Besides which, you seem to have missed that it’s not a US university – as an alumnus of the institution in question, I can tell you the tuition fees are not that enormous (at least by US standards) and there is, to the best of my knowledge, no football team (or rugby team, which would be the local equivalent) that get paid-for-by-the-university shiny new shirts every year.

(BTW city kid here, born and raised)

This Will Damage The Elevator

And it’s totally automated: it instantly staples anything placed in its jaws. Whenever I use it, I’m terrified that I will somehow staple through my entire hand or something.

Clearly, this library needs one of these staplers. Except for the lawsuit potential when some genius does actually manage to staple his thumb.

While the lion’s share of the operational details are still highly classified, we have been able to tease out some of the facts by employing a legal eagle who is well versed in the cat & mouse tactics of FOIA work, and he has assured us that we will not be thrown to the wolves by predatory DHS authorities for releasing the following.

Clearly the mission was based on the (at the time, oh so reasonable) interpretation that the mules were some new sort of terror weapon designed to deliver lethal levels of microshrapnel to farmers in the USA heartland.

Chavez was known to be clever as a fox, and this sort of Trojan horse technique was just the type of peacock play that could catapult him to the top of the adversarial foodchain, which spot, with the withdrawal of the Russian bear as cock if the roost, was as wide open as the jaws of a python wrapping itself around the front end of an adult deer entree. http://tinyurl.com/3bczsov

But the mules turned out to be a horse of a different color, as it was determined that they were actually more or less regular pinatas. Chavez had been currying favor with the governments of neighboring countries by supplying the mules free of charge for their use in various local festivities. The pinatas had to be built to an enhanced strength specification because their contents were far from ordinary. Chavez could not run the risk of losing his market share among the politically correct demographic by filling them with the traditional payload of sinful sweetness, and so the megastructures of industrial-grade papier-mâché were crafted to withstand the internal forces brought to bear by gravity working its eternally effective seduction on hundreds of kilos of grain and legumes. Like rice…and beans…you know…staples.

Later sigint analysis revealed that the word rocket was actually a typo for roquet, which had been used to highlight the need for the prize-bearers to be struck with something having a long handle and a small face…ideally an anteater (http://tinyurl.com/5uo386j).
Anteaters usually being none too easy to come by, a croquet mallet was the obvious Plan B tool. The questions of whether a salmon-colored mallet was actually found to be technically superior and what might possibly be the explanation(s) for this rumor…let’s just say that we have had it up to the gills with speciesous speculation and that the odds against our giving any hints about this are gastronomical.

for ‘glo…and any other long bomb enthusiasts

Staplers, I mean.

And yes, CA has lots of farmland, but I hail from suburbia, as do most Californians, I believe. You might want to check your facts on that. Or not.

But your suggestion that I “Drop the unwarranted sense of superiority, hypocrite.” is giving me a few chuckles. Number 1 because you have made a ton of inaccurate assumptions about me, and number 2 because of who you choose to pick for such a comment when this entire site is full of much more relevant comments than made by little old me. Rather like hitting a poor plowing mule when the stapler doesn’t work, I think. That might make sense where you live, but it still makes me feel sorry for the mule …