      ps-spellcheck wants to change brochado to brochette. Ha! a female brochado! Cool.

      May 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Mixed Martial Arts Los Angeles

    I’d like to think this is people’s nice, but passive-aggressive way of saying it’s bikini season, so thinking twice about your choices isn’t a bad idea.

    May 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Farticus

      It sounds like you don’t do very much thinking at all, actually.

      Maybe that fuzzy-headedness would clear up if you ate something.

      May 27, 2011 at 7:47 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   TickleMyBambo

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure that constantly, and passive aggressively, reminding people to “think twice” about their choices when it comes to their food consumption will surely end up with the “nice” person getting Ben & Jerry’s newest limited addition ” Mind your damn business chocolate mint strawberry swirl” shoved down their throat.

      May 27, 2011 at 9:23 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Canthz_B bang

      Sure, just go ahead and kill the one-piece swimsuit industry. Those people don’t need jobs.
      I wouldn’t give a hoot-in-Hell for skinny woman, but I’d buy her large amounts of ice cream. ;-)

      May 27, 2011 at 10:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   gacy

    Looks like a Catalina coupon, if you use a club card of some sort it will pop out a coupon for something you’ve bought before, ha.

    May 28, 2011 at 9:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   McKenzie

      Catalina coupons don’t print for things you’ve bought before. They print for things associated with what you’ve just bought on that transaction. Sometimes they are for competitors and sometimes they are for similar items.

      Examples:
      I bought Purex fabric softener, I got a Catalina for Snuggle that said “Snuggle works better than Purex”.

      I bought Cheerios, I got a catalina for $1 off general mills cereals.

      May 28, 2011 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   The Elf

    It is for this reason that I like to group my purchases oddly. For instance, I like to buy pork, shellfish, and kosher products (yay, spaetzle!) at the same time. I’m also terribly fond of stocking up on tofu at the same time I buy a nice juicy steak to throw on the grill. Carrot sticks and ice cream. Diet coke and butter. Hippy-brand skin care products and harsh Dial soap. Tampons and men’s razors.

    I think I really threw them for a loop when I picked up my birth control prescription and baby food. (Hey, it was for a sick ferret.)

    I figure if the stores are going to track my purchases they might as well be confused as all hell.

    May 29, 2011 at 4:57 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Chesire Cat

      On a somewhat related note, I am always getting things from diapers and formula companies thinking I am pregnant again. I had kids 4 years ago and got an IUD put in right after. No more kids for me. Yet, I regularly get things in the mail saying “YOU ARE EXPECTING AGAIN!!!!!” then they send updates about my pregnancy and coupons and formula samples. Then a couple months later after I would have had the imaginary baby it starts all over again! They must think I am like the Duggar woman!

      I assume because I know a crap ton of moms and I will pass on the formula or diaper samples and coupons to them and they use them that it confirms to the companies I am in fact preggo again. Oh wells.

      May 30, 2011 at 7:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Krystal

    My husband bought candy and mountain dew at the store and his catalina coupon was for fixadent! haha

    May 31, 2011 at 5:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Jen

    I took “brochacho” to be a misspelling of “borracho.”

    As in, do you really need ice cream too, drunkard?

    Jun 18, 2011 at 4:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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