Mellon Collie and the Seasonal Sadness

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October 29th, 2011 · 123 comments

Halloween: smashing children’s dreams, one pumpkin at a time. (Sigh)

(Spotted by Toby in the U.K.)

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · guilt trip · Halloween · U.K. · vandalism · Won't somebody think of the children?

123 responses so far ↓

#1 Canthz_B

Smashing Pumpkins would be a great name for a rock ba-…oh, never mind.

Oct 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm rating: 66

reply to this comment
- #1.1 MB
  
  “Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins”
  “Homer Simpson, Smiling politely”
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 2:36 am rating: 23
- #1.2 infanttyrone
  
  I hear that band considered working with a producer named Gallagher…
  only hitch was he wanted them to do Percy (and Sister) Sledge covers.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm rating: 3
- #1.3 Grant
  
  Wow, what a combo.
  Smashing pumpkins with Sledge/Hammer.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 5:05 am rating: 2
- #1.4 FeRD
  
  @Grant: The sadly-underappreciated 1980′s TV show, or the Peter Gabriel song?
  
  @CB: I agree with Kerry — WeRD!
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 8:11 pm rating: 3
- #1.5 Grant
  
  Sister Sledge and MC Hammer, I was thinking of.
  
  I don’t think Smashing Pumpkins with Timmy’s Mallet (Spunky Punky Monkey or whatever it was called) would be a big hit. I love the Peter Gabriel, though.
  
  Nov 1, 2011 at 4:53 am rating: 0
- #1.6 Canthz_B
  
  Can’t touch this pumpkin?
  
  Nov 1, 2011 at 9:30 am rating: 0
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#2 UnclGhost

Uh, team uncle on this one…

Oct 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm rating: 76

reply to this comment
#3 Silence

Hrm. Doesn’t one always assume a risk like this if the veggies are planted in the front? Thievery and vandalism? Doesn’t make it right, but I can’t help thinking that the pumpkin would have been secure in the backyard.

Either that, or make a fence that is more substantial than simply coat hanger wire.

Oct 29, 2011 at 7:43 pm rating: 6

reply to this comment
- #3.1 Belinda
  
  Looks like it’s in a communal garden.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 7:46 pm rating: 9
- #3.2 Canthz_B
  
  That’s the “fertilizer”. But, yes…it’s a communal something!
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 7:55 pm rating: 1
- #3.3 pony girl
  
  I think it’s one of those garden plots that some villages in UK have, not a yard.
  
  This is, however, the reason that most of my gardens are in the backyard. (and raised, and covered with mesh so that neighbor cats don’t pee and poo in them)
  
  i.e., people suck
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 8:00 pm rating: 11
- #3.4 Laura
  
  Really? Build a better fence, put it in your backyard, etc? It’s a shame that personal property has to be hidden because we know some douche will come up and break it or steal it, What a wonderful world to live in…I really hate living on this planet.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 8:14 pm rating: 85
- #3.5 Canthz_B
  
  Sad to see you go, Laura. Sorry you couldn’t handle it.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:11 pm rating: 26
- #3.6 mimsyswallows
  
  I had to congratulate you on how you contributed to this discussion. No – seriously, you must have spent hours on that response; it was great. It even used one of the great punctuation marks. And a verb. But no adjectives. If you were in the UK, I’m sorry to say, you’d get level 1. Fun with the National Curriculum – who’d have thought it.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:31 pm rating: 13
- #3.7 Canthz_B
  
  I’d care if I were in the business of keeping you impressed by being grammatically correct at all times, but I’m not and I don’t.
  
  Tell you what, why don’t you Lend-Lease me some of that UK National Curriculum stuff and I’ll have a look at it.
  It’s in English, right? Because I’m even worse at German.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:46 pm rating: 5
- #3.8 shadowz
  
  I’m going to not contribute to this story by telling you how you’re not contributing.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:24 pm rating: 13
- #3.9 jadefirefly
  
  Me either.
  
  Wait.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:21 am rating: 6
- #3.10 Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
  
  That’s definitely an allotment. Many people don’t have a “yard”; either front or back. Allotments are areas of land, usually owned by the local council, divided into 250sqm plots and rented out to local citizens. They’re not communal as such; each plot is your own private property.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:50 am rating: 18
- #3.11 Kate
  
  I agree, the use of the word ‘plot’ makes me think it must be an allotment.
  Any allotment owner knows that you have to be on your guard for thieves who will either steal the tools from your shed or the vegetables you have grown.
  
  Allotments are so popular in the UK that there are often long waiting lists.
  For example here:http://www.hackneyallotments.org.uk/ the waiting list currently runs at 300 people.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:57 am rating: 4
- #3.12 AuntyBron
  
  When they put the fence up they were probably warding against vandals of the rabbitty persuasion, or possibly marking the boundaries of the garden as private property.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm rating: 2
- #3.13 infanttyrone
  
  @CB…be careful they don’t try to saddle you with the royal version of the UK National Curriculum…that one’s had a fair amount of German in it for quite a while now…
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 3:59 pm rating: 2
- #3.14 infanttyrone
  
  @mimsyswallows….Which post has a great (even if you are being snarkastic and mean an unremarkable one) punctuation mark but is missing an adjective ?
  
  I’m guessing you were referring to #3.5, but if so, I’ve got $10 that says
  “I am” is the implicit/elided subject of both sentences and that “sad” and “sorry” are two of those sneaky things called predicate adjectives.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm rating: 6
- #3.15 infanttyrone
  
  Saddles ?
  Well, OK…Corrals for vegetables ?
  Allotments and a-a-portion control ?
  Might not be much of a narrative here yet, pg,
  but it sure sounds like the makings of a plot to me…
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:33 pm rating: 0
- #3.16 Grant
  
  It’s an allotment, and as an allotment keeper who has had produce stolen and equipment smashed, I’m all for team Uncle too. It’s damned disrespectful what some people do. Pumpkins take nearly 6 months to mature, and I whipped mine out early in September to avoid the thieves you get in late October. I have to say that if I’d have caught the SOB involved, they’d have had an encounter with the communal manure heap.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 5:09 am rating: 17
- #3.17 Nunavut Guy
  
  45 thumbs for a “I hate living on this planet” post?
  I wonder what She would get for an” I hate you mom,I wish I had never been born” comment.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 6:16 am rating: 5
- #3.18 Jami
  
  People should be allowed to raise their plants anywhere in their yard without having to worry about vandals.
  
  I tried repeatedly to grow geraniums in my flower garden out front. Every single time within 24 hours of them being planted, someone would rip the entire plant out and throw it into the street. They never bothered the other plants. Just the geraniums.
  
  My mom used to have a “living fence” of rose bushes. One day for no reason some guy poured used motor oil over every single rose bush. Since the house is on the corner that guy must’ve saved the oil for months to be able to cover every single bush.
  
  Nov 2, 2011 at 10:30 am rating: 2
- #3.19 ariane
  
  We had a “living fence” of waist-high nettles at the bottom of our vegetable garden because there was a tennis court next to it and people would come over and smash the plants and produce with their rackets under pretence of “looking for a lost tennis ball.” The city decided that the nettles (on our private property) were a “danger.” Instead of asking us to cut it down, they showed up one day, didn’t even knock on the door, cut the nettles and then fined us. If they had said, “You have to cut those” we would have done without a murmur. Oh, and the city workers trampled a row of beans in the process, too.
  
  Nov 6, 2011 at 8:02 am rating: 0
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#4 Canthz_B

Must have tossed that pumpkin into a tree.

I usually smash them down.

Oct 29, 2011 at 7:43 pm rating: 4

reply to this comment
- #4.1 Jackie
  
  You must be the coolest kid on the block.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm rating: 24
- #4.2 Canthz_B
  
  You called me a kid! I’m so flattered that I’m not even going to mail this AARP application!!
  
  Maybe after you’ve bought these poor, put-upon people a nice new pumpkin, you’ll have enough left over to purchase yourself a sense of humor…smash up/smash down? Do I have to draw pictures for you? I thought you said something about understanding this site.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:39 pm rating: 4
- #4.3 infanttyrone
  
  Some folks look for answers
  Charlie looks for fights
  Pumpkins up in tree tops
  Where there should just be kites
  Well I can snoop the future
  If you play like a dub loon
  But we can’t break the fourth wall
  We’re impaneled in this toon
  
  lyric fragment found among the effects of Ron (Pigpen) McKernan, original keyboard player (Linus) for the Grateful Dead…
  Various titles have been proposed, the two most popular being
  Lucy in the Sky with Pumpkins and Toon Without Pity
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 3:50 am rating: 3
- #4.4 infanttyrone
  
  I remember walking to school uphill in the snow both ways…
  waaaay back then we had a perpetual edit feature…
  
  I knew then that Schroeder, not Linus,
  was the Peanuts piano prodigy.
  OK, back on your heads…
  
  Nov 5, 2011 at 4:19 pm rating: 0
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#5 Canthz_B

Linus is tired of imposters. We all knew he’d snap sooner or later.

Oct 29, 2011 at 7:45 pm rating: 20

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Lenny!
  
  Hey now, waiting in the pumpkin patch time after time can take a lot outta ya. Not his fault the Great Pumpkin never came
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:28 am rating: 2
- #5.2 FeRD
  
  Sure it is! He should have used his mouth purtier.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 5:42 am rating: 2
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#6 lagne

Damn vegans.

Oct 29, 2011 at 7:51 pm rating: 4

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#7 MK_Ultra

That’s a lot of commitment and work for a 4 year old. He has every right to be upset. At that point it’s not “just a pumpkin” it’s a project.

Oct 29, 2011 at 8:01 pm rating: 55

reply to this comment
- #7.1 MK_Ultra
  
  The fact that the blog has been changed now makes my “quotation marks unnecessary.”
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 5:26 am rating: 1
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#8 Jackie

You guys are jerkoffs. This guy should be pissed.

I think you’ve lost the point of your website: making fun of people for overreacting.

This guy wasn’t overreacting, he was understandably pissed off for his niece who is too little to understand that people suck.

Fuck you and have fun making fun of me for having the balls to tell you that you’re fucking assholes.

Oct 29, 2011 at 8:31 pm rating: 95

reply to this comment
- #8.1 Canthz_B
  
  Now we have a legitimate over-reaction!
  
  Satisfied? LOL
  
  You see, Jackie, while “the guy” has every right to be pissed, creating the sign was not only non-productive, but quite possibly counterproductive. That makes it an overreaction, and that makes it fodder for our crude humor by your own definition. Making fun of his reaction in no way means that we condone the actions of the gourd ghoul.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:13 pm rating: 17
- #8.2 Canthz_B
  
  BTW, Jackie, last I saw there was no shortage of pumpkins.
  Even if some douchecanoe smashes their second one, I’m pretty sure they’ll be able to come up with another pumpkin some starving person would be happy to eat. They can carve that with the little girl and set it out on the porch to rot instead.
  
  Over-reaction?…There you have it.
  Passive-aggression doesn’t have to be an over-reaction, just a piss-poor reaction.
  Trying to make a vandal feel sorry for the victim (and stooping to using a little girl to do it) is a piss-poor reaction.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:18 pm rating: 6
- #8.3 Jackie
  
  That’s not the point and you know it. If someone came onto your property and destroyed something you would be upset, anyone would.
  
  I thought the point of this website was to make fun of acting irrationally to something. This wasn’t irrational, shooting the vandal would be irrational. This was the only thing he could do to feel like he could have any response to something being destroyed.
  
  Is it the end of the world? No, course not, is it stupid to make fun of him for trying to have some kind of response considering he has no way to actually catch whoever did this? Uh, yeah.
  
  I don’t get how this is being passive aggressive, which, I thought, was the point of this website.
  
  It’s not funny, it just looks petty and stupid.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:22 pm rating: 60
- #8.4 Canthz_B
  
  You thought wrong. That’s not the point of the site.
  
  One point is that, rightly or wrongly, people write notes that will never get them anywhere in the end most times.
  
  The site has no single point except maybe to point out how narrow-minded people can sometimes be.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm rating: 11
- #8.5 mimsyswallows
  
  I agree Jackie – it’s not just *a* pumpkin, it’s *your* pumpkin, the one you grew yourself. If these pumpkins are so cheap an irrelevant, then lets turn the antagonists’ argument against themselves: if pumpkins are so cheap and worthless, then buy your own cheap worthless pumpkins from the mall and stamp ‘em. What’s so hard about that?
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm rating: 44
- #8.6 mimsyswallows
  
  I agree with you. Jackie-JO is just trolling for fun.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:32 pm rating: 5
- #8.7 Canthz_B
  
  I’m sure from your point of view writing the note gave the writer some small amount of self-satisfaction, but it probably didn’t affect the vandal in any way so it was a pathetic cry of outrage directed towards someone who couldn’t care less.
  
  And that, my friend, is hi-larious any hour of any day!
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:34 pm rating: 8
- #8.8 Jackie
  
  You’re right, it probably didn’t do anything and neither did making fun of this guy for trying to stand up to the asshole who stole and smashed his property.
  
  But why would you get that?
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:50 pm rating: 33
- #8.9 Canthz_B
  
  No, making fun of him gives people at websites like this a great deal of amusement.
  
  Writing and posting this note probably did nothing more than give amusement to the vandal.
  Fact is, we’re dealing with an anti-social delinquent, so all that was probably accomplished is a sure-fire guarantee that the second pumpkin will be smashed in short order.
  
  For every action, an equal and opposite reaction.
  We’re not trying to make any change by making fun of the guy, so of course we’ve made none. He’s trying to shame a shameless person, and that’s funny to some of us.
  But why would you get that?
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:55 pm rating: 10
- #8.10 Canthz_B
  
  BTW, if you scroll up you’ll see that no one made any disparaging comments about the note-writer, Jackie.
  
  But you? You came along and called us all “jerkoffs” and “fucking assholes” for trying to find a little humor in the situation offered to us.
  
  Is THAT what this site is about to you?
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:08 pm rating: 12
- #8.11 Jackie
  
  Wow, you don’t get it. Making fun of people overreacting to stupid crap is funny, mocking someone who left a note calmly communicating what a fucking asshole whoever did this is is understandable. Will it do anything? Probably not. Will mocking the guy who put up the note do anything? No, it just makes this website look like it’s run by a bunch of petty, miserable jerkoffs who take joy in mocking others even when they’re trying to make a small point.
  
  What’s it like rationalizing someone else being a dick and then mocking the person who tries to communicate that they’re pissed only to have random strangers put it online so they can mock them? It must make you feel good or you wouldn’t still be sitting here trying to somehow legitimize it.
  
  I find it funny I have people rating my comment positively while you sit here trying to win some point that makes no sense because you’re some bitter asshole that probably just sits there complaining about the world and how it’s just filled with assholes. Meanwhile you defend the assholes anonymously.
  
  I take joy in the fact that someone has, or will, shit on something you give a shit about so others can mock you. Of course you’re probably too chicken shit to ever actually go against the grain and say when someone’s being a dick. That’s so uncool.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:12 pm rating: 47
- #8.12 Sean Jungian
  
  Seeing Jackie and mimsy lose their shit in righteous indignation over someone else’s niece’s pumpkin was also good for a few laughs. It’s always entertaining to see someone so personally, deeply, and disturbingly invested in minor comments on an even more minor website.
  
  Keep it up girls! Fight the good fight! You are definitely winning hearts and minds here!
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:13 pm rating: 30
- #8.13 Canthz_B
  
  Because, Jackie, the simple act of trying to make the small point IS THE FUNNY PART!!
  
  Better be careful, or soon they’ll be making fun of you…the only one here name-calling.
  
  To heck with what you think we look like. What do you think you’re making yourself look like by not simply accepting that you may not share a sense of humor with everyone on the planet? That those you have nothing in common with humor-appreciationwise must be jerkoffs or fucking assholes? By staking out a position which states that YOU know what is funny and is not funny, and can tell the rest of us what we have a right to be amused by?
  
  Get a grip. They’re JOKES.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:21 pm rating: 12
- #8.14 FeRD
  
  I take joy in the fact that someone has, or will, shit on something you give a shit about so others can mock you.
  
  Well, I’ll “go against the grain” (WTF does that even mean???) and say: Jackie, you’re being a dick! And it’s uncool. Get over yourself.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:26 pm rating: 22
- #8.15 Canthz_B
  
  Oh! Snap! I just saw that!!
  
  ME?! Afraid to go against the grain on PAN?!
  
  You really don’t know much about this site, do you? One of my joys is taking on the world in an all-or-nothing cage match here! Are you fucking kidding us??? ROTFLMAO
  
  Point one: No one has tried to rationalize or defend the Pumpkin Popping Perpetrator.
  Point two: I’m not campaigning for votes. I’m methodically making you go bat-shit crazy.
  Point three: I think there’s a little sand from the beach left in you panties.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:31 pm rating: 13
- #8.16 shadowz
  
  You’re right. That person has the right to be upset about the pumpkin, and I would be, too.
  But with that justification, the people writing letters about how it’s not hard to put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder and how it sucks having to pick up other people’s dirty dishes, those people are not over reacting either when they make all of the other notes that are posted on the site.
  
  Now you’re the jerkoff thinking that their plights are not serious.
  
  Also, it’s really hard to take you serious when your whole argument is based off of ad hominem fallacies.
  
  Grow up and chill out, “fucking assholes”.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:36 pm rating: 3
- #8.17 FeRD
  
  @CB: Nawww, man, you’re all about lookin’ cool above all else… you’re like our Fonzie, dude!
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:36 pm rating: 8
- #8.18 Canthz_B
  
  AAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:46 pm rating: 12
- #8.19 Sean Jungian
  
  Correctamundo.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:49 pm rating: 9
- #8.20 lagne
  
  Jesus Christ, Jackie, take a goddamn breath/valium/shot/six shots.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 11:53 pm rating: 16
- #8.21 Canthz_B
  
  Maybe just one well-placed shot. LOL
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:19 am rating: 4
- #8.22 pony girl
  
  It may be rational to be upset that some idiots vandalized your garden plot, but it is irrational to expect that note to do any good.
  Even if the vandals read the note, they’re not going to feel bad. They’re lowlifes, they don’t give a crap, and if anything, it will prompt them to do it again with just that much more evil glee.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:23 am rating: 11
- #8.23 jadefirefly
  
  This thread, right here. THIS is what PAN is all about. Assholes like Jackie throwing a pissfit thinking they’re somehow coming to the magical defense of someone who DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT because they’re NOT HERE.
  
  My night’s been made. Epic comment thread, this one.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:24 am rating: 15
- #8.24 Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
  
  We’re here to make fun of passive aggression. That’s what the site is for. Passive aggression is pitiable; real men use regular aggression.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:53 am rating: 5
- #8.25 infanttyrone
  
  At the risk of being seen as a hopeless Pollyanna, consider the possibility that rather than a random act done by an anti-social delinquent, the smashing was a cold & calculated act done by a perp plagued with map dyslexia and plain old bad luck (making it more of a mis-calculated act).
  
  For example, maybe the smasher was employed by a neighbor to smash a pumpkin growing in the ap-plot-ment associated with the apartment block at 1088 Apathy Road…but some other anti-social and marker-wielding delinquent came along the night before and changed the address tacked to the fencepost up the road from 1038 to 1088 ? Oopsies….
  
  So upon reading the admittedly *almost useless* note…
  Our smasher-for-hire, a diligent young thug if not yet a vigilant one, realizes his error and remedies the situation as best he can by moving the intact proto-lantern from 1088 back to the scene of the superfluous crime and collecting the mess from 1038 and moving it to 1088, making it possible for the original contractor to obtain satisfaction and thus release the other half of the job’s fee (our young Gallagher may not know North from South, but he for damn sure knows to get half the money up front).
  
  Little Suzie, well, she gets a pumpkin to call her own.
  And if Little Suzie’s happy, then you know Uncle Ernie’s happy.
  Mister Turner, he’s in a smashing mood again.
  And young Chas ? He’s off the left hook and back in good graces.
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFh96ssGisM&feature=related
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:04 pm rating: 1
- #8.26 infanttyrone
  
  Jackie,
  Do you have a younger sibling named Jinx ?
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm rating: 1
- #8.27 Silence
  
  Flounce cat!
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 5:40 am rating: 1
- #8.28 Oh Geeee
  
  I was wondering what could drive the comments on a pumpkin smashing note so high… Wow.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 6:37 am rating: 2
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#9 built 4 success

So besides the fact it’s so pleasant to have a sit down with the four yr old niece and explaining what a horrible world we live in, what else kept Uncle “we must keep our kids informed” from running to the store to buy a similar replacement pumpkin??? If nothing else to see her smile!

Oct 29, 2011 at 9:10 pm rating: 16

reply to this comment
- #9.1 Jackie
  
  Who said he didn’t? I hope he did, that’ still doesn’t change the fact that this isn’t in tune with the stupid fucking website. How is it passive aggressive? If he knew who fucking did it wouldn’t he just report it to the police?
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:18 pm rating: 6
- #9.2 mimsyswallows
  
  Do you really think like this? You shield your children from the world because it’s ‘stupid fucking’, as you put it, then buy a replacement so they think it’s… what – some kind of utopia?
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:34 pm rating: 3
- #9.3 Jackie
  
  You know what, you’re right, children should know what fucking assholes are out there, and they should be told to try to stand up for themselves when others take their shit, mock them and try to walk all over them, you are absolutely right. You just gave some good advice ironically.
  
  If you don’t get what I’m trying to say then you’re up there with the idiot who smashed the pumpkin to begin with and I”m fine without you not getting it. Why would you?
  
  You’re right, I should just make fun like whoever else when someone says something sucks because some people take joy in destroying things that belong to other people.
  
  It’s so cool to be constantly negative and shit on people who try to find some way to say something back to the random asshole who decides to act like a schmuck.
  
  Whoever took property belonging to someone else is no different than the random people on here who hide behind fake names and talk shit. If this was you and it was your niece you’d be just as upset as the guy who posted the note, only you wouldn’t bother to post the note because you probably can’t be bothered to do anything when something shitty happens. Why risk others mocking you, right?
  
  You don’t have to admit it on here, I don’t expect you to, but you’d probably whine louder than anyone else in private, I am sure.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 9:46 pm rating: 15
- #9.4 Sean Jungian
  
  Now, now, ladies, I don’t know how either of you stumbled across a computer and figured out how to get on the internet, but this is obviously no place for you if it’s going to upset you so much.
  
  Why don’t you go make yourselves a nice cup of hot tea, put on your housecoats and fuzzy slippers, and snuggle up with your 10 or 20 cats* apiece and that latest romance novel or book of Cathy cartoons from the library? Get back to normal and leave this wicked, heartless place.
  
  *Indoor ONLY cats, of course, anything else is tantamount to MURDER.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:23 pm rating: 32
- #9.5 Canthz_B
  
  Pumpkin pie goes quite nicely with tea. I’d offer you some, but you probably wouldn’t like where I got the main ingredient and would decline on moral grounds.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:58 pm rating: 13
- #9.6 Canthz_B
  
  Jackie, I whine about very little in life. For some odd reason, I’ve been able to prioritize and put things in my life into perspective, and a smashed pumpkin probably wouldn’t faze me very much seeing as how the price of a package of pumpkin seeds is minimal at best and pumpkins are not akin to bars of gold on the world market, the price of the ink on the sign probably exceeds the monetary value of the pumpkin itself. At the very least, the time taken creating the sign would be worth more than a pumpkin if my employer were paying for said time.
  
  I feel for the guy/gal, but it was all a waste of time unless you just feel better after writing nasty notes. I don’t need to do that sort of thing to feel superior to a vandal.
  Perhaps you might.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 11:44 pm rating: 9
- #9.7 Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
  
  All he has to do is sit down with the little girl and a copy of the children’s classic book “Sometimes Pumpkins Get Smashed”. That book really helped me when I was a kid.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:58 am rating: 8
- #9.8 it's naptime
  
  Next week on intervention, the Gourd family begs Uncle Pumpkin to stop abusing alcohol.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 4:24 pm rating: 4
- #9.9 UnclGhost
  
  Sean, is the sexism really necessary? Even ironically?
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 4:20 pm rating: 6
- #9.10 Palomon
  
  Nothing here is necessary, but a lot of it is amusing.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 4:34 pm rating: 4
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#10 mimsyswallows

Oh, come on – what kind of pillock stamps on vegetables? Is this really rife in the US? Whoever posted this note was right to and I’m on their side.

Oct 29, 2011 at 9:24 pm rating: 8

reply to this comment
- #10.1 FeRD
  
  Um, this note’s from the UK, not the US.
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 10:28 pm rating: 12
- #10.2 Canthz_B
  
  Wouldn’t a pillock be the most likely sort of person to stomp on veggies, and does the nationality of the pillock really matter?
  
  Oct 29, 2011 at 11:02 pm rating: 7
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#11 Jille

I’ve been a faithful reader of PAN for 2 years (2 YEARS!) and I’ve never commented once. But Christ! Someone give Jackie a Valium. This is not the first post lacking passive-aggression. We know what we like and THIS is what we like. (Except “unnecessary quotation marks” is missing from the tags.)

Oct 29, 2011 at 10:50 pm rating: 24

reply to this comment
- #11.1 Rattus
  
  I am in complete agreement with Jille. Jackie, your flat-out aggressive posts are giving me the vapours.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 10:36 am rating: 2
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#12 SkinnyBish

This is a wonderful opportunity to remind everyone that there are dogs in animal shelters all over the civilized world who would be happy to gnaw on strangers trespassing on your property to vandalize your vegetables.
*waggle*

Oct 29, 2011 at 10:55 pm rating: 13

reply to this comment
#13 Canthz_B

Yet more evidence that the terrorists hate us for our vegetables is a motive grossly underestimated by the authorities.

Oct 29, 2011 at 11:32 pm rating: 7

reply to this comment
- #13.1 infanttyrone
  
  To put it crudite-ly…they hate us for our free-noms…
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 1:48 pm rating: 2
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#14 Palomon

The lamination is a great touch.

Oct 30, 2011 at 12:50 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#15 Palomon

Oh, and the kid is blind.

Oct 30, 2011 at 12:51 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#16 Palomon

And mute.

Oct 30, 2011 at 12:52 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
- #16.1 Mitchy
  
  And adopted
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:58 am rating: 4
- #16.2 Canthz_B
  
  And lame and can only say “God bless us all, every one.”
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 10:18 am rating: 8
- #16.3 emcd
  
  *snort*
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 8:34 am rating: 0
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#17 aliceblue

Jackie, point made, chill.

Canthz B – “taking on the world in [a.]…cage-match?” I’m hope that you were attempting to be funny because your posts are more 1o-year- old on the playground than cage match

Now if the two of you can’t be amusing please just STFU.

Oct 30, 2011 at 12:55 am rating: 23

reply to this comment
- #17.1 Canthz_B
  
  Really? I thought I did a pretty good job of being an adult about things as Jackie called me childish names by not retaliating in kind.
  Thanks for your opinion on the matter.Please learn to gigglebrax.
  
  And, yes…this is all in good fun, but only because we haven’t yet figured out just how to get a large enough cage into this website!
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 9:37 am rating: 9
- #17.2 aliceblue
  
  Adult? Nope.
  Please learn the difference between a choice to not do something and the inability to do something.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:32 pm rating: 7
- #17.3 Canthz_B
  
  Well, as I am a child, clearly I’m unable to stoop to name-calling and insults the like of which adults such as you are quite capable of posting on this page.
  Or were you referring to your choice between not to leave well enough alone (after I’d already said this is all in fun), and your inability to leave well enough alone?
  
  Adult? Yes, as choosing to not indulge in childish acts is the adult thing to do. Doesn’t make one incapable of doing so, just wise enough to know whether or not to do so. I think I’ve already learned the difference. Wise up and try doing so yourself.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm rating: 2
- #17.4 aliceblue
  
  Now who is over reacting? Actually, I was referring to your request about nested comments. However, why leave well enough alone when I have the opportunity to get your knickers so twisted that you can’t write coherently? You are right, this is good fun!
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 12:05 am rating: 2
- #17.5 Canthz_B
  
  Aliceblue, not every response is an overreaction. My response was moderate, your reaction to it unnecessary.
  
  As to the intent of your comment, if you’d been specific in your meaning, I as the reader would not have been misled. That may be a skill you’d like to work on.
  
  But again you show you cannot resist the temptation to not leave well enough alone.
  I’m pretty sure that “I’m hope that you were attempting to be funny…” wasn’t your idea of coherent written expression (perhaps your knickers were in a twist at the time?), but who says we must be perfect at all times?
  
  Oh, I love how you assume you’ve gotten knickers twisted, but don’t flatter yourself so. I’m not that into you!
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 8:03 am rating: 4
- #17.6 emcd
  
  @ aliceblue – please relinquish your twisted panties to CB already – he’s the Tom Jones of PAN for chrissakes.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 8:46 am rating: 3
- #17.7 Canthz_B
  
  emcd, unfortunately, this type of thing is ♫…not unusual… ♫
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 8:57 am rating: 4
- #17.8 emcd
  
  … you find it happens all the time!!!! Wooaahhh!!
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 9:19 am rating: 3
- #17.9 Palomon
  
  Why? Why? Why?
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 9:49 am rating: 2
- #17.10 emcd
  
  You don’t have to watch Dynasty to have an attitude …
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 10:00 am rating: 1
- #17.11 Canthz_B
  
  I’m sure she’s a Most Beautiful Girl, but I wish they wouldn’t Send In The Clowns.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 10:13 am rating: 2
- #17.12 Canthz_B
  
  By now, she’d probably like to “Take Me To The River” and ‘Release Me” over the side of a “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” “In The Midnight Hour” screaming, “Now, ‘What’s New Pussycat’”!.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 10:25 am rating: 4
- #17.13 aliceblue
  
  It’s funny to watch you sputter.
  
  @emcd By Tom Jones you mean an over the hill horndog existing off of past achievements?
  
  See you in the funny pages.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 10:17 pm rating: 0
- #17.14 Canthz_B
  
  Past achievements?
  
  Look at the upper right-hand corner of the page and see that you got Word of the day.
  
  My bad…that’s me.
  
  No wonder Alice is blue, her foot is in her mouth again! Wanna go for the Trifecta?
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 11:36 pm rating: 1
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#18 Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

It used to be quite difficult to get pumpkins in the UK, so we used to carve turnips instead when I was a child. Years later I read that Americans began carving pumpkins at Halloween because they couldn’t get any turnips. True story.

Oct 30, 2011 at 6:46 am rating: 9

reply to this comment
- #18.1 Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
  
  Also, I absolutely had to share this:
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHVRVFslme8&feature=related
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:46 am rating: 0
- #18.2 SilentPsycho
  
  I remember one year, there were no pumpkins for sale anywhere in my area. I ended up trying to carve up a swede. A bit difficult, that one.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 6:06 pm rating: 8
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#19 RG

Not a certainty but I would be willing to bet the pumpkin was smashed by one of those free roaming cats. They really need to do something about this.

Oct 30, 2011 at 12:18 pm rating: 11

reply to this comment
- #19.1 emcd
  
  Must be that beefy overfed cat from a day or 2 ago – that’s not all flab on him.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 8:37 am rating: 3
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#20 juju_skittles

Gardening can be harsh. I remember my four year old son in the vegie garden with Pop, showing him the giant grasshopper he’d caught with his bug catcher. He was so proud! Pop’s eyes lit up, “Great!”, he said as he took the grasshopper from the bug catcher…then pulled it’s head off! The look on my son’s face was pure horror. Apparently grasshoppers eat vegies. Harsh lesson though. It’s not all pumpkin carving and fun in the vegie patch, people…

Oct 30, 2011 at 8:32 pm rating: 9

reply to this comment
#21 Me

I’m not really seeing the “aggressive” on this one.

Oct 30, 2011 at 9:50 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #21.1 Fox
  
  If this story were in the US rather than the UK, the agressive part would be next year after Uncle gives his niece a course in firearm use and she blows the crap out of anyone who even *looks* at her pumpkin wrong…
  I’m not sure what they’d use in the UK, though…knives?
  Either way I’d be cheering them on–I don’t want to hear this garbage about ‘mischief’: Destruction of someone else’s property is flat out wrong.
  
  Oct 30, 2011 at 10:28 pm rating: 2
- #21.2 Sean Jungian
  
  In the UK she would be trained in giving withering looks with a slightly condescending air.
  
  Oct 31, 2011 at 7:39 am rating: 10
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#22 Byatch

I thought this note read as… surprisingly reasonable and polite, actually.

Oct 31, 2011 at 2:56 am rating: 6

reply to this comment
#23 NutellaIshMehName

VIOLENCE AGAINST PUMPKINS
– Australia says NO

‘…but mummy, the pumpkin started it!’

Oct 31, 2011 at 3:44 am rating: 1

reply to this comment
#24 Lizzie

Okay, I’m with the note writer on this one. I would be pretty irritated too and might write a note to discourage whoever it was from smashing the last one.

Oct 31, 2011 at 8:29 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#25 Haley

Crazy idea: maybe instead of telling her, “someone smashed YOUR pumpkin! Goodness gracious, people are just terrible!” he could have just bought a similar looking pumpkin and set it in the patch for the final few days until they were ready to carve it. When I was a kid, some teenagers smashed my jack-o-lantern one year. My mom was lucky enough to catch it before I left for school and told me some weird lie about why it wasn’t on the porch, and she bought and carved a new pumpkin before I got home that day. I was none the wiser until she told me the story when I was in my twenties.

And, seriously, smashing pumpkins has been a teenage angst tradition for ages. If you leave your jack-o-lanterns outside, you’re being incredibly naive. Obviously this is a little different, since they took a growing plant directly off the vine specifically for smashing purposes, but my stance on jack-o-lanterns is firm.

Nov 1, 2011 at 7:11 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#26 Terry

It’s amusing how Canthz has the hypocricy to claim that they can take a joke better than the rest of PAN when he/she (who the hell cares?) obviously can’t and will whine and use passive aggressive smilie faces with the best/worst of them.

Keep it up. I shall continue to eat popcorn and marvel at how ‘hilarious’ and ‘cool’ you think you’re being.

Nov 4, 2011 at 12:37 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
#27 Kali

Thats so sad!! Same reason why I dont believe we can have pumpkins at our house. Its sad to think that you can’t even have a pumpkin on your porch without being afraid of it ending up in pieces on your lawn!!! I hope she got to carve at least one!

Nov 8, 2011 at 12:34 am rating: 0

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Mellon Collie and the Seasonal Sadness

October 29th, 2011 · 123 comments

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