So, imma let you in on a little secret: nobody has any reason to give a shit about your birthday. If you’re over the age of, say, 12, and still expect people to fete your very existence every year, you should also expect to be disappointed. (Yes, I’m the Grinch of birthdays. And don’t even get me started on “birthday weeks.”)
That said, in this case our submitter actually did call her mother on the day of her birth. When Mom didn’t pick up, quick-thinking daughter left her a message. After that, our submitter says, her mother didn’t return her calls for several days — until phoning to say, “Check your e-mail.” While still on the line, our submitter did just that — and found this lovely e-card.
related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to
extra credit: Half birthdays are the new black [stfuparents]
127 responses so far ↓
#1
MEEEE
Yikes! And I thought my mom was bad.
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm rating: 25
#2
Smokey
You don’t leave a message, and then expect a call. You call your mother back until you speak to her on her birthday!
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:30 pm rating: 51
#3
Sesquipedalian
Mom, do you have any icing left from the birthday cake you made for yourself? You should smear it on your foot. It’ll taste better in your mouth.
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:32 pm rating: 21
#4
Baku-chan
I hope the submitter emails this page to her mother.
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:35 pm rating: 28
#5
Sam
Ouch, that’s actually painful.
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:39 pm rating: 6
#6
Aurelia Anne
Im sorry birthdays are important. While I don’t expect gifts, the acknowledgment is always appreciated. I go out of my way to say the same for others, even strangers.
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:47 pm rating: 22
#7
pony girl
Next year the submitter should give her mom a cross for her birthday, so she can climb on up and nail herself to it.
(second favorite line from that movie)
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:48 pm rating: 49
#8
arsenicsauce
Ugh. You should text her and say “check your voice mail.” Is that how that works? A call to check e-mail. A text to check voice mail. An e-mail saying “call me.”
Next year give her a card that says “One year closer!”
Nov 2, 2011 at 4:57 pm rating: 40
#9
Slurreydude
This is why my mom isn’t allowed to use the internet… she’d do things like this!
Nov 2, 2011 at 5:03 pm rating: 11
#10
Rattus
I gotta say that while I would truly like most of the planet to ignore that very special day, I would be seriously pissed – I mean, looking at apartment rentals pissed – if my husband ignored/forgot my birthday.
Nov 2, 2011 at 5:05 pm rating: 19
#11
miss havok
Thank god my mom isn’t like this about birthdays…instead, she just texts me ‘Hapy Birthday’ on the hour of my birth (3:06 in the freakin’ morning) and sends me a bag of drugstore candy.
Nov 2, 2011 at 5:17 pm rating: 16
#12
Captain Hampton
There are ellipses in this card that contain 3, 4, and 5 periods.
This is not acceptable.
Nov 2, 2011 at 5:43 pm rating: 22
#13
Smokey
Sorry for my earlier bitchiness, its the early storm and lack of electricity in N.E. that pushed me over the bitchy edge!
Nov 2, 2011 at 5:45 pm rating: 3
#14
James
That is something my mother would do.
Nov 2, 2011 at 6:10 pm rating: 1
#15
FeRD
I try to be good (I really do!…try), and restrict my snarking and heckling to the notes themselves, but… Anybody else bothered by the fact that “imma gonna” is redundant? It should just be “imma let you in on a little secret”. That’s how all the cool kids say it.
Nov 2, 2011 at 7:29 pm rating: 8
#16
havingfitz
I don’t expect gifts: my family isn’t big on them. But I do expect my family to remember that it is my birthday and at least mention it. There are 365 days in a regular year: what selfish ogres we are to want to feel special on one of them.
Nov 2, 2011 at 8:07 pm rating: 8
#17
drknight
What is the “replay” button on the card for? Is there some wistful, forlorn birthday melody that plays in the background to add to the guilt? A dirge or threnody, perhaps?
Nov 2, 2011 at 8:12 pm rating: 12
#18
Quite Contrary
I have no sympathy for spouses who bitch about each other. They chose to marry the other. The kids are another story. They had no choice in their parents or their siblings. (And, if you knew my mother, you would totally understand from where I come.)
Nov 2, 2011 at 8:16 pm rating: 9
#19
Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
I haven’t had a birthday celebration since the age of about 13 or so I think. I turned 30 this year, and went to work that day as normal. Then I went rock climbing. Not because it was my birthday; because it was Thursday and I go rock climbing on Thursdays. Then I went home and had an early night.
By “early night” I mean that I masturbated angrily then cried myself to sleep because I don’t have any friends who wanted to spend my birthday with me.
So that’s what I did on my birthday. How about you guys?
Nov 2, 2011 at 8:30 pm rating: 18
#20
Sarah A
This sounds just like my mom on the internet. She doesn’t understand that punctuation is important in anything other than essays, so her sans-punctuation emails end up looking really cryptic! (And they are meant to be cryptic half the time, so I can’t tell when they’re not!)
Nov 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm rating: 3
#21
Zrana
I am reminded of the recent “But it’s my husband’s/daughter’s/MY birthday! Wah” whining one girl at work has done this year (and any other remotely half legitimate excuse to request a day off–requests don’t gaurantee jack when the place of employment is an understaffed 24-hour gas station). Girl, you are in your mid 20s at the youngest, if not on the verge of 30. YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT A NATIONAL HOLIDAY and we don’t close even for those. (Seriously, we close for maybe 12 hours from Christmas eve night to Christmas day, and I suspect if home office didn’t half to pay people double time for the Day, and it wasn’t so dead during those hours, we’d wouldn’t close at all.) Get over yourself and grow the f*ck up already.
Nov 2, 2011 at 9:54 pm rating: 6
#22
Erin
Birthdays were always important in my house growing up. The last birthday I spent in my parents’ house, I was twenty-four, and my father still insisted on making dinner for me. (Specifically, he insisted that I was not allowed to make my own dinner.) Now, I had work that day, and no one there acknowledged my birthday, because I didn’t make an announcement. I wasn’t looking for a fanfare from coworkers whom I didn’t much like anyway.
However, a few days before my next birthday, my best friend and roommate asked me if I would mind putting off going to dinner like we had planned, I was hurt, and told her so. She thought I was being immature.
After some discussion, we figured out that while the day of one’s birthday was always special in my house, it wasn’t that way in her house, and the celebration of her birthday was often put off for convenience’s sake.
On the day of my birthday, we went to dinner as planned. When her birthday rolled around…well, that was the day she got her wisdom teeth out, so obviously, we celebrated a few days later.
In short, on my birthday, my roommate makes sure that day has a few special surprises for me, like a nice breakfast. I try to do the same for her, and I always say Happy Birthday that day, but if I can’t manage a cake or dinner that day, I know she won’t be offended if it comes the next day. I can always expect a call from my parents on my birthday, too, and I call them for theirs.
If any of the above-mentioned people forgot my birthday, I would be hurt and confused, because they’re the people who love me best. Any other birthday wishes are great, but not required. And I don’t really tell people my birthday who don’t ask. Unless I’m inviting them to a party.
…That was long and rambling. I apologize. Um…Happy Birthday to anyone this is relevant to…
Nov 2, 2011 at 10:19 pm rating: 11
#23
Dalamara
This actually reminds me of my ex’s mother. He forgot her birthday one year, and as soon as he realized it he called her and apologized, as well as sent her a belated card, then in addition to a call on mother’s day, he sent her flowers.
When Christmas came around, she did not want us to come to see her, because she said we did not care enough about her the rest of the year.
Nov 2, 2011 at 10:20 pm rating: 9
#24
juju_skittles
It’s your mum! I don’t think a little effort is too much. Us mums are like that. But the response was very PA. Which I love…
Nov 2, 2011 at 11:31 pm rating: 3
#25
Adey
If you are under 16, 18, 21, 30,40 and the next however many decade milestones, fair enough else go fuck yourself. You’re welcome.
Nov 3, 2011 at 1:48 am rating: 3
#26
Janellionaire
Forget “Birthday Week,” my sister has “Birthday Season.” And you know what? I always call her on the first of April to wish her a happy Birthday Season, but rarely on her actual birthday. I think as long as you’re not forcing everyone else to participate, there is nothing wrong with making as big a deal as you like about your own birthday. I would never be hurt or offended if someone forgot my birthday, which happens all the time since it’s the day after Christmas, and I also don’t lie in wait to catch people who forget, either. If I want my husband to do something special with me, I (wait for it) TELL HIM. I know, crazy, right? I really think the idea has merit, though, and may eventually catch on.
Nov 3, 2011 at 2:35 am rating: 12
#27
a-arialist
What, brat child didn’t even bother sending her mother a card, let alone a present? Brat child deserves all the PA notes she gets!
Nov 3, 2011 at 4:05 am rating: 2
#28
just sayin'
uh…it used to say “imma gonna…”…which actually was correct. whoever told you it was redundant was wrong.
Nov 3, 2011 at 6:13 am rating: 1
#29
Adriana
I hate birthday parties and people who make a big fuss about their birthdays, but I’m way more into birthdays than most of you. The note is totally uncalled for, but on my mother’s birthday, I send a card, present, and talk to her on the phone. When I was living in the same state, I’d drive a few hours to take her out to lunch or dinner. If I called and left a voicemail, I’d call back in a couple hours because I want to actually talk to her on her birthday. I guess I’m the freak, huh?
Nov 3, 2011 at 7:38 am rating: 5
#30
Jimmy James
Mom should take it up a notch, and also expect that on the daughter’s birthday, the daughter should call her and thank her, since the mom was the one doing all the work that day.
Nov 3, 2011 at 9:01 am rating: 5
#31
havingfitz
I see both sides of the argument, but again I have to speak up for the pro-birthday folks. I spend the rest of the year putting everyone else first: family, coworkers. To me “Happy Birthday” means “You know what? I’m glad you were born. I’m glad you’re here.” I know I sound butthurt, but to be honest it stings that when people look down their noses and tell me I’m unreasonable and selfish for wanting to feel special one day out of the year.
Nov 3, 2011 at 9:31 am rating: 13
#32
*snerk*
I confess: I like birthdays. My parents still make a big deal out of them, sending cards and presents, and though we don’t throw a party or anything, we usually have a dinner out or my husband cooks favorites for supper. But for the last few years, an annual conference I have to go to always includes my birthday, and none of my colleagues who are also attending ever remember. So I end up going out to eat by myself in a strange city. Even if you’re not a “big deal” birthday person, it’s a bit forlorn to be dining alone, away from home on your birthday.
This year’s is coming up. Anyone have any restaurant recommendations in San Francisco, that won’t break my paltry expense account budget?
Nov 3, 2011 at 9:44 am rating: 3
#33
stitchedwithcolor
In this specific case, i have to give it to the kid. She made a good faith effort, she left a message, she’s not required to keep her mother’s line on speed dial until she manages to reach an actual person.
As for birthdays in general…Some people really want a big party, some people culd care less either way, some people would really rather you forgot you even knew the date. The important part is to ask for what you need from people and to discuss things when others are asking for something that makes you feel uncomfortable or overburdened. Personally, my standing attitude is that my parents (and, should i have one who knows, my significant other) are required to remember my birthday in some respect on the actual day, but an email or text is enough to accomplish that. No one else is really required to even remember the date (though i really appreciate hearing from my brother). If they want to celebrate me beyond that, it’s more than welcome, but they don’t have to. To this day, i don’t think my stepsisters even know when my birthday is.
Nov 3, 2011 at 10:01 am rating: 4
#34
divaandwriter
Team Mom here. There is something wrong with you if you can’t remember your own mother’s birthday. Yes, the daughter did leave a message, but obviously the mother didn’t receive it. And a gift or a card would have been even better.
Celebrating birthdays isn’t all that important, and it isn’t important if every friend remembers the day you were born. But it is important to at least get an acknowledgement and a “happy birthday” wish from family members and close friends.
It only takes a moment. It doesn’t require any real effort. It just requires some thoughtfulness.
Nov 3, 2011 at 1:48 pm rating: 2
#35
bookworm
Submitter’s mom sounds like an insane hosebeast. I hope that’s the last time anyone remembers that crazy person’s birthday.
Nov 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm rating: 4
#36
Mr. Anderson
Is it wrong to say . . . no, it must be acknowledged – submitter’s mom is a tw**
Nov 3, 2011 at 2:40 pm rating: 3
#37
Janey
I agree that a person should remember their own mother’s birthday (if they’re close). But my mom took it one step further.
I forgot to wish my parents a happy anniversary this year, and she said: “Well at least your brother remembered our anniversary! He called and gave us a gift.” I still haven’t heard the end of it and their anniversary was in September.
To me, other peoples’ anniversaries aren’t a big deal unless it’s a major anniversary (25 or 50 years, for example). I can’t be expected to remember everything when I can’t even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday!
Nov 3, 2011 at 3:51 pm rating: 1
#38
Allie
Personally, I think the only thing out of line about this note is the fact that it was sent despite that daughter left a message. If the daughter hadn’t left a message, I would see absolutely no problem with this e-card. I would send a similar one myself if my siblings forgot my birthday and I would feel no shame in doing so.
Is it seriously so wrong to actually enjoy my birthday? No, I’m not saying I did anything important on it. But the celebration of birthdays was never about having accomplished something, it’s a matter of tradition celebrating the life of the person being honored. I don’t see what’s so wrong about having one day a year that is set aside to be a guaranteed good day. It can be a lonely, tedious world. What the hell’s wrong with expecting, via tradition, that once a year people will remind you that you’re not going through it unappreciated?
I would react like submitter’s Mom if my birthday was forgotten because it’s tradition in my family to celebrate birthdays. Judging by the context and the bitter tone of the e-card, this is a tradition carried out by the submitter’s family too. It’s not that difficult to keep a calendar with the birthdays of your closest friends and family written down. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to ring a person for 15 minutes to make them feel a little bit more appreciated. Yes, I have forgotten birthdays before. I forgot my Dad’s last year because I was too busy to glance at my calendar that week, but I damn well bent over backwards to apologize when I remembered because I realize that it was a shitty thing to have been too self-absorbed to remember. To sum the schpiel up, I just don’t see what’s so damn taxing about writing down a date and spending 15 minutes of your life to make someone else’s day a bit better.
Nov 3, 2011 at 4:35 pm rating: 3
#39
lyx
I’ve always thought that (after age 21, say), we should celebrate our own birthday by treating our favorite people to little gifties.
That way, we’d all get pressies all through the year (mostly unexpected – because who remembers everyone else’s birthday?)…AND we’d only have to remember birthday cards & gifts once per year.
win – win.
Nov 4, 2011 at 9:16 pm rating: 9
#40
LizzyBean
I could see my mom doing something like this. She’ll raise holy hell if I forget her birthday, but if she forgets mine it’s “huh?”
Nov 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm rating: 0
#41
Joe
I celebrate my birthday so the kids have cake and ice cream. My birthday is more important to them than it is me!
After they grow up, I won’t be writing any nasty letters to people over it.
This “mother” needs to get over herself.
Nov 11, 2011 at 3:06 pm rating: 0
#42
Kaz
Shoulda said, “check your messages”
Nov 16, 2011 at 5:05 am rating: 1
#43
latin-aggressive
you guys are all real funny, it is a delight I must say not to only see the posts, but the comments…
Nov 22, 2011 at 1:31 pm rating: 0
#44
Beandip
A couple of years ago, I sent my mother an e-card instead of an actual card. She disappeared for three days.
Seriously. I’m not kidding.
Nov 23, 2011 at 9:32 pm rating: 0
#45
goneamiss
For that, I’d relegate mom to text-message-only birthday and holiday greetings for a while; she seems to appreciate things in writing.
Dec 20, 2011 at 3:14 pm rating: 0
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