Entries from August 2011

Closed due to impending anarchy

August 10th, 2011 · 44 Comments

No, the London riots aren’t really “funny,” but Rachael wasn’t the only one who found the note of gallows humor in this notice — from a U.K. Subway sandwich shop — to be worth a second glance.

Due to the imminent collapse of society we regret to announce we are closing at 6pm tonight.

Coincidentally, on the very same day, Rebecca in Cincinnati snapped a photo of this sign — which seemed to me like something straight out of The Handmaid’s Tale. Despite the dramatic wording, Rebecca says the chaos at hand here was actually a missing replica T-Rex tooth from a display at The Creation Museum (where she was guilt-tripped into going by her less irreverent extended family).

Temporarily out of order. (We live in a fallen world) We will restore order here as soon as possible.

related: Are you ready for your Rapture party?

Tags: Cincinnati · don't blame us · U.K. · WTF?

It’s my spot and I’ll park what I want to

August 9th, 2011 · 125 Comments

Kate in Melbourne caught a glimpse of this note from the street, and it looked so ridiculous that she snuck into the private lot to get a closer look. Adds Kate: “I imagine this person is quite popular with the neighbours.”

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

(By the way, Kate apologizes for the poor resolution of the photos; she only had her mobile phone with her at the time.)

related: Dear self-appointed parking cop: please direct your anger and self-righteousness elsewhere.

extra credit: This kid parallel parks better than I do [youtube]

Tags: kids · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · oh snap · parking

Fly girls

August 8th, 2011 · 38 Comments

Kassandra in Nevada was waiting for her order at a local coffee shop when she noticed this series of flyers on the bulletin board. Adds Kass: “Who knew there would be such offense taken by a fly fishing class for women?”

Women's Fly Fishing Clinic: Fly fishing basics taught by women, for women.

Men's Fly Fishing Clinic: Fly fishing taught by men. Way better than that other one!

Fly's Fishing Clinic: Fly's fishing basics taught by Fly, for Flies

related: Vegan vs. carnivore corkboard showdown

Tags: battle of the sexes · Nevada · saga · smartass

So, Mom, what you’re telling me is to cover up with a latex catsuit?

August 7th, 2011 · 34 Comments

Joy’s mother is the type who says things like, “Joy! CLEAVAGE is not going to get you a JOB!” In one her more subtle moves, Joy says, “My mom clipped this ‘article’ out of her favorite nutjob newsletter and mailed it to me —with annotations to be sure I didn’t miss the point.”

JOY, read please.

Thanks for the new role model, Mom! Because, as everyone knows, Michelle Pfeiffer’s career has been propelled more than anything else by her “prudishness.”

related: Grandma’s advice: Be more like Bieber.

Tags: a matter of taste · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes

And what’s the magic word?

August 4th, 2011 · 27 Comments

From a frat house in Denton, Texas…

STAY THE FUCK OUT Please

to an alley in Sydney, Australia…

Do not throw rubbish here [fucker!!!] PLEASE

back to a dorm room in Richmond, Virginia…

Please - DON'T SLAM THE FUCKING DOOR -thanks :)

…the notion of “minding your manners” takes a few somewhat compromising turns along the way.

related: Please, body hair is unsanitary (source: webmd.com)

Tags: college life · door-slamming · fratboys · garbage · pleasantries as afterthought · pointlessly self-censored profanity

Dear couchsurfer: here’s a clue you might have overstayed your welcome

August 3rd, 2011 · 22 Comments

From Austin, Texas: a last-ditch attempt to get rid of a houseguest who took “Mi casa es su casa” a bit too literally…

Be out by Friday or I will remove you & change the locks (Hug Me)

related: Couchsurfing Greg gets pissed

Tags: Austin · frenemies · heart · moving/not moving · nice stationery · not-so-veiled threats

Must have the precious…

August 2nd, 2011 · 44 Comments

Amy and her cousin were enjoying a casual stroll in Toronto when they noticed this note in a neighbor’s garden — a note which Amy says left her with far more questions than answers.

I’d have to agree with Amy that the stand-out line here is the one towards the end about whether the tomato thief ever makes racist or ageist remarks. (Because…huh?)

Adds Amy: “The lack of grammar made me think that ‘young people’ were a new racial group. And why does the note-writer beg the thief to at least return ONE of the stolen tomatoes  — because it’s so precious? And is the last line a threat of being infected by Asian lily beetle poison? I don’t get it!”

To the Tomato Thief: YOU WIN. I will never plant tomatoes again. The plant is in the compost where it will help me. Since you took all 4 of the first tomatoes of the season (the most precious), could I have the one left? (the plant isn't healthy so there won't be more. I trust you never speak ill of young people or other racial groups as you are a terrible role model to anyone in your family.  *(My soil is infected with the Asian lily beetle - a voracious eater, so careful)

related: People of Philadelphia, these tomatoes are not for you!

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · spelling and grammar police · Toronto · WTF?

Nicely played, sir.

August 1st, 2011 · 168 Comments

Explains Haley in Canada: “My friend Laura took $20 from her dad’s wallet and left a note telling him she needed it for parking. When she got home later, she found this.”

Laura, I took a pair of your jeans to pay for bread and a few grams of cold cuts. Love, Dad (AKA; VP)

Laura, I took a pair of your jeans to pay for bread and a few grams of cold cuts. Love, Dad (AKA; VP)

related: Dad holds the kitteh hostage

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Canada · Father-daughter notes · Moms & Dads · money · oh snap · signed with love