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Cupcakes make people [fill in the blank]

August 31st, 2011 · 85 comments

Well, lookie here: this office in Florida has a “Jeff” of their own!

related: A citation from the fat policeSprinkles are for cupcakes

FILED UNDER: cake · food · hey fatty · office · questionable logic

85 responses so far ↓

  • #1   kjordan

    I don’t know…it having coconut on it wouldn’t make me too happy…

    Aug 31, 2011 at 4:45 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      It having coconut on it would make me blissfully happy.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 7:02 am   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   The Elf

      Aof this writing, 22 to 17 on the all important Coconut Referrendum. The coconut haters are winning, damn them.

      Sep 2, 2011 at 7:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   pony girl

      @ The Elf,

      More delicious coconut goodness for us!

      Sep 2, 2011 at 9:02 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   notolaf

      Make that 22 to 18.

      Sep 3, 2011 at 4:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #2   clever name

    Jeeze, don’t have one then tubby. People that understand moderation will have one…

    Aug 31, 2011 at 4:52 pm   rating: 77  small thumbs up

  • #3   misspiggy

    Noo!! That is possibly the meanest, cruellest PAN I have ever seen. I blame Puritan culture – after all, these are the people who banned Christmas before we kicked them out of the UK….

    It’s not even correct – just because cupcakes (can) make us fat doesn’t mean they don’t make us happy in the process!

    Aug 31, 2011 at 5:16 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Adriana

      I really don’t think this has anything to do with Puritans. Busybody a-holes who think they know how to run your life better than you do are universal problem and a driving force behind every government in existence.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #4   vanessa

    Oh FFS ONE cupcake will not do it. One hundred maybe. Unless you reallllyy stretch em out.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 5:32 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #5   Gene Roseberry

    Not. Mutually. Exclusive.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 5:33 pm   rating: 86  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   konkonsn

      Amen. Let fat people enjoy their lives…half of what makes living and being fat hard is because everything is designed for skinny people.

      And just to head off replies, I’m a skinny woman who is thin due to disease.

      Aug 31, 2011 at 8:20 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   bulimia


      Aug 31, 2011 at 10:20 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   RP

      Don’t be stupid. Just as their are diseases, medical conditions, and medications that can cause weight gain there are others that can cause weight loss: cancer, diabetes, malabsorption disorders, etc.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 9:20 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   BRBonobo

      Like bulimia

      Sep 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   Dr_Know

      Actually people with bulimia are usually of normal (or slightly over normal) weight.

      Sep 2, 2011 at 7:06 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #6   Delfin Joaquin Paris III bang

    Cupcakes make people fart. Fart like crazy. Like, insane farting. Farting that could end a war.

    Or, maybe that’s just me and my IBS.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 5:42 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Katter

      I’m told that in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, when Veruca demands a “bean feast,” she’s saying she wants to eat a ton of donuts, and it’s called a bean feast because doing that will give you massive farts.

      Sep 2, 2011 at 11:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #7   Adriana

    Holy crap. Just let people enjoy their lives. It’s a freaking cupcake, not poison.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 6:06 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   emily

      Seriously! You’d think for every pound I gained, God killed a kitten. Simmer down, people.

      Aug 31, 2011 at 9:49 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Jessi


      Aug 31, 2011 at 11:11 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #8   Dr_Know

    Wow these people policing other people’s choices…I just don’t get them.

    I bet if someone had brought in a cheese platter they wouldn’t have said anything…but hey here’s some news – eating too much of pretty much anything can make you gain weight.

    But who gives a crap…no one has the right to tell anyone else to what to do or not do (unless their hurting others) and as Gene so kindly pointed out – it’s very possible to be fat and happy.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 6:18 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Jessi

      It should be possible to be fat and happy, but it’s definitely not in this society. Fat people are continually punished for being fat.

      Aug 31, 2011 at 11:15 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   makfan

      Just 50 extra calories a day adds up to 5 pounds of extra weight per year. Really, with the increase in portion size and the tendency to socialize around food (where there is always pressure to eat more), no wonder everyone is gaining weight. It’s just so easy.

      I started gaining when I had a job where I often ended up at Starbucks for Wifi time. I felt I needed to order something, so those extra calories began to show.

      People look down on you when you are heavy, and they also put pressure on you when you try to order something small. “Did you get enough? You barely ate anything.” You can’t win.

      Aug 31, 2011 at 11:49 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Dr_Know

      I still maintain that it is possible to be fat and happy – you just have to not give a shit what other people think. Of course people will put other people down for anything but a few ignorant people aren’t going to stop me from saying I happy.

      It’s like saying it’s not possible to be happy and thin (because you sometimes get called a rake)…being upset about that doesn’t make you not happy in general.

      Hmm it’s late…I hope that made sense.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   Sean

      Jessi — I am quite fat and quite happy.

      Sep 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #9   berge bang

    Dammit, now I want a cupcake.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 6:20 pm   rating: 73  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Kate

      Course you do, fatty.

      Aug 31, 2011 at 9:54 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Kayleigh

      split it?

      Sep 1, 2011 at 2:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #10   Oh Geeee

    He’s just hoping to dissuade his coworkers from taking them… More for him (or her).

    Aug 31, 2011 at 6:39 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #11   Melissa

    Sedentary office jobs make people fat. So you should leave.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 6:40 pm   rating: 98  small thumbs up

  • #12   @jaredmorgs

    Well based on the fact two cupcakes have been eaten, we can deduce that two people are happy at least. And perhaps a little bit fatter. But probably more happier than fatter. ;)

    Aug 31, 2011 at 7:24 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #13   Chrys

    Well I’ve put on about 10 pounds so I’ve been cutting back on the junk and carbs in general, but I’d gladly set myself back a day for some raspberry coconut happiness, that sounds like an amazing combo and I don’t know why I’ve never tried it.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 8:41 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #14   Pit Pat

    Team Zinger Cupcakes!

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:18 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #15   Quite Contrary

    Frankly, I hope whoever took the cupcake(s) walks on top of the car like Rachel Bilson in that ice cream commercial. (Thanks, James L!)

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   E.R.A. Triano (@lizziewriter)

      Or Tawny Kitaen in the Whitesnake video!

      Aug 31, 2011 at 9:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Danny

    Anonymous Post-It notes make people obnoxious assholes.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:39 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

  • #17   Tiffany

    Apparently, *not* eating cupcakes makes people bitchy.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:39 pm   rating: 100  small thumbs up

  • #18   Deirdre

    I’d leave a note saying, “Way to try and tempt me to commit suicide. Jerks and your sugar. Diabetics hate having your yummy, scrumptious, delicious, icing-coating, heavenly …. wait, what was I talking about?… “

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:41 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #19   KST

    I would find out who wrote that note and smear cupcake and icing all over their desk, then leave the wrappers in their trash can and put a little sign that says “oink oink” on their monitor.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Katsu

      nooooo, that’s such a waste of delicious happiness-inducing cupcake!

      Sep 1, 2011 at 10:47 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #20   E.R.A. Triano (@lizziewriter)

    aw, maybe the writer was trying to diet and just wrote that to help his or herself stay away from the cupcakes.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Elf

      I doubt it…….

      Sep 1, 2011 at 7:11 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   RP

      Then the note should be on their own desk not where everyone else has to read it.

      Besides, I doubt that many people trying to lose weight find insults and snarky remarks helpful.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 9:25 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #21   Katie Bourke

    Someones on the bitter diet.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:51 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #22   Kate

    I’m fat and happy. *eats all the cupcakes* There. YOU’RE WELCOME.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 9:53 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #23   Divvitar

    So, all I have to do to lose weight is not eat cupcakes? Wow! I would never have guessed!

    Aug 31, 2011 at 10:11 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   eliz

      I haven’t had a cupcake in waay too long, and I’m still fat.

      Gonna get a cupcake tomorrow and be happy again!

      Sep 1, 2011 at 12:09 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #24   Zinnia

    My response note would have been, “I’ll eat only one cupcake if you agree to use only one exclamation point.”

    Aug 31, 2011 at 10:38 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #25   kat

    I would totally write a note like that. The fat ppl in my office smell. They don’t need anymore cuppycakes…or takeout chinese…or pizza…or bacon egg & cheese EVERY morning. Srsly – they smell.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 11:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   makfan

      The smokers in my office are the ones who smell.

      Aug 31, 2011 at 11:51 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   TheGnome bang

      But why should it bother you that they don’t have anosmia?

      Sep 1, 2011 at 6:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.3   The Elf

      But can they spell?

      Sep 1, 2011 at 7:12 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #25.4   Clumber

      For that, Elf, I may have to give you a hickey. Raspberry coconut colored, of course.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #25.5   Kate

      Get a new job so you don’t have to smell the horrid fatties and they don’t have to deal with your judgement

      Sep 3, 2011 at 5:49 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #26   boxes

    All it takes is one little line and that note becomes “No! Cupcakes make people EAT”

    Because they do. Nom nom nom delicious cupcakes.

    Aug 31, 2011 at 11:40 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

  • #27   Joe

    After seeing some of the disgusting masses of flesh in some of the offices I’ve worked in, and the way they would stuff their faces whenever someone brought (always incredibly fattening) food in, I would’ve laughed my ass off if someone put this note up. Team asshole PAN leaver all the way!

    Aug 31, 2011 at 11:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Anon

      You’re an ass, you know that?

      Sep 1, 2011 at 1:15 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   TheGnome bang

      How awful that you had to actually see and work with people who are not interested in being attractive to you! You poor thing. No wonder you’re such a bitter, disgusting jerk.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #27.3   HAHA

      I would have laughed my ass off too. I feel the same way….lol….I used to work in a Safeway and the fattest most disgusting looking people would head straight to the donut case. I always wished for a BMI meter on the floor that would flip those people into the veggies department.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 2:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.4   notolaf

      Did you ever stop to think they were probably eating to deal with the pain of working with you?

      Sep 3, 2011 at 4:06 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #28   havingfitz

    I have joked for years that as long as cupcakes exist, I will never lose weight. They are my ultimate weakness. Notice I said “my weakness”. I’m overweight because I choose to eat the wrong things. Unless I’m sitting on you, go munch your carrot sticks and leave me in peace.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 12:07 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

  • #29   wrench

    Gotta admit, I hate it when people bring pastries into the office a month before PT testing. But I’m in the military so being in shape is kind of required. I’m naturally thin but I always PT better when I eat well.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 5:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Caity

      OTOH, post ruck march donuts and coffee are the best things ever pretty much.

      Sep 4, 2011 at 10:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #30   Nunavut Guy

    Cupcakes don’t make people happy,drugs make people happy!

    Drop a couple of 8 balls off at the office next Friday and watch moral soar.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 6:12 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   TKD

      Pat, can I buy an “e” please?

      Sep 1, 2011 at 7:32 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   Nunavut Guy


      Sep 1, 2011 at 7:22 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #31   Kristi

    Cupcakes make people… whip out their inner self-righteous, fun-killing a-hole persona, at least in this guy/gal’s case.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 7:42 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #32   Weird Al

    Your butt is wide, well mine is too
    Just watch your mouth or I’ll sit on you
    The word is out, better treat me right
    ‘Cause I’m the king of cellulite
    Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

    My zippers bust, my buckles break
    I’m too much man for you to take
    The pavement cracks when I fall down
    I’ve got more chins than Chinatown

    Well, I’ve never used a phone booth
    And I’ve never seen my toes
    When I’m goin’ to the movies
    I take up seven rows

    Because I’m fat, I’m fat, come on
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, come on you know
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    Don’t you call me pudgy, portly or stout
    Just now tell me once again who’s fat

    When I walk out to get my mail
    It measures on the Richter scale
    Down at the beach I’m a lucky man
    I’m the only one who gets a tan
    If I have one more pie a la mode
    I’m gonna need my own zip code

    When you’re only having seconds
    I’m having twenty-thirds
    When I go to get my shoes shined
    I gotta take their word

    Because I’m fat, I’m fat, sha mone
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it you know
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
    Lemme tell you once again who’s fat

    If you see me comin’ your way
    Better give me plenty space
    If I tell you that I’m hungry
    Then won’t you feed my face

    Because I’m fat, I’m fat, sha mone
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it, you know
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
    I really sit around the house

    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, come on
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it, you know it
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know, you know, you know, come on
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    And you know all by myself I’m a crowd
    Lemme tell you once again

    You know I’m huge, I’m fat, you know it
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, you know, hoo
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it, you know
    (Fat, fat, really really fat)
    And the whole world knows I’m fat and I’m proud
    Just tell me once again who’s fat

    Sep 1, 2011 at 9:15 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #33   divaandwriter bang

    Raspberry coconut only? No chocolate?

    Sep 1, 2011 at 9:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #34   This or That

    Wait – something is wrong here. Where’s the “that cupcake was f*cking delicious” guy?

    Sep 1, 2011 at 9:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   The Elf

      He just checked in. ^^^

      Sep 1, 2011 at 11:01 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #35   RP

    Stop feeding the trolls, people!

    They clearly don’t want to be feed anything for fear of getting fat anyway.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 9:42 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #36   Hellbound Alleee

    Fat or happy? The two are definitely NOT mutually exclusive.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 10:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #37   Zorin

    As long as they’re not Pinkie’s cupcakes…

    Sep 1, 2011 at 11:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #38   JenStar

    I know had I seen it in my office, I’d have an overwhelming urge to write, “Your Mom is fat” on the sticky note in response.

    Don’t be hatin’ on cuppie cakes.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 12:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #39   HAHA

    No you idiot. EATING cupcakes makes you fat. The cupcakes themselves have no power. Bet this person is a fatty.

    Sep 1, 2011 at 2:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   TheGnome bang

      Are you thumbing up your own comments? I have a hard time believing anyone else would do it.

      I’ll be sure to tell my cupcake obsessed friend that she may look tiny, but she’s actually fat. Because a troll said so.

      Sep 1, 2011 at 4:08 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #40   SkinnyBish

    Yeesh, what a hater! I mean, yeah, eating the whole box of cupcakes and sitting on your a** all day, every day, WILL inevitably lead to undesirable personal growth (unless the person in question has the metabolism of a hummingbird). One cupcake – maybe two, if it’s your birthday and the calories don’t count anyway – will not, in and of itself, make anyone fat.
    Stick it to the diet police!

    Sep 1, 2011 at 3:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #41   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly.

    Sep 2, 2011 at 7:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   divaandwriter bang

      Only at Christmastime, and only if you pay us.

      Sep 2, 2011 at 8:43 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #42   notolaf

    Cupcakes don’t make people fat. People make people fat.

    Sep 3, 2011 at 4:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #43   neeners

    Is this another one of the “gourmet” cupcake crowd who charge 5.95 per cupcake?

    Sep 3, 2011 at 9:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #44   Caity

    So does this mean more for me if letter-writer doesn’t want one?

    Sep 4, 2011 at 10:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #45   Lois Lola Lala

    If one cupcake makes your a$$ fat then you need to hit the gym, because their is no way one special occasion snack will bloat a healthy person getting enough excercise. Sound like the note writer needs to get a personal trainer if one cupcake scares them that much.

    Sep 10, 2011 at 12:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #46   pearl

    Oh, for…

    Look, Fitness Junkies. Some of us would rather be happy than make ourselves miserable swimming upstream. You go on about your masochism and leave us terrible fatties alone.

    Leave us to our happy-inducing cupcakes. As others have said, one cupcake isn’t going to blow your figure completely if you get enough exercise. So GET OVER IT.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 10:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up


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