More proof that Facebook is turning us all into narcissists

October 23rd, 2011 · 67 comments

Writes our submitter: “Last year Zaky changed the date of his birthday on Facebook just to test if anyone actually knew his real birthday. Nobody did, probably because he pulls crappy mind games like this. He did it again this year and it still didn’t work.”

I think Melissa (below) probably said it best: “Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?”

Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

FILED UNDER: Australia · birthday · Facebook


67 responses so far ↓

  • #1   CdnGinger

    Time to unfriend this drama-queen douche, Melissa et al.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 4:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   sadi

      Douche was the first word that came to my mind as well.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 11:11 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   The Elf

      “Canoe” was the second.

      Oct 26, 2011 at 7:10 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Nocturnesthesia

      “Needy loser” seems more appropriate here.

      Oct 29, 2011 at 2:10 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Quite Contrary

    The corollary to this story is a co worker who accepted my friend request and subsequently added other mutual friends from work as friends. Two of us wished her a happy birthday on the designated day. She forwarded me the notification with a huffy email saying that it wasn’t her birthday. I apologized, explaining that fb notified me it was, and thought it was over. Subsequent emails from her stated that she never joined Facebook, doesn’t know why she is receiving these notifications and that she wasn’t fb friends with anyone, all the while still insulted I had gotten her birthday wrong. I defriended her immediately. She is still on Facebook and still friends with the other person who wished her a happy birthday. Icing on the cake? Our mutual friend never received a single rant about her erroneous birthday greeting.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   aliceblue

      On a random day wish her a shitty & miserable birthday. That should keep her stewing & ranting for a week.

      Oct 23, 2011 at 5:56 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   aliceblue

      I have a very good friend & I always remember her birth day; it is the month that I get wrong. Because we are really friends, and not FB figments, she still loves me. (to be fair she got my month wrong too but did it a month early & not a month late like I do, not quite as bad.

      Oct 23, 2011 at 5:59 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   butt

      I had a coworker in college who changed his birthday on FB and then unfriended anyone who “didn’t care” enough to wish him happy birthday. And nothing of value was lost.

      Oct 23, 2011 at 9:57 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   clever name

      More people need to take the Patton Oswalt approach to birthdays…

      Oct 23, 2011 at 11:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   looney

      which is…

      Oct 24, 2011 at 7:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Clumber

      Apparently cn can’t tell us, it will damage the elevator.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 8:11 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   bookworm

      According to the difficult-to-use and oh-so-obscure Google, Patton Oswald believes you should only celebrate your first 20 birthdays.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 2:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Clare

    Since he goes by “Zaky,” I assume he just turned 9?

    Oct 23, 2011 at 5:06 pm   rating: 78  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Andrea

      I thought the same thing too..but then the nickname for Zachary would would be “Zachy”? and not “Zaky”?

      I’m thinking that maybe that’s just his name? I just looked it up. Zaky doesn’t show up as a name, but Zaki does as an Arabic name.

      I just have a hard time believing a grown man goes by Zaky on facebook. But then again..

      Oct 24, 2011 at 12:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   aaa bang

    Dude, Zaky, I don’t even give a fuck about my own birthday. Why the hell would I care about yours?

    Oct 23, 2011 at 5:19 pm   rating: 94  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      Exactly. I like celebrating my birthday in a low-key way (i.e. dinner out at favorite restaurant). But there are only four people in this world I expect to remember it: me, my mother, my father, and my husband. If anyone else remembers, it’s a pleasant surprise and is received as such. I would never expect my “26 nearest and dearest” friends to remember my birthday.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   makfan

      Jeez, I got a number of birthday greetings recently through FB, but I certainly didn’t whip out a scoresheet to count who did or didn’t write something.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 7:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   babyka

    I stopped wishing people a happy birthday years ago. Even if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be doing it via Facebook, that’s almost as insulting as not knowing someone’s real birth date.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Nunavut Guy

    Well Zaky now you know two things about your friends;
    1.They neither know nor care when your birthday is.

    2.They all know that you are a giant self-absorbed douche bag.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 6:18 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   boxes

    “Ugh, god, you guys. You’re so insensitive, relying on this service that tracks personal info and updates you all about stuff like birthdays to track my personal info and update you all about stuff like my birthday.”

    Oct 23, 2011 at 6:22 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Harmy G

    Facebook isn’t “turning us all into narcissists,” it’s just making it very easy to spot them.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 7:44 pm   rating: 99  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   The Elf

      Exactly. It’s much easier to like my friends when I don’t have to “like” every little thing they do every single freakin’ day.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 6:33 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   famous blue raincoat

      But don’t you think that a medium that encourages people to make an announcement every time they wipe their ass is, at the very least, enabling a level of narcissism that goes beyond our everyday social norms?

      Oct 24, 2011 at 11:19 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   lili

      I dunno. You don’t have to enter your birthday in there, or write anything about yourself.

      Plus, have you ever met an over-sharer in person? It happens. It’s just now we can amplify it by posting it around the Internet anonymously.

      Zaky just needs help.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 1:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   famous blue raincoat

      Well, the percentage of people that I’ve met in person that over-share unsolicited stupid details of their life is probably around 5%. The percentage of people on FB that over-share unsolicited stupid details of their life is about 95%.

      “Tacos for dinner again?! FML!”

      Really?

      Also, sadly, it is not anonymous. If it was, it would discourage narcissism by virtue of the fact that narcissism feeds on recognition, not anonymity.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 2:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   LizC

      See I don’t mind people updating every now and then about their dinner. Especially if they post pictures and recipes. That’s sometimes useful. What I cannot stand and what gets an immediate block from me is if every status update you post is about your children or about the bowel movements of said children or about how much God has blessed your family and your 5 children that you started having when you were 16. Like, I get it, your entire life revolves around your children but that doesn’t mean I care.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 9:15 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   famous blue raincoat

      Ahhh yes, the proud new parents! I immediately “unfriend” anyone who posts their child’s generic baby picture as their own profile photo. It doesn’t matter if they are a good friend or if I’ve known them all my life, I just cannot tolerate this practice. Aside from just being generally annoying, all babies look roughly the same and I find it really disorienting to have half of my friends with the same/similar photo.
      We get it- you had kids so you no longer have your own identity.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 10:57 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   bookworm

      I once had an old high school acquaintance try to add her children’s facebook pages as friends to mine. Her kids were 4 and under at the time, and I hadn’t seen her since before graduation.

      Oh, and her own profile was full of albums of pictures of the kids, which was the only way I was able to figure out whose they were.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 2:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   aliceblue

      Sounds like you, LizC & famous blue raincoat need to check out STFUparentsblog.com

      Oct 26, 2011 at 10:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   lili

      You don’t get it, fbr.

      We post those pictures because once we have kids, we look like shit for 6 months and nobody takes pictures of us anymore because everyone else is staring at the baby. Not to mention, our partner (who previously took most of the pictures of us) is now usually either holding the baby, or asleep.

      And speaking of narcissists… we put children’s pictures up for the grandparents, who care. Not for you. You’re not my only facebook friend, you know.

      Oct 28, 2011 at 7:28 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Joy

    My favorite part is that the fake birthday is *before* the real birthday. Anyone this worked on will be sure to wish him a HP in two months as well.

    Unless his real birthday is actually December 18. WHOA.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 7:56 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Dalamara

    I would definitely unfriend a jackoff like this guy. As a matter of fact, a long time friend had a birthday this weekend, and ranted about no one remembering and wishing her a happy birthday. Luckily, two of us called her out on it, and she sheepishly appologized and fixed her FB profile

    Oct 23, 2011 at 8:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Lenny!

    No worries, eventually little Zaky will correct his birth date on FB (along with other useful personal info) and with a little help from Ms. Karma herself, will get hacked and have his identity stolen. I’m sure after that Mr. Zaky won’t complain about people knowing his exact birthday anymore.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 9:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   TippingCows

    So is this pronounced Zack-ee or Zake-ee? Get a real name, a life, and a clue … Zhakkeigh.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 9:57 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   FeRD bang

      ‘Ey! No Klingon on P-AN!
      (Because we all know Klingons are never passive-aggressive.)

      Oct 24, 2011 at 9:24 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Old Uncle Toe bang

    “an improvement over last year”

    Admitting right out front that he plays these little games pretty consistently. I would admire his chutzpa if moreover I didn’t think he was such a gigantic asshat.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 11:21 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   AuntyBron

    Uh, Zaky, it’s not tampering if you change your own profile.

    Oct 23, 2011 at 11:37 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Lenny!

      It is if he has multiple personalities

      Oct 23, 2011 at 11:40 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   AuntyBron

      Evenif he has multiple personalities, he admits in a comment that he’s the one who did it.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Lenny!

      True, but that could of been his alter ego, Zappy.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 2:40 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   tina

    Zaky isn’t some god awful butchered version of Zachary; it’s an Arabic name.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 4:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   The Elf

      That’s good to know. Because now I only want to pimpslap him, not his parents too.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 6:34 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Andrea

      I had to look it up. The Arabic name I found is Zaki not Zaky. But then again, here in the us we spell perfectly good names like Jane like this: Jhayneeh. So who am i to judge.

      Oct 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Dave

    I had a ‘friend’ who did this exact same thing. Deleted him afterwards. I know a few peoples birthdays off by heart, but if they changed Facebook to show a different date, I’d probably assume I’d got it wrong and use the date that they set. Even if I had it written in a calendar I’d use the Facebook date, because frankly, that’s set by the person who’s birthday it is. I’d assume they were more likely to be right than me.

    Apart from my actual family and my boyfriend, I don’t see why I should have any degree of confidence about other peoples birthdays, when they provide contradictory information on a website that only they can edit…

    Oct 24, 2011 at 7:08 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   unsatisfied

    zaky. you put the “douche” in “douche”.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 10:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Pit Pat

    I stopped doing the FB birthday wishing thing a while back b/c it’s so competitive. It seems everyone wants to be first or have the most effusive greeting. And then I took my own birthday off of FB so I wouldn’t be on the receiving end of it. Safer that way anyway.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 10:29 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   park rose

      Noble.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 8:00 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   bookworm

      I deleted my profile and now I don’t have to deal with ANY facebook games.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 2:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   it's naptime

      all of the other facebookers used to laugh and call him names

      Oct 25, 2011 at 4:14 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Kenzie

      naptime, I’m disappointed that so far I’m the only one to have given your comment a “thumbs up”, so I had to comment just to tell you that, in a really stupid kind of way, that was quite clever. You made me giggle.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 5:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Rhoddy

    I never bother with FB birthdays. I don’t make huge stock of dates, but if someone does and I care enough; I’ll send a card, call, or even text them. Much better than an identical greeting on the wall for which you get a half-arsed ‘thanks guys’ status. Props to the three or four people on my facebook who have the common decency to reply to all the birthday wishes which they receive individually.

    Furthermore, I know a few people who have inaccurate birthdays on FB, probably relics of the old ‘always lie on the internet’ safety theory days, and I fear exactly this kind of offense.

    Zaky though, is in another league. I don’t care if it’s an Arabic name, I prefer to imagine him as a petulant 9-year old ‘Zak-ee’ as others have suggested… I mean – ‘I never said someone wasn’t me, Steph.’ Come on. What a sanctimonious, delinquent turd!

    Oct 24, 2011 at 10:51 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Kenzie

      nicely worded closing sentence, Rhoddy. I couldn’t have put it better.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 5:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   DuffPaddy

    Longtime lurker here. I’m so glad astrology is a load of old tosh, because this attention-seeking little [redacted] happens to have the same birthday as me.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   divaandwriter bang

    I always try to send birthday wishes to Facebook “friends,” but I don’t expect all of them to reciprocate. It’s nice if they do, but perfectly okay if they don’t.

    I don’t tend to make a huge fuss about my birthday, although I would probably be very hurt if NOBODY remembered it.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 1:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Adriana

    Don’t worry, Zaky – no one will be wishing you a happy birthday, real or fake, ever again.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 3:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   nami

    Man, what kind of loser hacker would want to just hack into someone’s profile and just change their birthdays? The hacker should have changed his whole name to Attention Seeking Loser while he was at it.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 4:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Charlie

    Dear Zaky,

    Do you have 430 faux friends listed on Facebook? Do you remember all of their birthdays? Why do you think they should remember yours?

    Sincerely,
    Reality

    Oct 24, 2011 at 4:49 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   infanttyrone

    “…26 is less overall…”
    No, Zaky, overall, 26 is fewer.

    If the 2-year trend continues, maybe in about 12 months your friendly cohort will be down to the size of a football team.
    Later, maybe you can fantasize a baseball, hockey, or basketball team.

    Finally, after you’ve lost your doubles tennis partner…well, you know…
    then it’ll be time for playing with yourself…but you’ll be in fine shape…
    after all, clearly you’ve been jerking your friends off for years.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:48 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Clumber

      As long as we’re picking each other’s nits already, the size of a football team, assuming US and NFL, is 52 IIRC, which is greater than 26. Unless you meant size of (US) football team on the field at a time. If Football (Euro) then I have no idea and don’t have the attention span to look it up on G..squirrel!

      Oct 25, 2011 at 8:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   infanttyrone

      Yeah, I meant team on the field at one time in each sport.
      On that note, would a team of Pictionary players be a doodly squad ?

      Oct 26, 2011 at 3:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    Poor Zacky. 9 out of 26 knew his actual birthday, and even fewer will pay attention to his deathday.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:58 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   The Elf

      I created a facebook account a couple of months ago, just to see what it was like and to decide if my hatred for it was based on reality (it was, I deleted the account). I friended a woman who I knew was active on facebook and wasn’t someone I spoke with a lot, thinking that this would be a good way to keep in touch. The mutual friends lead me to…. someone who died in 2009. I was a little freaked out.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 7:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Canthz_B bang

      Proof positive of life after death. The eternal question of where we go after death has been answered…we go into cyberspace.

      I myself passed away in 2010, and have been posting here with no problem…beats the hell outta trying to reach the living through a ouija board.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 9:45 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   The Elf

      That actually explains a lot….

      Oct 26, 2011 at 7:15 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Maddy

    My friend does this but changes his birthday to be the current day, everyday. Those closest to him know what he’s doing and don’t respond to it, but it is so entertaining to see those random acquaintances who wish him a happy birthday every day.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 9:17 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Adrian

    He should fake his own death on Facebook and see how many of his friends don’t give a shit about that too.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 7:42 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   PermaFrog

    Oh how I wish people like this knew they were on sites like P-AN and Lamebook. They kinda deserve to see how messed up they’re being, but then again… I doubt they’d realize it if they haven’t by now. Ugh. Sad conundrum.

    Oct 31, 2011 at 11:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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