The very delicate elevator

October 24th, 2011 · 52 comments

Apparently the “this will damage elevator” meme is the most exciting thing to happen around this Cincinnati cubicle farm in a long time.

(According to our submitter, the photos below represent only a fraction of the variations that have popped up all over the office.)

DO NOT HOLD DOOR!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR! DO NOT HOLD LIGHT SWITCH!!!

DO NOT HOLD WATER FOUNTAIN LEVER!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Cincinnati · elevator · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · smartass


52 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Ethrdg

    Do not leave a comment! This will damage elevator!

    Oct 24, 2011 at 6:46 pm   rating: 145  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Harmy G

      DO NOT THUMBS UP ABOVE COMMENT!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

      Oct 24, 2011 at 11:01 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   linda

    Do not post pictures! This will damage elevator.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 6:59 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Jesse

    I wondered at first if the first note in this series was the work of THX Sandra? On second thought, probably not….the first sign would’ve been inundated with clip art and had a directive to go see Casey in HR with any questions.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 7:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Palomon

    …and the terrorists win.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 7:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      Don’t let the terrorists win! It will damage the elevator!

      Oct 25, 2011 at 7:20 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Somebody Else

    DO NOT TOUCH FINE ART!!!

    This will DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

    Oct 24, 2011 at 7:26 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   shesajem

    DO NOT TOUCH ELEVATOR!!.. THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!!… oh wait..

    Oct 24, 2011 at 7:48 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Jesse

    If you have to throw up, please do it in the trash can and not the elevator. Our elevator is very old and can’t handle big jobs like throw up.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 7:54 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   amy

      I would thumbs this up more if I had the time to make fake accounts.

      Do not make fake accounts. This will damage elevator.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 3:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Scott

    Do not touch self!
    This will damage elevator.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 8:25 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   neeners

      Do not touch self in the elevator or this will damage eyesight!

      Oct 24, 2011 at 11:42 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   cam

    do not not hold elevator! this will damage body parts!

    Oct 24, 2011 at 8:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Nunavut Guy

    Do not kick me in the nuts this will cause damage to the elev………..my nuts actually.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 9:12 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Penultimate

    DO HOLD YOUR BREATH!

    With luck this will cause you to pass out, preventing you from making any more of these stupid signs.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 10:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Penultimate

    If you DO NOT HOLD ON

    for one more day, things won’t go your way.

    Oct 24, 2011 at 10:28 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Palomon

      DO NOT
      HOLD
      ON TO THE NIGHT

      Oct 25, 2011 at 11:53 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   berge bang

      DO NOT HOLD ME NOW
      DO NOT WARM MY HEART
      DO NOT STAY WITH ME

      Oct 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   unsatisfied

      DO STOP BELIEVIN’!

      Oct 25, 2011 at 1:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Rando

    More! Post more! Or the elevator gets it!

    Oct 24, 2011 at 11:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   infanttyrone

    Hey, you…you da bildin manager ?
    Really a nice elevator you got here…
    Be a damned shame if someone was to, you know, hold something…
    $500 a week gets you a protection associate to ride it all day…
    .
    .
    Oh yeah…
    don’t even think about swiping his lunch outa da break room fridge.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:28 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      I’m holdin’ it right heeyah, Pal…Dis heeyah bildin awreddy got itself summ protection, so moove along dere bfore youse gets ya legs broke. Ya got me, pally?

      Oct 25, 2011 at 1:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Canthz_B bang

    Do not hold forth with your opinions about whether or not a note is passive-aggressive, this will damage reputation elevator.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Sam and Dave are prohibited from use of this unit.
    Holding on until someone comes damages the elevator.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:43 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   infanttyrone

      Tommy James is allowed as long as he holds on tighter and tighter…
      but he must be inspected on a monthly basis by Shuggie Otis.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 1:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   TKD

      “Open the Door” “I’m Coming Home to See About You”.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 7:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Do not put callers on hold or they’ll damage our elevator.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Do not hold your bladder. Go ahead, damage the elevator.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:50 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   NutellaIshMehName

    Do hold the door!!!
    Or the person running to catch the lift will damage YOU!

    Oct 25, 2011 at 5:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   TKD

    Bad hold you!

    Oct 25, 2011 at 7:25 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   The Elf

    Do not stick your head between the closing elevator doors! It will damage the elevator! Probably your head too. Maybe. We don’t actually care.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 7:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Sophronia

    “Hold on, I promise it’ll be alright
    Cause we are stronger here together”

    Oct 25, 2011 at 7:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   park rose

    Well, that gave me a lift.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 7:58 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Do not damage elevator. This will cause a tautology.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 9:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    Don’t you hate it when management pays only lip-service to having an open door policy?

    Oct 25, 2011 at 9:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   divaandwriter bang

    Do not stand in the hallway and push the button to summon the elevator. THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR.

    It will also annoy anyone who is already in the elevator, who was hoping for an express ride.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 9:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   phil

    Poor elevator! Sometimes it just needs to be held. Sad that someone wants to deprive it.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 10:15 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Amy in Toronto

    Perhaps the people in this office merely think that the elevator is so fragile that it requires myriad warnings of “no touching” so as not to damage it, but has anyone really given this elevator a chance? This may not be some weak-willed lift!
    Enough with the coddling, office people! You are not protecting this elevator by allowing it to be tippy-toed around.
    Let the elevator do its job and thereby elevate itself from your lowly opinion.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 10:20 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   The Elf

      Don’t wrap your elevators in bubble wrap and tie on apron strings! Let them fall freely.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   gus

    “People know not to touch fine art or hold elevator doors.”

    Oct 25, 2011 at 11:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Marnie

    Do not watch FX it will elevate ratings for Damages

    Oct 25, 2011 at 11:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   infanttyrone

      If this gem doesn’t rise to the level of WORD of the Day,
      then Austin, we have a problem…nothing else even comes Close.

      Oct 26, 2011 at 3:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   JZombie

    In Cincinnati office buildings, he is allowed to hold the elevator doors.

    He is, the most interesting man in the world.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   unsatisfied

    NOT DO BAD PARK YOU!

    Damage elevator this do will.

    Oct 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   PANs_Labyrinth bang

      Strong with this elevator the force is! If necessary, even hold a door it can.

      Oct 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   PANs_Labyrinth bang

    HI EVERYBODY I AM AN
    ELEVATOR
    IF YOU HAVE NOTICED I DON’T LIKE
    MY DOOR TO BE HELD
    SO PLEASE DO NOT HOLD MY DOOR AS IT
    DAMAGES ME
    AND THEN I WILL MAKE YOU PAY

    SIGNED
    YOUR FRIENDLY ELEVATOR
    (And definitely not some imbecile trying to impersonate an inanimate object. Oh, no. Never.)

    Oct 25, 2011 at 4:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Ace of Space

    How about they just fix the elevator?

    Oct 25, 2011 at 9:22 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   The Elf

      Because it’s easier and cheaper to post signs.

      Oct 26, 2011 at 7:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Bcteagirl

    I don’t think it was broken.. I just think one (or two?) office mates objected to the door being held (Can’t possibly take the stairs, or wait one minute) so posted a ridiculous sign. And now everyone is rightly mocking them. :P

    Oct 26, 2011 at 3:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Who loves puns?

    Do not hold door!!!

    It will damage elevator’s self-esteem after their recent painful breakup.

    In fact, the elevator wants you to know you’re just a rebound relationship, and, after this brief separation, it’ll be reunited with the doors once again.

    Oct 26, 2011 at 7:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   aliceblue

    Sigh, I think we have this same elevator at work. From experience I’ll add
    Don’t breath while riding; this will damage the elevator.

    Oct 27, 2011 at 12:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Singe

    DO NOT DAMAGE ELEVATOR! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

    Nov 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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