Oh, sure, blame it on the crackhead.

September 6th, 2011 · 56 comments

Take it from Whitney, kids: “Crack is whack.” (And it makes you an easy scapegoat for pretty much anything and everything.)

From Akron, Ohio:

The crackhead theives [sic] have been busy stealing our stuff, inside + out. Please report all crackhead sightings to SPD [phone number redacted]

From Toronto:

DEAR CRACKHEADS: Please don't steal the empty porn cases. They don't have much of a street value, and since crack/heroin renders you impotent anyways, we really don't see the logic in your decision making abilities. Big Kiss. 7/24 Staff

From New York City:

To the Crackhead who samshed in my windows

From Pueblo, Colorado:

Billboard

From Phoenix:

The fucking neighborhood Crack Head stole my broke down wore out mat bike what will the Dumb Ass Steal of yours next

From Seattle:

dear crackheads: please stop being crackheads. you thank

And lastly, from South London:

Squirrels on Crack

related: So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

FILED UNDER: blame it on the crackhead · drugs · spelling and grammar police · stealing · that's illegal


56 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Quite Contrary

    Dear Seattle,

    With a fucked up font like that, do you blame me?

    Kisses!

    Crackheads

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:01 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Boomshine

      And does it say Yoi Thank at the bottom of it? That font is all sorts of problems on the eyeballs… >_<

      Sep 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Momm bang

      Yes. It’s not the font (or the kerning), it’s your eyes.

      Smooches!
      NYC

      Sep 7, 2011 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Hobotang

    Go back and replace “crackhead” with “squirrel” in the notes for extra laughs.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   ElbieSee

      “Squirrels kill”?

      Sep 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Divvitar

      Yes, when you least expect it!

      Sep 6, 2011 at 9:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   The Elf

      Squirrels on Squirrels?

      I don’t even want to know.

      Sep 7, 2011 at 8:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   sleeps

      That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

      Sep 7, 2011 at 11:04 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   QBALL

    why would a crackhead leave their beer?

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Nick

      Because he forgot it. Come on, man.

      Sep 6, 2011 at 4:20 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   jetjackson

      It was a gateway Beer. The crackhead traded up.

      Sep 7, 2011 at 7:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   not_me

    The crackhead probably can spell paranoia.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Epicurean

      But kan they spel “SAMSHED?” Not many peopel kan, oh no, nuh-uh. It reelly puts u abuv the crackheads if u kan spel “SAMSHED.”

      Sep 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   J.

    Based on the spelling on that first sign, I think this was an example of crackhead on crackhead thievery.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Smokey

    Is anyone else worried about those squirrels in London? They could get mean if they need a fix!

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Suzi

    I would totally steal Ohio’s sign.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   unsatisfied

    if you write a sign that goes off on crackheads for doing something that you think that a crackhead did but you can’t spell correctly, you’re probably a crackhead.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Guadalisá

    Do “normies” know that crack makes you impotent and paranoid or do some of these people have personal experience?
    Just curious.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   turnedoffTVgrey

      I guess some do. I think a lot of people know that crack makes you paranoid. but probably less know about the decreased sexual function. I didn’t know until I had a few experiences with opiates- which I think decreases function more than crack.

      Oct 9, 2011 at 8:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Divvitar

    Are we supposed to report the Crackheads to Space Patrol Delta? I didn’t know the Power Rangers were involved in the “War on Drugs?”

    Sep 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      …. Actually if you imagine the Power Rangers all hopped up on drugs, it makes a lot more sense. Go go Power Rangers!

      Sep 7, 2011 at 6:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Michele

    It’s THIEVES* …not theives.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Momm bang

      Seriously, Give ‘em a break. Crackheaded thieves fluster people…

      Sep 7, 2011 at 5:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   CaptainC

    Will no one think of the meth?

    Sep 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   sleeps

      That’s exactly what I thought of when I saw “Pueblo, Colorado”.

      Sep 7, 2011 at 11:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Joe

    I think if you switch “crackheads” with “the blacks” in these you can see what these people are really trying to say.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Canthz_B bang

      Well, with black populations of roughly 28, 8, 16, 2.5, 8 and 10.5 percent respectively in those cities, it’s much more likely the perpetrators were on meth. Now if you switch “crackheads” to “meth-heads”, what are they trying to say then? ;-)

      Sep 7, 2011 at 2:38 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Clumber

      That this area would be a great spot for a new dentist/rehab facility?

      Sep 7, 2011 at 7:35 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      Bingo!, Clumber! LOL

      Sep 7, 2011 at 9:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Balabusta in Blue Jeans

      In general, if the crackheads in the neighborhood are black, the people trying to deal with the relentless ‘night of the living crackhead’ theft, vandalism and general insane behavior are also black. So no, I think they mean ‘crackheads’.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 8:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Canthz_B bang

      @balabusta, Why? Did they repeal the Fair Housing Act when I wasn’t looking? LOL

      Sep 14, 2011 at 12:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   gladystopia

    Looks like Warren Zevon, may his soul rest in peace, missed a bet:

    “He’s that bushy-tailed rat
    Stealing money from your flat
    Lately he’s been going ’round the pawnshops.
    You better stay away from him
    ‘Cuz he’s a crackhead, Slim
    (He’s also got the rabies.)

    “AOOOOOOOOOOH! Crack squirrels of London
    “aOOOOOOOOOOH!”

    Sep 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   quat

      His tail was perfect.

      Sep 6, 2011 at 4:51 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   unsatisfied

      saw him with a crackpipe down at trader vic’s….

      Sep 6, 2011 at 8:06 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   a

    it’s really hard to get samshed out of car windows, so I can feel the pain in NYC.

    Sep 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   shwo! bang

    Hail, hail Paronia! Land of the brave and free…!

    Sep 6, 2011 at 6:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Divvitar

    The NYC note is really a metal song called “Crack Kills.”

    Sep 6, 2011 at 9:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Why would anyone complain about free beer? Hell, my insurance will cover a new car window, and I can’t sweat about a premium increase while I’m drinking free beer.

    Sep 7, 2011 at 2:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    Let’s get real…there’s no such thing as a “crackhead sighting”.
    Those suckers are much too fast to be sighted.
    ‘Why they’ll slip the laces out of your shoes while you’re in mid stride!!

    You’d need a high-speed camera set up by Urban Wild Kingdom to gain a glimpse of one in its natural habitat.

    Sep 7, 2011 at 2:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   havingfitz

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84JuAy0_4Q8

    Sep 7, 2011 at 3:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   anonymous

    STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!

    Sep 7, 2011 at 9:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   The Elf

      Can this particular meme die already? Please? At least the others are tangetially related, this is just idiotic.

      Sep 7, 2011 at 11:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   anonymous

      STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!!!

      Sep 8, 2011 at 10:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   FeRD bang

      You so walked into that, Elf.

      Sep 18, 2011 at 6:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   divaandwriter bang

    I think the New York note writer is the winner here. I wonder if he/she knows a good window samshing service.

    Sep 7, 2011 at 9:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   rainbow brite's boyfriend

    If you want to do crack, pull down your pants.

    Sep 7, 2011 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Dannidoo

    No one suspected
    MI5′s plan – drug lords foiled
    by covert squirrels.

    Sep 7, 2011 at 12:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Lily

    One of these days these crackhead notes have got to invoke Intervention. It would have been fitting for the NYC note: “Crack kills. I’m going to send the Intervention TV crew after you” or “Crack kills – get on that show Intervention and get some help”

    Sep 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Eileen

    Samshed: a small outbuilding where your vertically challenged groundskeeper stores his equipment

    Paronia: a country in Central America, full of nervous people who insiste they are all under surveillance

    Sep 7, 2011 at 6:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Get on your bikes and ride bang

    Not only does it appear that the Seattle note is done in a 60′s comedy font*, it even looks like it could have made a decent movie title considering the times.

    *
    http://www.moviegoods.com/Assets/product_images/1020/197027.1020.A.jpg

    Sep 7, 2011 at 11:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Christina

    So proud to call Akron home.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Christina

      Oh, and they don’t call it “Cr-akron” for nuthin!

      Sep 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Balabusta in Blue Jeans

    “There was a Santa here, but some crackhead took it.”

    This makes me sad, and it also makes me laugh like a hyena.

    Sep 10, 2011 at 8:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   HunterJE

    I want to know what the other 17/24 of the staff think of the crackheads on heroin taking video cases.

    Sep 16, 2011 at 8:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   melissa

    To the person who wrote and posted the sign from New York, LEARN TO SPELL.

    Sep 18, 2011 at 3:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   FeRD bang

      Y-… um… hm. OK. *breath*

      You do know that the people you’re yelling at can’t actually hear you, when you shout messages into the computer? …Right, melissa?

      Sep 18, 2011 at 6:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     

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