When Shelby‘s third-grade son was having trouble with his homework assignment (two paragraphs of creative writing a day), her suggestion was to just write about what came to mind first. As she realized later when she found the page in a stack of old school work: “He did not hold back.”
related: “Drunk Mommy”
extra credit: “Don’t Write What You Know” [theAtlantic.com]
41 responses so far ↓
#1
21skulls
Am I the only one that hears this in Napoleon Dynamite’s voice?
Sep 16, 2011 at 1:48 pm rating: 32
#2
Chris
I am really surprised, most adults don’t even write out numbers that are less than 10, yet this third grader has it down.
Sep 16, 2011 at 1:49 pm rating: 30
#3
Amy in Toronto
Shelby’s next move should be to take her red pen and go through her son’s spelling and punctuation errors and then make him provide an improved iteration. Evil moms who encourage the completion of school assignments FTW!
Sep 16, 2011 at 1:58 pm rating: 52
#4
thrall
I give total kudos to the kid for writing in complete sentences!
Sep 16, 2011 at 1:59 pm rating: 36
#5
bob loblaw
I’m calling bullshit on this one.
Sep 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm rating: 4
#6
Quite Contrary
At least he didn’t ask his mother to email him an explanation.
Sep 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm rating: 3
#7
Nunavut Guy
Damn,just beat the child and get it over with.
Sep 16, 2011 at 3:11 pm rating: 14
#8
unsatisfied
I’d give him an A-plus.
Sep 16, 2011 at 3:30 pm rating: 3
#9
Ruthie
This is a LiveJournal user waiting to happen.
Sep 16, 2011 at 3:38 pm rating: 15
#10
Amstrad
I applaud the author’s use of adjectives. I wouldn’t expect a third grader to bother with them.
Sep 16, 2011 at 4:01 pm rating: 8
#11
We shall speak anon
Metafiction at its finest.
Sep 16, 2011 at 5:29 pm rating: 4
#12
Lucy
An FYI: I feel terribly guilty for the nights and weekends in second and third we forced our daughter to work on her handwriting when it turned out that she had dysgraphia. This is often packaged with ADHD. Another symptom is difficulty tying shoes beyond the time other children learn. Her handwriting cleared up like magic with her first dose of prescribed medication and dietary changes to add more Omega 3.
Sep 16, 2011 at 7:46 pm rating: 8
#13
neeners
more like it was torture because he had to work instead of playing video games.
Sep 16, 2011 at 10:52 pm rating: 7
#14
anonymous
STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!
Sep 17, 2011 at 12:43 am rating: 0
#15
Tessa
Awesome Atlantic article to attach – good read!
Sep 17, 2011 at 1:15 am rating: 0
#16
Maria Droujkova
This would be funny, except…
The kid seems to be in physical pain. This means the wrong posture and possible health problems later (when he writes or types more, keeping the wrong posture). Carpal tunnel is just one of many examples. The boy, most likely, also holds his breath too much. It is a frequent mistake young kids make while writing by hand. It does feel like torture if it goes on for more than a minute or so.
Translation:
Dear Mother,
Please help me learn healthy study habits and writing skills! I don’t want to feel bad and to hurt myself. I promise to let you teach the grandchildren too if you do!
Sep 17, 2011 at 7:15 am rating: 4
#17
the teacher
I am a third-grade teacher, myself. This is completely believable. I’ve seen similar essays written about me multiple times.
Sep 17, 2011 at 8:37 am rating: 25
#18
divaandwriter
I predict that this kid will turn out to be a bestselling writer of psychological/supernatural thrillers, and that he will dedicate all of his novels to his mother, who encouraged him to write by torturing him.
Sep 17, 2011 at 11:48 am rating: 7
#19
Cady
Billy! This isn’t even in cursive! You’d better get your ass back to that desk, bucko. NOW you’re gonna learn about torture!
Sep 18, 2011 at 10:34 am rating: 3
#20
Augie
I think it’s hilarious. I would have had him turn it in.
Sep 18, 2011 at 1:01 pm rating: 4
#21
havingfitz
Such mixed feelings here. The adult in me wants to tell the kid to quit whining and just do as he’s told. My inner child remembers the battles I had with teachers when the answers ‘had to be in complete sentences’. It really did feel like torture when the old bats couldn’t just accept ‘yes’ for and answer and wanted to know why it was yes. So I’m not without sympathy for him, but if I had to go through it, then why should he get a break?
Sep 18, 2011 at 4:49 pm rating: 4
#22
CardiFan
This reminds me a lot of the elementary student I have been tutoring for the past few years. He went from barely passing math to it being his best subject, and yet I’m STILL the cruelest human being on the planet for actually making him do his homework rather than just playing hangman all session.
Sep 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm rating: 1
#23
Sarah Jensen
I’m surprised he didn’t mention that on the day he was born–and for all the days after–his mother tortured him by naming him Shelby.
Sep 20, 2011 at 8:06 pm rating: 1
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