“One of our local parks has a busy tea shop that’s popular with walkers, cyclists, families and people exercising their dogs,” says Clive in Brighton. “I don’t blame them for getting fed up with demanding dog owners, and I suppose a note is one way to communicate, but in rhyme? And, worse, rhyme this bad?”
related: A polite notice to the owner of this marvelous vehicle
38 responses so far ↓
#1
Leigh
I’m much more offended by the poor quality of the rhyme than by anything else.
Sep 20, 2011 at 9:45 pm rating: 65
#2
CS
This note just leaves me feeling confused.
Sep 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm rating: 13
#3
georgina
I think that if you read this you will find,
that attempted poem just boggles the mind.
Sep 20, 2011 at 10:09 pm rating: 27
#4
Confused
Bad dog drink you?
Sep 20, 2011 at 10:17 pm rating: 9
#5
ClearlyDemented
…and that, folks, is why we don’t transcribe freestyle rap.
Sep 20, 2011 at 10:41 pm rating: 21
#6
JetJackson
Dog in TUX… too CUTE, MUST… USE… TWICE!!! ARGH!
Oh, hmmm, too much cute… what can I put in the middle to offset the cuteness…
Ah huh! ZOMBIE EYED DOG!
Sep 20, 2011 at 11:29 pm rating: 27
#7
Old Uncle Toe
When we are busy at the till,
We can’t be bothered to rhyme that well.
Sep 21, 2011 at 12:08 am rating: 34
#8
Buck
Their meter and rhyme scheme sort of fell apart by the end.
Sep 21, 2011 at 12:55 am rating: 7
#9
Grant
I used to go to the university next door. One night, we witnessed a satanic ritual there. It’s also popular with doggers.
Sep 21, 2011 at 3:38 am rating: 3
#10
Graham
But don’t you find that dog owners can’t understand why you aren’t so in love with their animal as they are?
When this smelly, slobbering hound bounds up and sniffs your crotch leaving an unpleasant slime residue instead of apologising, the owner just says ‘he’s being friendly’.
If I were come over and squeeze your breasts and tell you I’m just being friendly will you accept my explanation?
(I don’t like dogs by the way – especially when I’m sat in a cafe and the thing is dribbling and slobbering next to me).
Rant over, sorry.
Sep 21, 2011 at 3:43 am rating: 22
#11
Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
Writing a passive aggressive note in verse form should be illegal.
Sep 21, 2011 at 5:32 am rating: 3
#12
SilentPsycho
I’m currently trying to figure out what sort of moaning would be so bad as to ‘inspire’ this? At the museum where I used to work, as we were situated in the middle of a park, we had a dog bowl out front that we kept filled. Even when we were busy, it didn’t take more than a minute to grab the bowl and take it to a nearby sink.
In fact, the only ever comment we got on it was an apologetic mum bringing it in after her toddler knocked it over.
Sep 21, 2011 at 5:59 am rating: 4
#13
emcd
They rhymed “moan” with “moan”. I guess “groan” was a stretch?
Sep 21, 2011 at 7:48 am rating: 20
#14
Jolie
Just fill up the water bowl. Geez.
Sep 21, 2011 at 7:50 am rating: 4
#15
Elmo
Doggerel is the preferred method for communicating with dog owners.
Sep 21, 2011 at 8:40 am rating: 21
#16
canus
I agree with the confusion above, and add another: is the “We” in this doggerel the people with the dogs or the people at the till? It seems to wander back and forth, but I’m not always sure which is which.
But I like their strategy for dealing with unwanted guests. Time for doggie to go home? Withhold the water.
Sep 21, 2011 at 8:43 am rating: 8
#17
Cr8vly
If they had the time to make this so-called poem, type it up, format it with pictures and print it out and post it… shouldn’t they have had the time to just fill up the dang water bowl then? Guess no one was at the till for like an hour or so while they fiddled with this nonsense.
Sep 21, 2011 at 9:53 am rating: 6
#18
havingfitz
I can sort of understand. I worked at a bakery that had self-serve coffee urns. We did our best to keep them filled and there was always fresh coffee available to pour into them, but sometimes when we were busy the urns would become empty. Now the polite thing to do would have been to bring this to our attention so we could take care of it. But the Cincinnati way of handling it is apparently to grab the urn and start beating it against the counter screaming “YOU’RE OUT OF COFFEE!!! OH MY GOD, YOU’RE OUT OF COFFEE!! HOW CAN YOU BE OUT OF COFFEE!?!” Not one particular customer: different customers. Every time it ran out. So I have pictures in my head now of irate Brits swooning over empty dog-water bowls.
Sep 21, 2011 at 10:30 am rating: 27
#19
Mudd
Quick translation:
This is a tea shop, not a dog spa! If you want water for your dog, bring your own or go home! We don’t owe you anything, especially if you’re not a paying customer. Now, bugger off!
=) I love Brits.
Sep 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm rating: 16
#20
Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
The point has been made before, but I think can stand to be made again; it’s up to the reader to decide if your notice is polite or not, and if you feel the need to state that it is polite then it probably isn’t.
Sep 22, 2011 at 4:38 am rating: 2
#21
Grant
“We are here to do a job”…
Well, don’t expect me to clean up after you.
Info: to ‘job’ is UK (Scottish) slang for ‘poo’
Sep 22, 2011 at 5:17 am rating: 1
#22
gladystopia
Vogon poetry lives.
Sep 23, 2011 at 10:28 pm rating: 10
#23
Caoimhe
Ahhh pleasing! This is a park a 3 minute walk from me, and that note fits the twee little village within perfectly.
Sep 24, 2011 at 5:32 pm rating: 0
#24
WMDKitty
What.
Sep 27, 2011 at 1:46 am rating: 0
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