I pita the fool

August 17th, 2011 · 86 comments

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

This is a dip; it should be accompanied by another piece of food such as a pita chip, pita bread, etc. Not to be eaten with just a spoon.

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

related: The most inane thing since sliced bread

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a matter of taste · Father-son notes · food · fridge · Massachusetts


86 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Rebecca

    Oh, good grief. Team dad.

    Also team dad-should-leave-a-note-telling-brother-tabouleh-and-hummus-are-f*ing-DELICIOUS.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 4:46 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   unsatisfied

      bad dip you?!?

      Aug 17, 2011 at 6:01 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   AMoparGirl

      Ditto Rebecca!

      Aug 17, 2011 at 6:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   KDW

    Dad must have lost his “Methods & Rules on How to Consume Food” manual. Or maybe the guy is watching his carbs. Seriously, the son needs to get a hobby….or a job…if he’s got this much time to worry about how his dad eats snacks.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 4:48 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   kit

      Agreed, but I, personally, get annoyed when the pita-hummus equation gets out of balance and something gets thrown away. But the hummus-tabbouleh combo sounds delicious!

      Aug 18, 2011 at 8:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Sammykaine

      It’s not out of balance, you’re just not seeing the whole cycle.

      “Leftover pita! I must buy hummus and make a delicious snack!”
      “Leftover hummus! I must buy pita and make a delicious snack!”

      Aug 19, 2011 at 6:21 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   tabitha

    but dont you have to DIP your spoon in to eat it?

    Aug 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      OP says he uses a bowl. That tells me that he serves out portions into the bowl, mixes them, and then eats. So no spoon contamination.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 6:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   The Elf

      OMG, I just got what you were saying. And you even capitalized dip. Okay, that’s a sign. It’s going to be a two-cup day.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 6:41 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Kimberly

    Oh please! Hummus is squished up garbonzo beans. People eat beans with a spoon (or fork). Elizabeth’s brother needs to get a life.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 4:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   fayegasm

      You should say chickpeas. It’s cuter.

      Aug 27, 2011 at 2:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Quite Contrary

    Call me crazy, but I thought tabbouleh was food. Totally Team Dad.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 4:53 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   AMoparGirl

      Yes, it is a salad & I think mixing them is GENIOUS!

      Aug 17, 2011 at 6:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Lili

      Yes, this is a brilliant idea and Elizabeth’s dad wins the food-Internet today.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 9:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   LOL

    HAHAHAH
    Go Team Dad!
    He should take it out and just put a spoon on top of the note.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 4:59 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Anon in MI

    Elizabeth’s brother is the one being a p.i.t.a. in the worst way. Telling your parents how to eat food is obnoxious.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 5:03 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Sesquipedalian

    “These are serotonin re-uptake inhibitors. They should be accompanied by water, food, and other treatment strategies. Not to be taken without a large helping of chill-the-f*ck-out.”

    Aug 17, 2011 at 5:11 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   KT

    OCD

    Aug 17, 2011 at 5:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Meta

    As someone whose father ate peanut butter in this fashion, I’m gonna say the brother might not be *totally* crazy. It’s not always pleasant to watch, you know, someone licking a giant glob of creamy spread off a spoon.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 5:51 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   berge bang

      We called those peanut butter popsicles, and they are delicious.

      Aug 17, 2011 at 6:08 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Meta

      Dad?

      Aug 17, 2011 at 6:24 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Nahhh bang

      If it’s so unpleasant, then don’t watch.

      Aug 17, 2011 at 9:13 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   GhostWriter bang

      I can’t the image of some babe licking a giant glob of creamy spread out of my mind.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 3:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Bridie

    Dear Son,

    Feel free to move out and make your own food choices somewhere else.

    Dad

    Aug 17, 2011 at 5:53 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   oi bang

    Who the F people think they are dictating other people’s food. This is my biggest pet peeve (so big that word pet peeve does not fully cover the intensity of it) I did not let even my mother to dictate my food choice and believe me my mother tried. In the end she thought that eating only bhaji (potato curry) was better a bargain than not eating altogether.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 6:19 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   pony girl

      @oi,

      This is my biggest pet peeve as well.

      There are SO many different ways of eating, if I had to worry about eating like everyone I was with, I’d go insane.

      I truly don’t know where this attitude comes from of feeling the need to not only tell others in explicit detail what they think is ‘appropriate and healthy’ to eat, but to also demand and expect others to follow suit?

      It must be some sort of mental disorder.

      Aug 17, 2011 at 10:08 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   The Elf

      I’ll make the exception for parents attempting to get their (minor) children to eat a healthy meal, but otherwise I totally agree. What I put in my mouth is my business.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 6:24 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Jimmy James

      Personally, I think you should only put things in your mouth for pleasure. When you start making it a business, some people start to look down on you.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   The Elf

      Business and pleasure mixes like tabbouleh and hummus.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 8:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   clever name

      Well, I do know that if you eat some things different from how intended you take way more than everyone else making yourself a pig. Kinda like the guy at the party that likes to see how much cheese dip he can get on each chip. Oh no, that was not for everyone, thanks. Using hummus as a dip means you are not eating a huge wad each mouthful. So dad if this is causing dad to plow through stuff, yeah use a damn pita chip and don’t be so selfish. But that’s just my opinion…

      Aug 18, 2011 at 4:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   fluffy

      Well I’m assuming that Dad is probably the one paying for it and that, since this seems to be an ongoing issue, once he plows through it he provides more. Still not a problem.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 10:56 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Melora

      My family (and Benjamin Franklin) have always said that people “Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.”

      Aug 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Dan

      @clever name – If dad’s buying the food he can eat it however he likes in whatever quantity or combination he likes.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 6:53 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   Nocturnesthesia

      Not a pet peeve, a psychotic fucking hatred. I don’t tell people how to brush their teeth or wipe their ass, so why is it acceptable to bitch about my eating habits?

      Aug 25, 2011 at 11:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Sean Jungian

    This just makes me laugh and if my son left me such a note, I would laugh then, too.

    This is just one of those things where someone gets an irrational hair up their butt about something, and it never fails to amuse me. I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat my preferred hummus-and-tabouleh mix in front of him, but I wouldn’t hide it either.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 6:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   oi

      Don’t get me wrong but I would get way, way out of my way to eat it front of him.

      Aug 17, 2011 at 10:03 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Sean Jungian

      Yeah, I figure a lot of folks, particularly at this site, might go out of their way to intentionally tweak the son’s weird antipathy to the hummus/tabouleh mixture. But eh, it just doesn’t sound all that entertaining to me. I’ll sit back and absently watch y’all do it while I read a magazine or something instead.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 11:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   erinmkc

    I bet the son’s real motive is that the dad eats the hummus up too fast by not using a chip or pita to help fill up his stomach. The son has probably found an empty hummus container before because dad ate it all up and son blamed it in dad’s style of eating. Of course, if dad is paying for the hummus, he should eat it however he pleases.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 6:46 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   igetit

      This. I had an ex who would eat the “half” of what I would consider to be the “whole,” i.e. eat up all the cheese, none of the crackers, all the peanut butter, none of the jelly, etc. I’m sure it’s more than just policing the way dad eats – son is probably sick of having to eat plain pita bread for his snacks. Of course, if he’s not paying for it…

      Aug 17, 2011 at 7:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   pony girl

      Yes, it can be irritating.

      I buy a bag of chips, and it lasts 2 to 3 weeks, because I just eat a handful with a sandwich every once in a while.
      My ex’s brother stayed with us for three weeks, and would go through a whole bag in one sitting. There’s all sorts of real food, but he can’t be bothered to make a sandwich, so he fills up on that.

      He was only here for three weeks, ( and as it turned out, that was the last of my ex, too. Bonus!) so I just chilled.

      Not sure what the living situation is in this instance, but I suspect that it is Dad’s house and Dad’s food. If so, then the brother just needs to chill.

      Aug 17, 2011 at 9:21 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   The Elf

      Igetit, why not just buy twice as much cheese or peanut butter? I mean, if it is an established habit, plan for it.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 6:35 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   igetit

      Well, as he no longer lives with me, it’s a moot point. But I still think it’s ridiculous. It’s like what pony girl said – he couldn’t be bothered to eat any of the real food in the house, so he would always inhale all the easy snack foods, and leave me to eat either leftovers or half a snack item, to say nothing of not leaving any quick foods for the children. I cook almost everything from scratch, so it’s not like we had loads of snack food sitting around, or even had the money to spend to furnish him with gallons of meant-to-last-by-snacking-on-it items.

      As I said, though, as son is not buying food, he doesn’t really get to say how it gets eaten. But I see what he means – dad munching up all the hummus leaves not much for him, who might not particularly enjoy eating plain chips or pita bread.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 5:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Lili

      I think it’s amazing that he didn’t offer to buy his own food or replace things when he finished them. Not Elizabeth’s dad, your houseguest. I mean three weeks goes beyond standard “help yourself” hospitality.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 9:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   oi

      igetit, I see a problem now. Indeed that would be very irritating. In that case the son phrased the solution wrong. He should ask that dad keep two separate jars one marked “dad” and one marked “family”. If “dad” goes out faster than other he will have to replace it as fast. He can’t touch “family” hummus and son can’t complain about what he does with his own stash. Problem solved.

      Aug 21, 2011 at 10:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Sarah

    Imagine how pissed he would be if he saw what I would do to that Kozyshack.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 7:02 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Melissa R

      That’s what I was about to say – do whatever you want to as much hummus and tabbouleh as you like. I’ll have the chocolate pudding.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 5:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Luna (the other one)

    Cheese-and-rice! What kind of a control freak cares how someone else eats? My husband likes to dip cold hotdogs in sour cream. Does it make me a little queasy? You bet! So I just don’t watch. He works all day so I can stay home, go to school, and take care of our daughter. That entitles him to eat whatever however. I’m sure that’s also the case at Casa de Hummus. Unless brother is supplying the food, he should STFU.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 7:26 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Nahhh bang

    I had to look up “tabbouleh,” but wtf is sonny’s problem? Sounds like something that would taste great in a big ol’ bowl of hummas.

    TEAM DAD.

    Aug 17, 2011 at 9:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   camillle

    But hummus is the most delicious thing in the world, eating it without the interference of pita is the best way to go. I’m also disappointed in sonny boy for having so little food creativity that he can only suggest pita as a hummus delivery food. This is not a person to take food advice from

    Aug 17, 2011 at 9:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Seanette

      I personally favor tortilla chips for hummus. (eyes a bag of chips in range, remembers presence of hummus in fridge). Anyone else want some?

      Aug 18, 2011 at 12:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Joe

    Maybe Dad is getting back at Son for drinking Milk from the carton…

    Aug 17, 2011 at 10:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   The Elf

    So, who is paying for the hummus and tabbouleh? Or, for that matter, the fridge and the spoon? I’m betting it’s dear old Dad. Since it is his money, he can eat it however he sees fit. Two exceptions: that he doesn’t play with it at the dinner table (i.e. make a model circus tent with his hummus) and that he not eat straight from the container. But since he mixes it in a bowl and doesn’t appear to harbor secret desires to go to clown college, I think we’re safe there.

    I wonder if Son isn’t just at that age when everything Dad does is irritating. We’ve all been there, kid. Wait until you are 25. Then Dad will be smart and fun again.

    BTW, I totally love hummus and tabbouleh, so I’m trying Dad’s famous combo at the earliest opportunity. F the pita.

    Aug 18, 2011 at 6:30 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   zomboid

      i would have enjoyed it if my dad made hummus circus tents at the dinner table..maybe not every day

      Aug 19, 2011 at 6:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   ClearlyDemented

    The thought bubble over dad’s head as he sighs and extracts the hummus from under this note:

    Isn’t this kid 18 yet?

    Aug 18, 2011 at 7:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   the son

      no i am not

      Aug 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   DLo

    Yeah, my note would say, “And YOU’RE a dip too. Pack your sh!t and get out.”

    Aug 18, 2011 at 7:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   the son

      im 15

      Aug 19, 2011 at 12:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Eileen

    Dear Son,

    Here’s five bucks. Go buy your own dip and leave me alone.

    Signed,

    Dad, who will eat what I want in my own house

    Aug 18, 2011 at 7:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Kathleen

    Some of the best foods eaten with a spoon were never officially meant to be eaten with just a spoon. Mmmm… Nutella…..

    Aug 18, 2011 at 8:54 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Charlotte

      You mean I’m not the only one to eat Nutella with a spoon? Hooray! (Although putting it on Rich Tea biscuits is also nice)

      Aug 18, 2011 at 9:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   The Elf

      Ghwama Thiska!

      Oh, sorry, had the spoon in my mouth. Amen, Sister!

      Aug 18, 2011 at 9:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   TKD

      Try peanut butter and Nutella together, on a spoon of course.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 10:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   MK_Ultra

      Another great spoon combo… Nutella and Marshmellow Fluff. It’s like a s’more on a spoon!

      Aug 18, 2011 at 11:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Rattus

      Mmmmm, passionfruit jam and cream cheese….I be drooling.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 11:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   BrookeDiz

      My husband takes a green olive and stuffs it with an M&M. It’s his favorite salty/sweet combo.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 4:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   GhostWriter bang

      “green olive” is really a code-word for something else, right?

      Aug 18, 2011 at 4:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.8   pony girl

      I was 28 when I found out that those are pimientos inside of olives. I thought that red part was just part of the olive.
      Olives are stinky and gross and remind me of frog eyeballs. I have to hold my breath every time I go to the store and walk past that disgusting olive bar thingy.

      ps Rattus, pass that on over, yum!!

      Aug 18, 2011 at 5:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.9   Royer

      “green olive” is his safety word

      Aug 18, 2011 at 6:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Twinkie

    I mix tabbouleh and hummus all the time and then eat it with pitas. I even do it out in the open in my favorite middle eastern deli and in front of my Syrian step father. No one has ever even looked askance at me. Team Dad.

    Aug 18, 2011 at 2:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   GhostWriter bang

      I can live with the idea of Dad eating his mushmix with a spoon, but I object to his always squirting it out between his teeth like a Playdoh Pumper.

      Aug 18, 2011 at 3:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Liz in Albuquerque

    Heck, I eat hummus from a spoon every morning for breakfast. Sometimes I slow down & use pita chips if I have the time.

    Aug 18, 2011 at 10:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Mrs Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff often berates me for eating Brussels paté with a fork instead of on a cracker or a crisp bread or something. Which I don’t think is fair, because simple starches make me ill. Maybe Dad is on a low-carb kick. Or maybe he just likes it. Either way, Brother is a bit of a jerk, although I suspect his jerkishness is executed in a fairly good-natured sort of way so it’s not so bad.

    Aug 19, 2011 at 5:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   zomboid

    hmmm…i can see how this could piss someone off – a tub of houmous is expected to last a while, not be eaten in one go like a bowl of porridge by the selfish asshole of the household

    Aug 19, 2011 at 5:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   zomboid

      i guess i’m projecting slightly due to the way my brother used to always eat all the fucking houmous, hence the ‘selfish asshole’ bit

      Aug 19, 2011 at 6:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      The selfish asshole who more-than-likely is the funder and acquirer of said houmous.

      Aug 27, 2011 at 4:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   the son

    yes this is the son here, i would like to clear some things up, 1) i’m 15 years of age so its not like i’m a freeloader 2) it doesn’t drive me absolutely crazy, and 3)it’s gross to have to wash out the container after he is done

    Aug 19, 2011 at 9:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Rattus

      Sorry, son, but I’m pretty sure that both of your parents have cleaned up some pretty gross stuff of yours over the years, so you’re just going to have to suck this one up.

      I must say, though, that your communication style is quite clear and cogent and is quite likely why many people thought that you were an adult. So kudos to you, and to your parents who, it would seem, are doing a pretty good job raising you.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 10:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   The Elf

      You’re 15. You are by definition a freeloader. A freeloader with a really good excuse for being a freeloader (like every teenager), but still. I doubt you bought the hummus & tabbouleh, and when you have a place of your own and buy your own hummus, you can insist that it is only eaten with a pita chip. It’s one of the great things about being an adult.

      I have to agree with Rattus that I assumed you were college age by the writing. So, congrats!

      Aug 19, 2011 at 10:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   CardiFan

      A story:
      When my husband was about this age (15 or 16), his alcoholic (now formerly-alcoholic, thank heavens) mother, in a rage, tried to throw him out of the house and call him a freeloader. He looked his mother straight in the eyes and calmly said, “No fucking way. I’m a minor, and you’re my legal guardian; you are REQUIRED BY LAW to provide for me.”

      I’m not sure what this story has to do with anything, but it always impressed me with his coolness under fire a whole lot.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 12:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   hamletta

      Hey, son!

      Hummus is easy to make.

      It’s a lot cheaper than buying it. Learn how to make it, and you’ll always have plenty, and you’ll save your crazy old dad some money, too.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 1:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   Seanette

      Can’t be as gross as the diapers of yours your dad no doubt changed for you, or all the runny noses he wiped for you, etc.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 7:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.6   Melissa R

      How sad is it that people are impressed a 15 year old would have the abilities to write this note?

      Aug 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.7   RP

      It doesn’t matter if you think it’s gross. You don’t get to tell your parents how to eat.

      Also, if it doesn’t bother you that much then why the note? Why a note at all? Why not just tell your dad that the mess is gross? You could try bargaining to get out of cleaning the dishes in exchange for something else. You could try getting help from the rest of your family to convince him that he should clean that particular mess himself.

      I haven’t had hummus or tabbouleh before but it’s hard to imagine that being worse than cleaning a toilet or something like that unless the food has rotted by the time the dishes are cleaned. (And that’s a whole other issue right there.)

      Aug 24, 2011 at 2:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.8   bookworm

      Son, you should pick up A Child Called It, and realize how absolutely lucky you are that the worst thing in your life is having to wash out a gross container.

      What a baby.

      Aug 24, 2011 at 4:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Old Uncle Toe bang

    I used to love hummus — until I found out it was just a waste product from kazoo factories.

    Aug 19, 2011 at 8:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Mike

    When your brother has a house and a fridge of his own and the means to stock said fridge, then he can buy some pita’s. Until then I think he should just enjoy the humus with a nice side of shut the f*k up.

    Aug 20, 2011 at 9:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up