Meow, purr, RAWRRR!

May 31st, 2011 · 51 comments

Our submitter at a university in Canberra spotted this first note while getting his morning coffee. “Pat (a professor in the department) has been complaining for weeks that her coffee mug seems to disappear and reappear spontaneously. Her mood varies with its presence.”

To the person who KEEPS taking my mug (it is this shape & has cartoon cats on it & says meouw purr) please STOP taking it away. I don't care if you use it but you must leave it in the tea room so I can also use it. Next time it is missing, I will track you down and stab you in the face with a bread knife. Pat

Several days later, our submitter spotted this addendum, written by another professor sympathetic to Pat’s cause. “Since the mug hasn’t turned up in over a week, I’m pretty sure the culprit is too afraid to return the mug at this point.” (Could you blame him?)

Also I can add the to the damage by grinding pepper into the wound. HK

related: Not to name names, but…

FILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · Australia · beverages · Canberra · cats · college life · not-so-veiled threats


51 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Bec

    The note seemed reasonable until the line “I will track you down & stab you in the face.” You can pinpoint the exact moment the meds stopped working!

    May 31, 2011 at 10:28 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   snee

      that was really the only part i liked. potato, potahto.

      May 31, 2011 at 11:05 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   TickleMyBambo

      I had the re-read that last part 5 times before I finally understood it. At first I was tripping out because I thought it said, “I will hack you down and stomp you in the face with a bread knife”. And no matter how nonsensical it sounded at the time. I couldn’t help but think, “This person is so far off her fucking rocker. I honestly believe that Pat, The Psycho Professor, is capable of literally hacking and stomping down a person in the face with a bread knife.” Plus the added meowing and purring from my cat in the background didn’t help settle my already startled nerves.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 12:57 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   park rose

      TMB – well, I read that you said she was so far off her fucking lobster. That was fun.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 3:50 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   TickleMyBambo

      I am so disappointed to see that nowhere did you say that coming upon fucking Rock Lobsters in my post wasn’t also “fucking delicious” to you. I think some fucking Rock Lobster with a side of crazy butter would be fantastic! But be sure to bring the bread knives because my other knife can’t cut anything.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 8:49 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Who passed out the Haterade?

      I dunno… fucking lobsters just sounds like it could end really badly.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 11:47 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   park rose

      When the Fucking Lobster Claws is applied, it always ends in tears.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   TickleMyBambo

      It doesn’t end in tears for the people who like to be titty twisted by the Fucking Lobster Claws. heh heh heh :p

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   George P

    Stabbing someone with a bread knife wouldn’t be very effect.

    May 31, 2011 at 10:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   snee

      my bread knife has always worked ver–nevermind.

      May 31, 2011 at 11:06 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   CallThaPopo

      The duller the weapon, the more pain it causes.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 12:39 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   FeRD bang

      Didn’t you learn anything from watching Alan Rickman in Kevin Costner’s crappy Robin Hood movie, George?

      Jun 1, 2011 at 2:05 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   unsatisfied

      when I was a little kid, my sister said something that pissed me off so much, I ran to the kitchen, told my mom to move away from the stove so that I could reach into the eating utensil drawer to grab a knife.

      she asked, “what are you doing??!?”

      “I’m going to kill her!”

      mom: “well, not sure that you can do much damage with that kind of knife…unless you are wanting to butter her to death.”

      mom’s funny.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 11:10 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   TickleMyBambo

    So let me get this straight. There is college where people are supposedly getting a higher education from psychotic professors, with the mentality and handwriting of a 8 year old, that are prone to violent PA temper tantrums when their prized Hello Kitty coffee mug goes missing? Uh huh… I learned something new here, and that is to NEVER enroll in that school or else risk going in for a peppered stab wound because I said SpongeBob was better then Hello Kitty.

    May 31, 2011 at 10:51 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Dr_Know

      This is especially disturbing because one of our most prestigious universities (Australian National University) is located in Canberra…hopefully this is from the Catholic University.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   chickenfish

      It’s most likely University of Canberra, they can be pretty feral sometimes.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:30 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   pony girl

      I got your back, TMB.
      Spongebob is way better than Hello Kitty.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:31 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Canthz_B bang

      *pines for Ren and Stimpy* :oops:
      Mr. Horse! Mr. Horse! My kingdom for Mr. Horse!!

      Jun 1, 2011 at 10:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   konkonsn

      I get the feeling you’ve never met a college professor outside of class…

      I was a student representative and sat in on monthly board meetings for just my department. Lines were drawn. Glares were thrown. Things were said behind backs. And this is a meeting of a department, where all the people teach similar subjects, have similar political mindsets, and generally share the funding pretty equally. We’re not talking inter-departmental meetings or the dreaded committee meetings, where you have people from Mathematics who a want 3-credit class and labs system vs. the English department trying to move the all the Liberal Arts to a 4 credit system (and doing both makes it difficult for students to be to classes in different departments on time), the Biology professors think we should make Human Anatomy a requirement (but then we have to drop another requirement, and whose department does that come from?), and the Music and Art departments are just pissed at everyone because they never get any funding.

      Read the first chapter of Michael Chabon’s Wonder Boys. It’s pretty accurate.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 8:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   TickleMyBambo

      Yes, because you know all my 4 years in college were spent trying to avoid having to meet any of my professors. Sorry but you should reevaluate your feelings on this one. Many times I have come across my professors outside of the classroom. Those times I spent not only seeking help for assignments but to also spend time with them and a group of friends during lunch cause we found these professors to be interesting people. Also being a part of Phi Beta Kappa has its way of getting into a professors good graces. Yes, I get that people in a department or other departments have disagreements and tend to not like each other at times but I guarantee you that NONE of the professors at my former campus has ever pulled psychotic PA crap like Professor Pat, because unlike Pat, they all acted like professionals to each other and to their students no matter the disagreements.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:49 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   El Jefe

      Honestly, Tickle, are we back to criticizing others’ presentations now? The Hypocrisy Police have just put out an APB about you and should be surrounding your house any hour now, particularly considering the high-horse-mounting witnessed in 3.6. When you respond (and I can practically guarantee you will) rather than issuing ad hominen attacks feel free to correct your own posts. Even if you limit your corrections to this thread only, that will keep you busy enough.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   TickleMyBambo

      Funny how my personal PA pocket troll happens to pop out of nowhere at such irrelevant timing after being gone for weeks at a time. For a while, I thought you had finally died from starvation due to people not feeding you.

      I was merely making a response to someone who had implied that I never met nor interacted personally with a college professor outside of the classroom. I explained why that wasn’t the case and that was all, no harm done really. But to you, El Jefe, anything I say will guarantee a response from you that is either “She is being a hypocrite!” or “She’s riding on that high horse again”. Your posts are the same old repetitive theme, and frankly I find it both boring and unoriginal. What’s the old saying? Oh yeah! Stop beating a dead horse. Or should I say, get off your stinky rotting dead horse and get over whatever complex it is you’re suffering from.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 2:27 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   Canthz_B bang

      Courtships like this make me smile inside.

      Jun 3, 2011 at 9:36 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   shipaddict

    She’s going to serrate them to death?

    May 31, 2011 at 10:53 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Bec

      Then scoop out their eyeballs with her teaspoon. Don’t let this woman near a homewares store.

      May 31, 2011 at 11:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Jimmy James

      Give her five minutes in the interrogation room with a melon baller and a citrus juicer, and you’ll admit to anything.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 8:47 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   The Elf

      Room 101. Now.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   The voice of... James Mason bang

      NOOOOOO!!! NOT ROOM 101!!!! AAAAHHH!!! :-D

      Jun 2, 2011 at 7:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   ReeT

    It really shouldn’t be hard to find a mug that says “meouw purr.” My mugs never speak.

    May 31, 2011 at 10:56 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Bec

      Turns out it wasn’t a mug after all, it was an actual cat. No-one was borrowing it, the cat just kept running away. Crazy cat lady.

      May 31, 2011 at 11:23 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   The Elf

      Mine do. But only after I drink the special coffee.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 1:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Dean Treadway

    I think this note is completely justified. Including the stabbing. With a bread knife. Which would be painful. Not ALL notes are uncalled for.

    May 31, 2011 at 11:11 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Gladystopia

    Obviously this is NOT a high-class establishment; a classy joint would offer fresh-cracked pepper.

    May 31, 2011 at 11:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   TickleMyBambo

      It’s so ghetto there that people forget to wash old blood stains off the bread knifed from former victims. This is what I would class a ghetto establishment to the lowest degree.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 12:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Christine

    Just Fyi: The ground (black) pepper would actually stop the bleeding made by the knife wound.

    Cup stealer wins.

    May 31, 2011 at 11:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   TickleMyBambo

      I take it you have experience with black pepper healing magic when it comes to treating bread knife inflicted stab wounds?

      Jun 1, 2011 at 12:38 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    “You call that a knife?…This is a knife!”

    –Crocodile Dundee

    Jun 1, 2011 at 12:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Aksi

      “No its not, its a spoon”

      “I see you’ve played knifey-spoony before!”

      Jun 1, 2011 at 12:18 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   FeRD bang

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqghpm4gXf4

      (I don’t know why it comes up in 3D by default, and I sincerely apologize to your eyes.)

      Jun 1, 2011 at 2:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   TickleMyBambo

      You call that 3D? *Puts on a pair of 3D Glasses* THIS is 3D! BRING IT!

      Jun 1, 2011 at 2:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Borrow Pat’s mug and she’ll stab you in yours.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 12:03 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   VerityBrown bang

    I’m with Team Professor. If someone is nice enough to allow you to use their own personal mug when they aren’t using it, the least you can do is to leave it (cleaned, preferably!) where it can be found when they want it. Maybe the culprit didn’t previously know it belonged to a specific person, but ignoring this information, now that it has been conveyed, is asshattish enough to warrant dull stabbery. Although I would use a spoon. And aim lower.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 3:34 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Kate

    I keep my mug in my classroom.
    End of problem.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 6:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      Logic, reasoned thinking, and problem solving has no place in a college!

      Jun 1, 2011 at 1:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   park rose

      Verity Brown is lucky she has a classroom. I have four different classrooms, a very long way from any kitchen facilities. Other teachers have even more changes of room in various buildings around campus. If I were the cat woman in question, I would keep my cup in my office, but then, it seems that not everyone has offices with space for keeping cups, either, or an office. In another context, keeping a cup in a classroom is not only illogical, but impractical.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   madrugada

    Pat warms the cockles of her coworkers’ hearts…with a blowtorch.

    Team Pat on this one. She’s totally reasonable about the mug, doesn’t mind if the thief uses it as long as it’s there when she wants to use it, and gets bonus points for creativity by selecting a bread knife as her weapon of choice!

    Jun 1, 2011 at 6:36 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Chesire Cat

    I like her style. I like to threaten murder on people too when they piss me off. It usually works.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 7:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Jen

    I like Pat.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 7:47 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Grumpy Teacher McGrumperson

    If anything, her reaction is understated.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 9:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   The Elf

    Do not stand between a coffee addict and the coffee (and by extension, the coffee mug). People have been killed for less.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 9:46 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Eileen

    I work with a Pat. The truly scary thing is that on any given day, you never know if you’re going to encounter Nice Pat or Crazy Bitchy Bread-Knife-Stabbing Pat. I don’t touch her stuff on a *good* day.

    Jun 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     

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