Entries from October 2011

The very delicate elevator

October 24th, 2011 · 52 Comments

Apparently the “this will damage elevator” meme is the most exciting thing to happen around this Cincinnati cubicle farm in a long time.

(According to our submitter, the photos below represent only a fraction of the variations that have popped up all over the office.)

DO NOT HOLD DOOR!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR! DO NOT HOLD LIGHT SWITCH!!!

DO NOT HOLD WATER FOUNTAIN LEVER!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Cincinnati · elevator · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · smartass

More proof that Facebook is turning us all into narcissists

October 23rd, 2011 · 67 Comments

Writes our submitter: “Last year Zaky changed the date of his birthday on Facebook just to test if anyone actually knew his real birthday. Nobody did, probably because he pulls crappy mind games like this. He did it again this year and it still didn’t work.”

I think Melissa (below) probably said it best: “Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?”

Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

Tags: Australia · birthday · Facebook

My Other Kid Could Beat Up My Honor Student

October 19th, 2011 · 80 Comments

Writes Daniel in Oakland: “I love the tension between the ‘student of the month’ sticker on top and the totally passive-aggressive ‘every child is honored’ sticker below it.”

related: The car you drive can say a lot about you as a person.

Tags: car · Moms & Dads · Oakland · schools & teachers

Wanted: Part-time Masochists

October 18th, 2011 · 65 Comments

At least with this job, you know exactly what kind of misery you’re signing up for if you decide to “enquire within.” (If only all bosses let their true characters shine through so obviously at this stage of the game.)

WANTED: Part-time sales person who won't quit after 2 months, who works hard and doesn't think she's doing me a favour by working here, who can take a joke and won't cry everyday [sic] on the floor.

related: My sadistic dungeon-master won’t let me call in sick

Tags: Canada · casual sexism · crazy boss · help wanted · now that's management

But do people recognize ‘fine art’ when they see it?

October 18th, 2011 · 72 Comments

At the local art exhibit of the Utah State Fair: a smug reminder of what we already know, thankyouverymuch. As our submitter wrote, “We’re not animals, after all!”

But do people recognize

related: Signed, R. Mutt

Tags: art · Salt Lake City · touching

God may love you, but I can’t speak for the rest of the office

October 16th, 2011 · 63 Comments

Various religious-themed notes have been popping up all over our submitter’s workplace in Phoenix, Arizona. “Several co-workers have found these messages in their offices, stuck in between papers, and written on whiteboards,” she says, but so far no one has come forward to claim authorship.

One of most recent notes showed up in the office kitchen one morning.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless

Another note turned up beside it sometime after lunch.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless Poor grammar has no place in the Lord's Kingdom. :)

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again.

Tags: God · irregular capitalization · office · Phoenix · smiley · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

Guns? Sure. Tortillas? Hell, no.

October 15th, 2011 · 52 Comments

Spotted by Tiffany in San Antonio, Texas…

(Not passive-aggressive, just too amusing not to share.)

NO TORTILLAS ALLOWED IN THE THEATRE. EVERYONE WILL BE SUBJECT TO A SECURITY SEARCH.

The not-quite-so-amusing explanation, courtesy of commenter NativeoSanantonio: This is at the Aztec Theater in downtown San Antonio. It’s a live music venue that has a classic country music show. Fans would throw tortillas on stage as a show of appreciation. It was cute at first but quickly got out of control. The performers asked for the “No Tortilla” rule.

related: Professionally done “by Asians”

Tags: food · not so much passive-aggressive · San Antonio · WTF?

Notice: This is a ‘candy optional’ office

October 14th, 2011 · 45 Comments

Spotted next to a festive bowl of Halloween candy in a university administrative office: a preemptive strike at the Jeffs of the world.

(I love it.)

OPTIONAL CANDY 1) Yes, you may have some. 2) No rationalization or diet talk necessary or welcome. .

related: Cupcakes make people…

Tags: candy · let me stop you right there · most popular notes of 2011 · office

And yes, I will go completely ‘PC Load Letter’ on your ass if you ask me another question about this damn printer.

October 12th, 2011 · 47 Comments

“My buddy has to share his office with the only color printer on the floor,” says Murray in Birmingham, Alabama.

(Based on this note, I wouldn’t be surprised if he shared his office with a Louisville Slugger, too.)

OUT OF ORDER -Yes it's really not working -Yes, we've called I.T. -Yes, they've called a repairman -No, I don't know when it'll be repaired -No, I don't know where you can print your stuff in color -Yes, we have cycled the power and cleaned the sensor. Thanks!

related: Yes, it’s a longer walk to the copier. Yes, it’s a shorter walk to the bathroom.

extra credit: Office Space Printer Montage [vimeo.com]

Tags: Alabama · let me stop you right there · office · the printer

A bitter butter battle

October 11th, 2011 · 189 Comments

“My two roommates have been locked in a butter war all week,” our submitter in Oregon reports. “One will pull out the butter to let it soften, and as soon as she walks away, the other will put it back in the fridge.”

Although our submitter says she’s made a point of staying out the debate, she spotted this note on her way out the door this morning…

Dear Roomie, Fun Fact: Butter is a dairy, and dairy spoils!! Unless you want to kill us all, Please stop leaving the butter out.

By the time she returned home from class, a second note had appeared as well.

Dear 'Roomie', Fun Fact: Clarified butter has preservatives in it that preclude it from spoiling. Although I enjoy your artistic interpretation of the dairy in question, they wouldn't have been able to eat butter in 12th century Scandinavia if it was fragile enough to spoil over night. There's no need for the butter drawing to look so sad.

Adds our submitter: “I’m pretty sure the butter won’t actually kill me as the pink note says, but I also wonder how long the other roommate spent picking out a font for the printed note. Also: one roommate is a comm major and the other studies history. See if you can guess which is which.”

Dear 'Roomie', Fun Fact: Clarified butter has preservatives in it that preclude it from spoiling. Although I enjoy your artistic interpretation of the dairy in question, they wouldn't have been able to eat butter in 12th century Scandinavia if it was fragile enough to spoil over night. There's no need for the butter drawing to look so sad.

related: Live and not-so-active roommate culture

Tags: butter · college life · food · fun fact · rebuttals · roommates · sad face