Entries from October 2011

What am I, the office sugar mama?

October 31st, 2011 · 111 Comments

Writes Heather in Kentucky: “I keep a basket of candy on my desk, but after having my candy basket completely cleaned out during the night shift on several occasions, I started locking it in my boss’s office overnight.”

A few mornings later, she arrived at her desk to find this oh-so-thoughtful note from one sugar-deprived night-shift worker.

Heather, Hope your [sic] feeling better! Noticed your candy basket is missing so I got you a new one to fill.

related: This is a candy-optional office

Tags: "helpful" advice · candy · Kentucky · office · your/you're

Mellon Collie and the Seasonal Sadness

October 29th, 2011 · 123 Comments

Halloween: smashing children’s dreams, one pumpkin at a time. (Sigh)

MESSAGE TO THE VANDAL WHO SMASHED UP THE PUMPKIN ON THIS PLOT: The pumpkin was intended for my 4 year old niece to carve at Halloween. She has spent the last 4 months watching it grow and is now understandable rather upset that you've smashed it for no apparent reason than to

(Spotted by Toby in the U.K.)

related: Another four-year-old gets wise to the cruel, cruel world we live in

Tags: CAPS LOCK · guilt trip · Halloween · U.K. · vandalism · Won't somebody think of the children?

Sigh-onara forever

October 27th, 2011 · 64 Comments

Ashley in Ohio has no complaints about the English skills of her Japanese pen pal, but this “thank you” card left her feeling like something must have gotten lost in translation. “Although I’ve been sending her e-mails and cards for every tiny holiday, this apparently hasn’t been enough to satisfy her,” Ashley says. (Ouch.)

Hi. How are you? I'm good.  Thank you write many card to me. But I hope I get normal (long) letter to you. When do you send I ask things?  I told you in my e-mail (I think you don't read it).  I don't want to your friend.  Please never write back to me.  (I searched another US Penpals).  Bye Forever  From Sayaka  Happy Halloween.  Merry Christmas.  Thank you.  and A Happy New Year  Happy Valentine's day!

related: Please don’t sit with me ever again.

Tags: Clearly a non-native English speaker · painfully polite · thanks (but not really) · way harsh

Scat, fat cat!

October 26th, 2011 · 241 Comments

Sometimes it takes a village to raise an obese cat.

Sam spotted this somewhat presumptuous notice while house-hunting in South London. “We looked everywhere for the monster cat,” he says, to no avail. (Perhaps if you’d tried slipping a few opened tins of tuna fish in your pockets?)

PLEASE STOP FEEDING MY CAT! Over the last 4 months he has put on 7 lbs! He is now seriously overweight! This is BAD for his health. He is on a special diet prescribed by the VET. If he tries to steal your cats' food: CHASE HIM OFF! Please stop feeding him voluntarily. Thank You.

related: To whom that wanted to be a superhero and take my cat to the pound

Tags: cats · food · neighbors

While My Magnadoodle Gently Weeps

October 25th, 2011 · 64 Comments

Dave‘s eight-year-old daughter is a huge of the Beatles…and at this moment, a not-so-huge fan of her father.

I wish cute George Harrison was my Daddy instead of you!

Dave, perhaps in a few years she’ll appreciate that, if nothing else, at least you spared her the unibrow gene?

related: Abbey Road idiots

extra credit:
passive aggressive notes to your toddler via magnadoodle

Tags: Father-daughter notes · kids · most popular notes of 2011 · New York

The very delicate elevator

October 24th, 2011 · 52 Comments

Apparently the “this will damage elevator” meme is the most exciting thing to happen around this Cincinnati cubicle farm in a long time.

(According to our submitter, the photos below represent only a fraction of the variations that have popped up all over the office.)

DO NOT HOLD DOOR!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR! DO NOT HOLD LIGHT SWITCH!!!

DO NOT HOLD WATER FOUNTAIN LEVER!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Cincinnati · elevator · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · smartass

More proof that Facebook is turning us all into narcissists

October 23rd, 2011 · 67 Comments

Writes our submitter: “Last year Zaky changed the date of his birthday on Facebook just to test if anyone actually knew his real birthday. Nobody did, probably because he pulls crappy mind games like this. He did it again this year and it still didn’t work.”

I think Melissa (below) probably said it best: “Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?”

Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

Tags: Australia · birthday · Facebook

My Other Kid Could Beat Up My Honor Student

October 19th, 2011 · 80 Comments

Writes Daniel in Oakland: “I love the tension between the ‘student of the month’ sticker on top and the totally passive-aggressive ‘every child is honored’ sticker below it.”

related: The car you drive can say a lot about you as a person.

Tags: car · Moms & Dads · Oakland · schools & teachers

Wanted: Part-time Masochists

October 18th, 2011 · 65 Comments

At least with this job, you know exactly what kind of misery you’re signing up for if you decide to “enquire within.” (If only all bosses let their true characters shine through so obviously at this stage of the game.)

WANTED: Part-time sales person who won't quit after 2 months, who works hard and doesn't think she's doing me a favour by working here, who can take a joke and won't cry everyday [sic] on the floor.

related: My sadistic dungeon-master won’t let me call in sick

Tags: Canada · casual sexism · crazy boss · help wanted · now that's management

But do people recognize ‘fine art’ when they see it?

October 18th, 2011 · 72 Comments

At the local art exhibit of the Utah State Fair: a smug reminder of what we already know, thankyouverymuch. As our submitter wrote, “We’re not animals, after all!”

But do people recognize

related: Signed, R. Mutt

Tags: art · Salt Lake City · touching