“My parents have a large front yard,” writes David in Georgia, “and up until a few years ago, it had about 40 trees in it.” Unfortunately, an arborist informed David’s parents that those trees, while they looked normal enough, had become infested and essentially hollowed-out by insects, killing the trees and turning them into a pretty big safety risk in the case of a storm. At the arborist’s recommendation — and I’m sure, at all no small expense — David’s parents had the trees removed.
Fast forward a few months to December, when the family put up their usual holiday decorations — little trees made of Christmas lights — throughout the front yard. Soon after, David says, the family received two items of interest in their mailbox:
1. A certificate of recognition from the Arbor Day Foundation, “thanking us for our efforts to prevent further tree deaths”
2. This handmade holiday card.
Adds David: “This person obviously put a lot of work into carefully drawing and writing it; the artwork and penmanship are immaculate. If only they’d put as much effort into asking us why we were having the trees removed.”
related: All together now…please don’t climb the tree!
150 responses so far ↓
#1
Hmmm
Cutting down trees and putting up artificial crap *is* pretty bad, though.
Did you plant new trees to replace them, or do you fetishize a treeless lawn and cut down anything over 1 foot tall like so many other Americans?
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:34 pm rating: 4
#2
lagne
If wood’s what they want, then next year, erect a gigantic lit-up penis with a huge wreath around the bottom. Then watch the artwork roll in.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:36 pm rating: 166
#3
Diggerjohn111
What kind of greeny idiot would take the time to do all this? If someone cuts down THAT many trees, they obviously have to have a blight. This is beyond passive-aggressive, this is blind stupidity on the note writer’s part (part of me hopes they see this).
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm rating: 114
#4
katie_2256
Nawww, “Sadly but sincerely”. Their shaky sad little writing and pretty picture make me want to forgive them for their apparent craziness and intense passive aggressive christmas card!
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm rating: 13
#5
FlyRice
Georgia? Could have said Oregon and would have fooled me…nonsensical tree-huggers.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:39 pm rating: 3
#6
Joy
Wow! I’ve got to say, this is my new favorite.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:40 pm rating: 10
#7
Marie
Must live in Marin.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:43 pm rating: 5
#8
Lizardqueen
Wow. The card maker is downright “passive hostile”. They are wishing 200 years of bad luck on a family. That is more than breaking a mirror AND opening an umbrella in the house combined.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:45 pm rating: 65
#9
Cr8vly
This. Is. Awesome! I especially love the word ‘Death’ written on the blade of the chainsaw, that and the forethought to use the apostrophe after the S on years’. HA. Can’t stop smiling with this one. They shoulda made a P.A. response and stuck it in every mailbox on the road just to make whomever feel like a d-bag for not inquiring first.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:46 pm rating: 46
#10
Julia
so awesome
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:49 pm rating: 2
#11
Nack
A lot of Americans live in what are called “SubDivisions”. They are controlled by evil organizations called “Home Owners Associations”. These H.O.A.s typically have rules about what you can do with your yard . So, some people are not simply trying to cut down anything over a foot tall because they want to, but because their H.O.A. has some ridiculous rule about it all.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:50 pm rating: 49
#12
Jackdaw
My favorite part is the beribboned Death chainsaw.
Jun 7, 2011 at 7:55 pm rating: 32
#13
jimmy
I would have made sure a “lead” on a possible story idea concerning an outbreak of ____ Disease among trees was sent to the local paper, and offer to give an interview concerning having to get trees removed “in order to save the rest of the local trees” (according to the Arbor Day Foundation). The foundation would probably be happy to “help spread the word” in a coordinating interview.
Jun 7, 2011 at 8:10 pm rating: 31
#14
Emails That Suck
The notewriter had to appease the dread Arbor God, you see. They donated one minute of service per dead tree in the making of this card to honor their fallen friends.
They even drew the picture in pencil first to make sure they got it right, then used 8 – 8! – different markers throughout. Quality is important when your deity is a dread one.
Without the notewriter’s labors, Henderson Road would be in the throes of a Treant rampage. At that point, even the Chainsaw Named Death could not prevail. Thank goodness for these selfless neighbors.
Jun 7, 2011 at 8:14 pm rating: 15
#15
Angela
The kicker is that felling 40 trees is serious money. We had one tree removed under similar circumstances and it was several hundred dollars.
Jun 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm rating: 17
#16
Hello there
HAHA! “Death.” I’m really just impressed with this note. It looks like it’s a ready-made Hallmark card. Only it’s about felled Christmas trees. I want a copy now.
Jun 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm rating: 9
#17
pony girl
I am thinking that increasingly tacky and over-the-top decorations for every possible holiday are put up from now on.
ps- I’m also thinking that the arborist’s report and that nasty card be copied, laminated, and put on display with the aforementioned displays.
Jun 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm rating: 14
#18
Lu
I live in GA and had my power go out for over a day this year after a storm because a tree fell on the lines. They were falling all over town downing lines and blocking streets. The trees in west GA are mostly tall, old, and likely to fall or have a downed branch in a storm.
Jun 7, 2011 at 8:30 pm rating: 4
#19
Sarahj259
The card writer has a point, imagine if a murderer killed 40 people and then put the victims clothes on maniquins and arranged them for the public to view. It’s the same thing!! (and by same I mean not at all.)
Jun 7, 2011 at 9:12 pm rating: 73
#20
pony girl
This neighborhood has had an awful lot of pets go missing, and a man who pulls a gun on waggy-tail dogs.
It may be time to move.
Jun 7, 2011 at 9:18 pm rating: 1
#21
Canthz_B
That’s what they get for moving in next-door to those ill-tempered apple trees from the Land of Oz.
Jun 7, 2011 at 10:19 pm rating: 13
#22
easily distracted
I wonder how much paper the anonymous tree lover went through before coming up with the finished project?
Jun 7, 2011 at 10:47 pm rating: 31
#23
EmKitteh
That is really nicely drawn, and those trees were fucking delicious.
Jun 7, 2011 at 11:00 pm rating: 8
#24
Ashley
If they are so worried about trees and the environment, they should have asked the owners instead of wasting paper and ink(marker, etc).
Jun 8, 2011 at 12:48 am rating: 7
#25
Grant
Nice card. But didn’t they have “Danger, unsafe trees” notices put up in their front yard for a few weeks before they could arrange the removal?
Jun 8, 2011 at 3:46 am rating: 0
#26
Cricket
How many trees were killed to make the paper for that card? About 40 methinks.
Jun 8, 2011 at 11:37 am rating: 2
#27
Bella
Maybe you should replace the trees with 40 little wooded crosses made from their branches. In memorial.
Jun 8, 2011 at 11:49 am rating: 23
#28
AndreaC
You know this really pisses me off. First of all, we know the whole story and can certainly sympathize with the fact that diseased trees have to be cut out. But let’s assume that those guys decided to cut their trees FOR WHATEVER REASON. It is THEIR damn lawn and THEIR damn trees!!
Maybe they don’t feel like raking 40 million pounds of leaves every year. Maybe they feel like having a little more sunlight enter their home. Maybe they just got tired of trimming them. Maybe they were afraid of a bad storm.
So nosey ass neighbor: STFU. What’s it TO you if they cut the trees, huh?? Grow 40 more on YOUR yard jack ass.
I hate neighbors that don’t mind their fucking business.
Jun 8, 2011 at 12:29 pm rating: 38
#29
mutzali
We have over 30 trees in our suburban San Jose CA lot. We planted them all, some 30 years ago when we bought the place. There is one know-it-all neighbor/”professional gardener” that stops by every couple of months and offers to trim them for ridiculous amounts of money. I alwasy say (politely) “no, thank you. My husband and sons do all that.” Invariably, he tells me that these trees need special care from someone who knows trees, not amateurs. Our neighborhood was layed out in the 1940s. and each house had two matching trees in the front, one on either side of the walk. He’s advised way too many neighbors to remove the mature front lawn trees and replace them with crepe myrtles.
So last time he came by, I pointed to two trees in the front yard and asked him what he would do with them. For the first, he told me that MAGNOLIAS like that need to be thinned out so they get enough light to flower right. I told him that PERSIMMON trees like that only bear fruit on the spurs he was offering to remove. When I then asked what he would do with the dogwood, he told me dogwoods can’t grow in our climate, so he would advise taking it out and putting in a nice crepe myrtle. (It’s a youngster, only been blooming here for 15 years….)
And the redwood in the back, he says, must be over 100 years old and should be TOPPED!!! We planted it when we moved in, back in 1981. He’s not touching it.
Jun 8, 2011 at 5:44 pm rating: 38
#30
Kimberly
I took down 6 non-native trees that split during Ike. I had an angry neighbor confront me and my tree guy. Tree guy point out that the trees were destroyed. I won’t be planting trees to replace them because they were dangerously close to my house.
Jun 8, 2011 at 6:39 pm rating: 4
#31
Sal
When we moved into our house, there were a couple trees that were just huge and too close to the house and so we wanted to take them down. (We live on 3/4 acre and had about 60 trees at the time.)
The arborist came, and agreed the two were just way too close to the house… but then started peeking around at the other trees and advised us to take down like 20 more. He felt they were probably dying and all were close enough that they could fall on our house.
I made sure to tell EVERYONE that the trees were dying. Most neighbors were understanding; although one mourned our trees worse than we did and continually lamented to us how much she missed our trees.
Then two years later we had a HUGE windstorm. We only had a few small branches fall; my lamenting neighbor had three trees fall in her yard; one took out her pool fence and part of her shed, another came within a couple feet of their swingset. Both, if the wind were blowing a different direction, would have hit their house.
She wasn’t so lamenty after that.
And yes, lamenty is a word. I will it to be.
Jun 8, 2011 at 8:44 pm rating: 26
#32
Bellaisa
Sadly this is something that I might possibly do – so what have I learned? Things are not always as they seem, and these neighbors must have spent a lot of time thinking about this.
Jun 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm rating: 2
#33
Chesire Cat
Wow that person is a good artist. Yeah great description. If only they had put as much effort into finding out why you cut down the trees. Oh well, I would frame it and hang it in my hallway. Its a good conversation piece.
Jun 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm rating: 0
#34
The_Great_G
My family used to have a sweet gum, willow, and some small tree in our front yard. We got those removed because the sweet sum was diseased, the willow clogged our sewer every spring, and the other tree was dead. Now, the tri-colour beech out front is about twice the size it was when my family moved in and just as radiant purple as ever.
In our back yard, we had a stand of pines that were topped off by the power company (people who owned the hose before us were told they wouldn’t grow that tall) because they grew into the lines, then taken down because they died. Finally, we got our maple removed because it was more carpenter ant than tree. Our big trees back there are still healthy as ever and the apple tree actually produces usable results. Last year, I sold my friends some extra iPhones it grew. This summer, with the extra rain for the roots and everything, I hope to grow an iPad.
Jun 9, 2011 at 7:03 pm rating: 16
#35
nikki
#1.5 Nunya
Like most Americans?
Where do you live? Most Americans love trees and beautiful plants.
America is not New York and Los Angeles.
________
uhhh eat me Nunya! I live in NY which by the way has ALOT of freaking trees. of course the city doesn’t have nearly as much but we have lots of trees there too…by the way, ever heard of the Adirondacks? or do you just spew shite from your mouth before thinking. Sorry, let me be more polite. Nunya, NY, your insidious comment aside, actually has a lot of forestry..please do some research before commenting on something you obviously are lacking knowledge on…Thanks.
Jun 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm rating: 0
#36
grammertron5000
theres’ ? what’s that even supposed to mean?
Jun 17, 2011 at 4:27 pm rating: 0
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