Seven words you CAN say on the box of leftover takeout rice that nobody wanted anyway

July 11th, 2011 · 91 comments

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

TEDD'S GODDAMN FUCKING RICE

related: How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever?”

FILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · food · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · smiley


91 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Amber

    He’s very passionate about his goddamn rice.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 78  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TickleMyBambo

      Dear Ted with a double D,

      That rice was fucking delicious as goddamn shit, yo.

      – Whorecunt Ass Mother

      Jul 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   AuntyBron

      Poor Teddddd expended so much energy writing these warnings that he opened up the container and finished of the rice. Thus, irony.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 11:29 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   bored@work

      Perhaps he really needed this rice for his new diet. It’s gotta be embarrassing for a man to go around sporting a pair of double-D’s…

      Jul 13, 2011 at 6:37 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   anon

    Thats not even passive anymore! It’s just plain aggressive

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   boogityboogity

      the act of note-writing is the passive part! :)

      Jul 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   The Elf

      Yes, clearly Ted with the extra d was restraining himself to write the note on the actual box. I’m sure his first instinct was to carve it into the flesh of his roommates.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 11:11 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Nunavut Guy

      Rice goes well with carved flesh.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 7:55 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Ashleigh

    Looks like rice is all the Rage.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 98  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   bored@wirk

      One thing’s certain. He sure is ‘steamed’ about it.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 11:06 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   GhostWriter bang

      …and he’s getting “dirty” about it, too.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 1:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   park rose

      If he gets too steamed up, he’ll end up fried.

      Jul 13, 2011 at 6:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Stella

    I almost goddam f*cking choked on my soda reading about his goddam f*cking c*nt rice. Why 2 D’s in your name, Tedd?

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Becki

    Tedd’s adventure wasn’t so excellent. Must’ve needed Bill.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   katherine

      You mean Billl.

      Jul 11, 2011 at 10:00 pm   rating: 100  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Shiyiya

    Why would anyone even want it? Leftover rice gets all stale and nasty.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   steph

      Dude, you gotta put it in the micro for half a minute with the little box closed and then it gets all perfect again. Tedd knows this!!!

      Jul 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   tuqoa

      Leftover rice is ideal for making home-made fried rice with. Yum!

      Jul 11, 2011 at 10:22 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Dalamara

      But steph, you can’t microwave it with the metal handle on it, and when you try and take off the handle, the whole box falls apart. =(

      Jul 11, 2011 at 11:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   eliz

      stick a rubber band around it before you yank the handle out.

      … wait … is this leftover food ideas.com?

      Jul 11, 2011 at 11:54 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Robert

      Hello. You microwave it on a plate with a tablespoon of water and it steams the life back into it. What are they teaching you kids nowadays?

      Jul 12, 2011 at 12:06 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Leonna

    Bitch Cunt Fuck Ass is the name of my next child. Thanks Tedd.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Mrs.Beasley bang

    Tedd’s message would be a lot less menacing if it weren’t for that totally incongruous smiley face.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Cricket

      I just saw that as creepy and menacing…

      Jul 12, 2011 at 10:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Sarahj259

    Soooo….I’m guessing Tedd wanted someone to touch his rice?

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Nahhh bang

    Good god. I hope that’s brown rice, because Tedd needs more fiber.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm   rating: 89  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   sunshynegrll

    Quit making fun of this guy, people. He obviously has Tourette’s.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Divvitar

      In this case, wouldn’t it be Tourwrites?

      Jul 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Woof

    Tedd’s got a limited vocabulary and no imagination.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Jimmy James

      While some would say, “He certainly illustrates the versatility of the word,” after you’ve repeated “goddamn fucking…” so many times, the words start to lose meaning, or at least don’t have the impact you were looking for. It’s way more challenging and fun to keep it PG-13, plus it throws other people off. That guy who cut in line at Starbucks? He’s probably been called a “goddman fucking idiot” more times than he can count, but how often do you think someone’s told him he’s an “improvident lackwit, evidently too ill-mannered to live with the baboons who raised him” ?

      Jul 12, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   dabearkat

      Tedd’s got nothing on McNulty and Bunk:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQbsnSVM1zM

      “Fuck” as art form.

      Jul 13, 2011 at 2:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   TickleMyBambo

    That’s a lot of fucking on one box of rice. Doesn’t Ted realize that sharing is fucking caring?

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:20 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   park rose

      I thought that fucking was at times sharing, but not caring.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 8:05 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   lagne

    In my head, I hear a male voice roaring all these obscenities in a thunder-filled rage of swelling doom music with red flashing lights and fireballs and smoke..

    … and then cut to some girl popping the top open and digging in for a few bites, then walking away. Leaving it open on the counter, even.

    I bet Tedd’s vegan.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:22 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   TickleMyBambo

      Or he’s a very angry asian who can’t seem to get people to stop touching his rice.

      Jul 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   lagne

      Ah, yes, I neglected to notice the reference to the Asian diety “God Z” on side #4.

      Jul 11, 2011 at 11:22 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   The Elf

      Yes, if there is one thing I’ll take away from this life: You do not fucking mess with fucking Zoroasterians.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 11:19 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Katy

    Really? That’s the xkcd you link to when there’re gems like http://xkcd.com/325/ and http://xkcd.com/562/ ? Ah, well. This is still hilarious. I hope he took a bite of the rice anyway.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   park rose

      Apartment’s fridge? Is Tedd Randall’s flatmate, then? I’m wondering if Tedd also works at xkcd and is responsible for the little notes that pop up when you hover over the comics. If that were the case, such an outpouring from the gutter might be a necessary psychological counter-measure to being witty and erudite. It might also be an instinctive reaction to seeing anything (must post message on any object – though I guess he’d be writing in invisible ink, the message only becoming apparent under certain conditions).

      But then, maybe I’m creating a story where none exists, and Tedd is some random who’s obsessively attached to his rice. Sticky situation.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 7:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Jimmy James

      The appropriate xkcd to link to with regard to Tedd’s fucking rice:
      http://xkcd.com/90/
      Judging from the hover-over text, it’s probably the same roommate.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 8:15 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   park rose

      Nice find, J. J..

      Jul 12, 2011 at 10:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   fairygodmother

    Absolutely love the smiley face. It’s bizarre enough to be terrifying. I wouldn’t touch that rice for anything!

    But I do think Tedd completely missed an opportunity to dot his i’s with little hearts.

    <3

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   eliz

      I bet that smiley face was put on there by the restaurant, not Tedd. Surprised he didn’t alter it according to his foul mood!

      Jul 11, 2011 at 11:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Roto13

    I would have no choice but to steal the rice, wash the box, and keep it on a shelf in my home, on full display.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   it's naptime

    asshole, jackoff, or scumbag?

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      Do I have to pick?

      Jul 12, 2011 at 11:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   GhostWriter bang

      Q: What did the hooker say to the dude who was taking too long?

      A: “Hey Asshole! Jack-off or come back!”

      Jul 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Chesire cat

    LOL I like his style! If you have some roomates with a good sense of humor than I think this is totally appropriate. Now you would not want to do this say at work.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Dalamara

    But I bet that rice is fucking delicious.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 11:13 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Canthz_B bang

      Probably not. It’s been damned by God because it fornicates.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 3:19 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   fakespotter

    This dude needs to get a fucking life. Oh and fuck you, Katy.

    Jul 11, 2011 at 11:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Daniel

    Yes my name is Tedd! Thanks for the free rice! Tedd’s 4 life!

    Jul 11, 2011 at 11:22 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Harold Harkawad

    Couldn’t someone just leave a sticky note on the empty carton, reading “your goddam rice wasn’t that fucking good anyway/”

    Jul 11, 2011 at 11:56 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   park rose

      That – that is the clumsy real-world equivalent of the little notes that appear when you hover over an xkcd comic!

      Jul 12, 2011 at 7:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Kay

    I feel Ted. Once upon a time, I had, not a rice-eating roommate, but a leftover-Chinese-food-of-any-kind-eating fucking asshole of a roommate’s boyfriend hanging around all fucking god damned night and day. He also used my favourite bath towel once. If only I had had a Sharpie. Fuck him. =) Go, Ted.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 12:08 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   nick

      Did you use that towel to dry between your legs?

      Jul 12, 2011 at 12:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Canthz_B bang

      Hmm, if you wrote all over your favorite bath towel with a Sharpie, would it still be your favorite bath towel?

      Jul 12, 2011 at 3:29 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Kay

      lol @ Canthz_B

      Jul 12, 2011 at 12:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Get on your bikes and ride bang

    Or perhaps this comes pre-written on all of this restaurant’s take-out boxes. You just fill in the name. Very handy for the aggression impaired.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 12:55 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Kathleen

    I give it a 6. He’s missing the best of the 7 words. In other words: Tits, or GTFO.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 1:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Katta

    Well you see, they were out of fortune cookies.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 1:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   J.

    Great, now I have an overwhelming compulsion to eat rice. Thanks a lot, Tedd.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 1:05 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Earl Hamsher

    i know it’s wrong but i would have to take it just to see what happens. there comes a point where he’s just asking for it.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 1:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Jenn

    dude needs to LAY OFF the red bull

    Jul 12, 2011 at 1:20 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   pony girl

    No eat you!

    Jul 12, 2011 at 2:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Canthz_B bang

    No wonder there are 1.3 billion people in China. Who knew rice was such an aphrodisiac?

    Jul 12, 2011 at 3:25 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Canthz_B bang

    That’s not Tedd’s “goddamn fucking rice”.
    That’s Tedd’s “goddamn fucking rice” container.
    Done properly, Tedd needs to write his message on each grain of his “goddamn fucking rice”, by which time his housemates would have starved to death anyway.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 3:34 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Grant

    Woah! I’d love to know what his fortune cookie said!

    Jul 12, 2011 at 3:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Canthz_B bang

      Well, I sure hope his fortune cookie didn’t say:

      “You are the chosen one, Tedd. Go forth and kill in my name.”

      Jul 12, 2011 at 3:56 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Pippin

    That’s not, btw, an extra “D”!

    Jul 12, 2011 at 4:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Canthz_B bang

    This tactic works. It was originally employed by General Tso to make sure he had rice to go with his favorite chicken dish.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 5:26 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   The Elf

      Sharpie rice box writing is considered one of the finer arts of war.

      Jul 12, 2011 at 11:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   princess norrain bang

      Sun Tsu did love his “Sharpies”, only his were arrows and spears…

      Jul 12, 2011 at 6:21 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.3   Canthz_B bang

      Nice, Elf and PN. Suggested reading for some very important people these days.

      Jul 13, 2011 at 6:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.4   The Elf

      They won’t be reading PAN, though. With them, it’s all TL;DR.

      Jul 13, 2011 at 7:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.5   Canthz_B bang

      LOL, with them the things that are TL are their wars.
      The old way was more messy (thousand bomber raids and atom bombs will tend to be a bit messy), but our wars didn’t last ten years until Viet Nam.
      Funny, wars last longer and cost billions more dollars just so we can have fewer casualties. Maybe the prospect of large numbers of casualties would help us avoid war more often.

      Jul 13, 2011 at 9:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Meta

    I really hope that’s fried rice. If it’s just white rice, then he’s totally overreacting.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 10:09 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   lily

    Two rules: never get involved in a land war in Asia, and never touch Tedd’s “goddamn fucking rice”.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 11:42 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Kayy

    I wouldd nott roomm with someonne insistingg onn superfluouss letterrs in theirr namme. Randalll shouldd have knownn Tedd overdoess thinggs.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 12:46 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Mean with a G

    I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Tedd found a little extra something-something in his rice. You know, like spit.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 1:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Divvitar

    “Who PISSED in my GODDAMN FUCKING RICE?!?”

    –Ted, Tedd and Teddy

    Jul 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   princess norrain bang

      You mean, “Who THE FUCK FUCKING PISSED in my GODDAMN FUCKING RICE?!?”

      AMIRIGHT?

      Jul 12, 2011 at 6:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   Divvitar

      Which WHORESON SHIT CUNT FUCKING SON-OF-A-BITCH ASSHOLE FUCKING COCKSUCKER FUCKING PISSED IN MY GODDAMN FUCKING RICE?

      Hey, wait a sec…is Tedd really Eric Cartman all grown up? I kept hearing his voice when I first read that box. Just throw in Jew, Hippie and Barbara Streisand!

      Jul 13, 2011 at 4:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Eileen

    I’ll have to remember “bitch cunt fuck ass mother fuck shit fuck” for the next person who cuts me off in traffic.

    Ddude, it’s just rice. Get over it.

    Jul 12, 2011 at 7:59 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Divvitar

    Speaking of Cartman…several years ago, I used to love the “Baldur’s Gate” video game. I actually used the voice editor so my mage character would loudly proclaim gems like “Blood-soaked frozen tampon popsicle!” when he cast a spell. “DOG SHIT TACO!” ::zzzap!:: LOL Sorry, totally off topic.

    Jul 13, 2011 at 4:15 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Venus Flytrap Inc.

    Yikes! I don’t think I’d want to be Ted’s roommate!

    Jul 13, 2011 at 1:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Bemildred

    Aren’t those some Reggie Watts lyrics on the bottom of the rice box? I think Tedd is kind of hilarious really.

    Jul 15, 2011 at 4:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Katt

    This would just make me more determined to eat the rice.

    Jul 16, 2011 at 9:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   libiblio

    I believe the last picture’s words are referring to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJQU22Ttpwc

    Jul 17, 2011 at 10:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   ReneeM

    Tedd’s Goddamn Fucking Rice would be a great band name.

    Jul 28, 2011 at 4:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   princessnorrain

      OMG, this heat must be gettin’ to me…for a second I thought this said, “Tedd’s Goddamn Fucking Rice would be a great BRAND name.” You know, kinda like the cutesy names at Trader Joe’s…

      Goddamn Electric Bill is already the name of a band from San Diego, btw…

      Jul 28, 2011 at 8:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     

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