Entries from November 2011

Am I crazy? (Check yes or no)

November 30th, 2011 · 97 Comments

Despite what her neighbor would have you believe, Mim in Adelaide, Australia says she doesn’t actually just toss her trash into the street. In this case, she simply put out hard rubbish our for collection a few days earlier than suited the residents of 59 Windsor.

Mim says this note is just the latest installment in an ongoing litany of complaints, which “always come with the multi-coloured swirly script and hearts. They crack me up every time!”

The people next door are selling their house. Please don't spoil it by leaving your fucking rubbish in the avenue. Thank you

related: Stay classy, Little Rock

Tags: Australia · excessive capitalization · garbage · heart · neighbors · there goes the neighborhood

How’s that for compromise?

November 29th, 2011 · 32 Comments

Bernie in Sydney recently discovered this hidden behind a painting in his parents’ house — “the passive-aggressive conclusion to a long-running argument about demolishing the kitchen wall.”

Explains Bernie: “Mum wants the wall demolished to make the kitchen nicer; Dad insists it’s impossible and unnecessary. I honestly don’t know how my parents have managed to last 25 years together.”

Danger Construction Site Impossible hole in wall to be built in this location To celebrate 25 years of marriage and constructive demolition of plasterboard walls

related: Give the gift of honesty

Tags: danger · love & marriage · Moms & Dads · Sydney

The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley

November 28th, 2011 · 88 Comments

Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

Mr. Cranky - While I understand that dog[s] shit on your lawn frequently...don't EVER come at me, my girlfriend, or Dog in such an ignorant, aggressive and childish fashion. You are not the dog-shit sheriff of Berkeley. If you ever speak to me in that manner again I will be sure to send a pack of Huskies who've recently eaten pounds of broccoli and chill to shit all over your lawn. If you see me again on the street an apology might make you feel like a BIG responsible boy. Otherwise, don't speak to me, Brroo, Your Neighbor

related: The Pooper Stooper

Tags: dogs · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · shit

Urban Warfare

November 27th, 2011 · 82 Comments

Perhaps the neighbors are Skyrim fans?

Dear Neighbors, I apologize for any loud

related: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got Call of Duty on pause

extra credit: ‘Modern Warfare’ removes one team’s call of duty [wtop.com]

Tags: gaming · Illinois · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · p.s. · the po-po

Talkin’ Tofurky

November 24th, 2011 · 133 Comments

As a vegan, our submitter in California appreciated this marquee.

Happy Turkey Genocide Day!

related: A turkey’s idea of Thanksgiving

Tags: Thanksgiving

You’re a good student, but not my best speller

November 23rd, 2011 · 69 Comments

Writes Mrs. McMahon in Melbourne, Australia: “One of the students in my class decided to make a a big card for World Teachers Day and have it signed by all her peers in our grade. When I read this message, I could not stop laughing.”

Dear Mrs. McMahon, Your [sic] a good teacher, but not my most favourite.

related: Teacher appreciation letters from first graders

Tags: Australia · kids · Melbourne · schools & teachers · your/you're

Soda stealers are the lowest forms of life!

November 22nd, 2011 · 66 Comments

The subtle version (from Denver, Colorado):

If you change your mind from water to soft drink, we will gladly assist you at the register.

And the not-so-subtle version (spotted by Ariana in Boulder, Colorado):

FREE REFILLS if you purchase a soda at the cash register, otherwise... ATTENTION: Soda stealers are the lowest form of life! If we catch you, we will break you down mentally and ridicule you in front of your friends. FAIR WARNING: Stop Stealing Soda. -Sorry - Deb

related: Is it really worth $1.59 to spend eternity in one of the lower kingdoms?

extra credit: Coke, Sprite, or Ice-T

Tags: beverages · Boulder · Colorado · Denver · restaurant · stealing

Your Ultra Charmin Neighbor

November 21st, 2011 · 61 Comments

Writes our submitter in Philadelphia: “In our apartment building, packages are left by the block of mailboxes, relatively near where your individual mailbox is. I’ve never had a problem, but apparently not everyone was so lucky…this sign was on every floor of the building.”

Dear whoever stole my Amazon package: I can understand your need for 30 rolls of toilet paper considering you're a huge asshole. Enjoy, Your Friendly Neighbor

related: I hope your cat chokes.

Tags: most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · Philadelphia · stealing · toilet paper

This vending machine ruined my life!

November 18th, 2011 · 94 Comments

Ah, first world problems.

The coffee vending machine gives coffee options in the order

(Spotted by Kim in Manchester, U.K.)

related: My query on the egg salad ban

Tags: college life · Manchester · U.K. · vending machine drama

Welcome to “Real America”

November 17th, 2011 · 123 Comments

Reports Barb in Las Vegas: “A woman in our office, originally from the Philippines, just got her citizenship. Our often inappropriate receptionist wrote this note on her card.”

Congrats on being a 'real American' now! No more climbing over barbed wire in the nite!

Yes, that really does say “no more climbing over barbed wire in the nite.” Adds Barb: “She also printed lyrics from West Side Story in giant font and hung them in the area where we had celebratory cake. So odd!”

I like to be in America! OK by me in America! Ev'rythin free in America. For a small fee in America!

related: America the not-so-beautiful

Tags: Comic Sans Alert · Las Vegas · misplaced patriotism · office · oh no you didn't · WTF?