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My Other Kid Could Beat Up My Honor Student

October 19th, 2011 · 80 comments

Writes Daniel in Oakland: “I love the tension between the ‘student of the month’ sticker on top and the totally passive-aggressive ‘every child is honored’ sticker below it.”

related: The car you drive can say a lot about you as a person.

FILED UNDER: car · Moms & Dads · Oakland · schools & teachers

80 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Nikko

    Every child is equally bullied by the other children at Montessori schools.

    Oct 19, 2011 at 8:40 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #2   CBS

    My mom refused to put any of our achievement bumper stickers on her car. She said they would ruin her paint. Got to go, I need to smear on my lipstick and make a list of people who have wronged me.

    Oct 19, 2011 at 8:41 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Palomon

      Please tell me you’re a dude. If you were a chick, it’d have to be “…and strip.”

      Oct 20, 2011 at 11:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Dan

    That’s exactly why kids are completely pu**ified now…why bother working hard to be sought out and honored if everyone in the whole damn class is honored, regardless of if they’re deserving? God, I weep for our future.

    Oct 19, 2011 at 8:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #4   TippingCows

    Every child is honored. Oh, brother. That just means these kids will grow up to be adults that think they deserved to be honored. Montessori schools are not exactly for kids hoping to be functional in the real world …

    Oct 19, 2011 at 9:23 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   CBS

      Yeah, that bumper sticker is stupid. However, those schools are better designed than the “current” (0ver 100 year old model) of public school.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 9:35 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Jen

      When Montessori schools want to teach children math, they hand them pennies.

      When regular schools want to teach children math, they hand them worksheets.

      Really, that’s what “the real world” is all about, right? Filling out paperwork.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:04 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’d have spent every penny they gave me for a whiff of fresh mimeograph paper!

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:42 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   The Elf

      Of course it is, Jen. Of course, I do work for the federal government. In finance.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   BBS

      In third grade my best friend found out she had dyslexia. She moved to a Montessori school and a month later transferred out again because her dipshit hippie teachers thought changing the way she wrote/read would be “stifling her creativity.”

      Oct 20, 2011 at 8:50 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   aliceblue

      You may have just explained a lot for me. Now, how to find out what kindergarten some of my co-workers attended.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 1:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   Anon


      Oct 21, 2011 at 8:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      No; when Montessori schools want to teach kids mathematics they hand them pennies and expect them to work it out.

      When regular schools want to teach kids maths they teach them mathematics.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 10:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   blah

    I like the bumper stickers that read: “My kid can beat up your honor student”.
    Violence is not the answer…but as Hefty Smurf has shown us, it’ll shut those brainy types up pretty fast.

    Oct 19, 2011 at 9:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Selphie

      o_O i will never understand why people think those are funny. i’m too young to have children and I’ve never personally been an “honor student” (my schools never had honor rolls) so I don’t personally have some stake in this or anything. But if I ever see people with bumper stickers like that it just makes me think that they’re trying to make themselves feel better about having a dumbass for a kid.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 11:47 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   jadefirefly

      Which isn’t a whole lot different about trying to brag about having a kid who can get on the current honor roll standards.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 1:06 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   The Elf

      I think those stickers are funny, not because might makes right, but because it is well-deserved snark at the “my kid is an honor roll student” stickers. With school standards as they are, making the honor roll in elementary school isn’t such an amazing achievement! “My kid is an independent tax-paying adult” would get much more respect from me.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 8:27 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   knine22

      yes. “My kid is an independent tax-paying adult” would be a statement of honor for the parents of my generation. xD

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:08 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   kermit

      No offense, but we’re not talking about 25 year old children here. Yes, getting good grades in elementary school isn’t the greatest achievement ever, especially if the school/teacher inflates grades.

      But it still is an achievement and it shows children that academic success is valued and important. I would rather see bumper stickers about academic achievements than about sports. None of the public schools I’ve seen have a trophy case devoted to academic achievements, but they have plenty idolizing sports. You don’t see this kind of stuff in at good private schools and in other countries where academic success is actually valued and celebrated.

      I’m not saying that sports shouldn’t be part of kid’s life, but academics (not sports) is the reason they’re in school.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:53 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   Canthz_B bang

      Kermit, “student of the month” says nothing about academic achievement is what I think may be the fault line here. It isn’t the same thing as saying “honor roll”. It could just be a good citizenship award without regard to grades for all we know.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   kermit

      My bad, then CB. I am not familiar with the California school system so I thought it meant honor roll.

      When I went to school (non-US), we didn’t have honor roll bumper stickers. It was just a board with the names of the top students in each grade. They’d give you a stupid school pin and a free pancake breakfast – a breakfast for which you had to show up to school earlier than you otherwise would have. Needless to say, nothing short of a natural disaster could drag me out of bed earlier than I absolutely had to.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:15 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.8   Canthz_B bang

      LOL, I know what you mean on both counts. Firstly, the bumper sticker almost duped me into thinking their kid was smart, and secondly, I’d have slept in too!

      We had our Honor Roll posted, but got no pancakes!

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.9   kermit

      If it makes you feel any better, rumor had it that they served those shitty frozen pancakes / waffles that you can get in the freezer section.

      I, of course, got my own revenge by messing with the administration. It was a Catholic* high school so they made us wear kilts. Naturally there was a hem line battle, which I circumvented by wearing bike shorts. Mind you, these were Winnie the Pooh bike shorts with his head in a jar of honey. It made it look like he had his head up my kilt since you couldn’t see the jar when I was walking. Needless to say no one knew just what to find objectionable about this even though it obviously was.

      *Catholic in the loose sense because you didn’t have to be Catholic to go there; you just had to agree to go to Catholic mass once in a while.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:49 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #5.10   Oh Geeee

      Kermit, my high school had trophy cases pertaining to activities that were more educationally motivated than sports. We were a college town and with all those professors’ kids we had trophies for math team competitions, creative writing awards, moot court thingies, there’s some business group for high schoolers where teams compete, music awards won by students and ensembles. Presumably if our robotics team could ever win anything those would have gone up too. The middle school I attended was the same way, it made an especially big deal out of history day participants. So I mean, sports were important but other skills were at least equally and often even more valued – as they should be. But, like I said, college town which I guess can tend to skew things.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 4:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.11   Palomon

      “My honor role student gets the joke in your bumper sticker.”

      Oct 21, 2011 at 9:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.12   merkin4

      My middle school and high school proudly displayed my academic trophies. State speech competition, All-State Band, regional science competition, Alternative Energy competition….

      Then again, they wouldn’t have had ANY trophies without some of the academic variety. I played 4 years of varsity football and track as well, and the football team won six games in six years. We played at least five homecoming games a year.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 10:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.13   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      That’s a common misconception; in fact, there are many situations where violence is the answer. Fighting in wars, for example.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 10:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   April

    My child’s not stupid, he’s stupendous!

    Oct 19, 2011 at 9:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #7   roachc420

    I want to have a bumper sticker made that says “My Honor Student sold yours the answers.”

    Oct 19, 2011 at 10:26 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

  • #8   James L.

    My favorite bumper sticker I saw in this genre was done by a parent who cut out letters on the “My son is an honor student at X High School” so that it read “My son is a[] [] stud[] at X High School.”

    I wish my mom had been this cool when I was in high school.

    Oct 19, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Jimmy James

      I wonder if it was someone who bought the car used, with the bumper sticker, rather than the actual parent.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 8:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   aaa bang

      Yes, because all the young ladies/gents flock to the guy whose mommy advertises his studliness on her car.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Janellionaire

      I knew a guy who had a license plate that read “PMPIN.” One time when no one was around I wrote a K with a permanent marker in so it read “PMPkIN.” I consider it my masterpiece.

      Oct 22, 2011 at 2:09 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #9   April

    How funny! That middle school is in the next town over from me, and I see those bumper stickers everywhere! They must just give them to everyone or something. I’ll start watching for this car now.

    Oct 20, 2011 at 12:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   Grant

    “Honk if you (heart) honor students!”

    Actually, I’m a brit, and I have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER what all this is about. Can someone enlighten me, please? Is this something to do with the ‘Honor Roller’ you can get in that Simpson’s Road Rage game? Seriously, it’s beyond me. The only bumper sticker relating to academia that I’ve ever seen over here is:
    “My other Chelsea Tractor is on the School Run”.

    Oct 20, 2011 at 3:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Jimmy James

      The honor roll is a list, updated each semester, at many American schools of students meeting some high academic standard. Parents can take pride in their child achieving this standard.

      The Honor Roller from Simpson’s Hit &Run comes from Martin Prince’s soapbox derby racer in the episode “Saturdays fo Thunder”. The name is a play ont the fact that he is both a brainy student on the honor roll, but also that his race car is “on a roll”.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 8:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   knine22

      grant, i don’t fully know either. i grew up in The States but went to private school where many things were different. however, each quarter of the school year, students get their grades compiled into a running total, per se. the ones with an A in all their classes of study are listed on an “Honor Roll”. apparently, they hand out stickers to those students so that their parent can slap it onto their auto.

      so even if the kid made all A’s just once, it can be permanently stated where ever they drive.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Palomon

      Hey, Grant-
      Do they have “Google” in Britain?

      Oct 20, 2011 at 11:56 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Canthz_B bang

      Where I attended school all A’s would be “High Honor Roll”, all A’s and B’s would be “Honor Roll”.

      Think of it as the High School version of making the Dean’s List.

      Student of the Month? I haven’t a clue whose arse one must kiss or how often to have that honor bestowed.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 12:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   Grant

      Yes, indeed we have google. But my level of interest in the topic fell short of opening a new browser window. :)

      Oct 21, 2011 at 4:42 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   lyx bang

      When I was in school, all A’s = Dean’s List, and A’s+B’s = Honor Roll. So every time I see one of those stickers, I automatically read it as: “My kid wasn’t smart enough to make the Dean’s List.” Probably not the effect the parents were hoping for… ;)

      Oct 21, 2011 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   The Elf

      Ours was by average GPA, 3.5 or better. That’s how I made the honor roll most of the time even though I consistently got an F or D in handwriting. Thankfully, they stopped grading for that in middle and high schools.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 11:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   Canthz_B bang

      lyx, if your school had a Dean, why are you slumming with the likes of us?
      All my schools had were crappy Principals, and making his “list” wasn’t an honor! ;-)

      Oct 26, 2011 at 12:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   lyx bang

      Clarification: I don’t mean to imply that people who don’t make all A’s have any deficiencies in the cleverness regions.

      I only meant that the bumper sticker itself screams – to me – “We’re #2!”

      And Canthz_B: No, we had principals (“princi-PALs!”), too. Still: “Dean’s List.” I never got that one, either…maybe someone, somewhere along the line, thought it sounded snootier?

      Oct 28, 2011 at 3:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    So…a griffin was Student of the Month?

    Must be Hogwarts Middle School.

    Oct 20, 2011 at 6:42 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #12   Megan

    I give it to the Montessori school on this one, on the basis of their not using random quotation marks on their smug bumper sticker.

    Oct 20, 2011 at 6:59 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #13   Denise

    My parents never wanted to put those on their car either. I earned them, but one was fine with it not being on the cars.
    They claimed it was because of the paint job. But really when you have 3 kids and the middle child is the one who doesn’t get the sticker…..well I think they were just sparing my sister the misery of once again being the odd one out.

    Oct 20, 2011 at 7:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Student of the month.
    Not exactly a “My child made the Honor Roll” bumper sticker (not that those are special).
    Just think, someday he’ll be Employee of the Month at McDonald’s.

    “Very personable hard worker, but not the brightest bulb in the box” is faint praise indeed.

    Oct 20, 2011 at 9:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      Oh crap. This has been addressed above.

      Read before posting, CB!

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Sadi

      And he still won’t be able to count the correct change back to you.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 11:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #15   Burma Jones

    These are the same people who have youth softball games where the have fun but dont keep score.
    would want little johnny to feeeeeel bad

    Oct 20, 2011 at 12:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      But if kids are never made to feel bad occasionally, how can they ever really feel good?

      Oct 21, 2011 at 10:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   GhostWriter bang

      Yeah, how can they truly appreciate a childhood without caning, unless you give them at least a little taste?

      Oct 21, 2011 at 2:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Exactly. Plus, kids need to be taught that they’re not special and that they can’t do anything so long as they have a dream. They need to learn that life is about getting a steady but boring job that will slowly kill them, and they’ll never learn that if schools go around filling their heads full of nonsense about them being talented and vibrant individuals.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 6:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   Anne-Marie

    Of all the ways to show off how awesome you think your offspring is, why on earth would anyone choose a bumpersticker??

    Oct 20, 2011 at 2:56 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #17   juju_skittles

    Hooray for everyone! When we give kids at sports day a medal that says “I ran a race today” (truly!), are we really expecting much in the way of actual achievement? It’s funny this comes up, as we have been debating whether or not to go to our children’s school presentation night. Sit for three hours in an overcrowded hall, unable to move, back spasming, to watch the kids collect a certificate for results we already know they got! And no applause please – hold it until the end…I’ll save mine til they graduate uni actually! Harsh? Gosh, maybe I should just save for their therapy…

    Oct 20, 2011 at 7:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      We used to hold a party and give out silly cheap gifts as prizes. One of my favorites was a blue ribbon that had a turtle cheerfully waving a flag. It said “I participated!”

      Oct 21, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Canthz_B bang

      I once heard someone upset because the winners’ trophies were bigger than the “participation” trophies.

      All I could think to say to her was, “Because they won.”

      Oct 23, 2011 at 4:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   clemdane

      “Everyone is special” may be the most popular yet utterly false statement of the last 25 years.

      Oct 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #18   redheadwglasses

    I am not a parent. I am *very * competitive (sports, games, etc.) but I’m also a gracious winner and loser — it’s all about having fun while competing.

    And I’ve heard from parents of young kids (4-6) that the kids that age love getting a ribbon for participating. So pre-school through first grade. I don’t think that’s bad at all if it gets some little kids excited about a sport or art or whatever. By age 7 or so — 2nd grade and higher, then I think things should switch to winners/losers.

    Oct 20, 2011 at 9:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #19   aliceblue

    Yes academic achievement is important. Sticking the information on your vehicle IS NOT. If it doesn’t embarrass the kid, it still says “I’m have no existence other than being parent of my crotchfuit, and I am trying to live all my crushed dreams and get all my self-esteem through her/him.”

    Oct 21, 2011 at 1:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Oh Geeee

      Aren’t you being a little unreasonable? The level of achievement necessary to get said sticker, and a child’s glee in receiving one, depends entirely on the child. If you’re kid is on his way to curing cancer at the age of 3 then the sticker is more or less meaningless. However, there are students who presumably work hard for the bumper sticker and encouraging achievement by applying it to the car is harmless enough. I’m from a big family and several of my sisters are … Above average … And several are not, with one having diagnosed learning disabilities. When she made honor roll (the like one time it happened) it was a big deal and was celebrated accordingly. Its not like the car in question here was wall papered with bumper stickers indicating that each child had made honor roll each quarter for the entirety of their educational experience. Chill out :-)

      Oct 21, 2011 at 7:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Oh Geeee

      Of course, my use of the wrong “your” above indicates where I fall amongst my siblings :-D

      Oct 21, 2011 at 7:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   aliceblue

      Nay, I’m not quite so uptight about typos.
      I agree that a child should be proud of educational achievement (I am a professor and wish more were), and think it often gets overshadowed by sports achievements. I’d love if the kids got a prize, a tee shirt, whatever it is kids would value. I’ll also confess to not being a bumpersticker fan in general, and those honor student ones (along with self righteous religious one – and I am religious myself) in particular. I think a lot is the passive-aggressive nature of them; telling me what to believe or bragging about your sprog with out giving me recourse to speak back. That’s why I end of comment back to them both in my car & online. Yeah, I have issues, but I’m harmless. :)

      Oct 21, 2011 at 8:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   redheadwglasses

      I don’t think it’s the parent who’s responsible for putting those bumperstickers on the car– I think a little kid comes home with one, and is all excited, and just assumes that it’s gonna happen. “Mom, isn’t this cool? can we go put it on the car now?” I know a lot of parents would do it against their own preferences, just like dads wear ugly ties they got for father’s day and moms wear macaroni necklaces that a kid made in pre-school.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 11:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.5   Chesire Cat

      My parents never would put the ones I earned on their cars. They said bumper stickers are tacky.

      Oct 22, 2011 at 8:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.6   famous blue raincoat

      trust me, VERY few kids of high school or even middle school age want to advertise their academic achievement on their parents’ cars. it is the parent affixing the sticker, not the kid. the sticker is social suicide.

      not that i’m speaking from experience or anything…. heh.

      p.s. “crotchfruit” ahahh haha hahhahha!

      Oct 24, 2011 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.7   The Elf

      When we were in school, yes. But somehow good grades and geekiness both became their own sort of cool. Why couldn’t that have happened when I was a young trekkie on the honor roll?

      Oct 24, 2011 at 1:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.8   clemdane

      I was always embarrassed for kids whose parents put the bumper stickers on their cars. I thought it was tacky when I was a kid. I definitely think it’s done more by parents than kids pace Redheadwglasses.

      Oct 27, 2011 at 6:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    where every child is honored,
    …and every sperm is sacred -

    Oct 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      As opposed to the public school system’s motto; “No Child Left In Front.”

      Oct 24, 2011 at 6:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   GhostWriter bang

    I deduct 10 points, because the bottom bumpersticker is clearly large enough to cover the top one, and yet this was not done.

    Oct 21, 2011 at 2:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   aaa bang

    Montessori parent loses a thousand points because they suck at centering their bumper sticker under the top one. Symmetry, people! This shit matters!

    Oct 22, 2011 at 10:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   clemdane

      Symmetry will stifle their creativity!

      Oct 27, 2011 at 6:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   Cranky Old Fart

    Pay attention guys – clearly the bottom bumper sticker was applied *first* – what moron puts their first bumper sticker on the car above the actual bumper when the bumper is still empty?

    Also, the *first* sticker is the one that is all kumba-ya, the *second* sticker is where competition rears it’s ugly head. Such is the natural order in life.

    So … the bottom bumper sticker was not applied over the top one, because the top one was applied *later* …

    And the bottom sticker was not centered “under the top one” for the very same reason.

    Oct 22, 2011 at 11:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #24   Kate

    I had no idea such things existed.

    Oct 22, 2011 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   mariam67

    C’mon, do you know how hard it is to be student of the month at Middle School, California?

    This was funnier before I noticed the pixels covering the school’s actual name. :/

    Oct 24, 2011 at 12:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   johnathan niles

    The problem with bumper stickers is that cars don’t have proper bumpers anymore.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #27   clemdane

    I’ve always wanted to have a bumper sticker made that says “My child is a model prisoner at Leavenworth correctional facility.”

    Oct 27, 2011 at 6:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   Elle

    God, this made my day. I went to that montessori school, I recognize the stickers.

    Nov 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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