Entries from July 2011

Cinderella be drizzunk

July 31st, 2011 · 22 Comments

“I saw this when passing by a neighbour’s house, and thought that this was one of their better efforts,” writes Kelly in the U.K. “I personally would have just chucked them myself.”

(Adds Kelly: “I’m guessing they belonged to the same person who decorated half the street with vomit.”)

Are these your shoes? Too drunk to remember where you left them? Sorry I am not your Prince Charming and didn't search the neighbourhood to find out whose foot fits the slippers LOL

Meanwhile, the Internet’s all “been there/done that/seen the animated GIF.”

bitch be drunk as hell, losing shoes and shit

related: If you were the one who was so drunk or so stupid that you left your camera in the park last night…

Tags: drizzunk · neighbors · shoes · U.K.

Help Desk Shenanigans

July 28th, 2011 · 24 Comments

Writes Bri in St. Paul, Minnesota: “I work at a University help desk that employs mostly students. Since their shifts are short, they have a habit of leaving all kinds of random things at the desk, much to the chagrin of many of my co-workers” — and the devilish glee of others.

[Left:] Is this your hair band? Or chap stick? [Right:] No, this is my hair band!

related: How is your eyes?

extra credit: Venn diagram of “shenanigans” [boingboing.net]

Tags: college life · Minneapolis/St. Paul · smartass

Sorry I hit your car, but whatever, it’s a tacky piece of crap anyway

July 27th, 2011 · 42 Comments

Explains our submitter in North Carolina: ”My friend walked out to the parking lot to find a big dent and a sticky note on her car, which still had some writing on it from her recent birthday.” And while the driver didn’t just dent-and-dash, the fact that he or she didn’t bother to leave a name/plate/policy number — just an entirely unnecessary postscript — made the whole situation a less-than-satisfying belated birthday surprise.

Sorry I hit your car, you can call my insurance and sort it out [phone number redacted]. P.S. You should clean this writing off your fucking car.

related: I dinged your car, but you kind of deserved it.

Tags: car · non-apology apology · p.s. · Raleigh · unsolicited feedback

The tale of Tony Q69

July 26th, 2011 · 77 Comments

Janine in Astoria was at a stoplight next to a Q69 bus stop in Queens when she noticed signs reading “TONY Q69″ taped all over the outside and inside of the bus shelter. “I made my boyfriend pull over so I could read it,” she says — and got a photo, so she could share Tony Q69′s shameful story with the rest of the world.

TONY Q69. YOU TONY are the only one who should feel sorry over what happened!! YOU ARE THE MARRIED MAN who was only looking to get sex from me without any strings attached!! You don't know how to give a woman REAL attention, or to call, or to have a real friendship because this is not your intentions to do so! You also use your Q-69 JOB to flirt with all the woman every day!! You are also a smooth talker & a flirt on the phone! And how dare you blame me for anything, especially for wanting attention! I am a single woman & deserve a trusting man in my life!

UPDATE: Greg in Astoria has spotted another note to Tony Q69…

TONY Q69: You Tony, are the only one who should feel guilt over what happened!!! You are the married man who was looking to get sex from me without any strings attached! You can't give a woman real attention or call her to have a real friendship because this was not your true intentions! You were looking for sex period! And you use your job to flirt with women all day on the Q69!!!

As has Adam

TONY Q69: You Tony are the only one who should feel guilty and sorry over what happened! You are the married man who was looking to get some from a woman!!! Your agenda was to have SEX with no strings attached!!! You can't give what a woman needs which is attention, to be called + to have a real friendship/relationship!!!!!! You were out to satisfy yourself period and then walk away like they all do!! And how dare you blame me for anything especially for wanting attention! How Could You!

And Rebecca!

TONY Q69. YOU TONY are the only one who should feel sorry over what happened!! YOU ARE THE MARRIED MAN who was only looking to get sex from me without any strings attached!!

UPDATE: The Tony Q-69 Saga Continues!

Tags: ex drama · excessive capitalization · exclamation-point happy!!!! · public shaming · public transit · Queens

Stay classy, Little Rock

July 25th, 2011 · 65 Comments

Our submitter from Little Rock, Arkansas offers the following mea culpa: “I was heading to the pool this afternoon, and while loading my car (a blue Mustang) I set my cup of ice water on the ground. Unfortunately, after I finishing loading, I forgot about the cup and drove off.” After returning to her apartment complex, our submitter found the cup had reappeared next to her parked car — with the addition of the following note.

Sure, the notewriter could have simply thrown the cup in the garbage using half as much effort — and that might have been the classy, neighborly thing to do. But it’s the principle of the thing, you see:  honest mistakes will not be tolerated!

The classy lady in the blue mustang litters!

related: I hope you don’t put children in this car.

Tags: Arkansas · neighbors · that's trashy · wouldn't it have just been easier...

So NOT where I thought that one was going…

July 24th, 2011 · 49 Comments

Writes Stacey in Massachusetts: “The church around the corner from my house is famous for the little rants on their sign, but this one definitely takes the cake.” Obviously, texting while driving isn’t cool, but as Stacey put it: “For a church, it just seems a bit…hostile.”

Love Jesus? To meet him now, text while driving!

Meanwhile, I just opened up the August issue of Texas Monthly to see this slightly more gently worded version…

related: Sincerely, God

extra credit: Church sign generator

Tags: driving · Jesus · Massachusetts · questionable logic · reverse psychology · rhetorical question · text message

Shushing the shusher

July 21st, 2011 · 109 Comments

Anna in Minneapolis (“librarian in peach sweater”) recently received this anonymous note from a disgruntled library patron. “Apparently, I was talking too loudly to one of our elderly customers on the phone,” she says. “So much for Minnesota nice!”

Whatever happened to speaking QUIETLY in a library? librarian in peach sweater.

related: You seem like really nice people. Really.

extra credit: Just know that I have a whole bag of shhh! with your name on it [youtube]

Tags: etiquette · library · Minneapolis/St. Paul · noise

The Tooth Fairy meets Tiger Mother, with a dash of “Go the F**k to Sleep”

July 19th, 2011 · 29 Comments

If you’re too jaded to handle the cuteness factor of kids’ overly-demanding notes to the Tooth Fairy, you still might get kick out of this tooth-in-cheek note from the Tooth Fairy herself.

Explains Mindi (a.k.a. Mindy) from Santa Cruz, California: “In elementary school, I played the string bass in the school orchestra, and my parents were paying for private tutoring lessons. Obviously, I wasn’t practicing enough!”

Mindy, You must practice your bass or I won't be back again. Signed The Tooth Fairy

Adds Mindi: “I later cut this out and put it in my scrapbook. (The ‘really?’ on the side was mine.)”

related: Not to be hard, but I need money.

extra credit: Go to F**ck to Sleep [amazon.com]

Tags: California · kids · Moms & Dads · not-so-veiled threats · Santa Cruz

I super duper hope you go screw yourself!

July 18th, 2011 · 104 Comments

During Diana’s lunch break one day, a concerned coworker apparently decided to seize the opportunity to let her know — anonymously, of course — that the state of her cubicle was too much too handle. Even more obnoxiously, Diana says, “He or she actually just opened up Word and typed this note on my computer.”

To top it all off, Diana insists her workstation was hardly a disaster area to begin with. “The only things on my desk at the time were my computer, a few pieces of paper, and a coffee mug.”

Hey, Diana, Your workstation is really messy. It makes all of us look bad when you just can’t pick up after yourself. No need to get sloppy! Even if you are used to it after hours, there’s no need to bring bad habits into your cubicle. I super duper hope you’re enjoying your lunch! Thanks so much, A concerned co-worker

related: Can you please walk quieter?

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Kansas · office · office cop · unsolicited feedback

It’s not just God who’s watching you…

July 17th, 2011 · 35 Comments

While admiring a “very nice” church in Edinburgh, James was only slightly discomfited by this notice about the measures being taken to ensure his comfort.

SMILE, you are on camera. For your safety and comfort there are 9 security cameras monitoring the premises. If you are not here to pray - it's not just God who's watching you!

related: He died for your clip art

Tags: clip art catastrophe · God · Scotland