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Colonel Mustard? Meet Major Peteve.

June 9th, 2011 · 71 comments

“As far as I know,” says Meagan in Ohio, “my boss, an early-40s white lady named Sandee, is a native English speaker.” I made sure to double-check with Meaghan on this, because, well — just read the thing.

As everyone knows major peteve of mine open wine bottles in cooler goes in a certain spot.

As Meagan points out, her boss “does not seem to understand that the pet peeve is the thing you shouldn’t do…or that ‘peteve’ is not a thing…or really, anything. How could you hit ‘print’ on this?”

Except to underline the fact that Meagan’s place of employment is a winery — one where open bottles of wine seem have to have a tendency to be strewn about willy-nilly — I must say I have no idea.

related: My pet peeve

FILED UNDER: bold-underlined-caps · now that's management · spelling and grammar police · WTF? · You call that punctuation?

71 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Corianne

    Maybe Meagan’s boss felt the need to finish off the offending wine bottles before making this sign.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:16 pm   rating: 108  small thumbs up

  • #2   zenvelo

    Me thinks the certain spot is the “G-Spot”. Would explain the fragment we can’t see about “put these in…”

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Hello there

    She hit the “Jumble” button in Word. Common mistake.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:22 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Hello there

      Thanks for the word of the day! I love the site and I felt this needed a comment. Ugh, such a boring acceptance speech.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 10:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   TickleMyBambo

      Hey, at least giving a boring but mostly very kind and appreciative acceptance speech isn’t one of your major “peteves” ; )

      Jun 12, 2011 at 2:26 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   Sherry

    I’m shocked at how many people think the phrase “dog eat dog world” is actually “doggy dog world”

    Maybe this woman has only heard fast talkers say pet peeve.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:23 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Hello there

      HAHA, wow, I never heard that. I should of known. Grammar’s a whole nother ball game. Irregardless of how old you are.

      Jun 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Heather

      Oh my GOD that is hysterical! It’s a slew of bad grammar…funny!

      Jun 9, 2011 at 5:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Cr8vly

      It is ironic the original post emphasizes poor grammar and then you choose to respond to it with nonstandard words. The proper words here in your comment would be ‘another’ and ‘regardless’. *Irregardless is nonstandard and a double negative. ; )

      Jun 9, 2011 at 6:14 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Amy

      Or “should have” is “should of?” God, that irritates me….

      Jun 9, 2011 at 6:20 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   spudmom

      Um…sorry Cr8vly but I believe the nonstandard words in 4.1 were intended to poke more fun at the original post. Too bad your literal knickers were in a knot LOL

      Jun 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Kelly

      I have also seen, “for all intensive purposes” instead of, “for all intents and purposes” many times.

      Jun 9, 2011 at 6:27 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   Hello there

      Sorry guys. I had no idea. ~Thx, Garry

      Jun 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   Canthz_B bang

      I once had a supervisor who used “ideal” instead of “idea”. How I never strangled him I have no ideal.

      He was also one of those “pacific” instead of “specific” people. *shudder*

      Jun 9, 2011 at 9:48 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #4.9   doctorvee bang

      In sharing tales of medical woes, my MIL routinely refers to the carotid artery as the “carottive artery”.

      (Also, the window above an old-timey door is a “transient”)

      Jun 9, 2011 at 11:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.10   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry to hear that, doc. I hope your MIL’s condition never leaves her lying “prostate”.

      Jun 9, 2011 at 11:15 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #4.11   park rose

      Scheherazade vs Neptune – for all those in tents and (on) porpoises.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 1:14 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #4.12   lagne

      A former boss of mine – a very Southern gentleman – always added a “t” or “d” sound to the end of the word “once,” as if to make it past-tense. “Ah nevur herrd frum ‘im agin onced Ah dun sowd ‘im thayut tractur.”

      Jun 10, 2011 at 4:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.13   quat

      Way to miss the point, cr8vly. Park Rose, I love you.
      Man says to doctor, “Sometimes I feel like a yurt. Sometimes I feel like a teepee. Help me!”
      Doc says, “Relax. You’re too tense.” (Two tents, for the literal minded… just sayin’.)

      Jun 10, 2011 at 10:26 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #4.14   Clumber

      Well I could care less….

      (Gahhhh!! Trying not to correct it.. trying… AHHHH!)

      My boss pronounces the word scenario with a hard-c, so SKnario. I will kill him some day. Anyone willing to take up collection for my bail $ when it finally happens?

      Jun 11, 2011 at 4:35 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #4.15   Canthz_B bang

      Doesey-dotes and lamsey-dotes and little lamsey-dievy, a-kiddley-diveytoo, wouldn’t you?

      I thought that was a children’s nonsense song until I was watching a children’s music video with my daughter and saw the does and lambs eating. Fucking Burl Ives’ diction on a 45rpm record screwed me for years! :oops:

      Jun 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.16   clumber

      Even better when you have a fisher-price turntable that also has 78-rpm… MWAHAHAHAHAH!! I also used it to make my own “tie dye” shirts. Yeah, I didn’t get to use my own turntable unsupervised after that…

      Jun 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.17   em bang

      It grates my nerves when I hear “fustrated.”

      Jun 16, 2011 at 11:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.18   Canthz_B bang

      Ooo, and referring to one’s drivers’ license as “them” or “they”.

      “Do you have your drivers’ license?”

      “No, they’re suspended, I get them back September 18th.”

      Jun 17, 2011 at 12:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #5   Bellaisa

    And that is what makes a good boss at the winery! Laying down their peteves for everyone to follow.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #6   shwo! bang

    Clearly mixed up with the Guns N Roses song, Sweet Peteve of Mine.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #7   Happy Girl

    Must have been done in a fit of rage after drinking all the open wine… “I’ll showsss them what ‘appens when they don’t follow my peteve’s!” Lesson: Don’t type (and print) drunk people!

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #8   Rachel

    Ah, I understand: she’s speaking Wine.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:46 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   The Elf

      Or, she’s speaking after wine. A whole bottle’s worth, which she didn’t put away in the CERTAIN SPOT.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 10:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #9   OldPandaDayz

    Also, I’m assuming she meant for that to be one giant run on sentence that’s missing a few articles and other connectors? If so, I’m ok with that; “a” and “the” are overrated anyway.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   El jefe

    First, fuck yeah! Hail to the new king of firstness. Now bend over and show your devotion to me

    Jun 9, 2011 at 5:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   El jefe

      Damn! little too late.

      Jun 9, 2011 at 5:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   Kerri

    Hilarious! I wondered why there were open wine bottles at work… Love the post title, too!

    Jun 9, 2011 at 6:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   coco


    Jun 9, 2011 at 6:22 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   clumber

      and caps lock?

      Jun 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   vague

    I am not a native but my eyes are bleeding because of “wine bottleS goES in a cetrain spot” …

    Jun 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #14   Risha

    Everyone who’s anyone knows Major Peteve.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 7:47 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      Major Peteve is Major Payne’s first cousin.

      Jun 9, 2011 at 11:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   *snerk*

      Both are under the command of General Nuisance.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 8:59 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Canthz_B bang

      There’s a colonel of truth in that!

      Jun 10, 2011 at 10:22 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   juju

      In his absence, please submit to Cpl. Punishment.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   The Elf

      You can find him over there, disciplining Pvt. Parts.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 2:41 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #15   unsatisfied

    wow! meagan’s boss is sarah palin?

    (I know. pretty cheap.)

    Jun 9, 2011 at 8:36 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   lagne

      Cheap, yes. But delicious. Just like Sandee’s wine, I betcha. Possibly like Palin, too, but I’d rather drown in the wine.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 4:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Ha! Where I come from, open wine bottles go in the trash *°hic°*, excuse me.

    Jun 9, 2011 at 10:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    I feel sorry for Sandee. If her parents couldn’t spell “Sandy” or “Sandra”, how much homework help could she have gotten at home?

    Jun 9, 2011 at 11:52 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Jimmy James

      I think names have been changed to protect the guilty- “Sandee” is probably short for Sandra Lee of Food Network fame. That would seem to be consistent with the apparent drunkeness and contempt for the English language exhibited in the note, as well as the “Early 40′s white lady” description.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 12:57 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   TickleMyBambo

      Maybe she’s married to “Garry” due to their common misspelled names?

      Jun 12, 2011 at 2:51 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #18   Ana

    How the heck did she get that job? I mean she has people under her. I’d hate to have seen her resumé and to think of how illiterate the person who hired her is/was.

    Jun 10, 2011 at 2:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #19   Grant

    Quit whining, woman!

    Jun 10, 2011 at 3:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   ok so

    Wow. This is her boss? Sad when someone in charge can write this poorly, and I still can’t find a job. FML.

    Jun 10, 2011 at 8:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   park rose

      Maybe her skills as a vintner are more valuable than her inability to string a sentence together. Of course, she might not be a vintner, but it’s still a specialised field.

      Jun 11, 2011 at 12:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   park rose

      Wow – my comment just got held up by the spam checker. It didn’t have the word s*cial*st in it (that has held it up before), nor any swear words . . . the only word I can think of that might have caught its eye was v*ntner – crazy. Ultimately, it will probably be before this comment.

      Jun 11, 2011 at 12:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   whomever

    Just this week, I got sent photos for a school newsletter titled “Petty Zoo” – featuring the kids playing at a PETTING ZOO. The woman who sent them is over 40. It kills me to think that for the last 40 years she’s been thinking it’s actually called that.

    Jun 10, 2011 at 9:27 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Gladystopia

      “Stop that. You’re petting the goat’s fur on an angle..that’s WRONG, you little idiot!”

      –overheard at the Petty Zoo

      Jun 10, 2011 at 2:39 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Pit Pat

      Petty zoo – loooolllll!

      I once saw a flier inviting people to come to a “coffee clutch.”

      I also used to think “cache” was pronounced “cake.” Yes, I studied French for 5 years, and yes, I am familiar with the game “cache cache.” But still, I thought it was like the word “ache,” but with a “c” in front. DH corrected me when I referred to a “weapons cake.” Lol.

      Jun 12, 2011 at 11:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Annette

    Can anyone of you native english speakers explain to me what she might mean? My english usually isn’t that bad but in this case, I’m totally lost.

    Jun 10, 2011 at 9:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Jimmy James

      I speak imbecile. Here’s a rough translation:

      “As everyone knows, I have a very strong opinion about where in the cooler open wine bottles should be placed. It is a pet peeve of mine when the open bottles are not placed in this certain spot.”

      Jun 10, 2011 at 10:43 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Lythande

      A more literal translation might be

      “As everyone knows, a major pet peeve of mine is that open wine coolers should go in a certain spot”.

      Obviously still not grammatically lovely with real words, punctuation, and the missing words filled in…

      Jun 11, 2011 at 12:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   pony girl

    Is this a form of malapropism?

    That is one of my peteves.

    Jun 10, 2011 at 2:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   *snerk*

      Malapropism is using the wrong real word, usually in a funny way. While the word “malapropos,” meaning “inappropriate,” has been around for a while, malaprop specifically follows after Mrs. Malaprop, a character in a play (The Rivals, by Sheridan), who uttered malaprops habitually.

      One example:

      “…she’s as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.” (i.e. alligator; Act III Scene III Line 195)


      I don’t think peteves is a real word.

      Pederast enough for you? (See what I did there?)

      Jun 10, 2011 at 4:03 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #24   pony girl

    I know what malapropism means.
    That’s why I asked if this was a form of it.
    Obviously, tongue-in-cheek.

    As for the pederast statement, no, I don’t see what you did there. Nor do I care to.
    See what I did there?

    Jun 10, 2011 at 5:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   pony girl


      My comment looks harsh, although I didn’t mean it that way.

      I mean, you know, I don’t care to see what you did (pedarast). yuck.

      and, of course, I didn’t reply properly either.

      fu^k me.

      Jun 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   Clumber

    Ya’ know… if a peteve is anything like Summer’s Eve, perhaps this missive makes more sense in regard to everyone knowing what spot to put it in….

    Jun 11, 2011 at 4:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Canthz_B bang

      LOL, in that case, you don’t even need peteve if your bitch is spayed. :-P

      Jun 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   Heather

    I had a supervisor who went for Thanksgiving Churkey dinner. When we explained it was pronounced ‘Turkey’ he insisted that that was the name of a country, not a bird!

    Jun 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Canthz_B bang

      You should have recommended he have “Ticken” instead…or “butterfried scrimps”.

      Jun 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   Pit Pat

      Was he Irish or British? My mil says “chuna” for “tuna.” But never “churkey.”

      Jun 12, 2011 at 11:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #27   Joe the Cigar Guy

    Apparently, drinking on the job is one of the French benefits here.

    Jun 19, 2011 at 9:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   g

    the real question: is it megan, meagan, or meaghan?

    Jul 6, 2011 at 11:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #29   mh

    I actually heard some one refer to themselves as being “self-defecating”

    (rather than self-deprecating)

    Jul 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up


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