Next time, I’ll burn the mail.

June 23rd, 2011 · 110 comments

Jillian and her roommates in Massachusetts recently found this note — which goes from 0 to 60 in half a page — outside their apartment door. At the time it was left, says Jillian: “None of us were home except the dog, who apparently needs to lose weight.”

But hey, neighbor? Even if they had been home, ignoring a knock hardly seems grounds for jumping straight to burning the mail. Apparently it is not a good month for chilling the fuck out.

Out of the kindness of my heart, I chose to bring the mail to your door in person, after it was wrongfully delivered to me. You ignored my knocks, while your obese feet tromp along our ceiling, unable to hide. Next time, I'll burn the mail. All actions feed more action. Spite and arrogance breed the same in others. YES. It is a good month to be a bitch.

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

FILED UNDER: martyr complex · Massachusetts · mistaken identity · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · WTF?


110 responses so far ↓

  • #1   james

    Take that note right to the police and report their threat of a federal offense, which is what burning the mail would be…

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:31 pm   rating: 184  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   lagne

      I hope they know which neighbor left the note, though; how much you wanna bet the little pussy didn’t sign it?

      I think I hate this person. ;-)

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:01 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   TickleMyBambo

      Yes. It’s totally a GOOD month for this bitchy neighbor to get tromped all over by “obese feet”.

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:47 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   shadowz

      I’m gonna guess it’s the downstairs neighbors. “… while your obese feet tromp along our ceiling…” would be the biggest clue.

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:47 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   lagne

      hehehe… you would be correct. Can you tell it’s late and I’m sleepy? ;-)

      Jun 24, 2011 at 12:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Canthz_B bang

      The messed up thing is that their feet aren’t even obese, they just have a clown-shoe fetish.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 2:56 am   rating: 61  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Hmmm

      The other day I passed a long line of Postal Police cars, with light bars and everything. I couldn’t imagine what they are needed for, but looking at their Wikipedia article, this sounds right up their alley.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 7:48 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   cTo

      Postal Police?? Crap, I hope they don’t find out I’ve been using the coupons that have been coming to my apartment addressed to the woman who used to live here….

      Jun 24, 2011 at 1:15 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   The Elf

      Those aren’t obese feet. They’re just big-boned.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 1:35 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   clever name

      I loved that it could only be heavy walking, and not someone banging. They should stop and get the door!

      Jun 24, 2011 at 10:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   makfan

      I have owned my condo for 14 years. I still get a bookstore’s quarterly mailings, addressed to the man who lived here 16 years ago. I feel no guilt in reading it and then recycling it.

      Jun 26, 2011 at 10:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   Jammin

      I think it’s a good month for all the roomies to sign up for tap-dancing lessons, and practice at home all friggin’ night long!

      Jun 27, 2011 at 3:07 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Mel

    This is absolutely hilarious!!!!!

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Kate from Iowa

      *snicker* I got a note like this once. It wasn’t even my mail the bitch got, it was for the chick across the hall (the mailboxes were numbered, but for some reason the apartments weren’t.)

      Needless to say, no apology from the bitchy notewriter.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 3:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Quite Contrary

    Dear Bitch,

    NO. Not a good month to be a bitch. It’s months like this that are the reason you are home and we are not.

    All the best,
    The Girls

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:36 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TickleMyBambo

      Dear Bitch,

      We are truly grateful that you chose to bring us our mail out of the so called kindness of your heart after it was accidentally delivered to you. Such a sweet neighborly thing to do! For someone who performed such a considerate random act of kindness, your attitude tells us that you are put off and spiteful about having to do such an act. We would have been able to answer the door and thank you in person, but unfortunately we were out of town at the time. Now that we think about it, we’re glad that we weren’t there cause if you told us to our faces that you were going to burn our mail.. Let’s just say that this month is a BAD month for you to end up in jail. We can’t help that the mailman mixed up our mail, and we cannot help that we weren’t home to take our mail back and that our “obese” dog couldn’t answer the door and later bothering you with the sounds of his “fat” paws tromping about on your ceiling. Shit happens, life goes on. Take a midol before you start going around burning peoples belongings.

      Regardless of your display of spite and arrogance. We thank you again for bringing back our mail. Please do us a favor, if doing things for others out of the kindness of your heart brings the worst out of your personality than we ask that you chose not to do so in the future.

      Sincerely,
      Jillian, roommates, and “obese” dog.

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:41 pm   rating: 145  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Cathryn Bauer

    YIKES. I have seen people on trial for violent felonies that weren’t half as scary as this. Yeah, it is darkly funny like a lot in this site. But this is another category entirely.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:37 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Jess

    Perfect. This is completely perfect.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Cherry

    ..and the time after that? Sheezus!!!

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   TippingCows

    How do they know that someone upstairs has clown feet? By the way, November is National It’s Good to Be a Bitch Month. GET WITH IT.

    BTW Mail burning can get yo’ ass in jail, skinny brain.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:40 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   AuntyBron

      Then he/she will be somebody’s jailhouse bitch.

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:58 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   halo

    Oh they HAVE to write back, as the dog. As a sensitive-about-his-weight dog.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:41 pm   rating: 186  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Sandee

      Oh ‘halo’, please -this is hilarious! Please, please, draft the letter and post the reply here. I’d love that. Thanks.

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   AuntyBron

      Halo, and don’t forget the flaming bag of dog poop.

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Cate

      Dear neighbor,
      I will not call you a “bitch” as that would be insulting to my kind. I’ll have you know that it was MY obese feet you heard tromping around as you attempted to deliver my owner’s mail. I would also have you know that I have a condition that makes it difficult for me to lose weight, compounded by the fact that I am unable to get around as I used to when I was a puppy. Also, some of us are just naturally “heavy”. Perhaps you should find some kindness in your heart before you wish to insult someone who has no thumbs.
      Scruffs

      P.S. If I was able to open the door, I would shit on your porch.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 5:51 am   rating: 127  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   The Elf

      I’m a Bassett, I just can’t help it!

      Jun 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   TickleMyBambo

      P.S. : I’M NOT OBESE! I’M FLUFFY!

      Jun 25, 2011 at 3:44 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Kay

    Get a load of those obese feet! I am serious. Triple-wide men’s sizes are not big enough for the thickness of those toes, the flab on their feet.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   katie_2256

    Crazy note-writer is crazy.

    SRSLY. Who get’s that angry about mail being wrongly delivered to them?

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:42 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Stacy

      They weren’t so mad about the mail being wrongly delievered as the neighbor not answering the door to accept said mail. As if the neighbor somehow knew who was at the door and why then intentionally chose to ignore them.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 7:19 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Donna Martin Graduates!

      I just walked over a piece of mail today to my neighbors down the road who moved from our place well over a year ago — and they sounded suspiciously like prescription pills, which gather were recently ordered.

      I wasn’t angry about having to do it, but I did wonder if it had been long enough.

      Jun 26, 2011 at 1:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Rhoddy

      When I get mail for the house next door because the postman has accidentally bundled large deliveries together, I walk over and put it through the letterbox. If they didn’t have a letterbox, I’d put it under the door. It sounds like the writer is a proper nutjob; who was banking on either using the visit as a social call or an excuse to complain about the ‘obese feet.’

      Jun 26, 2011 at 10:12 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Diana

    I hear the voice of the comic bookstore guy–you know, from the Simpsons–when I read this note.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:42 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Cate

      Hehe. After you posted that, I did the same thing. The condescending tone is perfect.
      I’m willing to bet the letter writer is out of shape herself if it pisses her off that much to climb some freaking stairs to hand someone their mail. Get a grip, lady.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 5:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Val_kyrie

    This is what happens when all their cycles are in sync with each other.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:44 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   JetJackson

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the next time the neighbour uses an axe to knock on the door… “Here’s Johnny!”

    Seriously – Team ‘Move the f-ck out asap!’

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:44 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   dixiechick

    Bitch: We’ve been up here conducting a little breeding experiment with Spite and Arrogance–it was *their* obese feet you were hearing earlier. Watch your mail for a package rightfully delivered to you. XOXO

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:44 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   TippingCows

    Hi,

    Thanks for bringing us our mail out of the kindness of your heart. Unfortunately for us, or dog doesn’t have opposable thumbs (trust us, we’ve tried to get her to do laundry, clean the toilet, paint our nails, etc.) so she cannot open doors. In fact, in the event she figured out how to turn a doorknob we’ve instructed her not to open the door for strangers.

    Thanks for your note – I’ll be keeping it in case something suspicious happens to us or our property. You will be the first person we accuse, and this note will serve as great supporting evidence.

    Sincerely,
    Fat Footed Girls
    (we make the rockin’ world go round)

    Jun 23, 2011 at 10:48 pm   rating: 174  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   liddy bang

      Tippingcows you are my new hero. Hilarious!

      Jun 23, 2011 at 11:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   lagne

    Dear Neighborly Neighbor,

    If you choose to burn our mail, we request you do so using only fragrance-free smoke. Apparently my mail gets around, and I have asked numerous times for all to comply, but some resist or forget, or cannot figure out how the hell smoke can be fragrance-free. I will give you two months to figure it out, after which point I will begin repeatedly hurling my obese ass at my floor until it breaks through your ceiling.

    Maybe I’m an ass, or maybe it’s my ass, or maybe you’re a psychotic bitch.

    Thank you,

    alan

    Jun 23, 2011 at 11:07 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Kathleen

    Out of the kindness of her heart? Apparently taking this bit of mail used up all the kindness of her heart she had left.

    Jun 23, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   AuntyBron

    Shit! She went from kindly neighbor to psycho-bitch in 3 sentences!

    Jun 24, 2011 at 12:01 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Cate

      Kindly neighbor my ass. It was absolutely seething with panty-curling rage from the letter “G”. Anyone who says “out of the kindness of my heart” isn’t doing it out of the kindness of their heart; that’s what assholes say to try to make people think they’re not crappy people (unless they’re being facetious obviously).

      Jun 24, 2011 at 5:36 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   The Elf

      Well, bless your heart!

      Jun 24, 2011 at 1:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   AuntyBron

      Damn, Cate! I was thinking the same thing, almost in those exact words. Except the “crappy” part – I couldn’t think of a suitable word, so I didn’t post it.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 11:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Diggerjohn

    “Dear Neighbour, it maybe time to seek out professional help.”

    Jun 24, 2011 at 1:18 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   James L.

    Beautiful handwriting, for a psycho.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 1:25 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   TickleMyBambo

      More like beautiful grammar and spelling, for a psycho.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 2:41 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   MOG

      Sort of Hannible Lectoresque.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 11:30 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   The Elf

      I had the charred mail with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 1:39 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Sonya

      FUCKING DELICIOUS

      MUAHAHA

      Jun 25, 2011 at 3:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Sarah

    Bitch has nice handwriting

    Jun 24, 2011 at 1:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   AuntyBron

      I submit that the letter-writer, all evidence to the contrary is not a psycho.

      Everyone knows that psychos are just like everyone else. Everyone else has shitty handwriting and grammar. Therefore psychos have shitty handwriting and grammer. Therefore, this crazy bitch ain’t a psycho.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    See, some manifestations of agoraphobia can be a good thing.
    At least they’d be home to answer, if not open, the door.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 3:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Ms. Jade

    Wow, “obese feet”?…We had to go there? Maybe their deaf grandma with a broken walker made those “obese feet” noises! Never thought that you’d be insulting gimpy deaf granny, did ya “Ms. Good Month To Be A Bitch”!?

    Jun 24, 2011 at 3:08 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   AuntyBron

      I’m retaining water, damn it!

      Jun 24, 2011 at 11:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Nim

    I think this is pretty PA from the start. Anything that starts with ‘Girls’ comes across as very patronising to me. I can just smell the middle-aged resentment.

    Also why didn’t she just put it in their mailbox/pigeonhole? Seems like she was fishing for a ‘oh how nice of you’ compliment, and got annoyed when it didn’t happen.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 3:42 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Caitlin S

      I’ve never lived in an apartment so I could be totally wrong, but I think most of them have those rows of mailboxes that require a key to put anything in or take anything out of. She wouldn’t be able to put their mail in their box if that was the case.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 12:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Kate from Iowa

      She still could have just slid it under the door and kept the note to herself.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   AuntyBron

      Or give it to the manager.

      “Hi! Out of the goodness of my heart I tried to hand-deliver this to the ungrateful bitches but they weren’t answering their door. Could you see that they get their mail before I strike a match? Thanks!”

      Jun 24, 2011 at 11:49 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Elwing

    Somehow I feel like the last line should say “It’s a good time of the month to be a bitch.” That would at least make a little sense.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 3:45 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Sarahj259

    I think that there is more to this note than meets the eye. I picture the notewriter as a lonely anti-social male/lesbian who is paranoid and believes that all moderately attractive women are out to spite and scorn him/her. So when the door wasn’t opened he/she pictured Jillian and her roomates giggling behind the door, not opening the door with the sole purpose of mocking him/her. The bitch comment no doubt comes from a long history of imaginary slights by Jillian and the girls. Including but not limited to walking past him/her in the hallway and not saying hello or stopping to talk when his/her heavy breathing clearly indicated that he/she would be open for a chat or interpreting his/her dark stares as creepy rather than loving and friendly stares. His/Her paranoia has convinced him/her that the girls do notice him/her but that they think that they are better than him/her, thus he/she concludes that they are arrogant bitches who are too fat for his/her tastes anyways and it’s their loss because he/she is a special little boy/girl just like his/her mommy always said.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 3:47 am   rating: 66  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Nim

      Agreed. This is about a build up of seething resentment of ‘those girls upstairs’.

      I see it as a middle aged woman, probably owns cats, lives alone. She has cultivated a mental image of herself as ‘nice’. Someone who does kind things for people, and gets thanked accordingly. But lord help them if she doesn’t get their attention.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 4:15 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Cate

      I assumed that this was a woman, but now that you mention it, I can totally picture some fat neckbeard impotently nerd raging over this perceived slight. “Why can’t they see past my dark and foreboding shell to see the soft kindhearted gentleman I truly aaaam!” (Said in comic book guy’s voice as previously suggested). He then takes his rage out on some unsuspecting players in WOW.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 5:43 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   awesome lesbian

      WHOA! Let’s not lesbian-bash!

      Jun 25, 2011 at 12:10 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   Clumber

      Exactly. We lesbians rarely care if a woman is attractive or not. Lust after them, of course. Give any thought to them beyond that? Doubtful. Bitter? GiveAshit level too low, thanks.

      Explains why my spouse tolerates me, I suppose… Besides, when we’re angry we don’t bother writing PA notes aside from, maybe, “Not at this address” and back in the box you go.

      Jun 26, 2011 at 2:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   wicked opinion

      This scenario is scarier than the note. Because I’ve met people like that.

      Jun 26, 2011 at 11:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   Sarahj259

      I’m not lesbian bashing.

      I just think that all lesbians are all unique human beings with just as much potential to be creepy as anyone else.

      Also the gender of the notewriter isn’t specified and I was trying to be inclusive.

      Jun 28, 2011 at 1:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.7   sarah

      Yeah, why the lesbian comment? I’m friends with many lesbians and can’t imagine any of them taking the time out from being busy lesbians to write a note like this. I think a better designation is that this note-writer is UNHAPPY, with limited human contact, and possibly delusional.

      Jun 29, 2011 at 6:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.8   Sarahj259

      Being unhappy with limited human contact and possibly delusional and being lesbian are not mutually exclusive.

      I too do not know anyone I could imagine writing this note, not because I know all lesbians, but because I know sane and well-balance and well-socialized people (granted a few are lesbian but that’s not the point).

      This wasn’t meant as jab at lesbians…it’s a jab at the note writer…

      Jul 1, 2011 at 3:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Lary

    There has to be a back story to this. It’s just pathetic. How much attention do people need for simply dropping off the mail? In today’s society, the answer appears to be: a back scratch, 3 therapy sessions, and a girlfriend.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 3:58 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Clumber

      I think the BatShitCrazy LW was more angry that they CLEARLY ignored her ‘friendly’ knocking which I’m sure also went from demure tapping to HERE’S FUCKING JOHNNY in 4 seconds as well.

      See, our dogs would have barked their stupid heads off at even the friendly tapping, thusly informing LW that the abode was occupied only by canines. Had we been home, you see, the barking would have been followed by cursing. Then a pause as we eyed her through the window/peephole, then tiptoeing away as we pretended not to be home. But she’d have initially heard cursing, certainly.

      The issue here is that the dog was too well-behaved.

      Jun 26, 2011 at 2:13 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Ms. Austen bang

    I believe it is a man also, because except for towards the end of the note it is mostly printed, and women usually do not print. I took the “good month to be a bitch” sentence to be referring to the fat-footed neighbors, not the writer himself. How dare Jillian and her friends not be home when he exerted himself to climb that flight of stairs and deliver their mail??

    In addition to alerting the police about the potential federal offense of mail burning as others suggest, I would definitely alert the landlord to be on the lookout for a disgruntled pyromaniac. Your “normal” person would make the trip back downstairs and then upstairs to write and leave a note about throwing away the mail next time – not burning it.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   iruleuruniverse

      I am a woman and 9 out of 10 times I print. Plus, I know very few men whose handwriting is that neat and legible.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 7:55 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Lauraei

      A “normal” person would at most write a note saying that they received your mail on accident and tried to return it, but you weren’t home so please feel free to give a knock on their door at the first opportunity to claim your mail. Getting angry at the intended recipient is ludicrous. If it happens often make a complaint to the post office, not your neighbors.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Clumber

      Female here and I tend to randomly go back and forth between printing illegibly and cursive-ing illegibly. Usually takes me 2 or 3 drafts to get one I think anyone can read….

      Jun 26, 2011 at 2:15 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Seanette

      Female, and even my printing can be hard to read. When even *I* can’t read it later, that’s pretty bad.

      Jun 26, 2011 at 6:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   AA

      Male here and my handwriting is all.over.the.place. Just a poor generalization about gender and handwriting styles is all.

      Jun 27, 2011 at 12:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Kathy

    Geez. I’d knock once, wait five seconds. If no answer, just drop the freaking mail and leave. Anger like bitch’s will take years off your life.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 6:58 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Saif Imtiaz Pias

    What kind of bullshit is this?Is the man really gone mad?

    Jun 24, 2011 at 7:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   GiGi

    Sometimes it’s nice to clomp around, but I suppose that small pleasure is not worth the trouble.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 7:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Adriana

    Jillian and her roommates shouldn’t respond by note. Passive-aggressive a-holes write notes because they’re afraid of in-person confrontation, so that’s exactly what she should do – confront the downstairs neighbor. But be polite with a dash of condescending lecture. When Jillian and roommates tell her that they weren’t home and that the obese feet she heard must’ve been from their dog, the look of embarrassment on her face will be priceless.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 8:09 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   pegolasgreenleaf

      Personally, I’d respond by investing in a nice pair of tap shoes.

      Jun 25, 2011 at 1:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Clumber

      TAP BOOTS FTW! FSM in heaven, I hope such things exist…

      Jun 26, 2011 at 2:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   PoochTooter

    I’d like to see just how obese this dog actually is.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 8:12 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Luna (the other one)

      Well, it depends on the breed and build. My pug only weighs 30#, which is admittedly pretty obese for a pug. However, he sounds like a freaking elephant when he’s walking about upstairs.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 8:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   Seanette

      I’ve had kittens less than two pounds manage to sound like a thundering herd of elephants when running down a hall (and I wasn’t below them, the house only had one floor).

      Jun 24, 2011 at 1:30 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   kateriawit

    I’d be thanking my lucky stars I wasn’t home to answer the door. Imagine having been home, answer the door and meeting the goodness of her heart, bringing her into your life and then SHEBANG!!!…psycho bitch from hell is in the middle of your life. UGH.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 8:57 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Junebug

    When she says “bitch” is she referring to the obese dog? Because I would say being alone in the apartment while a crazy person beats on your door would make it a very bad month to be a bitch.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 10:44 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   MOG

    Serously, “goodness of my heart”???? I’m with the “doggie present” at his/her doorstep.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 11:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   unsatisfied

      “flaming doggie present”, that is.

      Jun 24, 2011 at 4:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   juniper

    I know exactly what has happened here.

    From her handwriting, one can see that she is the author of that series of greeting cards that are WAY overly sentimental and heart-felt. You know the ones… they have a card for every occassion, including ‘that time that I made a pass at you but you turned me down because you’re gay but I still love you and will have your baby in you want.’

    After years of churning out disgustingly heartfelt inanity, she’s finally snapped over some mail and Jack Russell paws. (You know it’s a JR – they do such things simply out of gleeful spite)

    Jun 24, 2011 at 11:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Chesire Cat

    Burning the mail would be a federal offense. I would turn this into the landlord and the post office or police honestly. I may not right away but I would hold on to the letter and if I have any missing mail or any trouble out of him, well he is going to jail.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 12:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Sarahj259

      …Do they send you to jail over mail? Cause I feel like that would be more of a fine and permanent record kind of thing…I mean putting someone whose biggest crime is tampering with mail in with a bunch of murders and bank robbers…It just seems a bit excessive….

      Jun 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   TickleMyBambo

      Excessive but still, tampering with and vandalizing mail is still a federal crime. The old saying goes ” if you do the crime, you got to pay time”. Honestly, Bitch should have thought about the reprocussions before threatening to burn somones mail because it was that “good” time of the month .

      Jun 24, 2011 at 8:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   pony girl

      They put people whose only crime is to smoke some weed in the privacy of their own home in jail with murderers and rapists.

      That is a victimless crime.

      Tampering with someone else’s mail isn’t victimless.
      Book ‘em, Dan-o!

      Jun 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   Clumber

      Sarahj259 you miss the implied story… the Postal Sheriff would sigh and go to take care of this minor complaint, a tad annoyed at even having to, and knock on the BatShitCrazyBitch’s door. It would go from “Hi ma’am, I’m Sheriff DosseyDo with the Postal Inspectors and we received a complaint that…” and BSCB would go all thermonuke and be strapped tightly Hannibal Lector -esque in under 15 minutes. SuperMax in less than 48 hours.

      Jun 26, 2011 at 2:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   The Elf

    I’m beginning to revise my opinion about Mos Eisley being a wretched hive of scum and villany. Between Mail Bitch, Alan The Laundry Lord, and assorted other PANs on this site, I think apartments now qualify.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 12:58 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Bel

    This looks like a note my father’s girlfriend would write. She’s a huge bitch. Only, she’d read the mail first to see if there was anything juicy, then burn it.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Canthz_B bang

      How huge a bitch is she?

      She’s so huge a bitch, even her feet are obese!

      *rim shot*

      Jun 24, 2011 at 11:49 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   bookworm

    June is Federal Crimes Month! Yay!

    Jun 24, 2011 at 2:25 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   meri

    This is gonna rank when we vote on best PA note at the end of the year. Yikes!

    Jun 24, 2011 at 2:39 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   EmKitteh

    Wrongly, not wrongfully. And I’m pretty sure the law has something to say about burning someone else’s mail.

    Jun 24, 2011 at 10:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   humorless

    I’m remembering all the times someone knocked on my apartment door, I wasn’t expecting anyone (because they’d have buzzed at the front door) and I just ignored it. I am so glad I did, but if any of my neighbors burned my publisher’s clearinghouse check, I’m going to be furious.

    Jun 25, 2011 at 2:48 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Keshling

    ‘….your obese feet tromp along OUR ceiling…’
    The plot thickens!

    Jun 26, 2011 at 5:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Dr. Jim

    Has anyone considered that the writer WAS writing the note to the dog? Crazy does not descriminate.

    Jun 27, 2011 at 1:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Eileen

    Do we know where in Massachusetts it is? My sister may have lived down the hall from this woman.

    Jun 27, 2011 at 7:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   liddy bang

    I think I read about this person in a case study for my abnormal psych class.

    Jun 29, 2011 at 8:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Pay The Piper

    I’m totally scared of the note-writer. Very creepy!

    Jul 1, 2011 at 5:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Andy

    What a bitch! How does she think that note makes the dog feel?!

    Jul 7, 2011 at 7:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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