How NOT to earn great restaurant tips

September 8th, 2011 · 117 comments

Writes Amber in Minnesota: “My friend works in accounting for a local restaurant chain, and every once in awhile she has to go through credit card receipts if something isn’t adding up correctly. She’s found some pretty interesting gems, but this one takes the cake.”

I'm not pregnant, but thanks for the "eating for two" comment.

[Adds the Not-Pregnant Notewriter: THANKS FOR THE 'TAKES THE CAKE' COMMENT, AMBER. REALLY.]

related: Please don’t take this the wrong way, but mind your own damn business.

FILED UNDER: etiquette · Minneapolis/St. Paul · Minnesota · Oops? · preggers · restaurant


117 responses so far ↓

  • #1   AAD

    Team Not Pregnant. Why, why, why do people think it’s ok to make these kinds of comments to total strangers?

    Sep 8, 2011 at 8:29 am   rating: 110  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   justanotherposter

      Totally agree, AAD. I’d like to add that even if you’re sure the person is actually pregnant, please refrain from comments like, “Your due date is WHEN?!? You’re huge!” and my personal favorite, “How many you got in there?” She doesn’t think those comments are cute.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 10:22 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Monster City bang

      @justanotherposter, could not agree more. While pregnant riding an escalator in a department store a woman asked me about my pregnancy, I told her it was a boy due in march… “Just the one?” I think I could have made a decent defense case due to pregnancy hormones had I pushed her.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 11:29 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   jdgiotta

      Because it’s cordial with certain people. You can’t fault others for empathy.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Suzi

      Pff, empathy is not a synonym for ‘being a nosey, judgemental wench’.

      You don’t see someone limping with a cane, ask them how their inoperable leg cancer is – because clearly it can’t be boring old arthritis! – and then when they say it’s not so bad, exclaim about how it must be waaay more painful than that, it stinks of gangrene! Well, I’d assume you don’t, at least. :)

      Sep 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   The Elf

      Totally not empathy. I remember when I was asked this question. I was actually skinny back then, but wore an empire-waisted dress and was leaning back against a desk. My own Dad – love ‘em but he has a cluelessness about him – asked if I was pregnant. He was serious too. I told him that if I was pregnant enough to show, I would have told him!

      That wasn’t empathy. That was just plain cluelessness. And I threw out that dress that night. You just don’t assume THAT.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 7:09 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   AB745

      I once had an acquaintance at a party in college ask me if I was pregnant…as I was standing there double fisting alcohol. God I hated her.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 1:46 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Lois Lola Lala

      Make comments and grab your belly. Seriously, people, I don’t care if you want to feel the baby kick. Being touched by weird strangers is not fun…especially if it’s your baby-filled uterus they want to grope.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 12:09 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Donna Martin Graduates!

      AB — I guess you were drinking for two, then?! :)

      Sep 13, 2011 at 5:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Nocturnesthesia

      In most cultures it’s not an insult… There are just so many fat people in the west that the percentage of normal-weight people get oversensitive and have a ridiculous knee-jerk reaction to someone mentioning anything that could be remotely construed as being related to their food intake or body weight.

      tl;dr Western women on the whole have horrible body image and whine a lot

      Sep 17, 2011 at 2:35 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Moxie

      Um, no. This isn’t a strictly western phenomenon. I’m sure your bigotry is happy to believe that, but I can tell you that few women, regardless of where she is in the world, wants to be mistaken as pregnant when she’s not.

      TL;DR – You’re a moron.

      Sep 25, 2011 at 5:14 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   Jami

      @Nocturnesthesia – While it’s true that Americans are very overweight – and this can be due to a LOT of factors other than overeating such as Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, thyroid disorders, even allergies – China is the 2nd most obese country in the world now and rapidly catching up with us.

      In other words, if you picked up some books and read them you might learn something.

      Sep 29, 2011 at 1:13 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Nahhh bang

    Some wise person (or a comedian) once said: “Never assume a woman is pregnant unless there’s a head hanging out of her crotch.”

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:01 am   rating: 208  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   *snerk*

      Even then, it might just be you’ve walked onto the set of a Doctor Who episode.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 9:03 am   rating: 82  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Jordan

      <3

      Sep 8, 2011 at 9:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   I'll Take Wise Men for 400 Alex

      That would be His Holiness Eddie Murphy the Enlightened One.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 9:45 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Marnie

      I’m sure many a comedian has opined on this topic but I’m reasonably sure Dave Barry is the individual who was first credited widely with that line. His 1999 book has the line, “You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.?

      Sep 8, 2011 at 3:17 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   DBHZ

    In the words of comedian Brian Regan, “I think the rule is don’t guess at that ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Something like that.”

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:02 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Ronnie

      “When’s that ba-a-a-a-by due?”

      Sep 16, 2011 at 3:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Sensible Madness bang

    Maybe the waiter didn’t think she was pregnant, maybe he said she was “eating for two” because she ordered so much food he figured she was feeding herself and her tapeworm.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:09 am   rating: 82  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Team Note Writer

    That tip is priceless!

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   The Elf

      I’m kinda curious how much she did tip. None at all because of the comment? 10%? 20%?

      If the waitress was otherwise a good server, I would have tipped. But I would not have been feeling my usual level of generousity.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 7:11 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   bookworm

      I think what was written on the receipt is tip enough. When what you earn is directly related to how you treat your customers, it’s a good idea to leave comments about personal appearance at the door.

      Oct 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Val_kyrie

    There is only one save available in that situation: “I only assumed because you’re glowing.”
    Now make sure you say GLOWING…not growing. That would defeat the purpose.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:20 am   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   jadefirefly

      I hadn’t thought there was any way to dig oneself out of that hole. I stand corrected.

      Well played.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 10:40 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   oi

      I apologize for change of topic in advance.
      What’s up with this stand corrected phrase? Stand corrected paints such a confusing picture I hate it. “Stand” usually depicts pride then there is corrected. You are so proud to be corrected that you announce like a standing tall, crowing rooster?

      Sep 8, 2011 at 10:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Jessi

      Last I checked, “I stand corrected” basically meant “I stand up and admit that I’m mistaken.”

      In other words, it’s a way of saying, “Wow, I was wrong. Thanks for correcting me so that I won’t be wrong again in the future. It’s much appreciated!”

      Personally, I don’t mind having someone point out that I’m wrong, as long as I’m actually wrong.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 3:51 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Grant

      Good reply. Duly noted.
      I once offered my seat to a lady on the tube whom I was 100% convinced was ready to drop.
      “I’m fat, not pregnant.” came the reply.
      She’s done a disservice to many up-the-duffers since then.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 4:05 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   guy

      In other Germanic languages, it is very common to use “stand,” “lie,” (German) and even “sit” (Dutch), to indicate the location or state of something. It wouldn’t surprise me if an older state of English also did this. If so, “I stand corrected” is nothing more than a fossilized phrase for “I am corrected.”

      Sep 9, 2011 at 4:43 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Jimmy James

      So did you still offer her the seat after you found out she wasn’t pregnant? Or did you sit, corrected, in that case?

      Sep 9, 2011 at 9:05 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   park rose

      Great reply, Jimmy James.

      Sep 11, 2011 at 11:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   RP

      @Grant – What, she’s never heard of a guy offering a seat to someone just because they’re a lady? Or anyone offering a seat to someone because they’re older or, as you did, because they look tired?

      What the heck happened to a simple “No thank you”?

      Sep 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   Hopita

      My personal favorite is “Oh, I’m sorry. I had you confused with somebody else.” Can be used in both directions (as in “When are you due?” “I’m sorry. I think you have me confused with somebody else.”). It has the added bonus of being at least *remotely* plausible.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   glarg

    What do you think this receipt shows in the ‘gratuity’ section? $0.00, or $0.01?

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:21 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Brynne

    Really, note writer… You took the “takes the cake” comment personally too? Touchy much?

    I’d have thought the “FUPA” in the title would be more offensive…

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   pack it up pack it in

      It was probably a joke that Kerry wrote because, you know, it’s funny. Seriously, how could the notewriter possibly know that this got submitted or what Amber put down when she submitted it? I doubt Amber looked her up, found her contact info, and said, “HEY, I’M SUBMITTING THIS TO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE NOTES AND THIS IS WHAT I’M SAYING ABOUT IT.”

      Touchy much?

      Sep 8, 2011 at 9:31 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Brynne

      Yep, and if you think none these comments are added for comedic effect, you just may be the touchy one.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 9:39 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   pack it up pack it in

      Bitch, please, I’ve fucked way more unicorns than you could ever hope to.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 9:49 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Brynne

      I have no response to that.

      But I’m impressed and intrigued.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 9:55 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   park rose

      How many times have you had your hymen reconstructed, piupii?

      Sep 11, 2011 at 11:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   JC

    It’s still none of the servers effing business, whether she got and ate half a salad, or ever damned thing on the menu.
    Keep your comments to yourself. Did that server REALLY think s/he was going to get a tip??

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:29 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   redheadwglasses

      Thanks to Google’s tribute to Freddie Mercury last week, I’ve had queen’s “Jazz” album playing during my commute ever since. (I’ve been a HUGE queen fan since I discovered them in 1973, when I was only 5.)

      Sep 12, 2011 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Dave

    Hey! I like fat girls.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:36 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Tiffany

      Hey Dave – you single? ;)

      Sep 8, 2011 at 10:31 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Citrico

      Fat bottomed girls do make the rocking world go round.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 4:57 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   gladystopia

      Why, yes. Yes we do.

      And Citrico and Dave are TOTALLY my new internet crush.

      That is all; I thank you.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 5:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Jimmy James

      “Fat bottomed girls do make the rocking world go round.”

      I believe it was research into this very subject that led Brian May to get his PhD in Astrophysics.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 9:02 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Rattus

      And I love Daves *blush*.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 2:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   eliz

      I thought chocolate made the world go round!

      Well, at least, it did make my butt go round…

      Sep 12, 2011 at 9:59 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   redheadwglasses

      Ever since Google’s tribute to Freddie last week, I’ve been playing Queen’s “Jazz” album during my commute! (That’s the album on which “fat Bottomed Girls” appears.)

      Sep 12, 2011 at 10:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   dizidesi

    While probably not the best idea to write it on the receipt, I totally feel for this waitress. SUX!

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   GhostWriter bang

    Waitaminute- did this happen at Denny’s?

    They’ve got that 2-4-6 menu now, so maybe the server wasn’t implying that you’re pregnant, but just cheap.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:41 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   RP

      In which case they shouldn’t have been surprised when they didn’t get a tip.

      Sep 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   aaa bang

    While I’m fully Team Notewriter, I can’t help but be disappointed in her lack of appropriate comma and period usage.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 9:42 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Citrico

      Well if she missed her period no wonder the server thought she was pregnant.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm   rating: 106  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   aaa bang

      DAMMIT. ZINGED.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 12:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Me

    I prefer to ask “eating for five?”

    Sep 8, 2011 at 10:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Jax

    well if that’s not motivation to do a sit up or two!

    Sep 8, 2011 at 10:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   RP

      It’s not.

      Sep 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   GhostWriter bang

    Telling a fat women she looks pregnant is embarrassing and dangerous,

    …but telling a pregnant women she looks fat is suicide.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Zsa

      tru dat. Just ask Mr.Zsa who, whenever he (often) makes an unintentionally rude comment to a woman, has to hear YET AGAIN how he called my butt “wider than before” when I was 6 months pregnant.
      After bursting into tears, I called my MIL and let her yell at him. So she often tells that story too.
      Poor Mr. Zsa – you’d think the guy would figure out to just keep his mouth shut by now.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 1:08 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Jen

      As a currently pregnant woman, I will enthusiastically agree that it would be suicide to imply that I was fat. Pregnancy hormones have disabled the filter that normally exists between my very sarcastic, sometimes nasty imaginary comments and my mouth, meaning that I snap at people who may be well-intentioned but chose the wrong pregnant woman to pester.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 8:08 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   anonymous

    STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!

    Sep 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Grumpy McGrumperson

    I’m pretty sure my response would have been along the lines of, “I may be eating for two, but apparently you haven’t managed thinking for one.”

    Sep 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Lunacydress

    This is about as good as the grocery store checkout girl who asked if I was pregnant. “No, I’m not.” “Oh, but you just had a baby, then, right?” “NO, I DID NOT.”

    WTF, people?

    Sep 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Adriana

    I’m overweight and in my 20s (child-bearing age). I have literally been scared for years that someone would ask when I’m due, but fortunately for me I must be fat enough all over that nobody thinks I’m pregnant.

    I also go out of my way to not wear anything babydoll shaped that emphasizes my gut.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Jessi

      I’m fat and in my mid-20′s, as well. The only time I’ve been asked if I was pregnant was when I was buying baby supplies for a friend of mine who was expecting. I think that falls under the “understandable mistake” category, haha!

      Sep 8, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   The Elf

      Hell, I got the question when I was underweight. Damn empire waists!

      Sep 9, 2011 at 7:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Rattus

      That is the really awesome thing about being fat and going through menopause – nobody asks what I’m having anymore, they just snort with derision.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 2:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Amy in Toronto

      Ditto for me wearing the empire waist. I returned from enjoying a lovely dinner at my sister’s place when this busybody in my condo greeted me in the entrance and asked me how far along I was. I cheerily said, “I’m about 2 hours along in digesting, thanks for asking.” It’s in these situations when I feel least able to come up with an effective zinger to retort back at the offending person.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 2:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   gabby

    A someone who looks kind of pregnant but is not, I get it, people are awkward and say stupid stuff. But don’t expect a tip and for goodness sakes don’t make me stand there while you apologize over and over until I finally say, “it’s okay”….cuz it’s not.

    Sep 8, 2011 at 3:40 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   gabby

      I should add that while I am not running marathons and enjoy a good piece of cake, I am not huge. I am a size 12, just all my weight is in the front in boobs and belly. but yes. If i really wanted it to stop I could lose 20 lbs…but mmm cake>fitting the society standard.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 8:30 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Me

    You people need to start counting your calories.

    Female – 1300 per day

    http://caloriecount.about.com/
    http://www.fitday.com/
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

    Sep 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   sleeps

      What happens if you count them? Do you win a prize? Do you win 2 prizes if you make it to 2600?

      Sep 8, 2011 at 6:17 pm   rating: 89  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Adriana

      @Me: Broad generalizations ftw?

      Sep 8, 2011 at 11:56 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Elhpa

      That’s wrong. Calories per day depend on sex, age, physical condition, amount of exercise, etc
      I am programming an app to help people reach a healthy weight and it even has a 1800 calories diet.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 5:57 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   The Elf

      It also depends on current weight. If you are overweight enough, eating a “normal” amount of calories will actually be starving yourself. That is counter-productive.

      Best way to find out how many calories you need (to maintain weight or to lose) is to go to a dietician or nutritionist and work with them to get all the variables right. And then it may even take some tinkering. Elpha’s app, if designed correctly, would probably be the next best thing.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 7:41 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   kmd

      And then, within 2 to 5 years, gain all of the weight you lost back plus some!

      Yay for teh stupid! Yay for yo-yo dieting! Yay for damaging your body!

      You should really open your own Weight Watchers franchise and peddle that body hatred for money like they do. Don’t waste it on PAN!

      Sep 9, 2011 at 3:20 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   TheGnome bang

      Fat acceptance/HAES.

      I do love that movement.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 6:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Rattus

      And you people need to stop giving a rat’s ass about the physique of strangers and find something more mentally stimulating to do with your time.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 2:31 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   RP

      If you’re only eating 1300 you’re probably starving yourself.

      Sep 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.9   bookworm

      If I’m eating 1300 kcals, I’m gaining tons of weight. Everybody’s body makeup is different, RP, and comments from either side of the aisle could stand to stop.

      Oct 9, 2011 at 6:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Ermott

    If you don’t want people to think you are pregnant, stop eating for two. Simple isn’t it?

    Sep 8, 2011 at 6:33 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Adriana

      At my heaviest, I ate <1000 calories a day.

      Sep 8, 2011 at 11:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   cls227 bang

      Yeah, and while we do that, let’s just tell all smokers and alcoholics to simply stop smoking and drinking. Oh, right, we cannot go cold turkey on food without being even sicker.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 8:58 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   TheBeerLady

      Oh, and Dr.? Aside from the fact that no matter how much you want to cite percentages, it’s a rather big assumption to decide that all overweight people are lazy gluttons, “moral failure” is very much a personal decision. Personally, I fail to see how eating dry lettuce is any more or less moral than eating a Big Mac.

      But the idea that skinny has always been the standard of beauty? Perhaps you might want to study up on your history a bit, because the more ’rounded’ female body has been celebrated going all the way back to antiquity – the current notions equating ‘slender’ with ‘desirable’ are relative newcomers (and is far from universal even now).

      In relatively modern times – we’ll say the last 200 years or so – fashion has dictated the female form, not followed it. Fashion dictated the stick-straight perfect figure of the flappers, the adoption of the bustle to make the butt look bigger, and the use of corsets to accentuate the breasts.

      Dang, I feel a blog post coming on…

      Oct 9, 2011 at 10:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   misspiggy

    World Health Organisation: sedentary female: 2200 calories/day.

    Not that it’s any of your business, Me.

    Sep 9, 2011 at 5:01 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   cls227 bang

    I carry all of my extra weight in my belly. Kids ask me all the time if it will be a boy or girl. I like to smile and tell them I’m not pregnant, this is what happens when you eat too many cookies. I love the scared looks on their faces.
    The adults, they get told that I’m drinking for two now. (ps, I don’t drink)

    Sep 9, 2011 at 8:56 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Why are fat women always offended when people think they’re pregnant? Would you really prefer people just think you’re incredibly greedy and lazy?

    Sep 9, 2011 at 12:16 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   The Elf

      Yes.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 12:47 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Stephanie

      You know what? Not every big person is big because they eat a ton and are lazy. I have hypothyroidism, have no gall bladder, and am on the pill. Despite all this, I eat healthy (healthy portions, no fast food, nothing fried, lots of fruit and veggies) and exercise EVERY day, but I’m still considered ‘fat’ by people like you.

      People come in all shapes and sizes. Big people are people too. Good thing that it takes all kinds in this world to make it go around because people with small thoughts such as yours would be the first to go.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 1:04 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   cls227 bang

      Good for you Stephanie. I have a hypothyroid too. I went on a severe diet with five of my friends. After two weeks, I lost 3 pounds while the next lowest lost 14. Yeah, most of it was probably water weight but it was physically impossible for me to lose weight until they regulated my medication. Now, after five years, I am able to lose the weight.
      I honestly don’t care if someone thinks I’m pregnant. I got over the embarrassment long ago. Like I said above, I just like telling kids that this is what happens if you eat too many cookies.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 1:21 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   anglophile

      Good question, Dr. I think I will start asking all fat men I meet if they are pregnant.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   kmd

      Possibly because women’s bodies are constantly up for assessment and comment? Possibly because we are judged by our sexual attractiveness, and said attractiveness is determined by a fashion industry with its hand constantly on the airbrush?

      By the way, fat is not a moral failing and bigotry is so not sexy.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 3:25 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   merkin4

      I was sitting on a mall bench a few years ago, next to a cell-phone-yapping woman and her son. The boy looked at me and asked “Why are you so fat?”

      I said, “Well, it’s because fat people don’t have souls and Jesus doesn’t love them. And, late at night, when the furnace turns on, I sneak into kid’s homes and eat their parents. Your mom looks really tasty today, doesn’t she?”

      See? It’s okay to be rude and nasty to fat people, because they don’t have souls and they don’t have feelings. It is, however, okay to point out the obvious to them because they have NEVER heard it before, from anyone. All they need is your brief observation to get motivated and embark on a multi-year goal of healthy weight loss.

      Sep 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.7   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Metabolic conditions affect roughly 1 in every 1000 people. It’s just basic maths.

      It just seems that fat chicks are MORE offended by people thinking they’re pregnant than they would be if someone made a direct fat comment. That’s pretty weird.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 10:46 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.8   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Also, fat definitely is a moral failing. I’d call laziness and gluttony pretty major character flaws.
      And seriously; you think the fashion industry decides what’s sexy? Because before we had Cosmo literally EVERYONE was falling over each other to get with a big gal. All those poor toned, athletic types were green with envy.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 10:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.9   Rattus

      Bigotry is a much bigger moral failing than laziness and gluttony combined.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 2:34 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.10   The Elf

      Well, I can’t speak for every woman out there, but I’d rather be fat than pregnant.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 5:29 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.11   RP

      FALSE DILEMMA

      Sep 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.12   Stephanie

      @Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff, check your statistics. It’s actually about 1 in 5 to 1 in 10, depending on which survey you read.
      For just one, see http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/metabolic_syndrome/hic_metabolic_syndrome.aspx

      Sep 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Rae

    I have been asked several times if I was pregnant or when I was due. I just reply in a regular tone of voice “Oh, I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat.” The person who asked either flushes bright red or turns white as a sheet, and I feel confident they will never be so stupid as to ask anyone that question again.
    People today are exceeding rude and nosy; complete strangers will walk up to pregnant women and put their hands on the women’s bellies, or start asking all sorts of personal questions. Unless someone is a family member or a good friend, and you know for a fact that they are pregnant (i.e. they told you they are) you shouldn’t ask questions or make comments about, or especially touch, a woman’s pregnancy and/or stomach size.

    Sep 9, 2011 at 3:01 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Jessi

      Anytime a random stranger would feel it necessary to fondle my friends pregnant belly, she would start placing her hands all over their face in a similar fashion.

      Awkward and weird, but it got the point across.

      Sep 10, 2011 at 12:36 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   plainbeliedsneetch

      My sister used to grab the incoming hand and give a hearty handshake while pointedly saying it was so nice to meet the stranger.
      I like your friend’s method much more.

      Sep 11, 2011 at 9:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   lilmrsmchenry

    Part of me knows that the server was just trying to make small talk and failed. The other part of me does a face/palm when I read it. Reminds me of something that happened when I was shopping with a friend of mine. We had stopped at a vending machine outside the store for a drink when a stranger came up to my friend and asked when she was due, ignoring me. She was not pregnant, I was 5 months pregnant. She proceeded to give the woman a piece of her mind. She unfortunately carries weight around her stomach, regardless of the fact that she was very active and was constantly dieting, it is simply a family trait. Afterward, we kind of laughed about the irony of it all.

    Sep 9, 2011 at 5:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   SkinnyBish

    The majority of the people I work with are women under 30, so there has always been at least one knocked-up person on staff. I happen to fall into this childbearing-age demographic. One day a few months ago one of the over-30 women commented that I was “starting to show.” I told her no, I just have bad posture and spent the previous weekend snarfing desserts – and I assured her that in the event that I do get pregnant, she’d be among the first to know.

    Sep 9, 2011 at 8:35 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Pit Pat

    I had a child ask me once if I had a baby in my tummy. I didn’t, but I still had some pregnancy weight after having lost a baby the previous month. I was so glad her mom didn’t hear her. I was able to brush it off since it was just a child, but if mom had gotten involved (she would have been mortified), then it would have been much more awkward. One more reason to NOT ASK.

    Sep 9, 2011 at 11:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Sneeze

    I actually AM pregnant, and you would not believe the questions I get asked by complete strangers on a fairly regular basis. It ranges from the fairly normal “oh, when are you due/ is it your first?” to “are you planning a c-section?” all the way to “are you scared there will be complications during delivery?” (THANKS for putting that terror right at the front of my mind!!). And often small children will ask to pat my belly, while grown ass women will just come up and touch me without a word.

    Sep 10, 2011 at 10:09 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      And just think how big a child’s head is compared to an average vagina. Seriously!

      Sep 10, 2011 at 10:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Ermott

    I confine my remarks to women I don’t know and who appear fat or “pregnant” to “Hello” and “Have a nice day”.

    It’s not that I’m afraid of offending, it’s that I honestly don’t care if they are pregnant or not. People make far too much of a fuss about what is after all, a no-brainer natural process.

    Sep 10, 2011 at 6:34 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   HK

    I always threatened to break any fingers that came near my belly when I was pregnant. Never did get the pleasure of making good on that promise but did, in a moment of kindness not typical of pregnant women who are under threat of molestation, take a big step back from one old lady who tried to pat my belly. she had quite the look of confusion on her face but wisely didn’t chase after me.

    seriously it’s no one’s business if a lady is pregnant, fat, or both. no one walks around doing testicle checks on guys, or uterus checks on ladies they don’t think are pregnant, so wth? and the creepy invasive questions about natural vs crash section? why in the world would I want to discuss getting stretched out or butchered with anyone but my doctor? ew!

    Sep 12, 2011 at 10:47 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   RP

    It also never occurs to people that the person they’re talking to is actually infertile or having trouble getting pregnant.

    I’ve heard of this happening with women with PCOS because it encourages fat accumulation in the trunk, making you look pregnant, and is a cause of infertility.

    Sep 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   BGFPeaches

    I carry my extra weight in my tummy, so I get the “when are you due” question a lot. Once a woman working at a Nordstrom cosmetic counter asked me when I was due. When I told her I wasn’t pregnant, she said “Oh, but it’s the perfect little bump!” I guess I was supposed to be flattered …

    Sep 14, 2011 at 3:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Nancy

    People don’t always do as we think they should, do they.

    Sep 19, 2011 at 2:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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