The missing last line of this story: “Unfortunately, it just made people slam the door more loudly out of spite.”
(Upon publication, this story was roundly slammed by reviewers.)
related: “The life of a toilet is much more stressful than people realize”
71 responses so far ↓
#1
Berva
I see a red door and I want to kick your ass.
Nov 6, 2011 at 6:17 pm rating: 61
#2
Lauren
This is why every institution and communal housing space in existence has slamguard door-closers.
Nov 6, 2011 at 6:19 pm rating: 24
#3
marky not mark
And, when the subtle note didn’t work, the PA person put up this one!
Nov 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm rating: 47
#4
The Elf
Why isn’t this red door painted black?
Nov 6, 2011 at 6:48 pm rating: 23
#5
infanttyrone
That poor old door…it was on the threshold of madness…
each new slam took him one step closer to being completely unhinged.
Nov 6, 2011 at 7:41 pm rating: 63
#6
lily
Sounds like the door needs counselling. It seems to have issues controlling itself. I am not responsible for your behaviour door!
Nov 6, 2011 at 7:54 pm rating: 5
#7
shwo!
Ironically, taping the note to the door as though it were nothing more than a wall caused the door such anguish that it became completely unhinged.
Nov 6, 2011 at 8:31 pm rating: 14
#8
AAAAAAA
I am desperate for attention!
Please feed my attention-whore desires by endlessly commenting on this post.
I live my life through making inane comments on silly websites.
Nov 6, 2011 at 9:02 pm rating: 4
#9
angela
Sounds like someone needs to suck it up and buy a door closer.
Nov 6, 2011 at 9:24 pm rating: 3
#10
Canthz_B
Finally! Someone has made Jim Morrison’s suicide note public!
Nov 6, 2011 at 9:58 pm rating: 6
#11
Canthz_B
When a door in your life closes, a door of opportunity opens.
When a door in your life slams closed, a door of opportunity opens really quickly.
Go ahead…slam every door you come across, then listen to see where opportunity knocks next.
Nov 6, 2011 at 10:04 pm rating: 9
#12
matt
Being a male door he does not mind becoming unhinged because that is the final stage before getting screwed (back into the doorway)
Nov 6, 2011 at 10:37 pm rating: 10
#13
aliceblue
The door was even more unhappy to have a pathetic note taped to him so he grew a pair to go with his knob. He then began to squeak as well as slam until the note writer was taken away to the Psychoneurotic Institute for the Very, Very Nervous. The now happy door spends his days watching the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes.
Nov 7, 2011 at 12:30 am rating: 12
#14
Stefan
I posted a somewhat similar PA note when I was in college. I was sharing a townhouse with three other people, two of whom communications were rather strained with. One of those people had a penchant for slamming the front door on his way to class in the morning, seemingly oblivious to the facts that (a) others of us were sleeping and (b) the walls in those townhomes were paper thin and they would literally shake. One day I posted a note on the door that read “Don’t slam the door on the way out. –Queensryche” I don’t know if it was an appreciation of the odd humor inherent in quoting a 90s hair band song or actual guilt, but he stopped slamming the door after that.
Nov 7, 2011 at 1:04 am rating: 14
#15
Lizzie
I think the funniest part is that they call this a “subtle” note.
Nov 7, 2011 at 8:37 am rating: 6
#16
aaa
What the note writer don’t realize is that the door is actually a masochist and likes being slammed. Like, a lot.
Nov 7, 2011 at 9:23 am rating: 12
#17
AmandaBlog&Kiss
Not so sure about this one. Not much of a plot and I’m not that “involved” with the characters, if you know what I mean.
Nov 7, 2011 at 10:08 am rating: 6
#18
Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
This note-writer demonstrates a woefully poor understanding of human nature if he/she thinks this note will do anything other than increase the amount of slamming that happens.
Nov 7, 2011 at 11:07 am rating: 2
#19
Dr. Knight
Milton said it better:
On a sudden open fly,
With impetuous recoil and jarring sound,
Th’ infernal doors, and on their hinges grate
Harsh thunder.
Nov 7, 2011 at 11:12 am rating: 5
#20
divaandwriter
I hereby temporarily interrupt this flow of witty repostes to say that I am totally Team Note Writer.
I work as a receptionist at a university. My desk is in the hallway of a very old building. We have to keep our entrance door closed, because it is a fire door. Because there are classrooms and offices on our floor, there is a constant stream of people coming in and going out, and that damned door slams EVERY TIME!
To make matters worse, I sit close to the door of the ladies’ room, which also has a door that everybody loves to just let slam.
There are some days when every nerve in my body is screaming by lunchtime!
Everybody else is safely in their offices, so I am the only one who is bothered by this, which is probably why they have not put slam guards on the doors — that, and they are probably afraid if they did the fire doors would end up getting stuck in an open position, which could get us in trouble with the Fire Department.
Nov 7, 2011 at 11:17 am rating: 6
#21
The Elf
Don’t let the door slam… you in the ass as you leave.
Nov 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm rating: 3
#22
fishelfe
Subtle? Tactful? Slam away, people!
Nov 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm rating: 1
#23
Smokey
I wonder how the door would feel if his whole existance went unnoticed?
Nov 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm rating: 0
#24
kacky
Stupid control freaks. if the door closes too loudly, the fix the goddamn door. Problem solved.
Nov 7, 2011 at 6:17 pm rating: 0
#25
Canthz_B
You’re supposed to slam your fucking doors.
You make sweet love to the ones you’d introduce to your mother.
Nov 7, 2011 at 7:50 pm rating: 3
#26
KJS
Since when did people and/or inanimate objects become angry or sad over something they were “allowed to do?” As in, you have the option not to slam, you stupid door (according to your passive voice).
But then, I’ve had only one-sided conversations with inanimate objects so the note writer must have some insight into what I thought was a one-sided issue.
Nov 7, 2011 at 8:43 pm rating: 2
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