Must have the precious…

August 2nd, 2011 · 44 comments

Amy and her cousin were enjoying a casual stroll in Toronto when they noticed this note in a neighbor’s garden — a note which Amy says left her with far more questions than answers.

I’d have to agree with Amy that the stand-out line here is the one towards the end about whether the tomato thief ever makes racist or ageist remarks. (Because…huh?)

Adds Amy: “The lack of grammar made me think that ‘young people’ were a new racial group. And why does the note-writer beg the thief to at least return ONE of the stolen tomatoes  — because it’s so precious? And is the last line a threat of being infected by Asian lily beetle poison? I don’t get it!”

To the Tomato Thief: YOU WIN. I will never plant tomatoes again. The plant is in the compost where it will help me. Since you took all 4 of the first tomatoes of the season (the most precious), could I have the one left? (the plant isn't healthy so there won't be more. I trust you never speak ill of young people or other racial groups as you are a terrible role model to anyone in your family.  *(My soil is infected with the Asian lily beetle - a voracious eater, so careful)

related: People of Philadelphia, these tomatoes are not for you!

FILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · spelling and grammar police · Toronto · WTF?


44 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Rattus

    Hey. I’m in Toronto. Their tomato thief is probably the same asshole who stole my first ripening Polish Lingua tomato last week. And lucky thief, my tomatoes are not infected by anything.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 3:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Quite Contrary

    Methinks the tomato planter has been smoking too much Asian lily beetle poison.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   fixer

      no, you lick the beetle backs. Uh, so I hear.

      Aug 2, 2011 at 7:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Quite Contrary

      Of course. Thank you for the clarification.

      Aug 3, 2011 at 11:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   ligercorn

      Yeah, I had that asian beetle lily infection all up in my “soil” too. Got it in Thailand.

      Aug 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Adriana

    I was really sympathetic until the third paragraph. After that I was just confused.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 3:44 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Mr. Squirrel

    I’m sure the squirrel that took them feels really guilty now.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 4:06 pm   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Clumber

      Coulda’ been my dogs. Especially Ramona… (in the avatar over ← there). She will daily sneak into our veggie gardens and swipe the freshest whatever. Lately it's been snap peas, but I suspect the tomatoes are next! I'll order a copy of her credit card records and see if she's visited Toronto recently. BAD DOG! Stay in our area code!

      Aug 2, 2011 at 5:46 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Jessi

      I know you’re probably joking, but be careful about allowing you dog near your tomatoes. The leaves and stems of the tomato plant can be quite deadly.

      Aug 3, 2011 at 2:07 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   TKD

      No joke on the dogs eating tomatoes. I kept finding half eaten tomatoes my vines. I thought it was the deer. Then one day I came around the corner and found my dog taking bites from all of the ripe tomatoes. She did not touch the green ones, the stems or the leaves. She was apparently much smarter than the humans who do things like snort bath salts.

      Aug 3, 2011 at 8:17 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Chinchillazilla

      I found my dog eating blackberries off the plant the other day. I had blamed the birds. Sorry, birds.

      Aug 4, 2011 at 1:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   berge bang

    Would a tomato splattered on the sign be too much?

    Aug 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   kelly

    Aren’t they asking the thief to leave the one that is left on the plant…not return one?

    Aug 2, 2011 at 4:35 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Kim

      I thought the tomato plant was in the compost.

      Aug 2, 2011 at 6:29 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Canthz_B bang

      Multiple plants in a garden??? What’s the world coming to?

      Aug 3, 2011 at 12:39 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   kelly

    Also, it’s funny that Amy has a lack of grammar in the sentence where she makes fun of lack of grammar.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 4:36 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Amy (note submitter)

      Ah, y’got me. :-)

      Aug 8, 2011 at 9:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Jenn

    Probably raccoons that got them.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 5:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   richelle

      Yeah. I have tomatoes that keep disappearing off my plants and I know it’s squirrels and/or raccoons doing it because I’ve seen them both. I find it kind of funny and sad that this person is steaming mad over some “tomato thief” they’re imagining when it’s probably just varmints.

      Aug 4, 2011 at 10:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Chad

    Those tomatoes were fucking delicious.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 6:28 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Sally

    I think there is one tomato left, and the writer is asking permission to eat it herself. The writer doesn’t make it easy to figure out.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 6:29 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Cubie

    I was in Toronto last year and noticed a similar note. Maybe it’s the same garden!

    Perhaps years of having their tomatoes stolen have driven them to insanity?

    Aug 2, 2011 at 6:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Kathleen

    How do they know it wasn’t an animal? That happens pretty regularly.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 6:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Seanette

      Because admitting that possibility would mean no dramatic wailing martyrdom.

      Aug 2, 2011 at 7:10 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   farmer ted

    when you decide to grow food and you put a lot of time, money and effort into seeing results, but somehow, despite all your best efforts, you are thwarted, it tends to make you a little crazy, yes.

    So I empathize here, but I must admit, I have never displayed a sign like this. I get my release by throwing rocks at the squirrels.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 7:22 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Seanette

      I think squirrels are very cute, but I don’t try to garden. :)

      Aug 2, 2011 at 7:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Rattus

      I do garden, but I love squirrels anyway. I love anything that has the capacity to have fun.

      Aug 2, 2011 at 8:56 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Jimmy James

      Best revenge on squirrels still goes to my grandfather- my grandmother had a cute bird feeder positioned where she could watch the birds while she had breakfast, but she was upset that squirrels were getting the seeds and scaring off the birds. First my grandfather tries putting it on a post 10 feet off the ground, but then the squirrels just drop down from an overhanging tree. So he takes it into his workshop, and drives rusty nails through the top of the bird feeder, with the sharp ends sticking out and puts it back on the post. No squirrels wound up impaled on it, but my brother and I were still quite taken with it the next time we visited. “Awesome! Grandma’s got a medieval torture birdhouse!” We may or may not have thrown the ‘metal sign’, I can’t recall.

      Aug 3, 2011 at 9:57 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   wright1

      Kudos to your grandpa for finding a way to actually stymy squirrels; those cute lil’ buggers are resourceful.

      Aug 3, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Kate from Iowa

      They do have a problem with slick surfaces though. There’s little funnier than watching a squirrel try to keep a grip on a bird feeder when the overhanging bit he’s used to perching on and stealing from has been coated liberally with Mazola.

      Aug 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   LGH

    Makes me realise I should have left a passive aggressive note out for the scrub turkeys that demolished my veggie patch just as everything was almost ready to harvest. They waited for stuff to ripen, I can imagine them dropping in every day while I was out assessing their future meal readiness & critiquing my gardening skills. I could have written something pithy about Asian Lilly Beetles & deterred them…

    Aug 2, 2011 at 7:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   This or That

    I feel like I’m reading one of those signs written by someone who speaks English as a second language, and not very well. Maybe they wrote this whole thing out in their native tongue and then translated it to English using Babblefish. That’s the only logical explanation for this bizzarity.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 9:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   havingfitz

    I have this uncontrollable urge to steal the last tomato and write a big, cheery “Nope!” on the sign next to her request to keep it.

    Aug 2, 2011 at 10:02 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    I feel so bad for the second-generation tomatoes who’ll read this sign.
    They’ll know for sure the first-born is always the favorite.

    Aug 3, 2011 at 12:43 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Grant

    Here’s a corn cob to shove up your ass.

    Aug 3, 2011 at 3:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   startup

    You win this round, Mr. Bond. Until we meet again I suggest you begin a quest for Asian lily beetle poison antidote. Mwwaahaha!

    Aug 3, 2011 at 10:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Army of Words

    When I was growing up, my dad was an avid gardener and I was amazed at how much of it was stolen. One morning I left the house to go to school and saw a woman reach over the fence and pluck a watermelon up and go on her merry way.

    Aug 3, 2011 at 2:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   kermit

    From the handwriting, I think this person may have lived in Montreal at some point.

    The Montreal note didn’t complain about stolen tomatoes, but was directed at dogs. Written in both English and French, it went something like,

    “Dear dog, please don’t pee on me. The acid in your urine is killing me. Love, the plant”

    Aug 3, 2011 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Queen Bee

    Maybe I should leave a sign like this on my apple tree; my neighbors are constantly taking apples off it in the fall. I sort of figure that them taking them while they are still green is it’s own just desserts though. [It is NOT a Granny Smith tree; they're just not ripe yet. A fact which my neighbors don't seem to know.]

    Aug 3, 2011 at 9:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Lindsey

    I find it strange that a person making a point to not speak ill of other races complains about an Asian lily infestation…

    Aug 3, 2011 at 9:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   hogsatemysister

    Tomato thieves are the scum of the universe. And uber intense tomato growers are to be feared.

    Aug 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   s

    i *think* the plea to save the ‘last tomato’ was for the seeds… but, i don’t understand the racial/young people bit..

    Aug 4, 2011 at 2:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   anonymouse

    Right after the note writer rants about making racist remarks, s/he starts in on Asian lillies!

    A bit of pot calling the kettle dark grey, don’t you think?

    Aug 5, 2011 at 1:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Dorjän

    What’s ironic is that I find kelly’s grammar wanting as well!

    Aug 8, 2011 at 9:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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