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So NOT where I thought that one was going…

July 24th, 2011 · 49 comments

Writes Stacey in Massachusetts: “The church around the corner from my house is famous for the little rants on their sign, but this one definitely takes the cake.” Obviously, texting while driving isn’t cool, but as Stacey put it: “For a church, it just seems a bit…hostile.”

Love Jesus? To meet him now, text while driving!

Meanwhile, I just opened up the August issue of Texas Monthly to see this slightly more gently worded version…

related: Sincerely, God

extra credit: Church sign generator

FILED UNDER: driving · Jesus · Massachusetts · questionable logic · reverse psychology · rhetorical question · text message

49 responses so far ↓

  • #1   paranoidasteroid

    Ha! A church near where I work in VA has a similar sign: “Honk if you love Jesus, Text if you want to meet him.”

    Maybe it’s the new Christian cause, instead of protesting gay marriage, they’ll protest unsafe driving.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 5:38 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Hmmm

      That would be a welcome change.

      Jul 24, 2011 at 5:52 pm   rating: 110  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   GodThinksYouSuck

      Not all Christians or Churches for that matter are against gay marriage. Way to spread the ignorance and Christian bashing! Good going.

      Jul 24, 2011 at 6:13 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Suzq

      Way to represent the Christians, “GodThinksYouSuck.”

      Jul 24, 2011 at 6:26 pm   rating: 170  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   it's naptime


      I like the one near your job.

      “Honk if you love Jesus, Text if you want to meet him.”

      The phrasing on the pictured sign bugs me.

      Jul 24, 2011 at 8:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Malice

      @Godthinksyousuck: Because CHRISTIANS are the obscenely persecuted minority in that situation.

      Jul 24, 2011 at 11:02 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Rattus

      Why the hell isn’t there a thumbs down available? I desperately want to thumb someone in this thread down.

      Jul 25, 2011 at 8:02 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Canthz_B bang

      The name GodThinksYouSuck implies you know the mind of God.
      Epiphany or stupidity?
      Divine enlightenment or arrogance?

      God only knows, well, Him and GodThinksYouSuck.

      Jul 25, 2011 at 9:43 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   FeRD bang

      . o O (sounds like someone needs to run…)

      % su PANotesCommentSquadThinksYouSuck

      Jul 28, 2011 at 5:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #2   Quite Contrary

    I take it the church would also frown on drunk texting.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 5:44 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Nunavut Guy

      Or gay texting……..whatever that means.

      Jul 24, 2011 at 11:25 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   FeRD bang

      OMGG, ghey txting? ferOSH!
      meat me @ WntrPrty! stay FAB, grrl! 8====D

      (…Holy crap I think I just pulled something in my brain, doing that.) :-P

      Jul 28, 2011 at 5:28 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #3   shwo! bang


    Jul 24, 2011 at 5:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #4   Kay

    Jesus takes text messages? But only those in motion. Hmm. Religious tales get more entertaining all the time.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 6:14 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      Needs more magic underpants.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 5:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #5   homemom

    I know that church (grew up not far from there) and I also have seen one in VA , where I now live, on rte 28 that has the same sign. There is actually a publication that churches get their signs quotes from.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 6:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   Valentine

    If the sign said
    “All is well.”

    There would still be a bunch of whining about Christians. Geez. Get a life.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 6:40 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Dalamara

      No, because there is no passive nor aggressive feellings in that statement, hence we would not be discussing it here.

      Jul 24, 2011 at 11:11 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

  • #7   Jenn

    I think its funny. I’ve seen it before elsewhere. It makes a good point too, texting while driving is dangerous. Many people, regardless of faith, are smart enough to realize that. Bashing Christians for showing some humor while reminding people to be safe should be considered politically incorrect.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 7:11 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      The posting of a photo of this church’s sign does NOT constitute “bashing Christians”. Your comment is the equivalent of jumping into a fighting pit, fully armed, adrenaline pumping, only to realize that there’s no pit, no opponent, in fact no ‘threat’.
      Just calm the fuck down.

      Jul 25, 2011 at 2:29 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

  • #8   ClearlyDemented

    I’d never text and drive, but I’ve caught myself swerving while trying to read small-text signs like this on the side of the road.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 8:38 pm   rating: 87  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Kay

      I want to click the thumbs up several times on this one.

      Jul 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #9   Sensible Madness bang

    This is nonsense. How am I supposed to meet Jesus by texting and driving? I don’t know his phone number or address!

    Jul 24, 2011 at 9:54 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

  • #10   Mrs.Beasley bang

    I like it!

    Jul 24, 2011 at 11:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   Malice

    I fail to see how this is hostile. At all.

    A church advising people against the dangers of texting while driving while still maintaining a light-hearted humor? HOW DARE THEY! These crazy Christians want people to stop endangering their lives and the lives of others by not paying attention to the road while driving. The fiends!

    Jul 24, 2011 at 11:09 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Canthz_B bang

      “funny (if not necessarily “passive-aggressive”) notes…” :roll:

      Jul 25, 2011 at 12:08 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Sigh

      but as Stacey put it: “For a church, it just seems a bit…hostile.”

      Hmm, I believe this commented was directed at the explanation…. :roll:

      Jul 25, 2011 at 10:03 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Canthz_B bang

      If so, someone is still missing the point. The point being that the website is about the notes, not the submitters of the notes. ;-)

      Besides, most religions are full of hostility, mostly towards those who’d choose to not believe what they’d have you believe the way they’d have you believe it.

      Jul 25, 2011 at 10:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Sigh

      Not believe what….they believe….how not to believe…? Ugh, I give up, just steer me towards the rest of the sheep. ;-)

      Jul 26, 2011 at 8:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   Adriana

    Sue me, but I think it’s funny.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 11:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      see 11.1
      (no lawsuit will be forthcoming)

      Jul 25, 2011 at 2:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    Luckily, when Christians drink in church they can drive afterwards. There’s no DUI law on the books against drinking blood.
    In fact, if I’m ever stopped drunk driving and the arresting officer testifies that my speech was slurred, I’m going to assert that I was merely driving while catching the Holy Ghost and was speaking in tongues.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 11:42 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Dany

      Some of the churches I’ve taken communion at served blessed grape juice not wine.

      Jul 27, 2011 at 11:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, but that doesn’t count. No apostle I know of would have accepted grape juice instead of wine.
      Issues of pasteurization aside, you need a nice little buzz to wander the land unemployed, preaching for every meal and a roof over your head for the night. You just can’t sell snake oil while stone-cold sober…you’d crack a smile!

      They’d never have accepted a loaf of bread and a glass of grape juice, so neither should we.

      But here’s the really fun part, if the church authorities actually believe that the wine becomes the blood of Christ once consumed, why the objection to using actual wine?
      Sure, grape juice is cheaper, but do you sell out your religious ritual for economic purposes if you’re committed to your faith? Can you say we don’t use actual wine because our congregation may include some recovering alcoholics and still claim the wine turns into the blood of Christ?

      Kinda makes one wonder who actually believes what they preach.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 1:12 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   shhh

      Actually, the transsubstantiation (= wine turning into blood, as opposed to wine being a symbol for blood) is not dogma in every church. For catholics it is, for lutherans it’s not; about Dany’s church I have no idea (not even knowing which denomination s/he belongs to).

      Jul 28, 2011 at 3:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Canthz_B bang

      Secret: we all know the $10 words, we just choose not to use them sometimes. Shhh. ;-)

      Jul 28, 2011 at 9:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #14   Laua

    That phrase has been around for at least a year–I’ve seen it on signs around Houston (natch) a bunch of times.

    Jul 24, 2011 at 11:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Grant

    One could always read the Bible whilst driving instead.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 4:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Oh Geeeee bang

      That might lead to the just as dangerous falling asleep while driving. I think that’s why a lot of Christians I’ve known read the Bible before bed…

      Jul 25, 2011 at 8:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Most good books spawn sequels. The Bible being THE Good Book should do the same.
    Somewhere in the sequel there will be The Book of Technologies which lists certain Commandments, among them:

    Thou shalt not text while driving.

    Thou shalt not talk on ones cell phone while being helped by a cashier.

    Thou shalt not use the speakerphone feature in public.

    But first among these shall be:
    Thou shalt not force ones private life upon the ears of strangers who’d rather not hear about it.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 9:54 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

  • #17   Slap Stick

    Glad they are taking a break from wasting all of their sheep’s (optional) required donations to make a joke.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 10:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Me

    C’mon people, lighten up! It’s funny!

    Jul 25, 2011 at 11:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #19   Army of Words

    Definitely seen this before, but worded differently, like the church Paranoid mentioned. Fortunately, this is one of the less hostile notes I’ve seen on Church signs. Most of the ones I’ve seen just point out the different ways you can go to hell.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 11:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   ArikaM

    Ha ha. And by the way, God Bless You.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   Allie

    Doesn’t make sense. They claim Jesus is supposed to be a living presence in your life once you accept him into your heart, so why would I have to die to meet him? Also, I can’t stand self-righteous indignation. Jesus? Great guy; can’t stand his entourage.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 3:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #22   Delurks

    I’ve seen this joke on church signs before, but phrased more like the second sign depicted. The first church may have changed the phrasing because they didn’t have enough marquee letters or something, but if it weren’t on a church sign, it could actually come across as anti-Christian: “Yeah, great, if you love Jesus so much, why don’t you text while driving and go meet him right now!”

    Of course it’ s only meant to be funny in the first place, but the clunky wording kind of makes it funnier.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 7:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    Vegans don’t text to anyone with a face while driving, so I won’t text while driving to a steakhouse.
    That’s about as good a compromise I can offer. :mrgreen:

    Jul 26, 2011 at 12:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   Jessica_Iowa

    This church near my house had the same thing about sending texts while driving. However that is not the best one this church posted. Once it’s sign said:
    “Don’t let stress kill you let the church help.”

    Jul 26, 2011 at 4:04 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #25   XE

    Well, at least the sign implies that the texter would get into heaven, dunnit? Guess they like them after all!

    Sep 5, 2011 at 8:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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