Congratulations! At some point in time, through no effort of your own, you were born.

November 2nd, 2011 · 127 comments

So, imma let you in on a little secret: nobody has any reason to give a shit about your birthday. If you’re over the age of, say, 12, and still expect people to fete your very existence every year, you should also expect to be disappointed. (Yes, I’m the Grinch of birthdays. And don’t even get me started on “birthday weeks.”)

That said, in this case our submitter actually did call her mother on the day of her birth. When Mom didn’t pick up, quick-thinking daughter left her a message. After that, our submitter says, her mother didn’t return her calls for several days — until phoning to say, “Check your e-mail.” While still on the line, our submitter did just that — and found this lovely e-card.

Thanks...a whole bunch! Thank You so much for the birthd.... Oh, wait a minute..... you didn't acknowledge my birthday... Mom

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

extra credit: Half birthdays are the new black [stfuparents]

FILED UNDER: birthday · ellipses-crazed · Mother-daughter notes · thanks (but not really)


127 responses so far ↓

  • #1   MEEEE

    Yikes! And I thought my mom was bad.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Grant

      F*** me! That’s worthy of my ex-wife!

      Nov 3, 2011 at 5:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Spooky

      My mom actually expects me to call her on *my* birthday, to thank her for having me. It usually makes me wish she hadn’t gone to all the trouble.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 10:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Smokey

    You don’t leave a message, and then expect a call. You call your mother back until you speak to her on her birthday!

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:30 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Sesquipedalian bang

      Ooo, your indignation is so utterly righteous! Here, have a cupcake.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 4:36 pm   rating: 75  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   pony girl

      um, she did leave a message.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 4:49 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Smokey

      I know, I lost it for a second. I think I will give my mother a call just to tell her she better pull her shi* together and not be expecting any calls any time soon. Damn her and her elderly neediness! Thanks for cupcake, it was great. By the way, where was my candle?

      Nov 2, 2011 at 4:53 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Rattus

      This is passive-aggressive notes, not passive-aggressive posts.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 5:03 pm   rating: 80  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Smokey

      You are correct Rattus, I am totally passive-aggressive and completely out of line!

      Nov 2, 2011 at 5:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   infanttyrone

      We used the last match to light your candle, so please remain standing.
      At least, don’t sit down…
      http://tinyurl.com/43ba35r

      Nov 3, 2011 at 2:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Sesquipedalian bang

    Mom, do you have any icing left from the birthday cake you made for yourself? You should smear it on your foot. It’ll taste better in your mouth.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:32 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Baku-chan

    I hope the submitter emails this page to her mother.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:35 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      Yes, especially if this reflects the true nature of their relationship.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 11:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Sam

    Ouch, that’s actually painful.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Aurelia Anne

    Im sorry birthdays are important. While I don’t expect gifts, the acknowledgment is always appreciated. I go out of my way to say the same for others, even strangers.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:47 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Sean Jungian

      Why are birthdays important? Or why do you think they are? Not being snarky (not just now, anyway) I agree with the OP, although I’d be willing to extend the birthday greeting until a person is 21. After that, forget it. Celebrating a birthday is a fun thing for children. I don’t see anything at all important about it after you’re an adult.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:15 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Rattus

      In my case, birthdays are important because they are the one day of the year that I don’t feel guilty about asking my husband to do something that I know he would rather not do. So, my birthday, nachos, key lime pie and an antique market. His birthday, pizza, double fudge cake and a blow job.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:32 pm   rating: 76  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Sean Jungian

      It doesn’t sound to me like you would LET him forget your birthday. And seriously, he only gets a bj on his birthday? Wow.

      But as a general statement, “Sorry, birthdays are important”, I would like to know why (after age 21)? I just don’t see any reason for them.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:42 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   pony girl

      I certainly don’t get the whole demanding cards stuff, but I do get the whole birthday celebration thing.

      Birthdays only for kids? No way. Everything is for kids. I don’t even have kids, but I have to spend $30 every Halloween to pass out candy to other people’s kids.
      I had to go to too many baby showers to count and send gifts when the babies came home from the hospital. I also help my friends with their kids’ parties and buy/send cards and gifts on their kids’ birthdays and at Christmas. and confirmations, and bar mitzvahs, and graduations.
      SO, ya know what? I celebrate my birthday, and my friends send me cards/gifts and take me out.

      I don’t demand it of them, though.

      I think if you need to demand for your birthday to be acknowledged, you may need new friends.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:45 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Sean Jungian

      It doesn’t sound to me like you would LET him forget your birthday. And seriously, he only gets a bj on his birthday? Wow.

      But as a general statement, “Sorry, birthdays are important”, I would like to know why (after age 21)? I just don’t see any reason for any hoopla or acknowledgement. I’m not going to go out of my way to NOT wish someone a happy birthday if I know it’s their birthday, but I’m most definitely not going to any trouble to find out when it is.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Sean Jungian

      Sorry for the double post.

      @ponygirl – well if you don’t demand or expect it, then I don’t see any issue. “Birthdays are important because everything is for kids, dammit, and I want something for ME” isn’t really a good enough reason for me to change my opinion on it, though.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   Rattus

      It’s a joke, son.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:54 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   kermit

      Sean, by that reasoning nothing is important and no holiday should be celebrated at all. Why bother celebrating Halloween or Christmas, New Year’s or the 4th of July? After all, they’re just days like any other days. To people alive today, there’s nothing special about them at all. Nobody alive today fought the Revolutionary War or, was present at Jesus’s birth.

      Sorry, but I just don’t get what’s so objectionable about choosing to make a big deal about someone’s birthday. The cut off age of 21 is also ridiculous and arbitrary. Why not 12 instead? If the person is terminally ill and won’t live to see 30 is it then okay for them to celebrate their birthday? To me, what’s really ridiculous is being bothered by the fact that some people choose to make a big deal out of their birthdays / weddings / etc.

      To me, a genuine birthday acknowledgement says something along the lines of “Hey, as your friend, I am glad that you’re part of my life and I appreciate you. I am glad you exist, so happy birthday!”

      In short, if you don’t give a shit that’s fine; it’s your life and you can lead it any way you want to. What I don’t really get is why it seems to bother you that other people do.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:56 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   Sean Jungian

      @kermit – you have a key phrase there: “choosing to make a big deal about someone’s birthday”. There’s nothing objectionable about that at all. I just don’t see why it is presented as a universal that birthdays are important. I don’t think they are. Its nice when someone acknowledges it. I just don’t believe that birthdays are inherently important, and I see that others believe differently, so I am asking why. I could be wrong, so I was asking why in case I’m missing something.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 7:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   pony girl

      Well, people celebrate life in different ways.

      The baby showers are torture, but i go through it out of love and respect for my friends.

      The helping out at kids parties I enjoy. Probably because I don’t have to do it every day and I do it out of love, not obligation.

      Giving gifts/cards is fun for me too, but there have been times that money was quite tight, but I gave anyways, because I know how much fun it is to receive them.
      That is probably why I don’t have to demand anything from anyone when Christmas and my birthday rolls around.
      Plus, my friends are thoughtful and know what a kick I get out of little gifts and cards and still wake up before dawn on Christmas morning; so buying me some inexpensive gift and sending a card twice a year, or taking me out for an inexpensive meal is not a chore for them.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 7:27 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   kermit

      Sean, I don’t know what circles you move in, but I don’t necessarily share all the interests of my friends. So if I have a friend that is really into celebrating his/her birthday and say I am not a birthday person I don’t mind compromising and making a big a deal out of it if it means so much to them. It’s no different than any other preference.

      I don’t know where you’re getting the impression that it’s presented as universal that birthdays are important. Aside from milestones like turning 100 or something, I don’t see anyone making a big deal out of birthdays. By comparison, I do see a lot a big deal on weddings, with plenty of magazines and an entire industry devoted to them. None of that is present for birthdays.

      As I said, to me this is not about whether birthdays are inherently important. Nothing is inherently important because in the end we all die and turn to dust. There is no rational reason to celebrate anything. People do it because it’s fun and to show their appreciation. I don’t see what’s so hard to grasp about that.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 7:34 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.12   Sean Jungian

      @kermit “I don’t know where you’re getting the impression that it’s presented as universal that birthdays are important.”

      I was specifically directing my question to @Aurelia Anne, who stated “Sorry, birthdays are important”. I challenged that statement, although she/he has not responded.

      @Rattus – understood, and I am a woman, son.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 7:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.13   Rattus

      @Sean Jungian – I was channelling Foghorn Leghorn.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 8:10 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.14   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Birthdays aren’t important. It’s not an achievement. Maybe surviving another year is, but the specific date is immaterial. We should all just give each other a slap on the back to say “well done for staving off death for one more year” on January 1st.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.15   Xyzzy

      I agree with Kermit (and a few others)… In my family, because of various people dying young or having major health problems, part of the unspoken sentiment is that we’re all glad the person has made it another year.

      If there’s anything *I* don’t see the point of, it’s the idea that a celebration of anything (birthdays or otherwise) should be only for kids. They’re not the only individuals that enjoy a party or having a good time, have favorite treats, getting reasonable presents, being appreciated etc. Besides, I figure it’s the adults that could use a break from the stressful everyday grind of being a responsible hard-working individual; there’s a reason so many pine for their carefree childhood…

      Nov 2, 2011 at 8:45 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.16   A

      Wow , I didnt realise there were so many killjoys.

      I’m 110% with kermit on this one.

      I’ll celebrate birthdays. While I might not always get gifts (or have the cash to buy them) It’s the thought of it all. It’s about appreciating others and feel appreciated. Hardly rocket science. And in this day an age, something to look forward to is never a bad thing as long as people get a sense of perspective (ie don’t treat it as a money grabbing day and just try to enjoy it for what it is)

      Nov 2, 2011 at 9:28 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.17   The Elf

      Birthdays are nice. Not really important in the grand scheme of things, but nice. It feels good to get a birthday call. I would call my parents on their birthday, plus we take them out for dinner. I call my brother on his birthday, and go to whatever my parents are doing for him (again, dinner). On my birthday, I expect a call from my parents, a birthday gift from my husband, and I know my parents will take me out around that time (give or take a week) to celebrate.

      Beyond that? Oh hell no. If you remember, I will appreciate your birthday wishes and thank you.

      The thing is, daughter remembered. She called. She left a message. Done and done, as far as daughterly duty to Mom’s birthday.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 7:06 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.18   Jimmy James

      I like getting calls from my folks or my brother on my birthday, and I call them on theirs, but I don’t like to think of it as an obligation. If we’re just doing it as though it were a chore, it doesn’t really mean anything.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 8:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.19   Amy in Toronto

      @Aurelia Anne – Interesting! Are you psychic? How do you know when it’s a stranger’s birthday?
      I’m personally big on birthdays and I enjoy mine quite a bit, but I’ve had my fair share of disappointments, including my late father forgetting it one year (‘course, that was the year he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, so in hindsight, I can’t begrudge his forgetfulness).

      Nov 3, 2011 at 9:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.20   Canthz_B bang

      After a certain age (21), birthdays become (or should become) more important to others than to you, though you appreciate another year, it ain’t all that. With the exception of say age 30 or 40 (milestones).

      After another certain age, you really appreciate passing another year, but don’t want any festivities, so you really don’t give a crap beyond bragging rights.

      Nov 4, 2011 at 2:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   pony girl

    Next year the submitter should give her mom a cross for her birthday, so she can climb on up and nail herself to it.

    (second favorite line from that movie)

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:48 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   it's naptime

      Slipper socks. Medium.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:08 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   infanttyrone

      Hey pg…
      After Mom’s all comfy up in her new highrise tower of power,
      here’s a song to start her on a lovely on/off up/down Moebius trip. :-)
      http://tinyurl.com/4xxypv2

      Nov 3, 2011 at 1:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   arsenicsauce

    Ugh. You should text her and say “check your voice mail.” Is that how that works? A call to check e-mail. A text to check voice mail. An e-mail saying “call me.”

    Next year give her a card that says “One year closer!”

    Nov 2, 2011 at 4:57 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   jadefirefly

      No, no — it’s a FB status update on your public wall to check voicemail.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 10:19 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Slurreydude

    This is why my mom isn’t allowed to use the internet… she’d do things like this!

    Nov 2, 2011 at 5:03 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   pony girl

      I wish my mom weren’t on the internet.

      My mom signs me up for things using my info and my email address AND my cell number.

      What does she sign me up for, you ask?
      eharmony, match.com, medical insurance, dental insurance, sweepstakes and other contests.
      and people wonder why I moved away from Hawai’i…

      Thank goodness for caller ID, spam filters and firewalls.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 5:36 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      I declined a friend request on facebook from my mother. Does that make me a bad person? It does, doesn’t it? I’m a terrible person :(

      Nov 2, 2011 at 8:37 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   juju_skittles

      Your mum would say you are.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 9:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   twhit

      I only wish I’d had the guts to say no to my family, so I admire you.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 9:56 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Katherine Lorraine

      I have two Facebook accounts… one for my family, one for my friends.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 7:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   The Elf

      OMG, Pony girl, seriously? That’s so presumptious! If my mom pulled that crap on me, I’d change my contact info and never let her know it ever again.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 11:18 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   bookworm

      Dr. Chalk is the only person with a Facebook account AND standards.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 2:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   Nick

      @ Dr: No, that makes you sane enough to realize that if you post about your social life events and such, and your mom is a facebook friend, that’s somewhat like actually TAKING your mom to those events. THAT is weird.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 6:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   pony girl

      @The Elf,

      Yeah, she’s lucky because she’s still with my dad and he’s still alive. as soon as one of those things change, I will have new info. In fact, I’m already looking into getting a new SS# because of her using mine and making me vulnerable to identity theft.
      My mom has her very own reality.
      I just say thank goodness that I’m adopted; none of her whacko genes in me.

      ;)

      Nov 4, 2011 at 12:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Rattus

    I gotta say that while I would truly like most of the planet to ignore that very special day, I would be seriously pissed – I mean, looking at apartment rentals pissed – if my husband ignored/forgot my birthday.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 5:05 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   miss havok

    Thank god my mom isn’t like this about birthdays…instead, she just texts me ‘Hapy Birthday’ on the hour of my birth (3:06 in the freakin’ morning) and sends me a bag of drugstore candy.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 5:17 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   arsenicsauce

      A bag of candy! That is great, brand name or not.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 5:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   The Elf

      3:06 am? Oh, that’s not good birthday wishes. That’s revenge, for being born at 3:06 am.

      I’m 7:20 am and Mom forever uses it to remind me that I’m always a little late.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 11:19 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Clumber

      See – this is exactly why you should have delayed your birth until a more reasonable hour. I, never a morning person, was born at 10am.

      Annnnd…. I have my mom’s calls go directly to VM anyway.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 1:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   miss havok

      Haha. I’m definitely a night person, so this was a cruel twist of fate. And as for the candy, first: she knows I have high blood sugar, and two: I’m talking about the stale , no-brand 2/$1 candy. Otherwise, yeah, would have no problem with that at all.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 3:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   The Elf

      DEFINITELY revenge call.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 6:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Captain Hampton

    There are ellipses in this card that contain 3, 4, and 5 periods.

    This is not acceptable.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 5:43 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   twhit

      There can be 4 if it’s at the end of a sentence; the end of the sentence is the only place where she used only 3.
      Agreed, this is not acceptable.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 9:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Smokey

    Sorry for my earlier bitchiness, its the early storm and lack of electricity in N.E. that pushed me over the bitchy edge!

    Nov 2, 2011 at 5:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   pony girl

      Yeah, I feel sorry for y’all. That is lame. I hate when Autumn gets skipped.

      Nov 2, 2011 at 6:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Clumber

      Hey PG, have I got the locale for you! Here in the Pacific Northwest all we have are Spring and Fall!

      Nov 3, 2011 at 1:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   looney

      I so want to be there– AZ here. All we have is Summer and more Summer

      Nov 3, 2011 at 5:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   pony girl

      I love the Pacific Northwest. It has been calling me for the past few years for sure. We used to go almost every summer when I was a kid. We’d go to Canada for a few months, then drive down to northern California.
      Lots of people from Hawai’i move there, too, so I have quite a few friends there. Too close to Hawai’i for now, though.

      Nov 4, 2011 at 12:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   park rose

      I must strongly disagree with you, clumber, after having experienced the PNW for about 10 months last year, and a few months of this. All you have (or Seattle has, anyway) is drizzle and a little more drizzle, and oh, those 4 weeks of beautiful springlike weather in summer. It does have a few nice days here and there, I will admit, but they are not the constant.

      Nov 9, 2011 at 6:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   James

    That is something my mother would do.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 6:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   FeRD bang

    I try to be good (I really do!…try), and restrict my snarking and heckling to the notes themselves, but… Anybody else bothered by the fact that “imma gonna” is redundant? It should just be “imma let you in on a little secret”. That’s how all the cool kids say it. ;)

    Nov 2, 2011 at 7:29 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   FeRD bang

      Fixed! \o/

      Nov 8, 2011 at 10:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   havingfitz

    I don’t expect gifts: my family isn’t big on them. But I do expect my family to remember that it is my birthday and at least mention it. There are 365 days in a regular year: what selfish ogres we are to want to feel special on one of them.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 8:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Zrana

      I have a LARGE family. The fact that I DO remember the dates of my parents and brothers birthdays is nothing short of amazing. (I’m shaky on my younger brother’s–didn’t acquire him until he was already 4, and unlike my older brothers, his isn’t punctuated by a holiday. I get his mixed up with Ground Hog’s day STILL, and he’s been my brother for over 20 years now.) Add in wives, a bazillion cousins (my mom has alot of siblings, and that’s not counting THEIR cousins many of whom are in the area), and them all spawning their own minions, birthdays of the adults get lost in the shuffle of making the munchkins happy rather quickly.

      And equally quickly forgiven. (Doesn’t mean we don’t try, but we don’t hold it over anyone’s head either.)

      Nov 2, 2011 at 10:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   drknight

    What is the “replay” button on the card for? Is there some wistful, forlorn birthday melody that plays in the background to add to the guilt? A dirge or threnody, perhaps?

    Nov 2, 2011 at 8:12 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Quite Contrary

    I have no sympathy for spouses who bitch about each other. They chose to marry the other. The kids are another story. They had no choice in their parents or their siblings. (And, if you knew my mother, you would totally understand from where I come.)

    Nov 2, 2011 at 8:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   looney

      I second that

      Nov 3, 2011 at 5:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    I haven’t had a birthday celebration since the age of about 13 or so I think. I turned 30 this year, and went to work that day as normal. Then I went rock climbing. Not because it was my birthday; because it was Thursday and I go rock climbing on Thursdays. Then I went home and had an early night.

    By “early night” I mean that I masturbated angrily then cried myself to sleep because I don’t have any friends who wanted to spend my birthday with me.

    So that’s what I did on my birthday. How about you guys?

    Nov 2, 2011 at 8:30 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   kermit

      Dr, what’s the point of climbing a rock if you’re just going to climb down again, go home and then do it again the following Thursday?

      (In case it’s not obvious, the point of this question is not to actually get an answer. We all take joy in something that someone somewhere thinks is ridiculous and stupid. So get over it and suck it up for your friends if you want your friends to partake in whatever it is that you consider fun/important. And for what it’s worth, I had to work on my birthday and I couldn’t afford to take any time off beyond the 7 hours of daily sleep I need.)

      Nov 2, 2011 at 9:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      I don’t see your point. What has any of that got to do with my comment?

      Nov 3, 2011 at 10:36 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   kermit

      I assume you go rock climbing because you think it’s fun and like doing it with friends, too.

      Some people think rock climbing is stupid, and maybe some of these people are you friends. Yet if these friends know that you really really enjoy rock climbing with friends, occasionally they might indulge in the activity anyway. Just like you presumably do stuff you don’t particularly enjoy when you know your friends get such a kick out of it.

      In short, my general point was that it’s equally silly to be overly demonstrative of the fact that you don’t acknowledge your birthday as it is to be be overly demonstrative of the opposite.

      And while I normally wouldn’t be harping on such a mundane topic, the reason I am doing it now is because this is one of the few times the post title was waay more PA than the note itself.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 10:59 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Sarah A

    This sounds just like my mom on the internet. She doesn’t understand that punctuation is important in anything other than essays, so her sans-punctuation emails end up looking really cryptic! (And they are meant to be cryptic half the time, so I can’t tell when they’re not!)

    Nov 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Zrana

    I am reminded of the recent “But it’s my husband’s/daughter’s/MY birthday! Wah” whining one girl at work has done this year (and any other remotely half legitimate excuse to request a day off–requests don’t gaurantee jack when the place of employment is an understaffed 24-hour gas station). Girl, you are in your mid 20s at the youngest, if not on the verge of 30. YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT A NATIONAL HOLIDAY and we don’t close even for those. (Seriously, we close for maybe 12 hours from Christmas eve night to Christmas day, and I suspect if home office didn’t half to pay people double time for the Day, and it wasn’t so dead during those hours, we’d wouldn’t close at all.) Get over yourself and grow the f*ck up already.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 9:54 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   The Elf

      IMHO, you can request a day off for anything – it’s your birthday, it’s your friend’s birthday, it’s your pet ferret’s birthday, it’s your pet fungus’s birthday, it’s somebody’s birthday someplace in the world. Given enough advance notice and adequate paid leave to cover the request, such requests should be accomodated. For those whose jobs require a minimal amount of staffing, it should be understood that requests are prioritized and granted in order of priority or seniority or whatever system, but as long as those staffing requirements are met it shouldn’t matter why someone wants a day off.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 7:13 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   kermit

      Dude, calm the f*ck down. It’s just a gas station. The girl is not a doctor and nobody will die as a result of her not showing up. And when you die, nobody will remember or give a shit that you never missed a day of work at the gas station, either.

      And while I am sure customers appreciate the whole everything’s-open-all-the-time, a lot of customers also value businesses that treat their employees humanely. People used to survive just fine back in the days when employers had a modicum of respect for their workers, despite the inconvenience of not being able to purchase gas and cigarettes at 3AM.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 9:06 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   bookworm

      kermit, the people who have to work twice as hard due to her deciding that she’s important enough to not have to work her scheduled hours just because it’s her birthday are directly affected by her selfish decision.

      You’re advocating respect for employees while asserting that they shouldn’t have to respect one another. Common sense, please.

      Nov 4, 2011 at 11:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Zrana

      Making my semi-monthly visit to PAN, decided to see if my comment got any comments. Wow, it did, one rather fierce (I admit mine was fierce as well.)

      Employee in question is a chronic drama queen for whom the world is supposed to revolve around. Her birthday complaints were just the latest round of her attempting to rearrange the work schedule for her personal benefit without any reguards of how it would screw over anyone and everyone else who worked there. She never returned any favors from when people did trade hours with her (always with BS excuses, no matter how advanced of the actual date the trade was proposed, while her need for trades were always last minute mess with someone’s ability to get sleep deals), so people stopped doing so.

      Also, sadly, when a place is 24-7 and there’s only 6 employees, one who shouldn’t count because she can’t work solo (and recently chronically sick at the drop of a hat–and “slow” which for some reason as home office coddling her instead of being strict with policy on her calling in sick so much stuff), one person being gone unexpectedly DOES screw everyone one else over.

      Requests are only requests, not a guarantee of anything. If they can’t be accommodated, then they can’t. She didn’t want her birthday off due to any plans that had been made (because believe me, this girl does NOT know how to keep her plans both actual and fictional–she’s full of fiction, so many stories and lies I think she believes them–to herself) it was solely because it was her birthday. She had either the day before or after it off, but due to deliveries or manager having to attend a meeting out of town (home office loves to do those), and the actual plans conflicts of other employees (doctors appointments, kids school travel commitments, etc), the request just didn’t pan out.

      That, and I think the manager may have not bothered to try and accomodate it because the girl hadn’t done anything to make the extra time working on making the schedule worth the effort. Act like a non drama queen productive employee, get treated like one. Act like a spoiled brat, get treated like one.

      Nov 20, 2011 at 12:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Erin

    Birthdays were always important in my house growing up. The last birthday I spent in my parents’ house, I was twenty-four, and my father still insisted on making dinner for me. (Specifically, he insisted that I was not allowed to make my own dinner.) Now, I had work that day, and no one there acknowledged my birthday, because I didn’t make an announcement. I wasn’t looking for a fanfare from coworkers whom I didn’t much like anyway.

    However, a few days before my next birthday, my best friend and roommate asked me if I would mind putting off going to dinner like we had planned, I was hurt, and told her so. She thought I was being immature.

    After some discussion, we figured out that while the day of one’s birthday was always special in my house, it wasn’t that way in her house, and the celebration of her birthday was often put off for convenience’s sake.

    On the day of my birthday, we went to dinner as planned. When her birthday rolled around…well, that was the day she got her wisdom teeth out, so obviously, we celebrated a few days later.

    In short, on my birthday, my roommate makes sure that day has a few special surprises for me, like a nice breakfast. I try to do the same for her, and I always say Happy Birthday that day, but if I can’t manage a cake or dinner that day, I know she won’t be offended if it comes the next day. I can always expect a call from my parents on my birthday, too, and I call them for theirs.

    If any of the above-mentioned people forgot my birthday, I would be hurt and confused, because they’re the people who love me best. Any other birthday wishes are great, but not required. And I don’t really tell people my birthday who don’t ask. Unless I’m inviting them to a party.

    …That was long and rambling. I apologize. Um…Happy Birthday to anyone this is relevant to…

    Nov 2, 2011 at 10:19 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Dalamara

    This actually reminds me of my ex’s mother. He forgot her birthday one year, and as soon as he realized it he called her and apologized, as well as sent her a belated card, then in addition to a call on mother’s day, he sent her flowers.

    When Christmas came around, she did not want us to come to see her, because she said we did not care enough about her the rest of the year.

    Nov 2, 2011 at 10:20 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Lucy

      Wow, I bet you miss having her in your life!

      Nov 3, 2011 at 5:55 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   looney

      sounds like my mother too. craaaaazymaking

      Nov 3, 2011 at 5:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   juju_skittles

    It’s your mum! I don’t think a little effort is too much. Us mums are like that. But the response was very PA. Which I love…

    Nov 2, 2011 at 11:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Rattus

      Maybe some of you mums. Other of you mums are people you very much want to avoid.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Rattus

      Heh! Sorry to double post, but this just reminded me that it was actually MY birthday that caused the final split with my family. I got a call from my sister telling me that I was coming for dinner on Sunday to celebrate my birthday, to which my reponse was that I already had plans that day (not birthday related – a friend was making me and my boyfriend dinner and we were then going to see Psycho at a repertory cinema). The response was shrieking phone calls from my mother, claiming (rightfully) that I never wanted to spend time with them, along with some withering condemnation of my boyfriend,who had nothing to do with this, and why didn’t I looooove them. Given the opportunity to tell the truth, I took it – I do not like dining with drunks. That resulted in a bellowing phone call from mom’s husband letting me know just what he thought of me (not much) and blah, blah, blah. So I sent them a letter essentially divorcing them in spirit, and I can honestly say that I have never regretted choosing Psycho over the psychos.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   looney

      Good for you, Rattus, for standing up for yourself.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 5:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   juju_skittles

      Good for you Rattus. We also don’t see family members that choose alcohol over family. And I knew what sort of mum I wanted to be after watching them when I grew up. And thank god my Mum and Dad were lucky in the dive into the gene pool. Some aunts and uncles though…

      Nov 3, 2011 at 8:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   The Elf

      I don’t chose alcohol over family, but I do chose to have them together. Dealing with certain people becomes much easier with margarita in hand.

      Nov 4, 2011 at 8:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Adey

    If you are under 16, 18, 21, 30,40 and the next however many decade milestones, fair enough else go fuck yourself. You’re welcome.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 1:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Janellionaire

    Forget “Birthday Week,” my sister has “Birthday Season.” And you know what? I always call her on the first of April to wish her a happy Birthday Season, but rarely on her actual birthday. I think as long as you’re not forcing everyone else to participate, there is nothing wrong with making as big a deal as you like about your own birthday. I would never be hurt or offended if someone forgot my birthday, which happens all the time since it’s the day after Christmas, and I also don’t lie in wait to catch people who forget, either. If I want my husband to do something special with me, I (wait for it) TELL HIM. I know, crazy, right? I really think the idea has merit, though, and may eventually catch on.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 2:35 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   a-arialist

    What, brat child didn’t even bother sending her mother a card, let alone a present? Brat child deserves all the PA notes she gets!

    Nov 3, 2011 at 4:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   The Elf

      Depends on the tradition of the household. We call on birthdays, meet for dinner around that time. No need for anything more. If Mom sent me a PAN for not sending her a card or present, I’d wonder why she decided to wait 30 years before bringing it up!

      Nov 3, 2011 at 11:29 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Clumber

      In my family all birthday greetings sent within 30 days of the actual date are considered on time.. Yes, seriously. And this has been true as long as I can remember.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 1:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   bookworm

      I wouldn’t be surprised if submitter HAS given her mom birthday cards only to be treated to a similar response to this.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 2:15 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   just sayin'

    uh…it used to say “imma gonna…”…which actually was correct. whoever told you it was redundant was wrong.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 6:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Rattus

      “imma gonna” is actually redundant. “imma” is short for “I’m going to” – so “imma gonna” means “I’m going to going to”.

      I’m ashamed that I know this.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 10:21 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   The Elf

      Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift with “imma let you finish” not “imma gonna let you finish”. You cannot deny the wisdom of Kanye.

      Sorry, Just Sayin’, imma go with the expert here.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 11:34 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   infanttyrone

      I will/shall verb.
      (Textbook… easy to make errors re ‘correct’ use of will/shall.)

      I am going to verb.
      (Near-universally* accepted casual speech.
      Acceptability assured because of ease of making will/shall errors.)

      I’m going to verb .
      (NUAC with abbreviation of ‘I am’)

      I’m gonna verb .
      (NUAC with reduction of ‘going to’)

      I’mma gonna verb .
      (Above with ‘ma’ added for syllabic balance**)

      Imma verb .
      (Extreme reduction and current state of the art ‘cool’***)

      *
      POTUS can say this, but a BBC anchor usually won’t.

      **
      Popular with immigrants from Italy, among others.
      At least it was with my Grandpa.

      ***
      Imma = 4 symbols, 2 syllables.
      I’ll = 4 symbols, 1 syllable.
      I’m a fool for cool, but have to admit I’ll is way ill.
      It’s faster & leaps right over the will/shall minefield. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shall_and_will

      So, is Kanye in the prescriptivist camp or the descriptivist one ?

      Nov 3, 2011 at 2:09 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Adriana

    I hate birthday parties and people who make a big fuss about their birthdays, but I’m way more into birthdays than most of you. The note is totally uncalled for, but on my mother’s birthday, I send a card, present, and talk to her on the phone. When I was living in the same state, I’d drive a few hours to take her out to lunch or dinner. If I called and left a voicemail, I’d call back in a couple hours because I want to actually talk to her on her birthday. I guess I’m the freak, huh?

    Nov 3, 2011 at 7:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Jimmy James

    Mom should take it up a notch, and also expect that on the daughter’s birthday, the daughter should call her and thank her, since the mom was the one doing all the work that day.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 9:01 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   havingfitz

    I see both sides of the argument, but again I have to speak up for the pro-birthday folks. I spend the rest of the year putting everyone else first: family, coworkers. To me “Happy Birthday” means “You know what? I’m glad you were born. I’m glad you’re here.” I know I sound butthurt, but to be honest it stings that when people look down their noses and tell me I’m unreasonable and selfish for wanting to feel special one day out of the year.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 9:31 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   The Elf

      Oh, I still like to do something special for my birt. It’s a “me” day (when I can take the day off, else I’ll celebrate it on the weekend). But I don’t expect anyone else to make me feel special.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 11:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   The Elf

      Uh, there’s supposed to be a “hday” after the “birt”. There’s no edit function! I can edit at home on Mozilla, but it doesn’t work here with IE! Curse you Bill Gates!

      Nov 3, 2011 at 11:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   Rattus

      I’m all in favour of having one yearly “me” day. I far prefer those people to the ones who have 365 “me” days a year, and even to those who have none.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 12:01 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   *snerk*

    I confess: I like birthdays. My parents still make a big deal out of them, sending cards and presents, and though we don’t throw a party or anything, we usually have a dinner out or my husband cooks favorites for supper. But for the last few years, an annual conference I have to go to always includes my birthday, and none of my colleagues who are also attending ever remember. So I end up going out to eat by myself in a strange city. Even if you’re not a “big deal” birthday person, it’s a bit forlorn to be dining alone, away from home on your birthday.

    This year’s is coming up. Anyone have any restaurant recommendations in San Francisco, that won’t break my paltry expense account budget?

    Nov 3, 2011 at 9:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   stitchedwithcolor

    In this specific case, i have to give it to the kid. She made a good faith effort, she left a message, she’s not required to keep her mother’s line on speed dial until she manages to reach an actual person.
    As for birthdays in general…Some people really want a big party, some people culd care less either way, some people would really rather you forgot you even knew the date. The important part is to ask for what you need from people and to discuss things when others are asking for something that makes you feel uncomfortable or overburdened. Personally, my standing attitude is that my parents (and, should i have one who knows, my significant other) are required to remember my birthday in some respect on the actual day, but an email or text is enough to accomplish that. No one else is really required to even remember the date (though i really appreciate hearing from my brother). If they want to celebrate me beyond that, it’s more than welcome, but they don’t have to. To this day, i don’t think my stepsisters even know when my birthday is.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 10:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   divaandwriter bang

    Team Mom here. There is something wrong with you if you can’t remember your own mother’s birthday. Yes, the daughter did leave a message, but obviously the mother didn’t receive it. And a gift or a card would have been even better.

    Celebrating birthdays isn’t all that important, and it isn’t important if every friend remembers the day you were born. But it is important to at least get an acknowledgement and a “happy birthday” wish from family members and close friends.

    It only takes a moment. It doesn’t require any real effort. It just requires some thoughtfulness.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 1:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Andy

      I took my mother to a Meatloaf concert a few weeks before her birthday, paid for great searts and he’s her favourite singer. Sadly, on the day, I did forget to call her (I guess I sort of filed her birthday as ‘done’ in my mind) and it’s the first and only time I’ve ever done it.

      My brothers, who regularly forget and only call her when they want something otherwise both remembered and phoned, unfortunately for me! But I don’t think that would make me the bad guy in this situation. Neither of them gave her a present.

      If you look at it objectively birthdays can be a great way to tick the ‘dutiful friend/family member’ boxes but I don’t think they’re a great indicator of the true relationship and I kind of object to being told there’s something wrong with me on those grounds.

      Nov 6, 2011 at 6:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   bookworm

    Submitter’s mom sounds like an insane hosebeast. I hope that’s the last time anyone remembers that crazy person’s birthday.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Mr. Anderson

    Is it wrong to say . . . no, it must be acknowledged – submitter’s mom is a tw**

    Nov 3, 2011 at 2:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Janey

    I agree that a person should remember their own mother’s birthday (if they’re close). But my mom took it one step further.

    I forgot to wish my parents a happy anniversary this year, and she said: “Well at least your brother remembered our anniversary! He called and gave us a gift.” I still haven’t heard the end of it and their anniversary was in September.

    To me, other peoples’ anniversaries aren’t a big deal unless it’s a major anniversary (25 or 50 years, for example). I can’t be expected to remember everything when I can’t even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday!

    Nov 3, 2011 at 3:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Allie

    Personally, I think the only thing out of line about this note is the fact that it was sent despite that daughter left a message. If the daughter hadn’t left a message, I would see absolutely no problem with this e-card. I would send a similar one myself if my siblings forgot my birthday and I would feel no shame in doing so.

    Is it seriously so wrong to actually enjoy my birthday? No, I’m not saying I did anything important on it. But the celebration of birthdays was never about having accomplished something, it’s a matter of tradition celebrating the life of the person being honored. I don’t see what’s so wrong about having one day a year that is set aside to be a guaranteed good day. It can be a lonely, tedious world. What the hell’s wrong with expecting, via tradition, that once a year people will remind you that you’re not going through it unappreciated?

    I would react like submitter’s Mom if my birthday was forgotten because it’s tradition in my family to celebrate birthdays. Judging by the context and the bitter tone of the e-card, this is a tradition carried out by the submitter’s family too. It’s not that difficult to keep a calendar with the birthdays of your closest friends and family written down. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to ring a person for 15 minutes to make them feel a little bit more appreciated. Yes, I have forgotten birthdays before. I forgot my Dad’s last year because I was too busy to glance at my calendar that week, but I damn well bent over backwards to apologize when I remembered because I realize that it was a shitty thing to have been too self-absorbed to remember. To sum the schpiel up, I just don’t see what’s so damn taxing about writing down a date and spending 15 minutes of your life to make someone else’s day a bit better.

    Nov 3, 2011 at 4:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Rattus

      There’s nothing wrong with enjoying one’s birthday. There is something wrong with being whiny and bitter if people don’t hop to with the celebrating.

      Nov 3, 2011 at 4:44 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   lyx bang

    I’ve always thought that (after age 21, say), we should celebrate our own birthday by treating our favorite people to little gifties.

    That way, we’d all get pressies all through the year (mostly unexpected – because who remembers everyone else’s birthday?)…AND we’d only have to remember birthday cards & gifts once per year.

    win – win.

    Nov 4, 2011 at 9:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Rattus

      I actually like this idea. Being the lazy asshole that I am, I’m going to leave it in your hands to get the ball rolling on this new way of doing things, but rest assured, I am absolutely on board with the plan.

      Nov 6, 2011 at 8:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   The Elf

      Who doesn’t like a good unbirthday? Thank you Lewis Carroll.

      Nov 6, 2011 at 6:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   LizzyBean

    I could see my mom doing something like this. She’ll raise holy hell if I forget her birthday, but if she forgets mine it’s “huh?”

    Nov 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Joe

    I celebrate my birthday so the kids have cake and ice cream. My birthday is more important to them than it is me!
    After they grow up, I won’t be writing any nasty letters to people over it.
    This “mother” needs to get over herself.

    Nov 11, 2011 at 3:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Kaz bang

    Shoulda said, “check your messages”

    Nov 16, 2011 at 5:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   latin-aggressive

    you guys are all real funny, it is a delight I must say not to only see the posts, but the comments…

    Nov 22, 2011 at 1:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Beandip

    A couple of years ago, I sent my mother an e-card instead of an actual card. She disappeared for three days.

    Seriously. I’m not kidding.

    Nov 23, 2011 at 9:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   goneamiss bang

    For that, I’d relegate mom to text-message-only birthday and holiday greetings for a while; she seems to appreciate things in writing.

    Dec 20, 2011 at 3:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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