Couplets for the Commode

September 13th, 2011 · 44 comments

You might think that the writer of nearly a dozen couplets on toilet etiquette would include at least one variation on the sprinkle/tinkle theme, but apparently the poet at work in this Nassau County government building doesn’t go for in that sort of cliché.

But wouldn’t you know it? As Nicole from New York City reports, “The toilet seat in question was covered in ‘sprinkle‘ and absolutely disgusting.”

When you are done and it's time to flush/Please be kind and do not rush. Just look behind you and be aware/That if you can see it, it's really still there. Please flush again and maybe once more/You are really mean if you walk out that door. You share this room with other women/Who don't need to see your deposit swimmin'. Just one more thought before you go/To wash your hands, but that you know. If you don't wash those germs away/Don't touch your food or face today. It's such a shame to write this note/To people old enough to vote. In other words, please be considerate of everyone sharing this room with you. Let's keep it clean. Don't be mean! Thanks!!

When you are done and it's time to flush/Please be kind and do not rush. Just look behind you and be aware/That if you can see it, it's really still there. Please flush again and maybe once more/You are really mean if you walk out that door. You share this room with other women/Who don't need to see your deposit swimmin'. Just one more thought before you go/To wash your hands, but that you know. If you don't wash those germs away/Don't touch your food or face today. It's such a shame to write this note/To people old enough to vote. In other words, please be considerate of everyone sharing this room with you. Let's keep it clean. Don't be mean! Thanks!!

related: Toilet Paper Poetry Slam

FILED UNDER: etiquette · hygiene · Long Island · New York · pure poetry · toilet · washing your hands


44 responses so far ↓

  • #1   tch tch

    and don’t touch any of my stuff either.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 7:05 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   unsatisfied

      and I don’t like nobody touching my stuff. so just keep your meat-hooks off. if I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I’ll kill you. also, I don’t like nobody touching me. now, any of you homos touch me, and I’ll kill you.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 3:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   emlo

      Lighten up, Francis.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 9:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Faverin

    Much better!

    http://www.popbitch.com/home/2011/01/13/a-polite-notice/

    Sep 13, 2011 at 7:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   zenvelo

    don’t touch your food and face, but the copying machine is fair game!

    Sep 13, 2011 at 7:33 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   AuntyBron

      …And door knobs, and light switches. And don’t forget to shake hands with the boss!

      Sep 15, 2011 at 12:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   JohnnyB

    It’s a shame that somebody old enough to vote wrote a note that says “We don’t need to see your deposit swim ‘in”. I guess the apostrophe is for the missing “m”, but there should be another after the “n”.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 7:48 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Adriana

      In the US, periods and commas go inside the quotation marks.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 7:55 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   The Elf

      It doesn’t much matter. The whole English language is going down the toilet.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 12:58 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   mutzali

      The correct positioning of periods, commas, and other punctuation marks depends on the context.

      To whit:

      Don’t call me “Shirley”.
      I said, “You’re an idiot.”
      Why are you going to “mess me up”?

      It depends on whether the comma or period belong with the quoted word(s) or with the larger sentence.

      xoxo,
      The Punctuation Nazi

      Sep 13, 2011 at 2:21 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   English Teacher

      The correct positioning of some punctuation marks — such as question marks and exclamation points — does indeed depend on context. However, periods and commas ALWAYS go inside closing quotation marks. Always.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 7:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   park rose

      No, English Teacher, that is not the case. It depends on the elements of style adopted by whichever country. The purpose the quotation marks serve affects the way in which punctuation (including commas and fullstops) is placed, and that placement is dependent, again, on country use/usage.

      Sep 14, 2011 at 10:20 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   AuntyBron

      I life in America, Land of the Free – I’ll put my punctuations anywhere I damn well want to.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 12:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   park rose

    Well, the rhyming of women and swimmin’ is a form of assonance. Seems apt.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:01 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   emcd

    Nassau County is in the (out)house! There is definitely a focus on potty behaviors as represented by the myriad postings in the women’s rooms. My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to seek out this Holy Grail and lay at it’s base a copy of “Everyone Poops” and “Everyone Pees”.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      Please include “The Gas We Pass”.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 1:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   fatbastard

    How fitting that right after the toilet instructions, this page presented to me an advertisement for Denny’s. If there’s anything that rarely flushes down the first time, it’s a Grand Slam or a Moons Over My Hammy.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Red Beans

    Ode to a Floater

    It’s so hard to say goodbye
    But everytime I try
    You come right back swimmin’
    For you there are no other women

    You’ve shown your true feelin’
    And you’ve got my senses reelin’
    But it just can’t get sadder
    That you’re only fecal matter.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:14 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Charlie

      I can see the point of dropping the g in swimming in order to make it rhyme with women. But why drop the g in feeling and reeling?

      Sep 13, 2011 at 6:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   The Elf

      Symmetry

      Sep 14, 2011 at 6:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   jetjackson

    I have a real urge to learn this verbatim and recite it stone faced at a poetry reading night at some snotty bar down town.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:25 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Lizzie

      LOL! Now that’s my kind of poetry reading.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 12:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Harmy G

      What city? I’m so there!

      Sep 13, 2011 at 12:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Sharon

    *beatboxes*

    Word up.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   ian

    @JohnnyB It’s a standard literary device to use an apostrophe to denote the changes in spelling and syllables.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   BillsBayou

    If it’s yellow, let it mellow.
    If it’s brown, flush it down.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   divaandwriter bang

    If you don’t wash your hands after going to the bathroom, and you work in my office, please be kind enough to never let me know this. I might spray you with Lysol the next time you come near me.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:47 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Amy Grindhouse

      I’m the same, with two little bottles of sanitizers and some tissues. Because… communal surfaces like phones. Ick.

      Sep 14, 2011 at 1:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   smash

    I dare some brave soul to write “tl; dr” on that magnum opus.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 8:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      I dare someone to write “tl;dr” WITH their “magnum opus”.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 1:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   toilet mafia

    if you use comic sans as your font, you are automatically on the shit list yourself. take sign, crumple, and flush…twice.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 3:08 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Pamela L. Gardner

    “people old enough to vote”

    I guess that would explain the teabaggers.

    Sep 13, 2011 at 4:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   gladystopia

      So mean-spirited, so partisan, so apropos-of-nothing; so gratuitous, uncalled-for, inflammatory.

      Also, so f*cking AWESOME.

      I’d feel guilty for the degree of cynical amusement I felt upon reading this post…except it’s difficult to feel guilty and lol at the same time.

      Sep 13, 2011 at 10:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Jesse

    Where’s THX Sandra and her scientific evidence that the ladies are cleaner than the gentlemen now?

    Sep 13, 2011 at 10:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Nassau County’s new “Clean Government” campaign is going down the toilet fast.

    Sep 14, 2011 at 12:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   emcd

      I’m doing my part by “Reporting Waste”.

      Sep 14, 2011 at 7:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Canthz_B bang

      You’re not just talking shit, are you?

      Sep 15, 2011 at 2:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   emcd

      Well, I’m definitely not taking any crap.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 12:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   SmokeytheCat

    So ……..If it’s brown, flush it down…if it’s yellow let it mellow…. to try and save water is not allowed in the workplace?

    Sep 14, 2011 at 6:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   MyBunnyGoBoomDOTCOM

    Amazing! I want to print one for my office immediately.

    Sep 14, 2011 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   MBee

    I never understood why girls wouldn’t flush… then I caught one of my friends in high school doing it and accosted her. Turns out, whenever she poops she’s afraid it’ll over flow the toilet, so she leaves the “danger” for someone else…

    Sep 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Old Uncle Toe bang

    It never ceases to amuse
    of those who won’t flush their refuse

    Because what of their home commode?
    I can’t imagine how foul the eau de’

    Or is it just a “treat” for others?
    I’ll pass if I can have my druthers.

    My message then is plain, alas –
    Flush the toilet, you big dumbass.

    Sep 14, 2011 at 10:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   AuntyBron

    Uncle Toe, That just ROCKS!

    Sep 15, 2011 at 12:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Poems are gay.

    Sep 17, 2011 at 5:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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